Chapter Thirty Two: Scar Tissue
Pre-Script: Kakashi, Sachiko, Jiraiya, and Naruto arrived in Suna on Gaara's birthday. In chapter 29 the Sand Siblings and Sachiko had gone out to dinner for that reason but I never straight out said it was Gaara's birthday because it was more from Sachiko's point of view and she was spacing out and didn't really care. I think her tripping during dinner was Gaara's birthday amusement though. Lol. Anyway, the wedding was directly three weeks after. Which means it occurred toward the beginning of February. So they are in the second week of February right now.
ANDBEFOREIFORGET!: NeferNeferi, Gaara agreed to try and let her love him not really to return her love although he had meant he would be kinder to her.
A/N: Well this chapter is going to be interesting… to say the least.
Sachiko: WHY WHAT?
Author-sama: (sigh) You'll see… Readers don't hate me for this!
Two round eyes opened to witness the first glance of the day. White sheets were in view as well as the soft crinkles that lived within them. She inhaled deeply to smell the freshness of the sheets and smiled. She made a small noise of pleasure as she stretched out her arms and her legs. She wiggled her toes as her small hands pressed herself up to a sitting position in bed. She looked to his side of the bed and saw him staring at her with his sea foam eyes. His shadow seemed to reach over the bed and pull her.
"Ohayo," she mumbled, wondering what had come over her last night. She had been terrified of him, yes, but she had also been very much captivated by his quiet ways and striking features. Her nose wrinkled at the thought as she looked over to the man she was forced to marry. What had come over? This morning he looked normal to her and not the incredibly handsome young man she had found herself blushing about in the hot tub last night.
"Ohayo," he said softly as he continued to stare at her.
"So what's on the agenda today," she asked him as she began to remove the sheets from herself. She quickly threw them back over when she saw she had only put on a tank top and panties to go to bed last night. What would possess her to not clothe herself properly? She nervously looked over to him, hoping he hadn't noticed anything was wrong.
Gaara shrugged. His teal eyes looked over her for a moment before answering properly, "I hadn't planned anything."
Sachiko nodded at him and said, "Well…" She knew she had to get him out of the room. She didn't want him to see her running around half naked whether they were married or not. She felt overly exposed and that was that. "How about I meet you in the courtyard in thirty minutes so we can have breakfast?"
"That is fine," he said impassively as he rose from the bed and left the room. Sachiko sighed as soon as he was gone.
"That was a close one," she muttered as she ran to the bathroom to wash quickly. She changed into a regular shinobi outfit and got herself ready as quick as possible. She didn't feel the need to overdress herself and so she set out of the room and into the hallway. Many maids asked her if she needed their assistance as she strolled down the long corridors but she had politely declined. She felt awkward being treated like royalty. She had missed her simple, mundane life she had once led.
Sachiko's feet suddenly began to lead her on her own as she went to the other side of Suna Bastion. She wasn't sure where they were taking her but she had guessed they must have known. She found herself a familiar hallway. She walked slowly around, examining every smudge or fingerprint on the hall. She looked to her own hand as if trying to match a fingerprint with the ones she saw on the wall. She laughed at herself, telling herself she was being silly and continued to walk down the hall. She found a door that seemed to be beckoning to her. Her arm and hand extended toward the doorknob, twisting it cautiously. She glanced around nervously, checking to see if anyone had been watching her. She sighed; the coast was clear. She pushed open the door and went inside to the room, making sure to close it behind her.
The room was abnormally bare as if the person it belonged to wasn't there enough to decorate it. The bed seemed unused even as she spread her hand over it. She looked at her fingers and rubbed them together, noticing the dust on them. She leaned over the pillow and inhaled deeply. It was completely scentless. "This bed has never been slept in," she murmured as her eyes fell on a nightstand. It looked oddly familiar and appeared to be touched sometime in its lifetime. She had an urge to open it but knew she should refrain. She forced herself to walk to the closet to see if there were any clothes in there. She found one black outfit with fishnets. She gasped for a moment, knowing she had seen it before. She ran her hands along the cloth, feeling the memories sewn into the seams with her dainty fingers. The memories were beyond her and refused to respond to her touch, making her sigh in defeat.
