Resolutions

Chapter Nine

"Why can't you just let up and leave Jess alone?" Matt looked at his brother sitting across from him. Friday dawned grey and cold and at seven o'clock Jess wasn't at work yet. He knew where she was. At his house not able to get out of bed in fear her insides would be ripped out again with her another bout of morning sickness.

"I don't know. It's like something inside me longs to make her miserable."

Cody looked in his coffee cup. "I don't even know what the hell I'm saying until it's out of my mouth."

"You need some help man. You piss little sister off any more; it's her bullet you're going to have to dodge. And you know little sister doesn't miss when she aims her gun." Cody narrowed his eyes and glared at Matt.

"How long have you had that ready to use?"

"A really long time." Matt laughed. "I just thing your scared."

"Leave the head shrinking to Jess and Derek. It's just been a long winter already and Jess just knows what buttons to push Matt. Hell she knows more about pushing buttons then anyone I know."

"Maybe we should all stay clear. If you're pissing her off can you imagine what Cutler would do?"

"I think I know what's gotten into her. You didn't see her face when McKnight was beating on me. It took all her strength to get back in the fight."

"She was afraid for the baby?"

"Maybe. We always say Jess has all the luck. I've been pretty lucky lately. Not a scratch on me since my last run in with McKnight. Who can say they've gone that long without even a ski injury?"

"She hasn't had to deal with your immortality."

"Exactly." Matt looked at his little brother. "With everything that's happened with her and Cutler and even you I've been the strong one. The one who didn't get hurt."

"Little sister may need to get some help of her own." Cody looked at Matt and rolled his eyes.

"She's the sanest person here. That's the scary part." Cody stood up. "I'm going to your house and pick Jess up off the bathroom floor and make her see that I'm too damn stubborn to die." He left Matt's office and grabbed his jacket. Matt watched him go and shook his head. Cody's ego was going to bite him in the ass one day. Matt hopped it was a long way from happing.

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Cody found Jess leaning against the bath tub head back eyes closed. She opened one eye when she heard his footsteps.

"Please don't take a step closer if you have on that skunk ass aftershave you always wear." He leaned against the door frame.

"As I recall you gave me that skunk ass aftershave for Christmas last year."

"Last year I wasn't retching at every little smell. I went to brush my teeth and the smell of Crest is now on my least favorite things to smell."

"Your in luck, I left the house without smelling like skunk ass today." She smiled.

"How's the ribs?"

"It only hurts when I breathe."

"I'm sorry I froze yesterday. He shouldn't been able to…"

"Jess its okay. You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your baby. Hugh got a few lucky punches in. Is this what yesterday is about? You were feeling guilty?"

"I don't know. Cody…all my life I've been a hard ass. Nothing gets to me. Maybe that's immoral or unethical but nothing makes me feel much of anything." She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I don't know if it's what my birth parents did and I'm repressing it or what but things just don't bother me like they should. Now everything bothers me." Cody backed up and sat on the end of Jess's bed.

"You haven't always been a hard ass Jess. I think you got hard after you had to pull my ass out of Afghanistan. Until you let Morgan in. You still care about the people around you but you just didn't let anyone else in."

"I guess I just got afraid to. I hated how I felt when you were gone Cody. I felt so empty. I went in there with a chip on my shoulder the size of this mountain. If we hadn't of gotten you out of there I might not have cared if I made it out."

"I never said what we have is healthy Jess. Maybe all that time we spent growing up together made us more caring individuals but some what warped." He put his elbow on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. "You're the one with the phyc degree baby sister. You tell me."

"The McCormick's never wanted me. If it wasn't for a visit from dad and mom when Hale was three months pregnant I may have been just been an after thought." Cody looked up at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I found Hale's diary in a box of stuff mom kept for me. She…Hale saw what a wonderful baby you were and how much mom loved you and decided she wouldn't go though with 'the procedure'. You've been saving my ass since before I was born and you didn't even know it." He shook his head.

"You're kidding right?"

"No. I was fifteen when I found the journals she kept in a box in the barn. I sat there for hours pouring over them. It wasn't till I got my degree did I truly realize how screwed up I would have been if they had lived. Not even mom and dad know." Cody stood up and went to her and slid down and sat next to her.

"Your telling me that Hale…Jess she may have not been mother of the year but…"

"You can read for yourself. There in a box in your attic."

