Chapter 10: Sinistars in Their Eyes

Neville used his badass deduction skills to figure out that Voldemort would have sent Sinistar to destroy Bogwash School, the place where Voldemort spent his darkest years. He'd been held back numerous times for failing his OWLs, before finally graduating at the age of 26. Voldemort had been delighted... until he learned that in the year he passed his exams, the NEWTs had been introduced, and he spent another twelve years trying to pass those. Neville could have walked to Bogwash, but that wouldn't have been nearly badass enough. Instead, he and Hermione used Ron as a sled, a decision Ron wasn't entirely happy with.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! This hurts so much! Couldn't you ride Hermione instead?"

"Been there, done that." Neville remarked.

"He's hung like a Hippogriff." Hermione added.

Ron cringed at the realisation that such a mental image would most likely accompany him to his grave.

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Upon reaching Bogwash, Neville went through the plan.

"Sinistar is being refuelled before it destroys Bogwash. Now's our chance to attack. Hopefully, we'll be able to destroy Sinistar, and take out as many of Voldemort's minions as possible before Harry gets here to take on the big bad. All clear, Hermione?"

"Affirmative." Hermione replied. "Ron?"

"Why yes chocolate satyr, I'd love to visit Lollipop Island! Can Iron Man come too?"

"He's a bit dazed from prolonged badass exposure and being used as a sled. Mainly the former." Neville explained, shaking his head disdainfully as he did so.

"Dude can't handle it."

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Neville and Hermione left Ron to his fantasy and went to make a stealthy entry, which failed when they walked straight into one of the guards as they turned a corner. His identity was rather surprising.

"M. Bison?"

"Yes! Yes!"

Hermione had an idea.

"Before you tell Voldemort we're here, do you see that bridge over there?"

"Of course!"

"Could you stand under it, then punch out the supports?"

"Yes! Yes!"

Bison went to do just that, which resulted in the bridge being dropped on him.

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The two hid in the shadows after hearing the racket the bridge collapsing caused. Lex Luthor came running to investigate, but Neville captured him before he could raise the alarm and started to choke him.

"What do you know about Sinistar?"

"Voldemort plans to destroy wizard landmarks in order to bend the world to his will?"
Neville pressed tighter.

"Really?"

"Okay, I'll be honest. I don't know what he's planning. As far as I can tell, he's doing... whatever it is he's doing for teh evulz."

Neville let go.

"Remember those forty cakes you lost?"

"What about them?" Neville asked.

"That was me."

Neville picked up a brick from the broken bridge and threw it at Luthor as he fled. The brick hit the back of his head and he fell.

"Forty cakes?" Hermione said in disbelief. "That's as many as four tens!"

"And that's terrible." Neville said as he looked through Luthor's wallet and found a scrap of paper detailing the location of something called the Big Mother Frakking Cannon.

"I'll find the cannon. You should go help Ron before he gets himself into trouble."

"Too late for that." Hermione pointed out. Ron had been caught by some of the other guards, who were headed towards Hermione.

"Could you look the other way, so that I have a chance to run away?"

"Ye had chance to abandon ship when we be coming. Fairly warned be ye, says I."

Ron said in a daze "Yousa people gonna die?"

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Hermione tried to engage the guards in small talk.

"So, I see you're pirates."

The lead guard got out some throwing stars and aimed.

"That's were ye be wrong, landlubber, for we be pirate ninjas!"

"Pirate ninjas? That makes no sense. How did you start out?"

The leader put his stars away.

"To be honest, I don't know."

"Are you pirates who became ninjas when you plundered a dojo or Ninjas versed in the ways of piracy?"

The leader shrugged.

"I was gonna make ye walk the plank at first, lassie, but now I don't know what to think. I be thinking pirate ninja sounds better, but it may not be entirely truthful. Come, men. We shall ponder this elsewhere."

The crew left, muttering discord amongst themselves. One pirate said aloud,

"I be a pirate who became a ninja, cap'n."

A cutlass was drawn to his throat by one of the more piratey pirates, with an accompanying growl.

"Aaarr! Hold yarr tongue, scallywag! Ye be muddying the waters!"

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Ron and Hermione waved goodbye to the pirate ninjas, or ninja pirates, or whatever they call themselves nowadays, but were shocked out of their stupor by a metallic grumble.

"BEWARE! I LIVE!"

"Sinistar is fully operational! Run!" Hermione ran, dragging Ron behind her.

"RUN, COWARD, RUN!"

"Ron Howard? I'm Ron Weasley." Ron, who was back to normal by now, dealt with this case of mistaken identity. One of the Sinistar repair ships flew down.

"Sorry about that." The pilot said. "We only had enough money for a basic voice chip. We spent most of the money on lasers for Sinistar, and that one failsafe laser, should we need to destroy Sinistar. Where is that anyway? Jenkins, where did you put the BMFC?"

Another ship flew over.

"I hid it, sir."

"Good. Nobody could get to it and save you from the laser Sinistar is charging. HAHAHAAHHAHA!" The first pilot laughed.

Jenkins was thinking about the BMFC. "I did, didn't I? I was going to put it in the Room of Requirement, but then, somebody asked me to put it down and help them with something... I must have forgotten. Hopefully, nobody will find it. Wait, what's that down there... Oh no. OH NO! Sir, we should evac... Sir! SIR! Stop laughing maniacally and evacuate." The pilot turned.

"Evacuate? In our moment of triumph?"

"You know what, I'm out of here." Jenkins flew away, as he'd seen Neville coming out of Bogwash, BMFC in hand, and aiming at Sinistar before its laser was finished charging. Neville fired, and then BMFC vaporised the pilot and struck Sinistar, sending it careening through the sky before it disappeared from view with a sparkle.

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Luke Skywalker stepped out of his house on Tatooine and looked toward the two suns.

"Someday, I'll get off this rock, and join the Rebellion."

Luke was distracted by something flying through the air. It appeared to be some sort of robotic creature.

"RAWR!"

It collided with one of the two suns, and both objects were destroyed.

"That looks much better." Luke admired Tatooine's new skyline, now with only one sun.