Sorry for the long wait, but I'm not the fastest writer, and I tend to write random scenes in a non-chronological order. So I can be writing a lot, but it doesn't necessarily help for the next chapter.

Rachel found her sitting in front of Lima Bean, hands in the pockets of her jacket and legs crossed stiffly. "May I… Sit here?" she asked quietly, pausing near her side. Eyes flicking at her legs but not raising her head, Santana gave a quick, barely-there nod.

"Thank you." Practically whispering, Rachel sat down, just far enough away that their legs almost touched, Santana aware of the heat of her; the closeness made goosebumps sweep through her body.

Still. Her jaw tightening, Santana didn't move.

"Uhm… Have you had anything, yet? Like coffee? Because I can – no, I would like to get you something. I mean, we're sitting in front of the Lima Bean, and if we want to use their bench, and as I don't see a cup or anything of the sort near you, I would think the management would frown upon us freeloading – "

Normally, Santana found Rachel's rambling cute. But this wasn't normally. "Stop."

Out of the corner of her eye, Santana could see Rachel lower her chin, almost mumbling, "I just don't want to get in trouble."

"Oh and what do you think all that in my car was?" Santana snapped, rounding on her girlfriend and glaring at her so hard she could feel her forehead wrinkling, "Hurrahs and the key to the city?"

Rachel's mouth dropped open, but before Santana could decipher her expression, she pushed on. "What was that? Hmm, Rachel? What was that?"

"Santana, please, calm down. Can we please talk about this?" Raising her hands, Rachel tried to touch Santana's arm, but after a second, Santana yanked it away. Face falling, Rachel shook her head, "I know that must have been a shock, but – "

"No." Cutting her off again, Santana could feel her chest constrict as her mind struggled to figure out if she was sad or angry. Shooting glances around to see if they were attracting attention, she modulated her voice into a hiss. Making sure Rachel was meeting her gaze directly, she said in the coldest tone she could muster, "The biggest shock, Rachel, was finding out that my girlfriend didn't trust me enough to come talk to me." Shutting her eyes, not strong enough to watch the tears building in her girlfriend's eyes, she curled her hands into fists that dug into the tops of her thighs, needing something else to concentrate on, "I'm not just some girl, Rachel!"

Rachel's response was defeated. "I never said you were." Bringing a hand to her face, her shoulders started to tremble, her voice continuing to break, "But can you please understand something? Try to understand something?"

Santana didn't know if she wanted to hug Rachel or push her away. Drawing in a deep breath, she raked a hand through her hair before letting it fall to her lap. Studying her hands, she tried to make sense of the thoughts running through her head. "Why should I?" she asked, it coming out more belligerent than she meant.

A sob, barely reined in, left Rachel's mouth, making Santana's eyes snap up to meet hers. The small girl's chin shook. "Are you going to break up with me?"

Anger welled up inside Santana. "You did not just ask me that question, did you? You do not get to ask that." Realizing her voice had risen again, and that it was impossible to pretend they weren't getting noticed, Santana shoved herself up to her feet. Grabbing Rachel's wrist, she tugged her up, acutely feeling just how small she was… And just how one touch made her heart skip a beat. "C'mon," she growled roughly, taking off down the street, pulling Rachel behind her. Automatically, before she could stop herself, her hand slid down, wrapping around Rachel's.

Warmth blossomed in Santana's stomach, her breath catching when Rachel's fingers hesitantly reciprocated the embrace. Licking her lips, Santana glanced down at her girlfriend, seeing red-rimmed eyes looking back up at her. Holding her gaze, Santana realized something, the enormity of the knowledge making her break away to look ahead again: Rachel trusted Santana enough to lead her without watching where they were going.

Santana's chest constriction loosened a little, tears coming to her eyes again. "I'm probably going to yell, you know," she muttered.

"What…?"

Looking back down at Rachel, Santana managed a small smile. Dropping her hand, she slowly brushed soft hair out of the way as she curled her arm around Rachel's shoulders, pulling her in as gently as she could with raging emotions still surging through her. "I'm probably going to yell some more. That's who I am. I'm still… Upset – which I have the right to be…"

Wrapping her arm around Santana's waist, holding her tightly, Rachel sniffled but nodded, the side of her head brushing against Santana's shoulder. "I know," she agreed, voice quiet. "San, I want to apologize."

"No." Shaking her head, Santana's sigh was tinged with exasperation, "Don't apologize until you know what you're apologizing for."

