Chapter 11: The End of the Beginning of the End is Beginning to End

"Phase one of our plan, destroy Sinistar, is complete." Neville ticked "Destroy Sinistar" off the checklist he'd written on the back of his script. "Now for phase two, defeat Voldemort. For that, we'll need Harry's help."

Our heroes stood around discussing the Quidditch scores for a bit while they waited for Harry to arrive. He eventually stumbled out of a nearby bush with his map.

"Finally! This map was actually useful for a bit, but then you destroyed Sinistar before I got here, and he disappeared from the map. I've been wandering about lost about for the last hour!" Harry calmed down a bit. "I guess it is my fault though. I shouldn't have stopped at Honeyduke's on my way here. Anyway, now that I'm here, we can go look for Voldemort. He'll be at the highest point of the castle, because that's where the boss always is." The group of four ran for the roof of Bogwash, but Ron and Hermione were slower and ended up falling behind. Ron was distracted by a tinkling noise. Hermione stopped to see what had made Ron stop, but then she heard the tinkling herself. The tinkling gained a regular beat. Tinkle. Tinkle. Tinkle. Tinkle. Soon it was accompanied by a voice the two sidekicks recognised. The incoming insanity was sure to be quite terrifying.

"Ronald, come out and play. Ronald, come out and play! RONALD! Come out and PLAY!"

The tinkling and screaming was courtesy of Bellatrix Lestrange, and Ron's excuse for avoiding the proposed play day was poor to say the least.

"I can't. I have to go... erm... bullseye Womp Rats in my T16 back home." Bellatrix then took out her shiny new red lightsaber.

"I don't like it when people turn me down." She snarled threateningly.

"That's impossible, even for a computer!" Ron protested.

Bellatrix threw her lightsaber like a boomerang, hitting the roof and causing a cave in that prevented Ron and Hermione from reaching the roof.

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As Ron and Hermione dodged many an attack from Bellatrix, Hermione panted,

"Why... do... you...have...a...lightsaber?"

"I magicked Darth Maul's to me. I can't believe I didn't switch sooner!" Bellatrix crowed with glee. "Wands don't let you sever limbs!"

"Lightsabers can't use the Cruciatus Curse." Ron pointed out. Bellatrix kicked him to the ground and punched an exhausted Hermione in the stomach. Bellatrix stood over Ron ready to finish him off.

"The Cruciatus Curse is so old-school." She said. "Lightsabers let you be more creative. Let's see... How about I cut off your arms, letting you slowly bleed to death?"

"Wouldn't the intense heat from a lightsaber cauterise a wound, thus preventing blood loss?" Hermione asked.

"Shut up!" Bellatrix roared. "I will make you suffer for what you did to my friend Harley, Ronald Weasley!"

"That was Hermione!" Ron babbled in an attempt to pass off the blame.

"You were the one who got yourself poisoned."

"J.K. Rowling was the one who used my name and likeness without asking permission."

Bellatrix put her foot down on Ron to stop his squirming.

"Harley vomited herself to death, thanks to you. Can you imagine how horrific that is? Since I'm such a nice person, you won't have to!"

As Bellatrix prepared the killing blow, the door burst open. A short, dumpy silhouette stood in the doorway. Ron was the first to recognise the new arrival.

"Mum?"

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"Get away from my daughter, you BITCH!"

"Mum, I'm your son." Ron said.

"I'm not your daughter." Hermione added. "Although I could become your daughter in law in a few years."

"That's not important right now!" Mrs Weasley charged into Bellatrix, knocking her off Ron and sending her lightsaber skittering off across the floor. Bellatrix was then pummelled into submission with a flurry of punches. Mrs Weasley then slammed Bellatrix face into the wall several times until she was defeated. After such a battering, Bellatrix was too dazed to escape.

"Finish her!" Ron shouted. Mrs Weasley obliged, and caught Bellatrix in a fatal bear hug.

"It looks like Bellatrix," Mrs Weasley stopped to put on a pair of sunglasses, "Will be getting free parking from now on."

"YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Ron screamed, as Hermione looked at mother and son.

"What the HELL are you doing?"

"Sorry, dear." Mrs Weasley said. "It's an old Weasley tradition, dating back to last week. Ron's father discovered CSI Miami after a raid on some wizards smuggling Muggle artefacts, and now he's obsessed with it. He wants a grandson named Horatio."

"How did you know we were in danger, Mum?" Ron asked.

"They mostly come out at night. Mostly." Mrs Weasley answered.

"Who? Voldemort's minions?" Ron said. "We fought most of them in the daytime, like Umbridge, and Xigbar and the French Knight..."

"The French Knight was a neutral party." Mrs Weasley corrected.

"...And Harley, and Kagemaru, and Darth Maul..." Hermione continued.

"Both of you are grounded for being impolite!" Mrs Weasley snapped.