Chapter Thirty One: Ever the Same Part II

A/N: Oh Rob Thomas you're beautiful song! Lol… I can't help it… I just love naming these chapters after songs! XD

Sachiko: You listen to music all the time… it's like your addicted… sicko.

Author-sama: Shut up… It's only an addiction if I can't stop.

Sachiko: Stop listening to music then.

Author-sama: NO…! I mean… no. There is no reason for me to stop.

Gaara must have lost track of time because by the time he got back to Suna Bastion the sun was already rising. He decided to return to his room to grab his paperwork and file it in his office quickly. Gaara had to take Sachiko on a honeymoon after that for two months. He scowled as he walked down the hallway. "Stupid council," he muttered as he opened the door to his room. He found his wife wrapping herself in a towel as she came out from the bathroom. He hadn't meant to barge in on her in her privacy but then again, marriage meant no privacy. His mind struggled on what he should do next. If she caught him in the room she might get scared at start screaming at him. He wasn't in the mood for any of her whining. Gaara had finally decided to leave the room but just as he was about to she turned to notice him. She clutched her towel to her and gazed at him.

"Y-you didn't see anything did you," she asked nervously as she kept her hands securely around the towel. Gaara had seen a little but he still shook his head no. There was no reason for him to nod yes and have her freak out. She sighed loudly and then began to approach him. "How… are we supposed to spend the honeymoon," she asked as she kept walking toward him, feet touching his shadow.

He looked at her uneasily. Gaara had never seen a woman dripping wet like the way she was but he reminded himself he had no use for such desires or needs. "The council has planned us a special evening tonight… the rest of the two months are left for us decide on how to plan," he replied apprehensively. "I'll leave you to change," he said to her suddenly, "I'll be back in an hour. Be ready by then." She nodded as he left the room to attend some duty he hadn't yet thought of.

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Exactly one hour later Gaara knocked on the door. A maid had walked by and looked him funny as if to say, 'It's your room why would you knock?' but he gave her a dirty look and she took off down to the other side of Suna Bastion. Sachiko opened the door and smiled a bit. "I thought you were the maid or something… you don't have to knock," she said to him as she let him in the room, "We're married now…" He just looked at her funny and entered the room. She closed it shut behind him. "Where are we going," she asked him as she finished tying a lovely red kimono with cranes on it.

"Out," was all he said as he motioned for her to walk with him.

Sachiko had followed him to the garden where tea had been set up. Sachiko couldn't help smelling some of the flowers as she sat at a table. Breakfast was to be set up for the both of them. When asked what she would like to order, Sachiko replied with, "Miso soup, please." Gaara remembered Sachiko of Cloud was fond of miso soup. Though she looked different, Sachiko really was the same girl just without the demon. Sachiko looked to her husband and smiled, ready to strike up a conversation with him.

"So… um… how's your… day?" She nearly smacked herself in the forehead. Her attempt at conversation wasn't very good.

"It's okay," Gaara replied without bothering to ask her the same.

She almost smiled. A reply was a start. "So… um… what do you like to do for fun," she asked him, fingers rapping against underneath the table nervously where he couldn't see them.

"Nothing," he replied as he drank his miso soup.

"I like to go to the movies… I like shopping… I like practicing my ninja skills… I like ramen… I like flowers a lot too… Oh and I like to cuddle sometimes," she said in a chirpy voice that he wasn't so fond of at the moment.

He sighed long and hard. "Please… stop talking." She looked at him expectantly as if waiting for an explanation. "You don't have to try so hard," he finally said after returning her gaze for many minutes. She looked down at her empty bowl of soup thinking that's exactly how she felt; empty.

"Gomen nasai," she whispered into the bowl but of course it had been meant for him.

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After breakfast, she and Gaara had gone back to his room. Both sat there, not speaking to each other at all. The silence had been deafening to her as she sat on the bed staring at her husband's back. He was at his desk doing paperwork again. She sighed. Was that all he ever did? She allowed herself to go to sleep and dream.

