Author's Notes: Okay, so here we go again. For those that don't know I've blown out my tendon again...so I have mucho time on my hands which means I'm pissier than normal. So time for shameless plug I started a Prequel to Pet. It's called Loss of Self please check it out for those that don't know it exists. It may give you some further insight into Jocelyn's hold on Livia. Also I don't know that I'm totally happy with this but here it is. I've also been thinking about pulling Pet down completely, revamping it and then re-posting it which means this one would be put on hold until I could get that done. I don't know that I'll do that or not but with ample time on my hands for the next week or so we'll see. It's also very unnerving trying to write while two cats are staring at you. Seriously every time I lift my eyes they're watching me. Oh well, anyways let me know what you think or whatever. If not hey that's cool too. Whatever.

Return of the Heart

"I'm really worried about Livia." Alex sighed as she took a sip from the tea cup Mitsuru set in front of her.

The redheaded girl sighed softly looking into her own tea cup as if the answers were there before she spoke. "She's pulling away from you?" She asked looking up at Alex.

Alex nodded, "Yes, and I don't know what to do to make it better."

"Jocelyn has a lot of power over here even now. It's hard to explain to someone that wasn't there but I saw the way she was when she came to us. She was so badly beaten that she could hardly move without crying from the pain. She just wanted to die. You could read it on her face. Jocelyn gave her back her reason to live. Unfortunately that's something you get to contend with. Jocelyn nursed her through it, she made her feel safe and cared for. It's not something easily forgotten especially when your psyche was so thoroughly, methodically broken down like that." Mitsuru looked up at Alex. "I know you love her Alex. And I know she loves you. But you can't be to her what Jocelyn was. Don't try to compete with her because I'm not sure you'll win."

Alex frowned listening closely before she nodded, "I know I wouldn't. Jocelyn had her so wrapped up tight around her finger that I don't think Livia even breathed without her permission."

"She did…" Mitsuru started but silenced herself when Alex raised her hand.

"I know she did but my point is I don't think Livia would've kept living had Jocelyn not done what she'd done for her. I wasn't strong enough, I'm still not totally comfortable with some of the things she wants me to do for her but I do them because I love her so and I know she appreciates the efforts. With Jocelyn she didn't have to put forth the effort, she just knew."

"I think you should talk to her." Mitsuru said softly. "Jocelyn I mean. You never really got to find out what she was capable of or what she was thinking. She's here in New York. I'm sure you could find her. And then maybe you stand a better chance of figuring out just how to get Livia to let her go."

"I was wondering when you were going to come and see me." Jocelyn smiled a soft half smile as she stared at the beautiful blonde prosecutor who her darling Livia belonged to.

"May I come in?" Alex asked shifting her thick winter coat to her other hand. They were on the top floor of the building, Jocelyn's apartment the only one.

"Of course. Let me take your coat." She held out a long fingered white hand, Alex noticing yet again just how flawless the woman's skin was.

She frowned but held out her coat watching the woman hang it up and walk her into a beautifully decorated yet understated living room.

"You approached Livia at the ball…" Alex started.

Jocelyn lifted a hand and shook her head, "No I didn't. In fact I didn't even know she was there. I was shocked to see her. I thought after so long she wouldn't be interested in even seeing me let alone speaking to me but she has. And I'm sorry you got hurt by that."

"You have a hold on her…"
"I know. And I know why. And I think you have some idea why it's there. It may not be something you wish to see and frankly if I had my way I wouldn't have it but I do. It's Livia's choice to cling to the past and me or try to move on with her life. She's trying to do that."

"She's calling your name in her sleep. She's begging you to come back to her." Alex paused, gathering herself before she spoke. "How do I fight you for her? How do I win against you? I don't think I can."

"At first I didn't want you to win. I won't deny it I care very deeply for Livia but I'm not right for her. You are. And she knows this I promise you she does. You need to become me. Not literally of course but you need to become like me. If you don't, you will lose her because she will come after me. And I don't know that I'll be strong enough to turn her away a second time."

Alex frowned, "You'd take her from me?"

"If I wanted her back I would've already done so. A long time ago, I never would've left her with you if that's what I wanted. I would've left her with that burly detective because he would've sent her right back to me with his black and white views on Livia's relationship with me. You realized that there are some areas that are gray. Not good or evil, no real clear cut distinction between them. Just what they are, what she needed. I did what I thought was best for her and I have no regrets about that. I couldn't be what she needed me to be but you can and you will be if you're strong enough."

"Do you love her?" Alex asked studying Jocelyn's porcelain oval shaped face.

Green eyes stared back into her blue ones, "Yes I do. Very much. But it's because I love her that I know it's time to let her go. It's time for her to let me go."

"It's not healthy, the hold you have on her." Alex started to rise to her feet.

"I know. It's not healthy at all." Jocelyn sighed sitting forward, "Before you storm out that door and refuse to allow Livia to try and see me again. Think about what I've said. If you want to keep her, I'm willing to help you."

Alex stood shaking her head, "I'm not sure I want your help.'

"I don't blame you. I do hope your pride doesn't get in the way of your love of her. I know you love her with all your heart. You deserve her, I don't. And I'm sorry that my presence has hurt her and you so badly."

"Then leave. Go back to Boston and never come back." Alex walked out of the living room grabbing her coat from the closet and leaving.

Nothing had been accomplished by this visit. The only thing that had was her own feelings of inadequacy something the daring attorney wasn't use to rearing its ugly head as Jocelyn's words replayed. "You'll lose her and I don't know that I have the strength to turn her away a second time."