"No memories for me," she told herself sadly as she sat on the floor. She began to feel around the floor as if she had lost something small in the carpet. She felt like something was hidden there. Her hand fell on a small latch. She lifted it slowly, mind screaming at her not to, but body moving without concern of headquarters' orders. She pressed her hand inside the dark space and felt something soft and cushiony. It reminded her of the way a stuffed toy felt. She pressed further and grabbed what she thought was an arm of a teddy bear. She pulled the raggedy bear out from the hole.
She lifted the bear into the dim light and smiled at it fondly. It was old and worn from age but it was very cute. She hugged it to herself for a moment and then took in its scent. The smell was strangely recognizable as her nose twitched to the scent. She pulled it away from her again to look at it. It was a simple brown teddy bear. One of her hands traced over the bear's frame and a single finger pressed the nose in out of curiosity. Sachiko giggled as she made the bear dance in front of her eyes. She started to wonder if it was okay for her to keep the bear. After all, she had found it and whoever it belonged to had no use for it otherwise they wouldn't have stuffed it into some secret place in the floor of the closet.
"What are you doing," asked an irritated voice, causing Sachiko to whirl around and find her husband glaring at her. He saw the bear in her hands, face turning into an angry snarl. "Who told you that you could come into my old room snooping around," he hissed at her as he clutched her arms with both of his hand, causing her to drop the bear where it fell limply to the floor.
"I… I'm sorry… I just," she stammered, scared out of her mind. She had no idea what to say to him. She really had no reason for being nosy and she hadn't known it wasn't his room. "I didn't know… this was your old room."
"Of course you didn't," he snarled into her ear as he began to tighten his grip on her wrists. He stared down at her disgustedly. He had often told himself he was a changed young man and would keep his temper down but for some reason Sachiko had always managed to push his limits. She had done this to him too often for him not to be angry with her. She began to cry out from the pressure he was applying to his grip on her wrists. He threw her down on the ground and began to pant. "You see what you do to me," he murmured as he clutched his head in his hands, "You're always… doing this to me."
Sachiko looked up at him horrified. She could say nothing to this because she couldn't stick for herself and deny what he was saying because she couldn't remember if she had always disobeyed him when she had known him. She began to back up from him, crawling backwards. Her hands found the small bear and they quickly stuffed it back into the place they had found it, closing the latch after the deed was done. She could feel her eyes begin to water as he continued to glare at her as if she were some disgusting creature. She hadn't meant to anger him for any reason. She should have turned back when she felt to but her feet were intent on bringing her to this place. "I didn't mean to…" she murmured quietly, hoping not to upset him again.
"Get out," he growled at her as he seized her shoulders in his hands and guided her to the exit of the closet. His hands expertly pushed her away, her feet staggering backwards. She paused to gaze in his direction, watching and waiting for his next course of action. Sachiko was a deer in the headlights waiting to just get hit. "Go," he barked at her, not turning around to face her, "Leave me alone…"
No longer paralyzed, Sachiko rushed out the door. She had no clue where to go but any place was better than Suna Bastion at the moment. She just had to get out of there. Sachiko raced down the hall like a sprinter, zipping past everyone in Suna Bastion. Some had attempted to question her or greet her but she was too fast for them as she launched herself into the heart of Suna.
As Sachiko walked into the crowded streets of Suna she couldn't stop imagining how wonderful a time she'd be having if she was in Konoha right then. She'd be wandering the streets aimlessly, probably bump into Naruto, and go eat some ramen. Or she and Kiba might have spent the day together as boyfriend and girlfriend; so happy together. She could be working at the flower shop with Ino or she could be having a sleepover at Sakura's. She could have been training with Hinata or pushing her and Naruto closer together. She might have been pigging out on chips with Choji or she might have been throwing water balloons at Tenten. Either one of those activities would have brought her endless entertainment or enjoyment.
She needed to seek shelter in some place and found herself wandering into a café. Surprisingly she saw Kankuro, Gaara's older brother, sitting by himself. The moment she had walked into the café, bells had rung to alarm the employees there was a new customer. Kankuro immediately looked up and saw her. He waved her over with a gesture of the hand and a grin. Sachiko returned the gesture by smiling and walking over to him. He pushed a seat out for her and she took it.
"Fancy bumping into you," he chuckled as he ordered her a hot chocolate. Strangely, it was exactly what she had been craving. Sachiko still felt shaken up over the reason for her wandering Suna and so she began to stare at Kankuro's drink as if answers would fly to her from it. She sighed desperately. Kankuro gave her a concerned look and spoke up, "So… where's Gaara? Isn't it your guys' honeymoon?"
