Disclaimer: See last chapter.

~ "Mirror, I am seeing a new reflection." ~

It would finally be the prom she longed for this year, and it was tonight. Kurt and Rachel were too excited, it was the one event they had been waiting for, a good chance to dress up, have some fun and show off their other halves.

She looked in the mirror; this was going to be the one night she wouldn't let herself worry about weight or calories. She smiled a little in the mirror, they had school all day but they had been too excited to get anything done.

"Hey!" Kurt grinned, chucking over a cold bottle of water to Rachel before looking in her own mirror. "Looking forward to tonight?" Rachel nodded at him,

"Do you think we reached our target?" She bit down on her lip, wishing she didn't care at all.

"You sure look like you have, maybe more." Kurt replied, looking at his outfit in the mirror – it was similar to his junior prom outfit, when he had been voted prom queen, but he opted for something that could show off his recent weight loss. "Have you eaten today?" He asked, breaking the silence, not tearing his eyes from the mirror.

"No.. I um, I thought maybe there'd be loads of food tonight, I had to prepare myself." Rachel muttered, sitting down for a minute as she closed her eyes, trying to focus on something other than the dizziness.

"Yeah, true." Rachel got back up when Kurt walked out to go to the bathroom, pinching whatever fat she could find on her body, "What are you doing?" Kurt walked back in, staring at the girl,

"Do I look fat?" She turned to face him, away from the mirror,

"No! You've never looked fat." She just nodded slightly, looking back in the mirror, heaving a deep sigh; huge thighs, fat stomach, double chin and chubby cheeks. It was all she could see, people would look at her and say it wasn't true but it was what she saw, and that was the only truth she could trust, right? After all, the mirror never lies.

"We should start getting ready." She finally spoke up, looking behind her at the boy on his bed,

"We should go for our run first, it'll be too late when we get back." Kurt smiled at her, putting on his trainers, chucking Rachel's pair at her. She laughed and put them on, "We don't have long, come on."

~ .. ~

"Quick weigh in and then we can get ready." Kurt grinned as they walked into his bedroom after the run. He followed Rachel into his bathroom, watching her sigh before stepping onto the scales,

"One hundred and eighteen last time, right?" She muttered, blushing slightly. Kurt nodded, looking away from the scales, "Have you done it?" He knew the weight on those scales would effect the whole night if it wasn't good.

"One hundred and fourteen.. bang on target." Rachel murmured, seemingly annoyed with herself – she had hoped for less. "Your turn." She tried her best to smile at Kurt when he stopped on, "I have to get to one hundred and twenty four." He announced, closing his eyes, "You look for me."

"W-what?" Rachel gulped, not knowing what to do if Kurt hadn't made it.

"Please, Rachel, I don't know what I would do if I haven't made it." He sounded like he would cry, so Rachel nodded and looked down,

"One hundred and twenty three, you made it!" She smiled and wrapped her arms around him, he nodded, announcing that they should get ready now, running out of the bathroom.

~ .. ~

"The three of you look amazing!" Carole smiled wide, looking at the girl and her two son's. Rachel was wearing an elegant, long black dress, looking down at the ground, smiling shyly.

Rachel squeezed Finn's hand as they walked down the stairs, staying close to him. She let go of his hand to walk over to the mirror, putting her earrings in, going over what was wrong with her body in her head as she stared at her reflection.

Mercedes and Tina walked in from the kitchen, making eye contact with Finn briefly as he nodded. "You look beautiful, both of you." The larger girl smiled at her two friends, before her eyes set on Rachel who was still looking into the mirror with tears in her eyes.

"You're both getting really thin though." Tina sighed, staring at the backless dress Rachel was wearing sadly.

"You can never be too thin, my darling." Kurt replied in her fake – and bad – French accent, making Rachel laugh as she shook her head, "We're fine." She tried to smile, her eyes still not leaving her reflection.

"We can see your shoulder blades." Mercedes bit down on her lip, Finn had talked with her about Kurt and Rachel's weight loss, he wanted them to make sure the two were okay – and by the looks of things, they weren't. Rachel didn't answer her, adjusting her necklace as her hands shook a little.

She finally turned around, facing everyone, "We're both fine. Thank you for your concern." She looked over at her best friend for some support,

"Yeah.. we eat loads."

"Yeah, of course you do." Mercedes muttered sarcastically, ignoring the eye roll she received from Rachel.

"Come on, I want a group photograph." The Glee club got in with their respective partners, smiling. "All together now." Kurt smiled, in the middle with his arms around Rachel's and Blaine's waists as Rachel leaned against Finn. He noticed how quickly she moved away from the pose once the flash went off, her arms wrapping tight around Finn's neck.

The boy smiled, kissing her on the nose, "You look amazing." He handed her a small red rose, before kissing her softly on the lips. "You look very handsome." She giggled, blushing a little as she noticed his parents watching them.

She tried to stay out of the many photographs that followed, wondering if they would be just as proud of Kurt if they knew what he did. Would they still love him? She wondered what they would do, what Kurt would do, if she told them. She would probably get the blame, even though his bulimia started way before Rachel even knew about it. She sighed one last time as she looked into the mirror, before taking off with her boyfriend and best friends into the large limo outside. Tonight was going to be perfect.

