Inside Your Heaven
So, like I said, I'm alone. Save your tissues and feigned sympathy, I don't need it. I've done fine without all that mush, love, it's called, right? No. Love isn't love, it's conditional acceptance. In reality, the world is truly barren, stripped of true feeling and emotion. Like I've tried to say before, love, really isn't what it appears to be. Love is conditional acceptance; I'll tolerate you until you give me reason not to, is more like it. Try and count how many people date, and from those people, those who stare into the orbs of their partners eyes and feel that deep connection, that overwhelming feeling, passion and desire that makes them want to burst with happiness inside? Some might call it love, but truly, it's deception. All that other person sees in you is the moment. For that moment in their life, all that other person is and ever will be is a perfect prayer in a desperate hour, everything beautiful and different, a temporary solution to a permanent problem.
Think about these, "It's not you, it's me," and "I don't think we're right for each other," two of the most common typical break up lines in the book. The person who states the first line clearly lies. While yes, it might not totally be their partners fault, they still can't stand them any longer, which, realistically, when you look at it, means their partner has done something wrong in their eyes. They've displeased their partner, failed them, angered them, in some way, shape, or form. And while it might not even be their fault, they're still to blame, the root cause of the other's agony and misery. The second on the other hand, gives a bit more of truth in the matter, even though it's nothing but cruel kindness. Still, it's safe to say that relationships are little lies we tell one another. Those words that seem to mean so much provide nothing but a security blanket for a little while. I love you forever doesn't ever mean forever, it merely stands for I'll love you till you further notice. Based on how long some people have been married, it sure seems like forever, but in reality, it's just another exaggeration, just another lie.
The pet names, annoying little things like, 'sweetie pie' and 'hun' make me sick. You might be my 'sweetie pie' but you won't be when the "pie" part spoils, yes spoils. Just wait until the green colored mold appears on the golden crust, the filling leaks out, or it falls on the floor. Then your little 'sweetie pie' turns into spoiled pie, rotted pie, I don't want anything to do with you ever again pie. And hun, hun turns in to nuh as in,' Nuh uh! You sure don't mean a thing to me!' And so we go, day after day, telling pathetic lies to ourselves that our partner really cares about us, when in reality, they're just pretending. Pretending to care, pretending to notice, until the first sign of something they don't like. And then it's bye, bye, in the trash can, cause that's all you'll ever be, a piece of stinky trash which must be removed.
And that's just how the world operates. I have come to terms with this fact, unlike the many others who need countless friends and councilors to see this fact. And I'm not calling friends and councilors corrupted just yet. To some they're just the eyes others need to see. But, those people are blind, afflicted with diseases of the heart, mind, and emotions, and it's their own fault for acting that way. Those who are blind will NEVER see! And personally, it's pretty pathetic they take advantage of those overpaid Seeing Eye dogs of theirs, it only adds to the corruption of this world.
The most successful in life are devoid of emotion. Without a conscience or feelings getting in the way, the world is an open place for advancement in practically any desired field. Though most fields are dishonest, you've still got the diamonds in the rough, those who are truly honest and have some sense of morality, like him. Whose him you might ask, well, have patience foolish mortal and I'll tell you.
Him is L, the great detective. I can probably tell what some of you are thinking already, "Aww, B's got a crush!!!" Well, maybe not quite yet, considering I haven't told you my name yet. But now I have. Yes, my name is B. Actually, Beyond Birthday to be quite exact, but I prefer B and that's how I expect you'll address me. Anyways, I feel the word 'crush' to be a little too strong, deep admiration might be a better way to describe my thoughts.
Though B can stand for Beyond Birthday, my name, it also stands for something else, Backup. Yes, I was a back up for L, but I wasn't good enough so HE got all the attention. HE was given chance after chance, opportunity after opportunity, and he seized those opportunities and ran with them. L is one of those few people I can count on the fingers of one hand in my life who actually lived up to his potential and continues to advance his career and more importantly, his knowledge. L's solved many cases in his time, each more challenging then the last, and I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been watching him and am just guessing or going off of second hand information. Now granted, I've never officially met L, I'd like to, but, it just hasn't happened...yet. The "L.A.B.B. murder cases" as they are commonly referred to, were the closest opportunity I had to meeting the famous detective. Working with Misora did prove to be a worthwhile experience. Though her intellect is far inferior to L's, the girl isn't the dullest crayon in the box. But, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore. He got her. She's dead.