Sachiko nodded miserably. "I… uh… we got into a fight… I don't want to talk about it."
"Oh," said Kankuro dumbly. He thought for a moment and then continued, "Gaara… he's a complicated person… he's had it rough and Temari and I try to treat him as best as we can but he's got a hard time with other people. Temari and I were both happy he got married. We were hoping he'd learn to love someone…"
"Love someone," Sachiko asked as she held up her arms to reveal terribly bruised wrists, "I don't think that's what he intended."
"Gaara did that?" Kankuro was a bit shocked to see his brother reverting back to his old behavior. She nodded, silence consuming the two. One of the employees had brought Sachiko's cup of hot chocolate during the awkward silence. "You can't blame him too much… if you knew what he's been through."
"What he's been through," murmured Sachiko as she blew onto her hot chocolate, "No one has really bothered to fill me in." She could see that Kankuro began to look a bit nervous as she peered at him from her cup of cocoa, sipping the warm, chocolate milk.
"I'll tell you Sachiko-san," Kankuro said to her, "The story of his life. Keep in mind it's not for the faint of heart and it's only for you. Don't discuss it with anyone, especially not Gaara. Alright?" She nodded as she sipped more of her cocoa. Who was she going to tell anyway?
NARUTARDNARUTARDNARUTARDNARUTARD
Sachiko wasn't sure if she should return to Suna Bastion after all she had learned. She had been frightened of Gaara before and now she was absolutely terrified. Sachiko wasn't sure how she would handle him now. She had barely been able to take all of what Kankuro had told her in. She breathed in deeply, mustering up what little courage she had as she entered Suna Bastion. She looked to the shinobi walking at her side. Kankuro had kept a calm composure and she was trying urgently to do the same but she could feel her hands shaking as she walked down the long corridors. Kankuro departed from her, saying he had matters to tend to. He gave her a last warning to keep quiet and wished her good luck. She had nodded and continued the journey to her room alone.
Sachiko stood outside the door feeling quite worried. If she returned sooner than Gaara had please he might be angry with her again. She inhaled deeply to calm her nerves and relieve her shaky hands as she lifted one of them to turn the knob of the door. She had wished that Suna Bastion had resembled the Hyuuga residence because she could at least make out a shadow through the sliding doors as opposed to the solid one she was opening. She peered into the room carefully, examining its contents. He wasn't there.
"Thank Kami," Sachiko murmured as she closed the door behind her, glad that her husband was off terrorizing his paperwork rather than her. She was grateful that he had an office besides the one located in his room. It gave her time away from him.
She decided to lie on the bed, closing her eyes and ponder the stories Kankuro had told her of her husband. Kankuro had been correct in telling her that the Kazekage was a difficult man for many good reasons. She hadn't wanted to take pity on him, seeing as he had no excuse for his behavior. But after Kankuro's account of what had happened to his younger brother, she couldn't help but feel pity for the young man. Sachiko could see what it was to be a truly tortured individual. She bit down on her lip, knowing she would have to try harder with him. She'd have to force herself to love him and to be a good wife even if he didn't return the love. She would become a prisoner of one-sided love.
She heard the door creak open and the sound of light footsteps fall on the floor. She could sense his aura near her. Sachiko opened her eyes and gazed to him listlessly. Her languid eyes met his cerulean ones. She waited for him to say something first. It was his place to and not hers. When he remained quiet and only stared after her she chose to speak first.
"Konnichiwa," she murmured to him, sitting up from the bed to get a better view of him. She felt a bit rude lying on the bed and speaking to him. He pushed her back down to the bed aggressively.
"You had no business in my room," he growled at her. She visibly winced. He was angry still and now she had no escape. He applied pressure to both her wrists yet again, pinning her against the bed. "You betrayed me," he hissed into her ear as she let out a cry of pain. Her wrists were throbbing from the pain as she gritted her teeth in attempt to bear it.
"Betrayed you," Sachiko asked, astonished, "You want to talk about betrayal you look at your uncle Yashamaru. He betrayed you!" She wanted to hit herself being so stupid. The first thing Kankuro had told her was to not tell Gaara she knew about his past. What a foolish thing for her to do! Gaara's sand had taken the place of pinning her arms to the bed so she was immobile and helpless as one of his actual hands hit her in the face hard.