Sachiko was standing out on her balcony looking out to the night sky. There were many stars that evening and they had chosen to shine extra for her. She smiled as she heard music play. It was coming from below her balcony. Sachiko looked over the edge of the rail to see Gaara strumming on a guitar. He was shirtless and had a rose in his mouth. She dreamily looked at him as he sang, "When a man loves a woman…" She could feel her heart melt as he ended the song and blew a kiss to her. She extended her arms and pretended to catch the kiss in her hands, bringing it close to her heart. Gaara began to strum a new beat on his guitar singing, "What is love? Baby, don't hurt me… Don't hurt me no more…" Sachiko swooned over him and leapt from the balcony straight into his arms. He held her close and began to kiss her passionately.

"WHAT THE F—" Sachiko clasped her hands over her mouth instantly. She had jumped straight out of her bed and landed on the floor hard on her rump. Gaara eyeballed her questionably but said nothing. Sachiko rubbed her eyes because she could have sworn he had a rose in his mouth for a second but at a second glance it was only his pen. "I… uh…" She had no clue what to say. She decided to regain her composure and ask, "When is lunch?"

"Its dinner time," he said to her, "You slept through lunch."

"Oh did I," she asked, eye twitching slightly. "Damn dream…"

He nodded and then rose from his desk. "We're going to dinner… get ready." He left the room promptly. Sachiko took it as him giving her an hour to get ready for some romantic dinner the council was going to put on in hopes that they would have sex and then in turn have a dozen little Kazekage babies. Sachiko stuck her tongue out in disgust. "Eww…"

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Dinner had been excellent. Sachiko was still licking her lips. The only thing that was ailing her at the moment was that she and Gaara were being forced to go into a hot tub together. Now she wouldn't be so upset over it if she was allowed to wear a swimsuit but the council had specifically told them it was to be shared in their nudity. How ridiculous! Sachiko frowned as she removed her clothes. Gaara had said he would turn around until she said it was okay for him to look. Once she was in the hot bath she said, "I'm done… I'll turn around now… you can tell me when you're finished."

Sachiko gazed to the moon and the sky. The sky had turned dark and the shadows were slowly disappearing to form one large shadow. The stars seemed to be twinkling for her. She smiled as she thought of how pretty the nights were there. There was a beautiful full moon for her to gaze at and the heat of the desert had made the sky look wonderfully red at times although it was night.

"Done," said Gaara, unclothed but hidden by the dark water in the tub.

Sachiko turned around to face him. Her mouth fell open slowly; it was like she was seeing him for the first time. His red unruly hair contrasted handsomely against his pale skin and his teal eyes seemed so bright and lucid. His lips were open slightly. She couldn't see the rest of his body but her mind was beginning to imagine all kinds of things going on. She mentally slapped herself as she gawked at him. He returned her gawk with an uncomfortable glance. Sachiko told herself to calm down mentally, "He's… just… Gaara… calm down…" She smiled uneasily, unable to help all these strange thoughts and feelings rushing through her.

"The council will be coming by to check on us… so we're going to have to sit closer," he said quietly. He didn't move toward her instead he waited for her to get closer to him. Sachiko nodded and moved closer to him, her leg brushing against his.

"Gomen," Sachiko murmured, blushing furiously. He gave her an odd look but said nothing. He couldn't understand why she was blushing. Gaara sat there with his arms crossed and with a sour look on his face. He wasn't enjoying the evening very much and Sachiko felt like it was her fault. "Why do you hate me," she asked quietly, avoiding looking into his teal eyes.

"I don't… hate you," he replied softly.

"You said you hated me," she said, turning to him, "You hated me when I knew you before I lost my memory."

"Hated is past tense…" He began to shift uncomfortably in the tub.

"Past tense? You don't hate me because I'm different now… I'm different aren't I?" She stared into the dark water wondering exactly how she used to be when she was twelve. Did she like Gaara at all?

"I used to hate her…I don't hate you," he murmured, also staring into the dark water and wondering just what would have become of Sachiko if she hadn't lost her memory. Would she still be there with him or would she be elsewhere?

"I wish I could remember… I'm so different now," she said, feeling cold all of a sudden, "They said I had a scar on my forehead that said, 'Hate.' Who on earth would put that there? For some reason I get the distinct feeling I did it to myself… They also told me that my eyes had black rings around them… I have nightmares all the time about someone named Chihoko… I have no idea who I am or who I used to be… I'm… lost."

