When Regulus stumbled absently back to the Slytherin dungeons that evening, it was with a dumb grin on his face and a giddy feeling in his stomach.
Not only had he not completely crashed and burned, but Lily had said she looked forward to seeing him next time, and she'd smiled at him as they parted, too. James Potter was clearly a raving incompetent. And Lily? Well, other than being a Mudblood, she was all right.
He paused in front of the dorm door to clear the dopey smile off his face and replace it with a more typical vaguely irritated scowl.
He pushed open the door, but didn't manage to make it over the threshold before big, meaty fists grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room. He landed hard on his tailbone at the foot of his bed, the back of his skull knocking against his bedpost.
Rabastan loomed large and murderous over him, and after a moment of staring up at him hypnotized with fear, Regulus's fingers began scrabbling spasmodically for his wand. Before they managed to close around anything but air, Rabastan had seized him again and hoisted him up to his eye-level.
"I've tried to do this the nice way. I tried to give you a little healthy motivation, but it just wasn't enough, was it? So now you've forced me to resort to more extreme measures." Rabastan shook him by the lapels and Regulus's eyes crossed.
"What're you-"
"Now, listen up. You're going to start coming to Quidditch practice, and you're going to play against Gryffindor and we're going to beat your brother and the rest of those fuckwits. Or else I'm going to hang you from your bedpost by your necktie and-" he leaned in closer to Regulus's face, his slit eyes on fire with rage, and hissed, "no one will miss you. Got it?"
All of Regulus's blood was collecting in his face and he couldn't feel his lips, but he managed to gasp, "Yes!"
Rabastan tossed him back, this time onto his bed instead of the floor. "Good." He snorted, bull-like, spun on his heel and exited the room, the door's slam echoing on the flagstones after he was gone.
"Jesus Christ," Regulus muttered.
"You should thank me." Evan's voice entered the scene suddenly.
Regulus had, unsurprisingly, not noticed him sitting on his own bed across the room.
"He was going to beat you worse until I reminded him you might not be able to play Quidditch with a severed spinal cord."
"You know, the tailbone is the worst place for a Quidditch injury."
Evan shrugged. "I did the best I could. You may have other things to worry about, though."
"Oh yeah?" Still rattled and trembling a bit, he turned away from Evan to untie his shoelaces.
"You were with Evans, weren't you? Being tutored?" Evan didn't have to laugh for Regulus to hear the mockery in his tone, but he did anyway.
"Yes, and as you well know I was not there to be tutored." His shoes dropped to the floor with two hollow thumps.
"Oh yes, how did your romantic overtures go?"
"Just fine, thank you. Actually, I was in quite a good mood before returning to this hellhole."
"Well, you might take that as a sign of things to come. I would avoid the common room once it gets around what you're doing."
"And why would it get around?"
Evan smiled thinly. "What, is it supposed to be a secret?"
Regulus spun to face Evan directly. "Yes, it's supposed to be a secret, and if it does get out - what I'm trying to do with Evans, namely - I will not have to look very far when I'm looking for who to curse cross-eyed, will I?"
"As much as I dread being cursed cross-eyed..."
Regulus jerked forward and grabbed Evan's wrist. "Tell me what you did."
Evan wrenched his arm away. "I didn't do anything. But Snape knows."
"And what do I care that Snape knows?"
"I don't know, maybe you don't. But you know he's not the type to easily forgive a personal offense, and make no mistake, Black, this is a personal offense."
"Sure, whatever." Regulus rolled his eyes and leaned back on his elbows. "Jesus, you had me worried."
"Fine, if you're not concerned. Don't say I didn't warn you."
Regulus stretched and pulled his bed hangings closed. "I won't."
"She didn't want me to ask you."
"Ask me what?"
"The point is, don't you tell her I said anything. Deal?" Mary spun around in the hallway to face Sirius and block his path.
"Fine. What are you talking about?" Sirius looked down briefly at her face. He was annoyed. Becky Lingerfeld had been walking directly in front of them and he'd been trying to work his charms on her for the better part of a week. He hadn't been having much luck.
"I'm talking about-well, I'm concerned about her, really."
"Who?" Sirius peered over her shoulders, his lips drawn tightly in a frown.
"Oh, you know. Lily." Mary stuck her arm across the corridor, forcing him to lean back.
"What about her?" He looked down again. "Nice fingernails."
"Really, you think so? Lily thought the color was too flash, but-"
"Mary-"
"Right, right. Anyway, what I wanted to say is that. Well, Lily's supposedly tutoring your brother, but it sounds to me like he's up to something, and I thought you might know-"
"She's doing what?" Sirius's focus shifted to her face and his eyebrows knotted above the bridge of his nose.
"She's tutoring him, but-"
"My brother? Regulus?"
"Er, yeah."
"He's up to something."
"That's what I said. But what?"
"Thanks, Mary. Don't worry, I'll handle it." He clapped her on the shoulder, and turned around, heading the opposite way down the hall.
