Where's Kono?
By Montez
Chapter 7
Disclaimer: See chapter one

Steve's mind was foggy as he struggled to open his eyes. He tried to concentrate on where he was, it taking a couple minutes for the sounds and smell to register, he was in the hospital. Now he was confused, he didn't know why he was in the hospital, he didn't remember getting hurt. Hell the last thing he clearly remembered was waiting outside the bank Frank Delano was in, Kono being a plant in his organization by IA.

Kono.

McGarrett's mind seemed to suddenly clear as the image of the young woman he'd promised to protect lay motionless on the floor, blood spilling from a gunshot wound, his hand's covered in her blood. He felt his heart rate increase along with his breathing, there had been so much blood. Then he remembered the blinding rage that overtake him at the sight of Fryer outside the bank, he remembered going after the man, then hands on him, pulling him back. Finally the feel of handcuffs encircling his wrists, restraining him, Danny's face floating in and out of his vision.

"Easy son, you need to calm down and open your eyes for me." A quiet, calm voice broke through the panic that was coursing through his body, his mind.

It took a minute before the voice registered, focusing what little energy he had Steve forced his eyes open. The image hovering in his line of sight took a moment to come into focus, "Joe?"

"Yeah, you sure have a knack for scaring the daylights out of your friends, you know that?" Joe's face held a hint of a relieved smile.

Steve's forehead knitted in confusion, turning his head, his eyes finally landed on the sleeping image of his best friend, stretched out on the small couch near the window. "Danny? Is he okay?" Steve turned back toward Joe.

"Worried about you. Do you remember what happened?" Joe squeezed Steve's shoulder slightly.

"Kono was working for IA, How is she? Is she okay? There was so much blood, I…" Steve's voice trailed off as again the image of Kono's lifeless body filled his mind.

"From what I understand they expect a full recovery from your young friend. She's already in a regular room with her cousin at her side." Joe responded, retaking the seat he'd occupied for the last few hours.

McGarrett seemed to visibly relax some at the news his young teammate was going to be okay. "What we really need to know is what happened to you." White motioned toward Danny's sleeping form, "When you didn't call him back or show up here, Danny started looking for you. Found you on the beach behind your place unconscious. According to the docs you're suffering from exhaustion, dehydration and mild shock. Yet the bigger concern was the water they found in your lungs. Care to tell me what happened?" White's expression left no room for excuses; it was a look Steve had seen many times before on the older man's face, especially when he was trying to get Steve to open up about something that was bothering him.

Pushing himself up some in the bed, he glanced at Danny then Joe, his gaze finally finding his hands lying in his lap. "Fryer was right, I'm just like him." McGarrett's voice sounded completely lost, a sound Joe had only heard one other time and that was a time he wished he couldn't remember, a time he knew Steve didn't want to remember.

"Fryer?" Joe wasn't familiar with that name.

"From IA, he's the son of a bitch that forced Kono into this mess by threatening to come after us. He was after his former partner Frank Delano." Steve felt his anger toward the IA officer increase again.

"I'm not following, how does what he did make you like him?" Joe was actually perplexed; he honestly didn't could see where Steve was headed with this line of thought.

Rubbing his eye's roughly, "Kono got shot because she'd been forced to go undercover, once she…once she was taken out by the medics I found Fryer and went after him…" Steve looked toward Danny, who he noticed was awake now, watching him. "Danny tried to pull me back…then he confronted Fryer, telling him that he was a heartless bastard who's only focus was revenge for what had been done against him and that he hadn't cared what he had to do or who he had to drag down to get the job done. Fryer's reply was he was just like me and you know what, he's right."

Danny's voice alerted Joe that the younger man was now awake, "How the hell did you make that connection? You are nothing like him."

Steve's gaze bore into Danny, Joe seemingly forgotten, "Damn it Danny, that's exactly what I've done. Going after Hesse after he killed my father was my soul focus, I nearly got you killed that first day. I put Kono, a kid who hadn't even graduated the academy yet in a potentially deadly situation to catch Sang Min to get information on Hesse. It was because of me Chin was nearly blown to pieces by Hesse because he wanted to see my reaction when he killed someone I was responsible for. Once we learned he worked for Wo Fat, I drug all of you down with me because I went after Jameson. How can you tell me I'm not just like Fryer?"

Williams stood making his way toward his friend, Joe moving back so Danny could stand next to the bed. Danny reached out and gripped his partner's arm, "You didn't make any of us do anything against our will. We knew what we were getting into and the biggest thing that sets you in a totally different league from Fryer is you care what happens to us. You take on the unnecessary guilt when things go wrong; you try to keep us from getting hurt even if you are putting yourself right in the crosshairs. You care." The Jersey native shook Steve's arm slightly, trying to drive his point home.

"If I care so damn much then what about Kono? I didn't push hard enough to get through to her, when IA pulled her in I should have done something, she was taking the heat for what I did. What kind of person does that make me that I let that happen? Because I didn't step up she was forced into this, because of me she was almost killed, so how the hell is that showing I care? I failed her; I failed Chin who trusted me when Kono joined the team. Damn it I failed you, I've pushed you away because I couldn't deal with all the crap that has landed on us these past weeks and just like with Kono I haven't been there for you with all the shit Rachel's done to you."