"Your eyes used to be like mine… not just because of the dark rings," he said to her softly, "Chihoko… was your demon."

"That's who Chihoko was then… In Konoha they tried to hide things from me," Sachiko said, shivering, "I wonder if it was just because they didn't want me to remember anything for whatever reason… But I want to remember… badly." He nodded slowly. "So what did you think of me…?"

"When," he asked a bit apprehensively.

"When you knew me… when you saw me again… now?" She got quiet for a moment but then added, "I'd like to know…"

"I hated you for a long time when I knew you… you made me feel things I never felt before… you used to like my brother and I hated you for that… But the day you left Suna I went out to stop you but I couldn't bring myself to ask you to stay… I just told you that you were always welcome," he said awkwardly as he gazed at the moon. It was full yet he didn't feel any bloodlust whatsoever. "When I saw you again… it worried me… Now I'm not sure what to think of you," he finally said.

"Why would it worry you," Sachiko asked, staring into his teal eyes. She smiled a bit; the waiter had just brought Gaara his fourth sake. Sachiko figured that was the reason for him being so talkative that night.

Gaara took a deep breath before answering. He fiddled with the right words to say in his head before answering. "I thought that you would keep trying…"

"Keep trying what," Sachiko implored. She had been so close to finally get him to open up.

"You're doing it now," he grunted as he took another drink of sake.

"What am I doing," asked Sachiko, clearly confused at his words.

"You're trying to make me less lonely," he said quietly as he stared at his drink, suddenly fascinated by it. "You're trying to open me up… I'm not a book you can just flip open and read," he murmured, "I'm much more than that… you used to be like me… but now you're different… you're not the same."

"Just because I can't remember anything… I'm still the same… Tsunade-sama said I would pick up the same personality habits and she's an expert…" Sachiko struggled for more words to say but nothing came. Perhaps she was completely different; there was no way of her knowing. At the moment, all she wanted was to comfort Gaara. She wanted to be the same Sachiko she used to be for him but it had been a few years and she still had nothing.

He shook his head no. "We used to be the same… no… we were never the same… I'm a monster… you were too… I just accepted it. But you… you wanted to pretend you never were." He looked to her with pain ridden and lonely eyes. "You said I was the only person you trusted once… because I understood what it was like to be a monster…"

"You're not a monster," she whispered softly into his ear, "I don't believe that."

He glared at her angrily, hissing, "How would you know? You don't remember." He crossed his arms, upset at her. His face scrunched into a scowl; he was completely blocking her out now.

"Well maybe if you told me everything you knew about me… I would remember," she told him, "I just wish for once that someone would tell me something about who I used to be." He said nothing to this. He looked off in the opposite direction as if to shield her from his mind. "Whether you like it or not… I'm your wife now… It's my job to please you… I could go back to being the same for you if I had to… just tell me…"

"You can't be the same anymore," he replied simply, refusing to look at her, "You're not a monster like me… you're… normal." He sighed again but said nothing more.

Sachiko was tired of him and of everything. She grabbed her towel and wrapped around herself cautiously so he wouldn't be able to see anything. She carefully climbed out from the tub and began to walk off. She didn't want to talk to him anymore. He was impossible. He refused to tell her anything about herself. He refused to let her make him happy. She even offered herself to him the other night. She gave herself the chills at the mere thought. Sachiko hurriedly rushed to her room to change.

As she turned the corner she found Gaara blocking the door to their room. She could see his bare chest but his towel was wrapped firmly around his waist. He looked very upset and had his arms crossed. She almost considered turning back but she would prove to him that she was no coward. "I need to get in," she said through clenched teeth. He gave her a look as if to say, 'Try and push me out of the way' but said nothing to her with actual words. She decided to take him up on the challenge and rushed at him. She didn't know the door behind him was actually open as she toppled in the room with him. He closed the door with his sand, not wanting anyone to walk by and see them wrestling on the floor.