The next night, Regulus was supposed to have another lesson with Lily. Of course, he was also supposed to have Quidditch practice, and he was not particularly in the mood to test Rabastan's patience.
He was still trying to make his final decision (though, really, he'd known what it would be since Rabastan bruised his tailbone throwing him on the ground) at dinner, when he finally caught Lily on her way into the Great Hall.
"Hey, Lily, I don't think I'm going to be able to make our, er, session tonight. Do you think we could reschedule?"
"Oh." She looked a little confused. "Sure. Just let me know whenever you need another lesson."
At practice that evening, Rabastan kept an eagle-eye watch over Regulus, Regulus supposed so as to make sure he didn't try to sneak off in the middle again. He needn't have worried: halfway through practice, Regulus noticed that Snape, contrary to his typical practice of only surfacing from the dungeons twice daily for meals, was in the stands watching. (And Lily, he couldn't help but see, was sitting a few rows in front of him.) There was something sicklier than usual about his complexion, and he looked somehow murderous. Well, when he was looking at the pitch he did. His gaze kept jumping down to Lily, at which point you could see the scarlet rise in his cheeks all the way from the pitch.
"Goddammit, Black." He heard Rabastan shout just in time to turn and see a bludger flying at his face. He ducked, but the bludger clipped his shoulder and he barrel-rolled on his broom.
Regaining his balance, he shouted back at Rabastan, who was sliding to a stop in front of him, "Shit, if you want me to play in this damn match, you ought to try not to leave me maimed."
"Well, you're not any good to me staring at the stands, do you expect to find the damn snitch down Evans's blouse? If you don't stop trying to imagine what she looks like without her clothes on and focus on the game, I can guarantee you you'll never get to see her damn bra strap in person - cos you'll be dead. Next time, the bludger's going to your head."
"Christ," Regulus muttered as Rabastan turned and sped across the pitch. He was inclined to acquiesce to Rabastan's request, but he glanced back at the stands just once more. Lily was up, and on her way out, but the scarlet color in Snape's cheeks could not now be mistaken for a modest blush.
Rabastan had intended for them to hear his spiel, that was for sure, probably to try to cow Regulus into behaving: if Lily now thought he was a lecherous bastard and Snape's murderous urges were ratcheted up to full strength, Regulus would be best-served all around by minding his own business and focusing on Quidditch.
Well, he knew when he'd been played successfully. He turned around and shot up above the stands to get on the lookout for the snitch.
After practice ended for the rest of the team, Rabastan had Regulus stay out and drill until it became too dark to see the little yellow rocks they were using in place of the snitch.
By the time Regulus made it back to the Slytherin dungeons, he was sweaty, tired, hungry, and hadn't even started on his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay.
Just as he was rounding the corner between the Potions classroom and the dormitories, thinking about trying to bully some fourth year into writing his essay for him, a hand reached out from behind a rusty suit of armor and grabbed his arm. He didn't even have the chance to yell before the tip of a wand was jabbing against his jugular.
He was about to start swearing up and down to his shadowy attacker - presumably Snape - that he never had any intention of talking to Lily Evans again, and in fact, from now on he would be abstaining from looking at her, if that would please Snape, and furthermore he was considering adopting the lifestyle of a homosexual, when his assailant leaned forward into the faint torchlight and Sirius's face materialized in front of him.
He shoved Sirius's arm away and sighed loudly. "Goddammit, you about made me piss myself; I thought you were Snape."
Sirius's face momentarily lost its threatening glower and adopted an insulted scowl. "How could you think I was Snape, I-"
"What the hell are you down here for, anyway?" Regulus interrupted him.
"Oh, yeah." Sirius pulled his own collar straight and grabbed Regulus by his. "What the fuck are you doing with Lily Evans?"
Regulus was having an especially eventful week in terms of being hoisted up by his lapels and having flecks of spittle propelled at his face. "What do you mean, I-Jesus, it's like a crime to talk to the woman in this place." Sirius had pushed his forearm up under Regulus's jaw, and the latter was having a hard time breathing.
"My mistake was putting that in the form of a question, you slimy piece of shit. What I meant was, I know what you're doing, or rather, what you're trying to do with her, and you'd better acquire yourself some Charms ability - without her help - or we're going to have problems."
"I'd say we already have problems." Regulus's fingers had finally found his wand, and now he jabbed it into Sirius's stomach.
Sirius didn't so much as flinch, but knotted his fist tighter around Regulus's collar.
They stood there, nose to nose, their breath mingling in a sweaty fog, eyes unblinking, until they heard footsteps down the corridor. Sirius glanced quickly in the direction of the noise and leaned harder against Regulus's throat.
"Back off," he hissed finally before taking off in the opposite direction.
"Well, what on earth did you tell him that for?" Lily pinched Mary hard on the arm.
"Ow!" Mary grabbed her arm and stared at Lily with a wide-mouthed, incredulous expression. "Well, I did it cos I was worried about you, but now I think maybe you deserve it."