~ .. ~

Rachel looked around at everyone eating and sighed, wrapping her arms around her stomach, trying to ignore the stomach pains. "Are you going to eat?" Kurt ran over to her from the dance floor, and Rachel looked down at the food on the table,

"Nothing I like here, what about you?"

"I might have something and then go purge." He whispered to her as the girl just nodded. He grinned and laughed when Blaine pulled him back into the dance floor, Rachel just stood there and bit down on her lip as she watched them dance.

"What took you so long?" She asked Finn when he finally walked back over to her, that beautiful, goofy grin on his face. "I grabbed some food on my way back from the little men's room." He held up two plates and grabbed her hand to drag her to a table. She could feel her body starting to shake, she couldn't eat all that disgusting, fatty food. She thought she would have been able to but she couldn't.

They both sat down on the table for the Glee kids and she smiled at him when he placed the plate down in front of her, looking down at his girlfriend. It was like he was challenging her to eat and she wasn't going to accept the challenge – she didn't even care anymore if she was caught.

"Aren't you going to eat anything?" She shook her head,

"Kurt and I are going to order pizza tonight."

"Yeah, of course you are." He muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "I'm sure you can manage to eat something before then."

"I would really rather save myself for the pizza." She bit down on her lip, knowing she was being stupid because Finn lived with Kurt, he would know if they ordered pizza or not.

"No! Just eat the damn food." She looked at him, "Why do I have to?" She whispered, biting her lip when he grabbed her hand from across the table.

"I have to know that you're okay, Rachel. I have to know that you eat."

"I do.. all the time." He shook his head, squeezing her hand gently, "I've not seen you eat in so long. Nothing.. not even a bit of salad."

"I'm not around you all the time."

"I will make sure I am if you want, just so I know you're okay." He pushed the plate closer to her as she shook her head, pushing it back towards him, tears falling down her face. "What's wrong, baby?" He quickly got up, wrapping his arms tights around the now shaking girl.

She whispered, holding onto him, "I just don't feel too good."

"That's a lie, you just don't want to eat. Just tell me why, Rachel, please." She could tell he was going to cry, she hated that she did this to him.

"I just.. I don't want to get fat again." She pleaded he would drop it, sighing as she said those dreaded words, letting him into her world. Finn was never supposed to know how she really felt, now she had broken the control. She just told the one person that she never wanted to know, and now he wasn't going to love her anymore when he realized what a fat cow she really was.

"You're not fat, you never have been." He lifted her chin up, kissing her softly on the lips, "I love you." She nodded slightly and sniffed, wiping her eyes, "Just eat something, Rachel."

She picked up a sandwich, nibbling on it slowly, smiling a little when he sat back down and tucked into his own food. She stood up when she was finally done and kissed his head, "I have to pee and re-apply my make-up, will you wait here for me? Then we can dance." He grinned and carried on eating, not watching her run to the toilets.

She had to get everything out, she had to do it before all the calories stayed inside her. Crying, she ran into the bathroom and locked herself in a cubicle. She sighed when she heard someone else being sick in the cubicle next to hers, before ramming her own fingers a little too roughly down her throat.

"Rachel?" She heard after a while, she was done by then and was sitting on the closed toilet seat, staring into space.

"Kurt?" She heard a big sigh and then a sob,

"I'm such a failure, Rach." She bit down on her lip and closed her eyes tight, "No.. you got it all out, right? It'll be okay."

"Yeah, I shouldn't have eaten it in the first place." He muttered, leaning his head against the cubicle, Rachel doing the same not too long after. "I had something as well..." She whispered, trying to stop the tears down her face.

"I saw, but Finn forced you to. Blaine never forced me to eat, I just chose to do so." He sighed and Rachel shook her head, getting up and opening the door. She smiled lightly at Kurt when he did the same, both of them washing their hands and faces before re-applying make-up. "We'll be fine, let's just go dance."

"Burn some of those calories." Kurt grinned, laughing as they both walked out of the bathroom.

Burning calories,

Starving yourself,

Making yourself throw up.

It's all part of the package,

you just have to accept it.

You can't have it all without a little effort...

~ .. ~

Kurt didn't know when it had become a competition between himself and Rachel. If he had to guess, he would say sometime after prom night, before then it was just a diet to Rachel for some quick weight loss but then something had taken over the girl, and she just had to be thinner. And Kurt needed someone to talk to, someone to help him get thinner, he needed Rachel.

It was hard to explain for him, but he needed Rachel because she was always his competition. And Rachel took it just as seriously as Kurt did. He knew the girl would win – she always did. Rachel could go without food, the one who would exercise non-stop, even before she started dieting. Rachel was always about control.

Kurt was the one who couldn't go one day without any food but who also could not go one day without purging after every single bit of food but he was still behind on the race that had begun.

The two were so similar in so many ways, but so different at the same time. Different diseases, but so similar in every single way. It was hard to explain to anyone else but they both had an Eating Disorder that was just as bad at the other, but the impact was too different. Rachel lost weight quicker, she got ill before Kurt did, Rachel ended up being caught before Kurt did.

