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The pair walked along the dirt path, deeper into the woods, Eli seemingly knowing the way. He peeked over his shoulder every few minutes to make sure Holly J was still with him. His initial instinct was to bring her to the abandoned church. He and Julia had found it one day and it became their spot, the place that they could go and be away from parents and school and everything that they never wanted. When things were finally going smoothly with Clare, he took her to it under the guise of a picnic. Neither situation ended particularly well, so he thought it would be better to bring Holly J to someplace only he knew of, trusting that she would appreciate the quiet and comfort it could bring.

The woods cleared around three statues, each cracked and gray with time, the growth overtaking them. The first was half of a woman's face, buried in the ground. Holly J could tell that at one time, she had been beautiful, but age had not been kind to her. A little further down and to the right was a huge hand, it's pinky and ring finger buried much like her face, the other three seemingly cupping the earth. The furthest down was just a huge knee, surfacing, as if coming from water. Holly J couldn't help but stare, not exactly sure what he expected of her at this moment.

"It's called 'Mother Nature Awakes" and it's meant to be viewed as one giant sculpture," Eli started nervously, shoving his hands in his back pockets, eyeing her, "This used to be a park, all of these woods, but as the city grew, people forgot about it."

"How did you find it?" she asked, going over to the face and lightly touching her cheek, letting her fingers glide roughly over her eye. Even in the stone, her eyes looked tired, like she had been asleep forever, but also like she was tired of the world around her. Holly J blinked and looked back at him, bothered a bit that she was relating to a dirty rock in the ground.

"Just exploring one day. I come out here when I need to think and just be alone," he responded as he looked up at the branches of the trees forming a canopy over them, "Take a seat wherever you want." Holly J raised an eyebrow at him but did as she was told, going over and sitting in front of the hand, leaning back against it's palm. The fresh summer grass made it surprisingly comfortable and she found a strange security in being held by a statue. Eli followed suit, sitting near her, leaning against the inside knuckle. She looked over at him, smiling nervously. She wasn't exactly sure what to do.

"I don't really know anything about Declan… or you, for that matter," he started, "How did you guys meet?" Eli figured it was probably the best place to start, since all he knew about her was from school. Holly J looked down at her hands, smiling a little as she remembered.

"I, uh, hit his car on our way to school," she laughed a little, "He was very sweet about it, of course. Things like that never bothered Declan. He never got stressed about anything, except when it came to his family. He's…" she caught herself and swallowed, "He was always so protective of Fiona, almost to a fault. I couldn't even imagine losing such a close sibling like that. She asked me to go to New York, you know. But I couldn't make myself, and now that I think about it…" Holly J faded off as she noticed Eli staring at her. "Right, me, not Fi.

"Declan and I got off to a rough start. His mom didn't like me and he wouldn't stand up to her. Of course, he eventually did when I said I wouldn't sneak around. We were…" Holly J hesitated a little, taking a breath to calm herself. This was the first time since he had passed that she really was able to just think about them together, and it was surprisingly painful, "Perfect. We were equals. I felt like I was better with him and he adored me. He even gave me his grandmother's bracelet. Sure, we had our rough patches, like in New York, but we got through them. I felt like we were unstoppable.

"And then the distance came into play. He stayed in New York to go to Vanderbilt and I had to come back to Degrassi. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. Skype and phone calls helped, but I still went to bed alone every night, and that hurt. He was the closest person in my life for so long, and to not have him there was just…"

"Hell." Eli finished for her. Holly J looked up from the ground and met his eyes. It wasn't a question. He wasn't suggesting it. It was a statement. He knew.

"Yeah," she said quietly. Eli wasn't taking his eyes off of hers, yet giving no suggestion as to how he knew how she felt. It was slightly unnerving to her, but there was a sense of relief, that she wouldn't have to explain every little emotion, that he understood.

"Then I saw some pictures of him and this girl Tinsley on FaceRange and thought that he was cheating on me, so I broke up with him, over the phone, in a voicemail," she continued, "Not the ideal way to do things, but that's what happens in long distance relationships. Of course, Declan came up to see me before he even heard the voicemail and he thought the whole thing was hilarious. He said that he wanted to make things easier for me, to start paying for things…"

"Paying for things? That doesn't sound good," Eli commented. Holly J chuckled darkly.

"My family was hit pretty hard when the economy fell, so we had to move into an apartment the same weekend of my SAT's and when Declan wanted to go on a visit to Yale. He offered to pay for movers, pay for my trip, pay to reschedule the test, and even give me 'fun money' so that I wouldn't have to get a job. And it bothered me. It felt like he was paying me to be with him, like a prostitute. He said that money exists to solve problems and it made me feel like I was one of his problems. So, we broke up for real. He went back to New York and I continued on here.