Sachiko had bumped her arm against the side of his desk. It must have caught a sharp corner because her arm began to bleed from it. She let out a scream once she caught sight of the blood. As blood oozed from the wound Gaara hissed, "It's not good enough…" He began to dig his hands into her shoulders, shaking her. Sachiko could feel herself shaking without Gaara's help as she placed her hands on his forearms and dug her sharp nails into them.

"What's not good enough," she screamed at him as chills flew up and down her trembling spine, "You want me to go back to being a monster so you can feel better about yourself? That's not good enough for you?!" Both were panting as they toppled all over the floor and bumped into many things. Blood poured down from Gaara's arms and onto her shaking hands. She had successfully broken through his skin as they wrestled but it wasn't what she had wanted. "Stop," she shouted, "Gaara stop it!" Gaara must have listened to her because the tumbling had indeed stopped. Sachiko looked up with horrified eyes to find that she was being pinned to the ground by Gaara. "I give up," she whimpered as the sobs began, "What is it you want from me? You want me to be one of those wives that never speak to their husbands? You want me to cheat on you because you can't give me what I want? You want me to hate you? Is that what you want because I can do all those horrible things if you'd like me to?! I can do them!"

Sachiko released her nails from his arms and balled them into trembling fists. She pounded the ground violently as she cried out in distress. "Would you be satisfied with that? If I treated you like everyone else treats you so you can be miserable all the time?" She sounded like she had been on her fourth sake but she hadn't drank any alcohol whatsoever. Her words began to slur as she shook, "Would you be satisfied? Would that make you happy, dear husband of mine? If I treated you like the way everyone else does? Would it make you happy now? Would it?!" She growled as a feeling of déjà vu over took her. She couldn't help but think that she had said these words to him before. The feeling of déjà vu left her quickly and was soon replaced by many thoughts of fear. She had never felt that Gaara would lay a hand on her yet there he was beating her like any abusive husband. She could feel herself hyperventilating and had tried to force herself to breathe normally but it was to no avail.

Gaara stared at her in disbelief. She had nearly said the exact same things to him when they had fought like this all those years ago. Sachiko had almost had it word for word just under different circumstances. "Would it darling," she hissed her sarcasm at him although her eyes were clearly fraught with panic and fright. He nodded slowly and released his hands from her shoulders, allowing her to quiver on her own. He permitted his head to drop so low that his red hair was licking her forehead. He breathed out slowly, knowing that everything was happening like it had so long ago. He looked to her shoulders to see blood on them. He was bleeding as well but he had no urge to kill her. He sighed deeply, almost a growl. It was happening all over again. She was doing the same things to him. She was making him feel again. She was sobbing underneath him and he could tell she was scared; for that he felt guilty. "Why would that make you feel better," she began to say over and over through her sobbing as she continued to shake from her fear, "Why on earth would that make you feel better?"

His silence was deafening to her as she gained control of her sobbing and shaking. She breathed over and over again repeatedly until she could speak normally again. "Answer me… you answer me," she jeered at him, her lip curling to show her teeth like some cornered animal resorting to its last line of defense. He was quiet as his mind continued to think that it was happening all over again. "Please answer me," she murmured, looking him straight in the eyes with her tear filled orbs.

"Because… I don't want to be in love… it hurts too much… it hurts here," he finally answered with a gruff voice as he placed his hand to his heart like he had when he was a child. He stared back into her eyes searching for the girl he used to know. He slowly drew away from her and stood up. He looked down to her, anxiously waiting for a reply. Was her tongue too paralyzed to speak to him?

"I know you can't love me," Sachiko murmured in almost a whimper. Her body began to shake with the tremors of her honesty. She rose to stand, still shaking and still fearful of him.

Gaara drew away from her some more, the emotion love had always scared him and he knew it could never be apart of him. Sachiko was right; he could never love her, never return her love for him. He was silent but had chosen the moment to speak.

"Don't… don't interrupt me," Sachiko croaked with a hoarse voice.

The redhead drew further away from her as if to give her more room to speak and to give him more room to retreat just in case she had decided to give to him what he had longed for since his childhood; love.