Now don't go assuming that I'm referring to L, cause I'm not. Kira, ugg, his name makes me shudder; that is who I'm talking about. Ever since that little prick, I'm a gay, Yagami, whatever his name is, got his hands on that Death Note, the world's become more unscrupulous than ever! To some, Kira is protector of the day and demon of the night and to others he's a full on hero! While yes, he's given the 'criminals' of the world a scare, he's nothing but a child himself! And when I mean child, I literally mean child. The boy's a freakin' teenager, young adult, whatever you want to call him! Spoiled, rotted, corrupted, beyond belief! You'd think that being a child he'd retain somewhat of an innocence, but if I said that was true, I'd be the biggest liar there ever was! While yes, these criminals were robbers and murderers themselves, Kira is no bigger than them to punish them; if someone 'innocent' kills someone evil, they're no better than the evil doer. I kill to advance my own knowledge, murder fascinates me! But I won't bore you with the details. My point is that I am different from Kira. I will never stoop down to his level. I do give this kid credit for one thing though; he's been able to do the one thing I've failed epically at for years! He's gotten L to pay attention, and I mean true attention. The two went to college together for God's sake! He revealed his freakin' identity to Light! And now, the little brat's got him wrapped around his finger! Or attached to those kinky handcuffs I should really say. Yes, I know he doesn't want that, he's Kira! That's more obvious than the fact the sky's blue! Still, he's got L close! But I want him closer…
I was watching the two and some others from above at the task force the other day, just floating around as we spirits do. Oh, I forgot, I haven't explained a whole ton about me, I mean you know my name, which I feel is sufficient enough, but you probably don't a lot about the whole situation, and for purposes of enlightenment, what I've told you so far isn't sufficient. I'm dead. There, I said it. I'm I suppose what you could call a spirit who hasn't crossed over yet. I prowl around the earth, seeking the ruin of souls…no, not really. I'm not the devil, though SOME people might consider me to be similar. Ignorant fools! Why I died isn't important, what is, is that I float around here, lurking around every corner. If there is a heaven, I haven't found it yet, so, I figured I must be in hell, cause living in and around this dump virtually is hell. I was ignored when I was alive on earth, and now, no one can see me, hear me, feel my touch…it was just like earth. But I don't mind, no one ever saw me for who I really was anyway. Metaphorically, when I was alive I was a ghost. Now, after death I've literally transfigured to that state, very appropriate if you ask me. But back to where I was earlier, I was floating around, in and around the task force head quarters, staring at L, watching him work.
My God, L's amazing, he's gorgeous too! Makes me giggle just thinking about him! He's got unkempt black hair, like velvety obsidian; soft to the touch, yet ever so dark, ever so…mysterious; just like that standard white shirt and jeans he always wears, so obvious, yet so subtle an aura it gives off. And his fetish for sweets just enthralls me. You'd think that a man like that who had that great an intake of excess sugar would have type 2 diabetes by now! But no, it just promotes his brain function, allows him to think clearer. See L, I do pay attention to you, more that your precious little boy toy and the others around you.
In my opinion, L's developing a tragic flaw, one that'll lead to his undoing, and that is his attachment to Light. L knows he's Kira, I know he's Kira. He's definitely got enough evidence to prove it too; he just hasn't revealed it to the task force is my assumption. Or, the way he is, he wants every shred of evidence proving Light is Kira before he makes his move to arrest and convict him. That way, there won't be a doubt in the mind of any jury about whether Light Yagami is guilty of murder or not. But alas, I've watched my beloved struggle in vain, as I am doing now. Look at them! All of them down there, being deceived and manipulated by that stupid Light! And they've all fallen into his trap. And that young one, damn, he's the dumbest of them all! Just look at them! All arguing and whispering about nothing…
~*~
"Matsuda! You idiot!" shouted Aizawa. The cop with afro styled hair stared at his younger fellow officer, infuriated with his behavior.
"I…I…I'm sorry!!" the other man who stood by Aizawa stammered, clearly, this was Matsuda, who remained completely frazzled by the other's raised voice. He turned around, anxiously looking at Light, the Chief, Mogi, L, and others.
"Aizawa-san," interjected a calm voice, as an auburn haired teen stepped up from the shadows. He was tall, slender, and otherwise very attractive, at least in my opinion that is, if he wasn't a God damned corrupted imbecile! "Yelling at Matsuda-san will not help us catch Kira any quicker. Kira has just executed a dozen criminals today, and all of them were in the immediate local area. He's getting away with more damage and I won't stand to see that happen. We're a team guys, it's time we started acting like one." he continued.
"I must agree with you wholly, Light-kun." added a monotonous voice. The others whirled around to find L sitting in his normal awkward sitting position with a sugar cube pressed in between his thumb and first finger at his computer desk. L licked at the cube thoughtfully, in a cute way I might add, before popping the small piece into his mouth, crunching it twice with his teeth before proceeding to swallow. "Which is why Light-kun should have no objection to wearing these handcuffs."