"So that's why…"

"Pretty much. You and our parents stopped her unknowingly from aborting her pregnancy. You were so damn cute she decided she wanted one of her very own." Jess smiled. "And now you're stuck with me." Cody wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

"I'm so glad whatever I did when I was eighteen months old convinced Hale to have you."

"It was probably the dimples."

"Probably. It's going to be okay Jess. We're all going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere, Matt's not going anywhere. Mom and dad will be around till they're an hundred and ten. And Derek, well Derek will be here whether you want him here or not for a very long time to come."

"Promise." Cody knew he couldn't guarantee anything but he knew he would die trying to keep this one promise.

"Promise."

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Cody stood in his garage and contemplated what he was going to do. Jess said he could read the diaries but he still felt like it was something he shouldn't do. His dad was walking toward the front door when he saw Cody standing alone next to the steps leading to the attic over the garage.

"What are you doing out here?" Jesse came to stand by his youngest son.

"Thinking."

"You couldn't find someplace warmer to think?"

"Dad, do think Lee and Hale were good parents?" Jesse looked at his son.

"I wouldn't say they were bad parents." Cody looked down at his boots. "Why do you want to know?"

"Jess…she doesn't remember much her time with them. She can tell you what we did the summer she was five but next fall she can't remember what school she went to. She found Hale's diary's in some boxes when she was younger. She found out that Hale was going to get an abortion but a visit from you and mom changed that." Jesse wasn't sure he was hearing his son right.

"What?"

"Hale wrote in her diary that she saw how mom was with me, and what a good baby I was and changed her mind about keeping her baby."

"Apparently it was on one of your more people friendly days." Jesse tried to lighten his son's mood. "Cody if it's true or not I don't know. Lee didn't say anything about Hale being pregnant till she was about ready to give birth. I found it strange because Lee wanted kids more then anything and they'd been trying for years."

"I think I'm going to put a call in to Shep and see if Jess can get her parents medical records. She's been healthy but with the baby coming she should know about her parent's history."

"I never thought of that. Cody is there something else you're not telling me?"

"She's just a little on edge. It might be just hormones. I just want her to be herself again Dad."

"She will son. Just give it time. It's good thinking about her parent's records. You shouldn't be out here in the cold."

"What aren't you telling me?" Cody knew when his dad was quick to dismiss something wasn't right. Jesse knew he couldn't lie to his son.

"Hale suffered from post partum depression after Jess was born. For months she was up and down. Lee didn't tell us until Jess was about three months old he came here with he and asked if we'd keep her while Hale got better. She was here for about three weeks and then Lee picked her up and there was never anything more said."

"Maybe we need to look into some things." Jesse knew that his friends weren't always the nicest people but he knew that they wouldn't do anything to hurt their child.

"Do what you need to do son." He patted him on the back. "I'm going to go say hi to my grandkids." Jesse walked to the door and went inside. Cody walked out of the garage and headed to the office.

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"You're doing what?" Matt stood in front of Cody's desk.

"Looking into the McCormick's past."

"Why?"

"Just humor me."

"Does Jess know?" Cody rolled his eyes.

"What do you think?" He kept working at the computer.

"Cody you're just going to piss her off more."

"Just let it go Matt. You have nothing to do with this and I won't tell if you don't."

"You're just asking for trouble."

"Then it's my trouble." Matt wanted to ask him why after twenty years did he want to bring up Jess's parents past but he knew Cody wouldn't give him the answer's he was looking for.

"She'll be here at three. You better be long gone and covered your tracks."

"She can't even turn on my computer." Matt shook his head and headed to his own office.

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Jesse Hawkes wasn't a man who second guessed anything in his life. He never regretted his choices. Lee McCormick wasn't always that sure of the things in his life. After he married Hale he wasn't sure he really loved her. After a year of trying for a baby Hale had left him. A month later she was back and never mentioned having a child again. They had been married twelve miserable years when Jess was born. They fought, they made up and then they fought some more. Jess was supposed to save their marriage. Jesse wasn't sure what happened the four years and nine months from the time Lee picked Jess up that night and the first summer they dropped her off but neither looked like they were any happier then they were five years before.

"Jesse it's time to come in." Jackie came up behind him.

"I will."

"Lunch is ready."

"Okay."

"What's wrong?" Jesse turned around.

"We need to tell Jess about Hale."

"I know. Let's wait till after the wedding. I don't want that drama ruining her day."