Bulimia was different from Anorexia; Rachel wanted perfection, Kurt longed for the control he had always wanted. He would lose all the control he had made for himself all day by stuffing his face in the night, and the only way he could regain that control was by purging.

He looked over at Rachel, they were all supposed to be wearing shorts for a number in Glee but as usual, she had refused to wear anything that exposed her in any way at all. And only Kurt knew why – Rachel didn't want anyone to know how fat she was, but Kurt could see how the girl would fade away every time he saw her.

He stares at her legs as they walk to the stage, wondering what they look like under those baggy layers. He smiles at the girl he was so close to, yet so far apart from at the same time. Rachel just nods and looks at what he's wearing. He bites his lip for a moment, knowing that Rachel is thinking how he shouldn't be wearing shorts, he's too fat for them. "What?" He tries to sound casual but he knows it didn't come across that way.

"Nothing... I-I.. you.. you lost weight." She shrugs and goes to walk off, before Kurt grabs her arm, "You too." He smiles at her before she looks down at the ground, sighing,

"Do you wanna come for a run tonight?" He nods, linking arms with her as they walked with the rest of the Glee kids. He let go when they had to get in their positions for the song, the music starting.

He found himself watching Rachel as she sang, that passion and the sparkle that used to be in her eyes, now completely gone. He found himself wondering if all this was his fault, if he was the one to blame for this new Rachel that nobody liked. He introduced her to this world. He sighed and moved with the rest of the group, remembering dance practise the other day.

He had asked Rachel to take it easy, but the girl had just ignored him, he didn't want her pushing her starving body too far but he had ended up pushing her further away from him. "You won't care about being perfect if you're dead." He knew he was right, he couldn't help himself staring at her right now as she danced. He knew her weak lungs couldn't take the pressure if she hadn't eaten for as long as he thought.

The girl had just glared at him, moving away from him, just leaving him standing there. And now here he was, watching the girl dance amazingly well, to the standards of Brittany and Mike but he was watching her get weaker and weaker.

Finally the song ended and he ran up to her, a hand on her lower back, "Are you okay?" Rachel tried her best to nod, tears falling down her face as she tries to catch her breath. He looks up at Mr Shue for a moment, crying out when Rachel falls to the ground. He was pushed out the way as Mr Shue ran towards the unconscious girl.

He stepped back, shaking his head, blaming himself for this whole thing. He watched everyone run over, screaming his best friends name. He didn't look away from the tiny, pale girl who was laying on the floor. He saw how badly she was shaking as they wrapped a blanket around her. He didn't know what to say or do, his best friend was being taken away into the back of an ambulance, and he was the only one who truly knew why. But he couldn't tell them, he promised.

Finn turned to Kurt, "What happened?" He looked at the boy as though he blamed her for all this, but he just shrugged.

"Don't you dare shrug at me. I know you know something, tell me!" He glared at her, watching his girlfriend be taken away by paramedics. Kurt could feel the boys hands on his shoulders as he shook her, and he turned to look at his step-brother.

"I told her to slow down." It was all he could say to the broken boy in front of him, wrapping his arms around himself. Finn shook his head, following the paramedics out quickly.

"She's going to be okay." Santana was the first to speak, trying to reassure herself and those around him. Kurt just nodded, biting his lip,

"W-we need to get there.." He whispered, "I-I need to know she's okay. I need to see her." He looked around before running up to his bag and grabbing his phone, "Dad, I need you to pick me up right now, please."

"Why? What's wrong?" He could hear the man pick up his keys in the background and he sighed in relief,

"Rachel has been taken into hospital, Finn went with her and I need to go see her, dad.. please." He heard him whisper to someone in the background before coming back on the phone, "I'll be there now." He hung up the phone, leaving Kurt to wait for him outside.

"What's going on?" Mercedes asked, coming up behind him.

"Nothing is going on."

Tina bit down on her lip, looking towards the boy, "Does Rachel eat?"

"Yes, all the bloody time." He hissed at the girl, he couldn't stand any of this, people were going to blame him if anything happened, it was all his fault.

"She's lost so much weight, we're worried about her." Blaine rubbed his boyfriends back,

"So, you've all been bitching about her behind her back?"

"No! What is wrong with you? She's our best friend as well, and we're worried.. we're worried about the both of you." Kurt let the tears fall down his face as he looked at his boyfriend, reassuring him once more that they were fine, but even he knew that the words fell on deaf ears. They all knew he was lying.

"Rachel is laying in a hospital bed right now, so whatever pact the two of you have going on, it needs to stop!" Santana surprised them all, tears streaming down her face as she screamed at Kurt – she may have made fun of Rachel, but she never wanted to see the girl sick.

"You need to sort this out, and soon. See you at the hospital." They all ran off to their cars, shaking their heads at the boy who was hurting just as much as Rachel. Kurt was left alone as he looked around, he needed to know Rachel would be okay, she was his best friend, the one person who knew everything about him.

He needed to know the girl would be okay. Kurt needed Rachel more than Rachel needed him.