Chapter 1: The News

Not long after Jack and Jill had left the hospital room, Bentley started to regain consciousness. George saw this and said, "Look, he's waking up. Should we tell him now?"

"No, not now," said Vanessa. "I'm not sure how he'll react to the news. But until then, we'll just talk to him until we get to that subject." Turning to Bentley, she asked, "Are you all right, honey?"

"So-so," said Bentley, rubbing his head. "It hurts awful, but I'm fine."

"What did it feel like?"

"It felt like if I had sat on a porcupine, or if I got stung by a fire ant."

"Well, it's all over now. I'm glad you're still okay, Bentley--I would've lost you had that rocket gone way further up your..."

"Uh, Vanessa...?"

Bentley happened to notice a bag of estrogen hanging next to a bag of medicinal serum, and both had thin tubes going straight into his arm. He was puzzled. He asked, "What is that bag of estrogen doing right over there?"

"Um, well," Vanessa muttered nervously. "You see, Bentley, the doctors told us that you needed an intravenous injection of that stuff."

"For what? Are you guys trying to turn me into a woman?"

This made George and Nicole laugh, even though they tried not to. George said, "The truth is, you needed that, because we found out that you were..." Nicole clamped a paw over her husband's mouth, shouting, "Don't say it!"

"Say what?" asked Bentley.

Vanessa sighed. She answered, "I don't know if you're going to believe us, but...Bentley, you're pregnant."

Bentley gave Vanessa a stunned look. He stammered, "I-I am?"

"Yes," she said.

"That's too silly. I'm 100% pure male--just how can you prove that I'm actually pregnant?"

"When you recover, you can go home and find out. I have a dozen pregnancy tests in the cabinet at the bathroom."

In a few days, Bentley had fully recovered from the ordeal and he was allowed to go home back to his house in Hollywood, California. While there, he went into the bathroom and searched the medicine cabinet, until he got out a small box.

"Mommy Molly's Pregnancy Test," he said, reading the box. "This one's 99.7% effective." Taking out one of the sticks, he took a deep breath and continued, "Well, here it goes..."

Ten minutes later, Vanessa was sitting in the living room, waiting. As she sat on the couch, a worrisome thought entered her brain. "So many strange things have been happening to us in the first few years of our marriage. And now, this one--that really got me. I wonder how the kids will accept this..."

Silence was shattered by an effeminate scream coming from the bathroom. Bentley ran into the living room, a shocked and horrified look on his face. He shouted, "Oh, man, I am pregnant! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME???"

"It was because of the rocket, remember?" said Vanessa. "It carried DNA from all kinds of sources. Do you want me to tell you what they are?"

"What?"

"The genetic material that was in the rocket was made up of alien, hillbilly, cow, robot, and lion DNA. What do you think?"

Bentley stared at Vanessa for a few soul-searching seconds, before laughing and saying, "You know, those ingredients sound a little too familiar. Didn't we already have a kid like that?"

"Yes, we have Clark," answered Vanessa. "But this one has the DNA of the world's biggest member of the cat family."

"A tiger?"

"No, a lion."

"Oh. So, the baby inside me is going to turn out to be a carnivore like that creature. Suppose it grows up to eat us and our family and friends?"

"It probably won't."

Bentley laughed again. He said, "Now, I understand." Suddenly, he started to shiver. He continued, "My feet feel like ice cubes. Are you cold, Ness?"

"Not at the moment," replied Vanessa. "It's 72 degrees in this room. It's been the same since you first bought this house."

"But that's only my feet."

They sat there in silence for only a moment. Then, Bentley said, "You know what I feel like? I feel like getting ice cream. Do you want some?"

"Oh, sure," said Vanessa, getting up. "Let's see if we have enough cookies and cream."

"No, no, I want vanilla-flavored ice cream. Do you mind driving to the store and getting it? I don't want to be seen buying ice cream until I lose five pounds."

Vanessa stared at him. She said, "Only five?"

"Is that nice?" said Bentley, bewildered.

Vanessa sighed. She replied, "Bentley, if your feet are cold, will ice cream make it worse?"

"Those are completely unrelated things," Bentley answered.

"I need some money. My wallet's empty."

"Well, I can give you a check."

"A CHECK? THAT'S ALL?"

"Hey, I'm just an actor, and you're a newspaper reporter. We both earn equal amounts of money, so that seems fair."

Vanessa growled. She muttered angrily, "But I earn only 50 dollars an hour! I have a less important job than yours!"

Bentley said, "Then, is there any reason why you don't have enough money for vanilla ice cream?"