Steve's eyes left his partners, returning to his hands, his voice going hollow again. "I'm drowning in all this and I don't know…I can't…" McGarrett's tone was almost like it had been when Danny talked with him on the phone the day before and it sent a shiver down his spine.

Williams looked at Joe, clearly seeing the concern in the older man's eyes as well, something was wrong with Steve and they needed to figure out what. "You can't what Steve?" Danny asked quietly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer, his friend was breaking in front of him and he didn't know what to do about it.

Joe had noticed the cracks in the younger man's façade when he'd come to Hawaii to help clear Steve of the Governor's murder. Once McGarrett had seen his father on that video with Wo Fat, those fissures got a little bigger, as the weeks went on he knew his young friend wasn't dealing very well with what had happened to the youngest member of the Five-0 team, hell Joe had been with him a few times when Steve would go by the young woman's house, he knew it was tearing Steve up inside when Kono wouldn't answer the door or return his phone calls. Now apparently the shooting the day before had finally spilt one of the fissures wide open and now it seemed Steve was struggling to pull the pieces back together. "Steve?"

When McGarrett's eyes looked up meeting Danny's it nearly stole his breath, Steve's eyes were red-rimmed, there was a pleading in them, begging for Danny's help him, "It would have been so easy."

The empty, almost dead sound to Steve's voice scared Williams more than anything ever had. "What would have been so easy?" Again Williams feared the answer.

"I let myself sink." It was barely a whisper but it might as well been blasted through a bull-horn.

Danny felt his heart rate increase at the clear implications of those few words, "Steve…"

"I was in the water, I needed to think, but the more I did the more I realized what I had done to all of you. I should have never stayed. You all would have been better off if we'd never met…Danny…for a minute…I was ready…I wanted it all to stop, I was the reason you all had been hurt and I didn't want any of you hurt anymore." McGarrett looked at the disbelief in his partner's face as Danny realized what Steve was saying, glancing at Joe he saw overwhelming concern.

"So you're saying…" Danny looked at Joe as if confirming what he was about to say, he saw the same conclusion in the older man's face. Running his hand over his face Williams gripped the bedrail to keep himself from punching his friend for his stupidity. "You were willing to let yourself drown, literally? What the hell were you thinking? No wait you obviously weren't thinking!" Danny moved away from the bed, not sure he wouldn't hit his partner, "You thought…" Turning again Williams didn't know what to do with his hands as he motioned toward Steve, "You thought the best course of action was to take yourself out of the equation? Yes, now you are being a selfish bastard. You really think we'd be better off without you?"

"Danny…" Steve started but was cut off by his best friend.

"Don't Danny me, God how could you? I wouldn't do this damn job without you. Hell I don't think I could ever trust anyone to watch my back the way I trust you. Yes you run in without thinking sometimes, get me drawn into more firefights than I care to remember, but I know you will always lead me out of them, I would never be able to trust anyone to do that. I would never trust anyone with my daughter the way I trust you. And what about Chin and Kono? Do you think they'd be better off? Because of you hijacking Chin into this little funfest we call a task force you gave him back what he lost over that trumped up IA investigation into him. You never doubted him, never questioned him, nobody else would have ever done that." Finally Danny returned to the bedside, looking his friend intently in the face, daring Steve to break the gaze, which he didn't. "And what about Kono? What do you think it would have done to her when she woke up and realized you were gone? She was trying to protect us, protect you in all this, if you'd died it would have made her sacrifice for nothing, how do you think she would have felt?"

Joe moved over to the couch, not really sure what to think by the revelation he'd just heard. Steve was one of the strongest people he knew; he'd had to be to have ever become a SEAL. But White also knew every man had a breaking point and too many times the strongest of soldiers could shatter the easiest.

"I'm sorry Danny." Steve spoke quietly, taking in all his partner had just said, "I wasn't thinking."

"No kidding, but hell I should be use to that by now." Blowing out a deep breath Danny gave his friend a hint of a smirk.

"Yeah I guess you should." Williams noticed some of the spark that was Steve McGarrett return to the dark-haired man's eyes.

"Look, just promise me that you'll come to me or Joe if you start thinking that way again or I swear I'll never let you go swimming again. If we can't talk some sense into you I'm sure Joe knows a few ways to beat it into you." Danny glanced at the older man who gave him a small smile, letting him know he was right, that Joe would be there too.

"I know he does." Steve replied.

Finally taking the seat Joe had vacated next to the bed, Danny leaned back looking at his obviously tired partner, "Okay." He blew out.

"Okay" Steve replied as he leaned back in the bed, exhaustion seeming to take over after the emotional roller coaster he'd been through. "I need to see Kono."

"Rest first, then we'll get your doc in here, once he checks you over I'll take you up to see her." Danny watched Steve blink tiredly, barely able to keep his eyes open.

"You sure she's going to be okay?" McGarrett asked.

"Yes, she's going to be okay, now sleep." Danny reached up and gripped his partner's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before sitting back again, watching Steve's eyes finally close, his breath evening out.

Watching the two men interact Joe knew Steve would be okay, but he was glad now that he'd transferred to Hawaii, the young man in the bed needed a strong support system around him if he was going to get through this dark place he was in. White knew Steve had that, even without him. He'd seen it when he'd arrived to help initially, Steve's team had worked tirelessly to clear him of a crime they knew he didn't commit, even against the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Even without him there he knew Steve would get through this, but he was glad he was here now and with the help of Steve's friends they would not lose him.