Disclaimer: Supernaturalcharacters and storyline are property of Eric Kripke and associated publishers/licensers.
Dean could feel the firm press of Sam's erection against his and his shivering body burning fiercely in his arms. Was this real? Am I still in hell, will it end any second now? Dean couldn't think straight. He couldn't tell if this was the real Sam or just another trick from Alistair. Had he ever really gotten out of hell or was this some really screwed up long con? No, Dean had done what Alistair had asked of him, he had been broken. Dean would have done anything to keep his fantasy; Alistair just had to ask it of him. This still can't be real.
Urgent hands slid through his hair, begging for his attention. Sam's wet tongue captured his ear lobe and nibbled it until Dean was ready to erupt.
"Please Dean, let me," panted Sam. "Just let me do this."
Sam's voice was turning desperate, broken. Sam was blowing his mind. Dean wanted to so badly it was killing him but something was holding him back. He wasn't sure what to do. He knew what he wanted to do and god did he ever know what Sam wanted to do but he couldn't make himself do it. The erotic cry from Sam's voice as their hips had met had turned Dean on so much his vision was tinted red. Yet it had brought him back so fast to the here and now his body was still in shock from the impact. They were on the cold ground outside of the most run down bar Dean had ever seen and he had seen a lot. Sam was straddling him, his breath tinged with alcohol and cigarettes. They can't do this. Not like this. Not here, not now. Sammy deserved better than this.
This wasn't the memory he wanted of their first time. God he wanted a first time with Sam, and a second and a million. He couldn't pretend anymore after tonight that he didn't. But Sam was all kinds of messed up right now. Dean knew that he hadn't really been there for Sam for the last month, too caught up with his own shit. Sam was probably so starved for any kind of recognition from Dean that they were still brothers and there for each other he'd do almost anything to make Dean happy. That was the rational explanation for what Sam was doing right now with his tongue in his ear. Yet not knowing if that was the case meant Dean had to stop. He did stop. Pulling back away from his seducing brother Dean flinched from the disapproving moan that followed.
"Not here, Sammy," lied Dean. Maybe not ever, he added to himself. He disentangled himself and stood up on shaky legs, pulling Sam along with him.
"We're going back to the motel, its brass monkeys out here." He put his arm around Sam worrying over his silence. Please just go with me on this, he silently begged Sam but didn't dare say it out loud. Sam leaned into him and all Dean's worries flew to the back of his mind. He held onto him and enjoyed the feel of him in his arms. It had been to long since they had touched in this way. Dean had missed Sam so much. Too bad he wanted to touch him in different ways just as much.
Another short chapter but the next one will be up a lot faster ;)