"Ryuzaki! I have told you time and time again, these handcuffs are not necessary! You've confined me and everything! What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not Kira!" Light exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air.
"As I have told you time and time again, if you are not Kira, the truth will come out in the end. As of now, you are still suspected of being Kira by about 30%. And while that number might appear relatively low to you, considering there is an overwhelming 70% majority of the fact that you are not Kira, there is still that 30% chance there. I do not find it advisable to take these handcuffs off until it is all cleared up." L replied as he popped another sugar cube into his mouth.
"Ryuzaki…" Light fumed, making a small fist with his right hand, as if balling it up to punch the great detective. Matsuda, seeing this, grabbed onto Light's hand in an attempt to calm the frustrated boy.
"Calm down, Light-kun! It isn't worth it! This'll be all over before you know it! You'll see!" Matsuda whispered encouragingly to the irritated Light.
L sighed and rolled his eyes at this display of childlike behavior as he picked up another sugar cube, this time, examining it before plopping it into his mouth. He chewed it painfully slowly before glancing at the computer screen's clock; 10:49 PM it read. L sighed and looked at the slew of others standing before him. "Well, gentlemen." he began, after a rather long pause in the conversation. "It's getting late and I assume that most of you are tired and need your rest. So, if there are no further questions for me tonight, I might suggest that we return to our rooms for the night?"
Receiving a silent nod or grunt from everyone, everyone left the room and headed to their own for the night, that is, except for L and Light.
"Ryuzaki!" Light whined as he sat down on the floor, exhausted from the days work. "Aren't we going to go to bed now? I'm tired and want to get to bed!" L practically ignored this request, only grunting as he continued to type information into his computer, his eyes practically bloodshot from working there all day.
Light stood and turned to L, "RYUZAKI! Why are you ignoring me! You've been working all day and I can't go 24 hours without sleep like you can! If you want to go ahead and work into the night fine, go ahead and do it! But unlock those handcuffs and let me go to sleep! I'm not going anywhere but bed. I promise you!" he insisted.
"Light-kun, as I have explained to you before, I cannot do that. There is a chance you might be Kira, and there is also a chance you potentially could be lying to me. No. I will not take off the handcuffs."
Light screamed in frustration, refusing to sit down. L couldn't help but smirk at this display of loud behavior and turned around in his office chair to the side to face Light. He placed his hands on the cold metal cuffs, long fingers curling around the teen's wrist in a tight grasp. He pulled Light down, into his lap, whispering, "Just sit down then if you're tired, it's not like anyone's around to see and make comments."
Light blushed in shock, but did not move from the detective's lap, nor did he move as the detective wrapped his arms practically around the other's waist before proceeding to type. Light must have felt weird, that L was acting this way, the emotionless man who once showed signs of practically nothing was now showing this emotion that was somewhere between kindness and slight perversion. But somehow deep down, Light probably didn't feel weird, he probably secretly enjoyed it; just like he probably also secretly enjoyed L's hot breath on the back of his neck or the warmth of L's hands around him. But it must have been too much, because after awhile, Light attempted to get up out of his new seat. However L stopped him, "Stay." he whispered. And Light couldn't help but blush at the demanded request. But still, he argued "Ryuzaki! Now stop this nonsense! It must be 11:45 by now! You can't work like this, it's not healthy it's…" but that was as far as he got. For at that moment, L rotated his body and moved his hand upward so his long fingers tangled in the mess of auburn locks at the back of Light's head. He craned his neck up, near where Light's was, and softly whispered against the boy's lips, "Be quiet Light-kun." before proceeding to lean in, brushing his own lips against Light's ever so gently at first before kissing him softly. The other boy froze up for a minute, then returned the gentle kiss and even kissed the detective again. And that's how they stayed for a good while after.
~*~
It rather sickened me to watch this to be perfectly honest. To see someone you so greatly admired being used by a sick little bastard that is. Lucky bastard he was, he had nothing and yet he had everything. As I watched him and L, it was like it was just them, in their own little world, where it was just them, and no one else. Nothing else mattered. It was at that moment that I decided that Light would be stopped, and I would be the one to stop him; along with my beloved of course! And though I'll probably never publically admit this little detail later, L deserved better, much better than the treatment he was getting. I was determined and resolved to change this, not just for my own benefit, but for L too. I needed to somehow get in his head, in his heart, to change his mind, open his eyes to what was really going on. He was one of the only ones who could really see in this world, and I couldn't let him go blind. For as 'coldhearted' a person as me, that was far too heartless. The only question that remained was how, after all, I am a spirit, but a damn smart one at that. I'd figure something out eventually. And after all, if I couldn't get into his head, I could hopefully get into his heart, at least inside his heaven. I so badly yearned to be inside his heaven.