"We should have told her."

"Jesse it was a million years ago. And just because Hale had post partum depression doesn't mean Jess will."

"I know. Cody's looking into getting the McCormick's medical records so at least Jess knows what to expect."

"Yeah and it gets him into trouble."

"Wonder where he got that from?" Jackie hugged her husband. "Let's get though the next three weeks and we can sit with Jess and tell her anything she needs to know about them."

"Jackie they were our friends for twenty years."

"They raised a scared little girl who didn't know what love was until she was five years old. Then it was only for three months out of the year." She pushed her husband away and looked into his eyes. "You can pretend all you want Jesse but you know. She may not remember and I thank God everyday for that but you know what they did to her."

"Did Hale ever tell you she wasn't going to have Jess?"

"What?"

"We visited them when Cody was about eighteen months old. Matt had a baseball tournament in Sacramento."

"Yeah. I remember. Hale seemed distant. But then she started talking and I barley fit a word in."

"She was three months pregnant. She was planning an abortion till she saw you with Cody." Jackie looked at her husband.

"How do you know this?" Jesse closed his eyes and rubbed them.

"Hale's diaries were with the stuff you saved for Jess." Jackie looked at him.

"Jess knows?"

"Since she was fifteen." Jackie frowned.

"That's why she buckled down and wanted to go to college with Cody. She didn't want the one constant in her life to leave."

"Or the person who saved her from before she was born."

"Oh Jesse, that poor girl." She hugged her husband close and saw Jess walking over from Matt's house. "She's coming. Don't say…we can't."

"I know." He turned around and pulled his wife close. "Shouldn't you be at work?" Jess smiled and her eyes were sparkling.

"Matt changed my schedule to afternoons. Me and morning aren't getting along so well. How's my favorite parents?" She hugged them both.

"Good. How are you?"

"After my stomach stopped rolling and the room stopped spinning it's all good." She looked at her mother. "I talked to Cutler and Derek and both are fine with Cutler marring us." Jesse looked at his daughter.

"You've got to be kidding." Jess smiled. She loved making the vain in her dad's neck bulge.

"He is a certified minister." Jess sat on the swing in front of her parents. "I think he did it to tick his father's spirit off. But it saves on finding one."

"I'm sure Father Jonah would have done just fine Jess."

"He still hasn't forgiven me for starting the ants on fire in Sunday school when I was seven."

"You went to confession several times for that Jess. I'm sure he forgives you." Jackie reassured her. Jess rolled her eyes. Jesse closed his. Sometimes if he didn't know better he would have thought his son and daughter were related by blood or by attitude.

"Derek is okay with it?" Jesse needed to talk to that man.

"He laughed and told me that if he reads the part about objections and raises his own hand he might have to shoot him but other then that."

"You want some lunch sweetie?"

"What are you having?"

"Stew and rolls." Jess closed her eyes and let the scent coming from the back door. Her stomach didn't turn and she finally felt like she could eat something.

"Yeah. That sounds great." She stood up. "Did you have bad morning sickness mom?"

"With Matthew not a bit but with Cody. Oh my gosh I was miserable."

"It's lasted thirty four years." Jesse followed the woman in the house. Jess got another bowl and glass and set it at the table. She went and got a spoon. Jackie put the stew pot in the middle of the table and they sat down.

"It smells great mom."

"Thanks. Other then the morning sickness how have you been?"

"Okay. Yesterday made for an interesting day but its all good."

"If you need help with anything don't be afraid to as."

"Terry the event coordinator at the lodge is going to call you early next week to finalize all the details. There's not much. The ceremony is at one and reception at three."

"Are you sure you want to do it this way Jess?" Her mother was itching for a big three tear wedding.

"We decided not to go to Vegas so you need to be happy with this okay." She looked at her mother. Jackie wouldn't care as long as she was happy.

"Whatever makes you happy dear." Jess looked at her mother.

"Do what you must mom; just don't over do it. Dad please keep her on a semi short leash." Jesse looked into his bowl.

"I'm out of this ladies. I have one job and that's to walk you down the isle. I can't mess that one up." Jess looked at the man who had been there for her since she could remember. Lee McCormick had never hugged her or told her he was proud of her. Jesse had done that and more. The Hawkes would never know what her life was like before she became theirs.

"That's all girl can ask for pops." Jess smiled. Things were going to be okay. She could feel it.