"He came back, though, for the Theater Awards. He was 'Space Awakening's director, which is how Clare knew him," she added. Eli nodded in acknowledgment, redirecting his focus onto the stone that he was leaning into. He didn't want to think about Clare right now. "I was excited and happy to see him, of course, but, I only wanted to be friends. Fi hadn't told him that Sav and I were… a thing, and he tried to get me back, to say the least." Holly J shuddered slightly and curled her legs under her, leaning into the sun-warmed stone a bit. "I was so hurt that he would do that to me, but we talked about it and decided that we would see how things were in August, when we both went off to Yale," she finished. It felt odd to lay their whole history out like that, but Eli was attentive and a good listener. She looked over at him and he nodded slightly, signaling that she could continue.

"I still loved him," she said softly, almost as if she was confessing it for the first time, "I wanted to be with him, I just needed time. I needed to figure myself out, make decisions for me. I think he knew that, and that's why he was so willing to wait."

"Declan sounds like he was a really good guy," Eli said in tones to match. Holly J looked over and smiled weakly. She wasn't sure if Eli was being totally sincere, but it didn't matter; it was nice to hear anyway. He looked out into the woods, taking a breath, preparing himself. Very few people knew the entire story, and no one presently in his life did, not even Clare. He swallowed, the silence around them starting to press on his ears. He appreciated that Holly J just let him be, not needing to fill the void with mindless chatter. She probably had a lot going through her mind too.

"Julia…" he started, his voice small and cracking a bit, "She was my first. She was the big one. She was the one that you always remember and you always compare the others to. She made me feel less alone, like I wasn't weird or scary. We met at school… my old school," he continued, his voice gaining strength as he went on, "It was just simple. We had a class together, I was interested in her, she in me, and we just clicked.

"She had a lot of problems at home. Her step-mom didn't like her, thinking that Julia was a depressed drug addict, which was far from the truth. So, she would stay at my house, first only when they had another fight, then for a few days at a time, and eventually, all the time. My parents loved her and were more that happy to provide a safe haven for her. Her dad didn't like it, but if it meant that she was happy and could get along with her step-mom for a few hours at a time, he was willing to let her stay.

"She was the love of my life. I devoted everything to her. We had talked about plans for after high school, how we wanted to do a little traveling, maybe around the States or Europe or something before going to school," and he let a small smile crawl across his lips. He hadn't thought about future plans since she had passed, being determined to live for the moment instead of wishing his life away, "We were going to get married. I didn't propose to her or anything, but I just knew. Julia was my future.

"Her dad, step-mom, and her started going to family counseling a few times a week. It was her step-mom's idea. Things were getting better between all of them, a lot better, and I was happy for them. She spent a weekend back at their house and she was so excited to tell me how nice it was…" Eli sighed. He wasn't proud of this next part, and this is why he never told anyone, "The therapist suggested that it was time for her to move back in permanently, and she wanted to go. I freaked out. I didn't want her to go. I wasn't convinced that things had changed and that everything would just fall apart again. We had a fight that night, both of us screaming horrible words at each other and she packed a bag, saying that she needed a few days away from me. I just let her go." Holly J watched as his eyes went vacant, the memories clouding his thoughts, getting lost in his own head. She recognized it in herself.

"I got a call from her dad at the hospital, telling me to get down there right away. She was gone before I even got in the car…" he whispered, closing his eyes, covering his face with his hands. Holly J was stunned. She at least got some semblance of a good bye from Declan, but to lose someone that suddenly, after saying things that you couldn't take back? It was unimaginable. She wanted to stand up and run away, his obvious pain being too much for her to witness, but he had brought her here, trusted her with his story, and she couldn't just throw that away.

"I'm so sorry, Eli," she whispered, wanting badly to comfort him in some way but not being sure how.

"She was hit by a car, on her bike, after she left my house. Asshole never even saw her. Of course, her step-mom blamed me, saying that if I would have just been supportive, I should have driven her home and it wouldn't have happened. Part of me still thinks she's right."

"No. You had no idea what was going to happen. It's not your fault, Eli." He looked up from his hands, meeting her gaze, his green mixing with her blue. Many people had said those words to him over the years, but for some reason, they meant a lot coming from her. She knew it all now, was going through the same pain that he was dealing with, yet she wasn't running away. She was willingly taking it on, just as he was willingly taking on her story. He slowly nodded and took a breath, not breaking his gaze.

"I know."

AN: For some reason, this chapter was pretty hard to write. Hmm... Anyway, as always, read and review and I will love you forever! This is my own Julia theory. Not the most dramatic or dark theory, but I wanted it to be simple. Special thanks to ToastMania (you rock so hard!), Steff (forever grateful for your patience!), and Lyssa (unstoppable writing duo!). Thanks again for reading and review!