Disclaimer: See last chapter.

Warning: This chapter could be triggering, with mentions of bulimia.

~ Chapter Two ~

"Not good enough to make me proud."

Rachel stood behind Kurt in the lunch line, watching as he grabbed a small salad, copying his actions. She smiled at her best friend, sitting down next to him as he raised an eyebrow, "Is that all you're having?" Rachel looked down at the salad, knowing usually she had some pasta; something filling, at least.

She looked at Kurt for a moment, nodding slowly, "You're having exactly the same, so what's the big deal?" Kurt shrugged and went back to picking at his salad, there were a few moments of awkward silence while Rachel played with her food, biting down on her lip, "So... how have you lost so much weight?" She whispered, blushing slightly.

Kurt shook his head and put down his fork, "You don't want to know." He muttered, looking around the room,

"I do... that's why I asked." She frowned slightly and stared ahead at the boy, before looking back down at her salad,

"I just watch what I eat and I exercise as much as I can." He finally said, biting his lip at the tears that formed in the girl's eyes, "H-how much weight could I lose in three weeks?" She whispered, closing her eyes,

"Why three weeks?"

"Shelby asked me to go to New York with her and Beth for the weekend.. I want to as perfect as she is.. as her new family is." She looked up at her best friend, the one person she trusted more than anything, "I just want to try and make her happy.. I want her to be proud of me. Is that stupid?"

"No, it's perfectly understandable, Rachel. But Shelby loves you for who you are, diva." He laughed a little as Rachel slightly smiled, nodding a little, before muttering, "I wish."

She picked up her fork to nibble on the piece of cucumber on her plate, not noticing Kurt staring at her before he finally spoke up, deciding it best to change the subject, "Are you ready for tonight?" Rachel nodded and grinned,

"It's going to be so much fun." She giggled and looked down at the plate once more, both of them looking forward to the night ahead.

~ .. ~

"Hello, Mrs Hummel!" Rachel grinned as she walked into the house behind Kurt. Finn was watching the football with Puck and the other boys tonight, so she decided a nice night in with her best friend should be fun. "Rachel, sweetie, it's nice to see you again." She smiled at the two best friend as they collapsed onto the couch before she walked out of the room,

"So, what should we do tonight, diva?"

"Oh, I don't know diva, watch a movie?" Rachel laughed and rested a head on his shoulder, "Sure.. which one?"

She shrugged slightly, "A horror?" She looked at the DVD collection on the other side of the room, grinning when Kurt nodded and stood up to go to the kitchen, she looked at him and followed closely behind, "Should we order pizza?" He finally asked, turning to look at her,

"Um.. sure."

"Cool, I got us loads of food for tonight.." He opened the cupboard at all the popcorn and candy, gulping slightly at the thought of eating so much in one sitting. He noticed Rachel had gone eerily quiet, looking up at the girl, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. it's just... a lot of calories you know?"

"Yeah, but it's just the one night and we all deserve a treat every now and again.. you've lost loads of weight you never needed to." Rachel nodded and bit her lip, seeing this as an opportunity to ask once more,

"How do you do it?" He shook his head and frowned, "I told you already."

"I know you did, but I don't think that's actually what you do.. or at least, the only things you do." He questioned her once more, asking why she would even think like that, his heart beating too fast as he looked at her,

"It's just a feeling.. how many meals do you eat?"

His heart was thumping against his chest, "Why do you even care?" He was scared that he would get stopped, even if it was only Rachel, he knew that little girl would never stop going on about this until she won.

"I just.. I do.. I care about you and.. you've lost so much weight. I hate to admit it but I guess I am a little jealous. I'm curious, also."

He sighed, irritated visibly by her, "Just do regular exercise – which you already do – and don't eat any junk." Rachel bit down on her lower lip, dropping the subject quickly, not wanting to argue tonight.

"Saw is supposed to be amazing." Kurt stared at her, confused, "What are you talking about now?"