"Do you feel like a man when you push me around," Sachiko asked him with hate burning in her eyes like the blaze of an arson fire, no longer caring if Gaara knew she knew or not. His two hands lunged at her neck, grasping it. "Do you feel better now?" Her small hands fought hard against his sand to rise up to her neck and protect herself from the hands that were strangling her. Her lungs felt like bursting as they tried to supply her body with oxygen. "This doesn't hurt," Sachiko choked out, begging for more pain. His hands gave her neck a tighter squeeze. She began to turn slightly blue as he choked her, snapping him to realization.
"You make me lose my temper," he panted at her as he let her go, "I'm not like that anymore…" He began to back away from her saying, "You made me do that to you… You shouldn't have brought up my past." Sachiko could only cough and wheeze, gasping for air, in response to his ramblings. "You left me," he told her in an angry voice, "I waited for you for two years and you never came back… That's how you betrayed me." His body began to shake with his rage. He let out a roar equivalent to that of a lion's. "You never came back to me," he choked out at her as he clenched his fists and beat them into the bed. She flinched each time the bed shook from his rapping fists. After he stopped his tantrum she allowed her eyes to open. Her eyes struggled to look into his before everything was growing hazy. She nearly fell into shock at what she saw.
Sabaku no Gaara's cheeks were adorned with small tears. They glistened like diamonds as tears of her own began to pour out as she fought against the haze of unconsciousness. She propped herself up at a slow rate. Her hand lifted up with her pointer finger sticking out as she caught a tear from his eyes. He looked down at her finger to see that a moist droplet had been stolen from his face. His eyes went wide in shock as he backed away from her. Sabaku no Gaara hadn't shed a single tear since he was about six years old. Sand started to pour out from his gourd, enveloping him and taking him away to a distant place. Sachiko stared to the spot he once stood and reeled backward, finally succumbing to sleep.
NARUTARDNARUTARDNARUTARDNARUTARD
Sachiko had been awake for some time now. She glanced at the clock. It was five minutes 'til midnight and Gaara hadn't returned. She sighed as she walked to the bathroom, remembering another one of their fights. She stared into the mirror to gaze upon her reflection. One of her eyes was lined with black from the blow that had been dealt to her by her dear husband. Her throat was purple and ached from the abrasions given to her by his murderous hands. She tried to gulp but swallowing hurt going down her esophagus. She looked down to her wrists to see that they were in an even worse condition than they had been that morning.
She placed her shaking hands onto the counter, one hand turning on the sink. The flow of water from the faucet seemed to ease her mind as she stared down at her wrists in disbelief. She felt another migraine coming on but wasn't in the mood to go ask a maid for medication. It wouldn't be a good idea for her to let them know she was being beaten. Gaara wouldn't like it. As Kazekage he had to appear to be a good man and good men don't hit their wives. Sachiko laughed as she thought these things. As if she knew about what it meant to be good.
She looked up into the mirror, angry at herself. She seemed disgusted with herself as she grabbed a kunai from one of the drawers. She began to carve something that had been long forgotten into her forehead. The nurse had told her of its presence but Sachiko had never witnessed it herself. She trusted the nurse's word and began to etch the kanji into her head, blood spilling all over the sink. The faucet washed away every bit of evidence that fell into its perimeter but it still wasn't all of the blood. Sachiko gritted her teeth as she finished. She grabbed a towel and pressed it to her bloodied forehead. Her hands soon found another towel and began to clean up the excess blood that the sink had neglected to take into the drain.
Sachiko stumbled over to the bath. She turned it on and lied there, allowing it to wash over her, clothes and all. The water stung her forehead and some of her bruises but in the long run it was just a rough massage. She could feel herself falling back into the haze as her eyes shut tightly. Vision now lost, she had her other four senses left to guide her. She could hear the bathroom door creak open. She opened her mouth to speak but only tasted bloodied water. She coughed it out as two arms picked her up. Sachiko smiled a bit, thinking someone had saved her from this hell and whoever it was, was taking her back to Konoha where she could live the life she had wanted. The false hope faded as the stranger placed her on the bed. The arms felt warm and gentle like they wanted to help her; very much unlike Gaara's coldness. Sachiko sniffed the air, wanting to smell the stranger's scent, thinking he must smell something extraordinary or out of this world. She began to cough, her nose inhaling too deeply for her at the moment.