Rachel's answer was a small, unsure nod.

Walking farther away from where she'd left her car, Santana decided that she was going to head for the courthouse, and the garden surrounding it. There was a tree whose foliage fell all the way to the ground, creating a canopy effect around its roots that pushed up through the earth. It was secluded and private, and no one was around to interrupt them, as it wasn't a spot people normally frequented. Hopefully it would be a suitable place to figure everything out.

By now, Rachel had all but melted into her side, the line of her shoulders one of the only things that spoke to how unsettled she actually still was. Loving the feeling of the girl against her but also feeling the urge to run, Santana mentally sighed.

She knew she and Rachel had a lot to talk about. Two things had been revealed in the car: one from Rachel (with the help of Puck), the other from Santana (also with the help of Puck). Two things that couldn't just be forgotten.

She'd tried to think of everything rationally, but it had been hard. In the five minutes she'd had alone before Rachel trailed after her, Santana really hadn't managed to get anywhere with her thoughts.

Fact was, Rachel had hurt her. Blind hurt, the kind that encompassed everything, and would continue to do so until Santana got everything explained to her. The kind that would probably continue to hurt even after everything got sorted.

"Are you… Are you breaking up with me?" Rachel suddenly asked in a small, shaky voice.

"What?" Snapping her head down to stare into tearing brown eyes, Santana frowned deeply. "Didn't I just tell you not to ask that?"

"Yes, but," Rachel pressed into Santana's side, "I… I need to know. I need to be able to – prepare myself for when – if, if it happens."

"Prepare – " Halting, Santana tightened her hold around Rachel's shoulders, planting her other hand onto Rachel's arm. "Rachel," she glared exasperatedly at her, "Do you want to break up?"

Rachel's face drained of color. "No," her fingers dug into Santana's jacket, her chin starting to tremble, "No, I don't. But I'd understand if… If you did. I'd understand because I betrayed your trust, and healthy relationships need to have trust. Jesse and Finn always said – " Rachel cut herself off, dropping her gaze. A tear slid down her cheek.

Santana narrowed her eyes. Unable to keep her frustration from her voice, she did manage to gently reach up and wipe her girlfriend's tear away, cupping her cheek, "Jesse and Finn always said what?" Yes, what had those douches done? Aware of the end of Rachel and Jesse's relationship (she having been, after all, a key player), and of Rachel and Finn's short-lived experiment in futility, Santana and Rachel had run into a couple of issues caused by the oblivious callousness of teenage boys. In some ways, maybe Santana could understand Rachel's insecurities.

That still didn't explain not talking to her, though. And that was what had hurt the most.

Breathing in deeply, Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "They never said it exactly, but you know who Finn and Jesse are, were. Quarterback and lead of the best glee club in the country. It was… It was often implied that I was lucky to be with them. And though I have no problem being secure in myself, I felt…" Glistening eyes blinked up at Santana, her mouth curling sardonically, "I guess I convinced myself of the same because I ended up feeling like I was only there for as long as it was until someone else came along, someone who would… Fully accept their egos and wants without challenging them, like I inevitably ended up doing, even if I didn't mean to." She closed her eyes, "Or someone who wouldn't… Who wouldn't be scared to be physical with them. Sleep with them. And then it turned out to be true because Finn did with… Well… You and Brittany.

"But, I know that's them. Not you. No, you're different, Santana," she wrapped small fingers around Santana's hand on her cheek, tugging it down and squeezing it in tandem with her words, "And you've always been different than Finn and Jesse. But though I knew that you wanted to be with me, I… I still couldn't give you what you were used to."

"What I was used to?" Santana swallowed, searching Rachel's face. "Rache, did I ever pressure you?"

"No, of course not," Rachel shook her head, biting her lower lip, "But… I wasn't used to that. Though Finn and Jesse never pressured me either, they were still teenage boys with expected sex drives. Until we… You and I, I mean. Until we started going further…" A blush rose on Rachel's cheeks. "Even though I knew it was ridiculous, I still… Couldn't… Let that fear of not being enough, go." She looked away. "I'm afraid I let that fear control me, in regards to following Puck."

Finn and Jesse were complete tools. Sure, Rachel was high maintenance, but it wasn't like Finn and Jesse weren't. But even if they hadn't been, they had no right trying to restrict Rachel, trying to make themselves feel better by blaming their shortcomings on her. Dammit. Santana should have made her move far sooner than she had. But she'd never let anybody in that close before, and she'd never done relationships.