"Do you want to see it later? Or maybe Hostel?" She shifted on her feet a little, looking at him,

"Oh, I don't mind." He shook his head, glad that the girl had gotten the hint but also a little disappointed because it was just one more person he had to lie to.

~ .. ~

Kurt turned off the movie as the credits rolled, laughing at Rachel still hidden behind the cushion, pretending like he had never done the same just before the movie had finished. "I'll be right back." He said, watching as Rachel nodded as she removed the cushion from her face, grabbing her magazine once more.

Rachel looked around the room, biting her lip, unsure what to do when a few minutes later she heard Kurt throwing up in the bathroom, she put down the magazine and got up to knock on the door, "Kurt? Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine." Kurt opened the door, grinning at her,

"Did something we ate make you sick?" He shook his head and looked down at the floor, blushing slightly,

"I just... I can't eat that much and not... get it out."

"Y-you mean..." Rachel's eyes widened and she tried her best not to cry out in shock as she looked at her best friend, all the pieces fitting together slowly,

"Don't tell anyone, please. You're my best friend and that's why I am being honest with you, I trust you. Please don't break that trust." Rachel nodded quickly, unsure what she could or should do,

"I won't... I promise, Kurt." She looked around the living room, her own hands finding their way to her stomach, feeling that bulge once more. Her hands shook, as her eyes closed, "C-can you show me how?" She whispered, barely loud enough for Kurt to hear. She looked up at him finally, half expecting him to laugh at her for being so stupid and pathetic but instead, he grabbed her hand with a wide smile on his face.

She watched him lead her back to the bathroom, before he bent over the toilet and put his fingers down his throat, "Just like this." He said, looking back up at her,

"And then.. you just... well, you move them around a little. It takes a while the first few times, but eventually..." He was so happy to be able to share this secret with someone, both of them were hurting bad and it made sense for them to help each other. "It's really easy, want a go?" Rachel nodded, slightly unsure still as she stepped forward slightly, clearly shaking.

She slowly walked to Kurt, kneeling down next to him on the floor. He smiled at her, moving some of her hair from her face, gently running his fingers through it. Rachel closed her eyes for a moment, she had to do this, she had eaten so much, she would never be perfect enough to be on stage, perfect enough for her dance teacher, for the Glee club, for Shelby. Slowly, she put her fingers down her throat, following Kurt's instructions.

He rubbed her back softly, "Do you want me to leave you alone?" She nodded slightly, and then looked down at the porcelain bowl in front of her. "I'll be right out." She muttered, watching as Kurt ran out with a huge grin on his face.

She looked down at her fingers, trying to think about when she tried this once before, but it hadn't worked. She didn't even think about it this time around. It wasn't as hard as it had been before, maybe it was because she had so much more to gain this time around.

She sighed when she felt empty, stood up slowly as her legs shook. She walked up to the sink, washing her hands and face before looking in the mirror, whispering, "Am I good enough yet?"

~ .. ~

"Are you okay?" Kurt looked up from his magazine in his lap as Rachel walked out of the bathroom. He bit down on his lip as he took in his best friends appearance – she was extremely pale, her eyes bright red, hardly steady on her feet. Rachel nodded slowly, sitting down on the chair when a sudden dizzy spell hit her.

Kurt had never hated himself more when he saw Rachel then, thinking that maybe he shouldn't have shown her. He should have know how fragile she was at the moment, and he could have only made it worse. "I'm am so sorry." He murmured, watching as Rachel's head suddenly shot up, looking at him confused,

"What for?"

"For showing you how to do that.. it was wrong and selfish of me."

"No, it's fine.. you couldn't say no, could you? I would have asked again and again... or I would have just discovered how to myself." She shrugged it off and smiled at him, "Anyways, we're empty now... and that's good, right?"

Kurt nodded, smiling, "I love this feeling. How do you feel?" Rachel nodded, grinning, the sparkle appearing in her eyes once more. "I feel... amazing. When did you learn how to do that?"