"Rest," insisted the stranger. Sachiko could only nod in return as the stranger attempted to dry her off. She attempted to open her eyes but it was as if they were glued shut. "Rest," repeated her hero as he removed her wet clothes.
The hero had been her own husband, the villain. He had changed roles at the last minute as villains tend to do after seeing the error of his ways. He looked at the bloodied towels he had used to dry her off with bitterly. She was bleeding from her head some place. He began to move pieces of her hair in order to find the wound when he found it. It was the same scar she had before she had lost her memory; the kanji hate. He frowned, knowing he had caused her to bring this upon herself, a guilty feeling wrenching away at his cold heart. He found another towel and pressed it against her forehead and then removed the towel for a moment to gaze at the scar. His eyes fell on her black eye. She almost looked a bit like she used to before her memory losing accident.
Sachiko moaned as he pressed the towel against her forehead. The stranger must have been terribly handsome, she had assumed. She attempted to prove this by opening her eyes. They began to open slowly but everything was still fuzzy. She kept them open until they began to focus in on another pair of eyes. Her capsized heart sunk into the pit of her stomach when she saw they were the aquamarine eyes of her husband. She opened her mouth to speak in protest but he silenced her by placing his hand at her lips gently. She considered biting his fingers but had no energy to do so and so she ended up obeying him.
"Let me speak," he told her in a softer voice than usual, "I shouldn't have hit you… I'm regressing back to old habits I used to have with you… gomen nasai…" She could feel hot tears pouring from her eyes as her head began to pound like a hammer against a nail; steady and persistent. "I'm angry with you…" He paused to think over his words and then rephrased what he had said, "I was angry with you because I waited for you to come back to me… I told you, you were welcome in Suna and could come back if you wanted… You promised… I felt betrayed again…" He stopped a moment to see her reaction. When he saw that she was barely clinging to consciousness he continued, "I can't hold a grudge against you forever… It wasn't your fault… Forgive me…"
Sachiko had finally found her voice again. She struggled to sit up and speak. "Tell me lies… slap me on the face. Just improvise, do something really clever," she croaked out, "That will make me hate your name forever… Everyday you find new ways to hurt me." He looked down, feeling exceedingly responsible for her words. He couldn't blame her for not forgiving him. He began to pace around the room a bit before coming back to her. He gazed into her eyes with his own hurt ones. She said nothing to him to ease his guilty heart and so he turned away from her, unable to face what he was culpable for. He thought it might be best for him to leave her at this moment as he began to walk toward the door. "Gaara-sama," she managed to throttle a voice from her throat, "Matte." He stopped dead in his tracks. After many moments he turned around; she was waiting for him to face him. He looked to the face of his wife to see she was smiling. It wasn't the kind of smile offered to be friendly. Instead it resembled the smile he used to smile as he killed someone all those years ago. "All this pain… begins to feel like pleasure. Salt my wounds and I'll keep saying thank you," she said in a loud whisper, "Call me a fool." Gaara took it as her way of forgiving him and returned it with a silent nod.
"I'll let you sleep now… We'll spend our honeymoon indoors until you heal from your… wounds," he said to her. She could feel herself almost grin inwardly. He didn't want his people seeing how he had treated his wife. He was worried they would disrespect him and call him a monster after he had worked so hard to earn their respect. He studied her face for a moment as her eyes shut. He gave her head wound a fleeting glance. He was certain it would leave a scar to replace the one she had lost.
Gaara rose up from the bed, allowing his wife to sleep in peace. He went out to the balcony and leaned against it for support. There he looked out to the night. A single Raven perched itself on the ledge of the railing, staring at him. The Raven cocked his head to the side and cawed at him. Gaara slowly uncorked his gourd, sand reaching around the crow's body. Not even with the birds would he share his lonely view.
Post Script: "Tell me lies...Everyday you find new ways to hurt me." are lyrics from Shakira's song Fool.
A/N: Domestic Violence is a horrible thing… I didn't really like putting it in here but… it adds to the inner turmoil of the story!!
Sachiko: Geez. Thanks for making me get beat up a lot.
Author-sama: Gomen Nasai about that… Also, there were lyrics from the song Fool used. I thought I'd mention that as well!
Sachiko: Well let me mention as well that you should all REVIEW!