She had been on new ground, and it had terrified her. And she'd used that fear to keep Rachel just that last bit physically away, hoping her girlfriend took it as respect, as another reason not to wake up and push Santana away for not being good enough for her.

But what had that gotten her?

Santana closed her eyes. By respecting Rachel, she'd given her the impression that she was cheating on her, that her old Santana persona was dissatisfied and needed to sate her roaring libido somewhere else. Sure, Santana had a roaring libido, but she'd always taken care of it herself. But of course Rachel didn't know that. Didn't know because Santana hadn't had what turned out would have been an incredibly important conversation with her.

Because that's what it ultimately was, wasn't it? Santana's personal fear of getting too close, of not wanting to act like 'typical, seemingly sex-obsessed Santana' without explaining why… It had backfired.

And that hurt because, in a twisted way, she understood. It wasn't fully her fault, but she'd brought a lot of this on herself.

Resettling on her feet, she finally opened her eyes. Meeting Rachel's gaze, mind still reeling, all she could think of to ask was, "Why didn't you come to me?"

Rachel dropped her gaze.

"Because, Rache, that's what I don't understand." Santana pulled her hands away, violently shoving her hair back from her face, then keeping her fingers curled on her scalp, "You talk. All the time. To me, to your dads – to anyone who had a set of ears, no matter if they worked or not. Remember that hour long conversation you had with the deaf kid before you realized he couldn't hear you? That's who you are. You're always vocal. And you know what? I listened."

Throwing her hands up, Santana took a step backwards; she couldn't be too close to Rachel if she wanted to get out what she wanted to say. "It probably wasn't obvious, before we dated. Hell, I made myself tune you out, but it never worked. And you want to know why?" She waited until Rachel looked at her to continue, firming her expression and voice, "Because no matter what you said, it was important. To you. Sometimes to other people, but that didn't matter. You weren't shy, you were honest, and I always, always knew where I stood with you."

She shrugged jerkily, hurt anger seeping back into her voice, "…Or at least I thought I did."

Rachel stared at Santana. "That's…" she started, bringing a hand to cover her mouth, large tears beginning to roll down her cheeks, "That's what hurt you the most?"

Feeling drained, Santana could barely nod, glaring down at the ground.

"Oh my god." Rachel worked her mouth, staring at Santana. She sagged. "I… I was so sure you'd get angry at me… But you're angry now."

"You think?"

"San."

Santana blew air out of her mouth. "Rache, I can't not be angry."

Rachel slowly moved forward. She tentatively slid the pads of her fingers along Santana's knuckles, and, when Santana didn't stop her, shivering at the soft touch, pulled Santana's hand into her own. "I'm not asking you to. All I want…"

Santana stared down at her, drowning in the deep, swirling brown eyes of the girl who, good or bad, held her heart.

"Is to not be fighting. Not now. Not on our anniversary." Rachel managed to give her a small, sad smile, "And not when we'd benefit by talking about it instead." Drawing in a deep breath, the smaller girl bit her lip, hesitantly meeting Santana's gaze, "I know I messed up. And that we have a lot to talk about. Well… As it turns out, both of us have something to talk about."

Santana nodded, anxiety building at the thought of that conversation; but Rachel was correct.

"But… But if you still want to be in this relationship," Rachel's smile started to waver, "Can I use one of our passes to postpone this conversation?"

Santana let out a deep, relieved breath of air. "Yes, please," she mumbled, "It's very hard coming up with reasons why I can't just show you how angry I am by kissing you senseless."

Rachel stared up at her. "Santana Lopez," she sniffed, letting go of Santana's hand to reach up and dash away some of the tears that still insisted on falling, "Do you ever listen to yourself?"

"Only when I'm being fucking awesome, which is always." Santana let a smirk cross her face, then turned her expression serious. "Rache," she lowered her voice, "We have the rest of the day."

"Yes…?" Still looking vulnerable, Rachel nodded.

Santana was still hurt, still a little upset, still anxious, still off kilter… But maybe, just maybe, she could salvage the rest of the day.

She stepped away from Rachel, then held out her hand. "Come on," she dipped her head, "Let's get Puck's ass back home and gets on with our plans."

A slow, ecstatic smile bloomed on Rachel's face, and she slid her hand into Santana's.