Chapter 8: Holy Sith

The hooded figure was sprinting from the charity shop, levitating the Ark of the Covenant ahead of him. Harry was in hot pursuit and ready to catch him, when the assailant spun around. The Ark mimicked his movement, which resulted in Harry running straight into it and knocking himself out.

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When Harry came to, both the man and the Ark were gone.

"No!" Harry shouted in frustration. "I lost him! Now how will I defeat Voldemort?" Harry thought for a bit, then remembered that he still had his map. He opened it to find that it was as useless as ever, since he wasn't looking for dragons either here, there or everywhere.

"Need some help?" The voice of the Narrator boomed from the heavens.

"If you could, then that would be fantastic." Harry perked up at this potential breakthrough.

"Here you go!" The Narrator handed down a portable television. Harry switched it on to find not the Ark's location, but the video for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up".

"Ha ha ha ha ha! You should see the look on your face!" The Narrator found his practical joke to be quite mirthful. Harry, on the other hand, did not see the funny side, and was incensed at being Rickrolled by an omnipotent entity.

The Narrator took a picture on his phone of Harry's face.

"This is going on Facebook! I'll tag you in it, and then I'll comment on the picture that your face is the greatest in all of Koridai!" The Narrator then noticed Harry's sword. "I like that sword. Where did you get it?"

Harry clicked his fingers. "The sword! Of course!" Harry picked Kagemaru's katana and held it up to his face. "Give me sight beyond sight!"

Harry was rewarded with an image of the mysterious man with the Ark at a seaside cliff. Harry ran off to find said cliff.

"Thanks for that Narrator! Maybe I won't kill you now!"

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The hooded man looked at his watch again.

"Hurry up! It's been 12:13 for ten minutes now!"

"Then you need a new watch." Harry had finally caught up to the mystery villain, who spoke as he took off his hood.

"I'd give that one-liner a 4." Harry gasped at the villain's identity.

"Darth Maul!"

"Yes, it is I. Now you will understand why I caused a scene at the charity shop when Kagemaru was trying to buy Episode 1. I don't have nearly enough screen time!"

"Tell me about it." Harry sympathised. "I only had one line in Chapter 6."

"Much as I'd like to continue talking, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you now."

Maul switched on his Lightsaber and prepared to attack. Harry charged his weapon.

"Thunder, thunder, thunder!" The blade grew in size and became a shaft of pure light. Harry blocked Maul's attack, then Kagemaru stepped between them.

"I never knew I could do that!"

Harry looked up from his script. "No, you couldn't do that. Only the pure of heart can do it."

"Hax! I call hax!" Kagemaru protested.

"Security!" Harry beckoned for two burly men in black T-shirts to escort Kagemaru off the set.

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Maul had gone to get a mug of hot chocolate while Kagemaru was complaining, and was kind enough to bring Harry one too. The two drank their hot chocolate, and a stage hand took the mugs away once they'd finished. The two picked up their weapons again.

"Ready?" Maul asked. Harry nodded. "Okay, go!"

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The fight continued in earnest. Harry was constantly on the back foot, deflecting Maul's blows while being pushed back towards the cliff edge. Maul soon managed to knock Harry's weapon out of his hands and force him to the edge.

"Any last words?" Maul asked.

"I liked Grievous better!" Harry answered, defiant to the end. Just as Harry had hoped, Maul dashed forward in a fit of rage. Harry was able to dodge his charge, pick up his katana, and swipe at Maul's chest. Maul was taken by surprise, and he stumbled back.

"Oh, this takes me back." As he fell, he split in two, having been cut in half. Harry was triumphant, and had claimed the Ark of the Covenant. He started to drag it, but the Ark was heavy and he was tired.

"Sod this, I'm getting a taxi."