"Of course Sirius thinks something's up, it's because if it were him, he'd be up to something. But Regulus is perfectly nice, and now he's just going to be embarrassed his brother knows he's getting tutored."
"Yeah." Mary rolled her eyes. "Sure."
Lily stuck her lower lip out and turned away from Mary, toward the common room fire.
"Didn't you say when you went to his Quidditch practice, that Rabastan Lestrange yelled something about Regulus wanting to see you naked?" Mary was not dropping the point so easily.
"Yes, well." Lily looked down and made out to be studying her fingernails intently. "That's perfectly natural." She couldn't help but smirk a little.
"Oh my god. You like him."
"Like I said, he's a perfectly nice young man." She couldn't help the broad grin spreading across her face, either.
"Ew, shut up!"
"Why?" Lily threw her hands up in defense. "We get along well-"
"You've only had a sustained conversation with him once."
"Well, he's cute."
"So, you like him because he looks like Sirius."
"No!"
"Then, what?"
Lily hesitated. "To be honest, it's funny. I tutored him last week. And the day after, we were supposed to meet again. But he rescheduled and he hasn't asked me again since."
"So?"
"So. No one's ever broken a date with me before."
"Oh, so it's a date now?"
"You know what I mean."
"So you like him because he doesn't like you."
"In a way, I suppose that's so." Lily knitted her brow and began playing with the end of her ponytail.
"Girl, that's not healthy." Mary shook her head.
"You're right." Lily sat up straighter. "If this moron can't keep a date, I'll have to take matters into my own hands."
"I can't keep doing this." It was Monday night, and Regulus had just finished slamming the door behind him. His broom twigs were bent and sticking out haphazardly, his Quidditch jersey and trousers were wet and streaked with grass and mud stains, his hair was sticking up at even more bizarre angles than usual, and his face looked like it had been trampled by a herd of stampeding hippogriffs.
"What?" Evan lowered the Daily Prophet and arched an eyebrow at him.
"This." Regulus gestured at his face. He threw his broom down on the floor and began peeling his gloves off. "Rabastan will kill me if I stop. It's been every night. Every damn night all week. And he'll kill me if I won't do it, but he spends most of practice trying to kill me anyway." He coiled up and threw the gloves like a shot put. They slammed against the wall and slid down behind his bed.
"What, you think if you lose all your equipment he can't make you practice anymore?"
Regulus already had his wet jersey halfway up his back and over his head. "You know what the worst part is?" he shouted from underneath.
Evan sighed and raised his newspaper again. "What?"
"I haven't been able to talk to Lily all week." He hit his palm against his bare chest and dragged his fingers down his stomach, leaving white trails in their wake.
"Well, that is a tragedy."
"She likes me. I know she does. But I can't talk to her in the Great Hall. Sirius sits too near her. He'd murder me on the spot. And in the halls she's surrounded by Gryffindors, on her Prefect shifts - Well, Snape's a Prefect, too."
"Scared of Snape, now, are you?"
"I'm just trying to get through this with as little trouble, or bodily injury - to anyone - as possible. I'm accustomed to taking Sirius's threats seriously. And I've realized you're right."
"Oh?" Evan lowered the Prophet again, perking up at the thought of having his impeccable judgment praised.
"About Snape. I saw him at Quidditch practice. He practically stalks her; I don't even want to try to find her alone somewhere. He could just jump out of the shadows."
"Why don't you just give it up, then?"
"Give what up?" Regulus sat down on the bed and began untying his shin guards.
"Evans, you dense twat. If it's so difficult. You just need to snog a bird, so what about some of those little third year girls who love you so much?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because they're 13?" Regulus threw a shin guard at Evan's head.
Evan, whose wand rarely left his hand, vanished it easily.
Regulus scowled and Evan continued blithely. "Anyway, if you're too 'ethical' to snog 13-year-olds, then what about some Hufflepuff? Just compliment her on her knitting or whatever it is Hufflepuff girls do instead of have sex."
"No." Regulus fell back on his bed. "Now that I've started, you know, I've got to finish it."
"That doesn't sound like you." Evan laughed. "I know what's going on here. You don't just have to fuck her, you want to."
"She's got nice tits."
"No, it's not just that. You want to buy her dinner, then fuck her, then lie in bed with her and tell her how pretty she is." He was practically crowing. "You really like that filthy little Mudblood."
"Shut your goddamn mouth, Evan."
"Are you angry I said you like her, or are you angry I called her a Mudblood?"
Regulus realized that he didn't have anything to say to that, so he just set his jaw, squirmed out of his trousers, and shut the curtains.
A/N: Here is something to tide loyal reader(s) over while I putz around drinking myself into oblivion and spewing phlegm all over everything not working on my other more popular (lol talk about relative terms) fic. Lol, Regulus does a lot of flouncing at Evan in this chapter. We also see Rabastan's violent tendencies out in full force.