"It doesn't matter Gaara… if you love me or not…"

He froze. He had never heard of someone loving another and not caring whether that person loved them back or not. He thought back to Naruto and his friends. Naruto had practically sacrificed himself in order to protect his friends but his friends had returned that love. Now here was Sachiko, trembling in front of him so feebly, telling him it didn't matter if he returned her love or not. Gaara felt derisory and undeserving of her love. He felt worthless.

"All I want is to try to love you," she breathed out, finally succumbing to her shaking and falling to her knees. Somehow she had landed at his feet although he had given himself much space between him and her. She placed her quivering hands atop his feet and bowed her head low to him. She placed her lips on his right foot and kissed it softly. She moved her mouth to his left foot and did the same. Gaara never felt so speechless in his life.

"I never expect for you to return it Gaara-sama," Sachiko whispered into his feet, "I am… okay with that fact… Just let me try to love you."

She broke into tears, sobbing muffled into his feet. She shuddered like a heavy sandstorm was blowing at her but her hands were laced tightly around his ankles, refusing to let go. Gaara crouched low on the ground next to her to become somewhat eye level with her.

"Sachiko-san." His voice was harsh and rusty perhaps from his neglect to using it.

Her trembling stopped for a moment as she looked up to meet his deadly gaze. Her eyes went wide in shock as he leaned forward. He was uncertain in his position, nearly nose to nose with the girl but he pushed on. His lips brushed against hers hesitantly and then he pressed with a bit more force once he felt less nervous. His eyes were open the whole time, but hers had closed the moment his lips had made contact with hers. Gaara pulled away slowly and stood back up.

He offered Sachiko a gentle hand and she accepted. She looked into his teal eyes as if she were still unsure of his intentions.

To clarify them Gaara spoke. "Sachiko-san… I will try hard as well…"

She nodded and she attempted to stand up, falling into his arms. She didn't feel safe in his arms but nervous. Sachiko told herself that the abuse was over and she had nothing to worry about anymore but she could feel her fear latched on steadfastly to her heart. She almost jumped as a knock came at the door. She brushed some of her bangs out of her eyes and moved away from Gaara to let him answer. She put a hand to secure her towel, surprised it hadn't slipped off through all that. Gaara walked to the door and opened it.

"Is everything okay," asked councilwoman Washuu, "Everyone in the bastion heard screaming and fighting up here…" She looked to his forearms and saw fresh blood. "Shall we behead her, Kazekage-sama?" Washuu had taken it that Sachiko had injured him and that was treason to her husband and to Suna.

"No," he told her firmly, "You will not harm my wife. We were just… making love." He couldn't come up with another explanation for the noise that they heard other than that. He had figured it would please Washuu to hear that anyway. Washuu could now go back to the other council members and tell them.

Washuu craned her neck to see Sachiko wrapped up in a towel. The girl seemed to be shaking and her shoulders were a bit bloody but who was Washuu to say how love should be made. If they wanted to be rough about it, it was their decision and not her own. "I see," Washuu said, "Please excuse me Kazekage-sama." She bowed low and began to walk away. As soon as her back was turned to him she smiled. "Heirs to the Kazekage line…!"

Gaara closed the door and rested his head against the door frame for many moments. He took in a deep breath and just as he was about to turn around he felt delicate arms wrap themselves around his torso. He felt his body go stiff, not knowing how to react to such an affectionate action. Although she feared him, Sachiko placed her head against his muscular back and kissed it lightly. Sachiko would try to ignore the fear and replace it with something else. He could then feel her tiptoe to reach his ear. "Will you sleep with me tonight? You can just lie in the bed next to me and that would make me happy," she whispered lightly into his ear, tickling it. Slowly, he nodded. She released him from the cold embrace and allowed him to turn around. He realized he must have been resting against the door frame for longer than he thought because Sachiko was already in her tank top and panties, and all cleaned up.

"I'm going to… put something on," he mumbled to her as he clutched his towel, fingers ready to take it off.

Sachiko nodded and went to the bed. She crawled in slowly because her shoulders were a bit sore and she knew they would bruise by tomorrow. She grimaced as more blood seeped out from one of her shoulders. Never in her life could she imagine herself being a victim of such abuse. Her body began to shake again but she soon gain controlled of its functions. She breathed out slowly as if to breathe the fear away.