"Hello! What do I need a check for? It's a connivence store, it's a five-dollar purchase--seriously, who writes a check for five dollars?"

Bentley sat down for a moment. Then he said, "I give up." He stood up with a start and walked away. He continued angrily, "Forget it! If you must pick on everything I do, then I don't want any ice cream, or cupcakes, or anything sweet and delicious! I'll just go up to my room and put on my socks!"

Vanessa shouted, "Fine!"

"FINE!"

Bentley exited the living room, leaving Vanessa to sit back down on the couch and bury her face into her paws, crying. He went into his bedroom and slammed the door behind him. He walked over to a large closet, and looked inside to find all the clothes, his and Vanessa's. Looking his clothes over, Bentley grunted and said, "Tiny!" And then he closed the closet door back. He said to himself, "And her, she make me want to...want to..." Before he could finish the sentence, Bentley suddenly felt nauseous. With a paw clamped over his mouth, he ran into the nearest bathroom and threw up in the toilet.

Clark came into the bedroom and heard his father's vomiting. He said, "Pa?"

Bentley, hearing Clark's voice, got up and walked out of the bathroom, wiping spit from his mouth. He said, "Clark? What are you doing here?"

"I heard you and Ma arguing," answered Clark. "Was there anything wrong?"

"Oh, nothing much. We just got into some sort of...disagreement."

"You were talking about getting some ice cream."

"There will be no ice cream tonight. Now, go back to sleep."

Clark looked at Bentley and ran a clamped steel hand over his face. He said, "Oh, boy--you sure look pretty pale, Pa."

"Let's just say that I got sick," Bentley replied. He patted Clark's head gently, before going on his way. Clark looked on as his father went down the stairs. He had no clue what was actually going on.

Meanwhile, Vanessa had just started calling the White House, talking to Minora Raccoon (nee Grizzly). Minora was the third wife of Bert Raccoon, the president of the United States of Canerica. Vanessa said, "...and then, Bentley was like, 'I don't want any ice cream or anything like that!' and he left the room."

"Ooh, that's cold," said Minora on the other line. "How did he get so moody?"

"Maybe it was because of the rocket that hit him in the bun several days ago."

"Oh, yes, I remember. I was looking outside the window that night when I saw it."

"And that's how the whole mess began. So, how are things going on with you and Bert?"

"It was swell! And guess what? We went to the doctor yesterday, and after a series of examinations, he said to me, 'Congratulations, Mrs. Raccoon.'. Do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"It means that I'm pregnant, Vanessa. I'm going to have a baby!"

Vanessa sat there in silence. Then, she said, "Um, Minora, you're not the only one who's pregnant."

"Oh, I know," said Minora. "Lady Creampuff called me from Neo-Cincinnati, and she told me that she's also going to have a baby."

"I didn't mean just her. It's about Bentley."

"What about him?"

When Vanessa whispered the details, Minora began to frown. After that, she said, "Oh...oh, I see. I'll tell Bert and the others about this, but--what? I can't? It's a secret? Well, I'll keep quiet on the situation, so long as it doesn't cause any embarrassment for him. Just tell him I said 'hello', okay? Bye." She hung up, grabbed a notebad out from under her bed, and began writing on it. She giggled and said, "This will be great fodder for the tabloids!"

Bert came in and asked, "Minora, what are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing, Bert," answered Minora, hiding the notebook. "I'm just writing something in my...in my..." She pulled out a small book and continued, "...my diary!"

"Well, all right. Anyway, tomorrow I'm going to host the Annual Interspecies Convention at Los Angeles, and I'll be inviting all my family and friends to come. You should come, too."

"Yes, Bert. I'll come. But still, I have so many things to do, and maybe then, I'd..."

Suddenly, a nauseous feeling came over her. She jumped up out of her bed and ran straight to the bathroom, a paw clamped over her mouth. Hearing the sounds of his wife throwing up, Bert said, "She'll feel all right after this morning sickness thing is over." And he walked away, a happy smile on his face.

Meanwhile, Belladonna found out the news, but she wasn't very happy about it. She yelled, "WHAT! That embryo was supposed to go into one of the women of the TTC, not that despicable Bentley Raccoon! Now, this has gone way too far--I'm going to kill Bentley and the baby inside him, even if it will take me nine months to do so!!!" And as she stormed away with a growl, somebody else heard about Belladonna's plans to kill Bentley and his coming child. It was Alexandra Raccoon, Bert's mother, who came all the way from heaven to visit her son. After hearing this, she gasped in horror and whispered, "I'd better warn Bert and his friends about this right away!"