"I don't know.. about three months ago."

"Why?" He sighed, laying down on the couch as he stared up at the ceiling, thinking for a moment, "I couldn't stand the fact that I had gained weight, and you understand the pressure... you saw those perfect kids we have to compete against just so we can live our dreams. I realized, having a dream, having talent.. it's just not good enough. I just want to look like a star, but no matter how hard I try, I can never go a day without food. This is the only way that worked for me."

"Oh." That was all Rachel could say, not tearing her eyes away from the page she was reading from the magazine,

"Have you ever gone a day without food?" Kurt finally spoke up, breaking the awkward silence between them,

"Only when I've been sick, never on purpose." He nodded in agreement, sighing. "I think I could though, maybe one day I will." Rachel spoke up once more, her fingers dancing lightly along the perfect body of the girl in the magazine, constantly comparing herself to her.

"We should go to bed," Kurt finally sad, standing up slowly and stretching out,

"Sure, what time do you usually get up on a school day?" He looked at her and shrugged, unsure as to whether she would want to join him on his morning run, "Six. I go for a run, I find it refreshing."

"Oh, that sounds much better than my exercise routine, can I join?" Kurt nodded, looking at the girl in front of him, she seemed so unlike the diva he knew – she seemed shy and uncertain of herself. She wondered if this was just about Shelby or if there was so much more to this than she let on.

"Of course you can. It would be great to have someone who understands come along." He grinned and Rachel smiled back lightly, standing up. They walked up the stairs together, "Is this really about Shelby?" Rachel nodded and looked away,

"I just... I used to think that I could rise above the mediocre stuff like weight, and how I looked. But then she came along and rejected me, and then replaced me completely with this perfect baby girl. I don't know, I guess if you kind of mix that up with wanting to be a Broadway star..." She took a deep breath, closing her eyes to think for a moment as they finally got upstairs and into the bedroom, "I don't know... something clicked I guess and I can't take it anymore. I want her to love me, I want to be a part of her family, I want to be perfect. I want her to look me in the eye and tell me why she couldn't be my mom. I just, I know it's stupid, but I can't help but think that if I was perfect in every single way, then she could love me." She shook her head, laughing bitterly.

Kurt watched her wipe away the tears that fell down her face before she buried her face in the pillow, "I don't think that's stupid at all, it makes sense."

"Really?" He could hear her mumble against the pillow, he smiled and nodded a little, "Yeah, I understand what you are going through and it may not be for the same reasons but we can help each other. We can lose the weight we need to and everything will be okay." He whispered to her, playing with her hair, smiling when she nodded, "What's your goal weight?"

Rachel looked up at him, confused, "Goal weight?"

He nodded, "Mine is ninety-eight pounds."

"Oh um.. I don't know. I guess the same." He nodded, playing with her hair still, "I'm so long off, how much do you weigh now?" Rachel gulped, blushing, "I um... I'm still holding some Christmas weight... one hundred and thirty two pounds." She bit down on her lip,

"I'm one hundred and thirty five."

"You're so much taller than me.." Rachel whispered, shrugging slightly when he replied with the fact he wasn't that much taller than her, "Rachel, we can do this. It's going to be easy because we have each other, and we are always going to have each other." Rachel grinned, nodding as she thought about it.

They both said their goodnight's to each other, both of them cuddling up to each other. He could swear he heard a sob from the girl, sighing and closing his eyes as he rubbed her back, thinking about her. She just wanted to be loved by her mother.

He smiled as he thought about this brand new bond they had made for themselves – it was good, neither could judge the other. Everything was going to be better now that someone knew, that someone could share this horrible secret with him. He thought about how great they would both look soon. He had such a good feeling about it all, everything had fallen into place and he would start to lose weight faster than before. Then they could both be happy... wouldn't they?

A/N: Please review! I would like to know what people think of this story and so far, all I have are story alerts. Cyber cookie for you? :)