Gaara seemed hesitant as he worked his way over to the bed with only his bottom half covered. He gradually lifted up the sheet of the bed and slid underneath the sheets awkwardly. He had never had a use for a bed and this would be his first time actually lying in one. He wasn't sure what to do next after sliding in and so he shifted to his shoulder uncomfortably, facing Sachiko. She stared back at him nervously. This made Gaara feel more at ease because she wasn't sure what she should do next but it also made him feel guilty for scaring her so much. He fought with himself in his mind for things to say but couldn't think of anything.

"Would you like to talk," asked Sachiko, still staring into his eyes. She awkwardly rearranged herself a bit so she could be slightly further away from him in the bed; scared he might lash out at her again. He had gotten into the edge of the bed and had stayed there. There was still a great gap between them and this made Sachiko relax somewhat. "The more distance the better…"

Gaara nodded, "We can do that…" He gazed back into her dark blue and purple eyes, waiting for them to tell him something but all he could see was a very scared little girl.

"That time you thought I was calling you unattractive… I was being smart-alecky with you," she was murmuring, "I don't think you're unattractive… I… I think you're handsome… I just wanted you to know that."

Gaara was slightly taken aback by those words. No girl had ever told him such things like that. Sachiko had always said things to him that had surprised him even back when they were so much younger. Although this time, he felt Sachiko might be just trying to be nice out of fear. She was going to treat him like everyone else did; as if she were afraid of the monster he was. Gaara began to open his mouth to speak but she had more to say. "You don't have to return the compliment," she said to him with a farce smile, "Not if you don't mean it… Only say it if you mean it."

He nodded again but spoke anyway. "Would you like to know about yourself?"

Sachiko's beating heart almost jumped straight out of her as she spoke, "I would… please."

He closed his eyes, gave a nod and spoke, "Cloudishida was your last name… You are from Cloud and you're the daughter of the Raikage. Your bloodline trait is called Inazuma and it greatly increases your speed and alertness. Your attacks are solely lightning based. Your demon's name was Nibi Chihoko. She was the two tailed black cat."

Sachiko sighed to herself, "I still can't remember them… I don't think I ever will." Gaara had no reply for this, he continued to stare at her and wait for her to say more. She grew quiet for a long time and Gaara had almost thought she drifted to sleep but her eyes were open. "Can I ask something of you," she said to him, finally breaking the silence. He gave her a nod and so she continued, "I don't want to make love… unless we both want it…" To this, Gaara said nothing. Sachiko could see his lip curling in disgust but he quickly regained his composure; forcing herself to question if his grimace had really been there. "Never mind," she whispered as she felt herself drifting into sleep. That night she would need another dream to escape from reality; a dream to soothe her, trick her and fool her. She could play the fool and be content with it as long as she was playing the part every night as she dreamt of lies she wished were real.

Once Gaara knew she was asleep, he allowed himself to move closer to her but only a little. He watched her peaceful face as she slept. He remembered watching her sleep one time before she lost her memory. It had been during the Chunin Exams when they finally got out of the Forest of Death and into the tower. He had been upset with her at the time and had even wanted to kill her with his bare hands. She had entered the room not knowing he was there and had gone to sleep. He had watched her sleep so peacefully then as well and it had made him mad with jealousy. She could sleep then even though she had her demon, and he could not. Even though she was far different than the Sachiko she was then she had still managed to remain ever the same.

A/N: OH! (swoon)

Sachiko: Author-sama are you okay? (Tries to pick the fainted author-sama up) That chapter was good but fainting… don't you think you're getting carried away? (sweat drop)

Author-sama: (Flies out of fainted-ness, making Sachiko jump and screech) Sorry… I can't help myself sometimes… Anyway, that chapter was very cute at the end don't you think? Well except for Sachiko being scared out of her mind…

Sachiko: Just hurry up and write the next one! I want to know what happens! GET! (kicks author-sama in the pants) REVIEW PLEASE!

Author-sama: I'm wearing shorts! HMPH!

PS. Should I continue the story or end it here? What do you guys think? Lol, JK. Of course I continue! XD