Title: The Tripping Place 2/9
Characters/Pairings: Spock/Jim, Jim/Bones, future Jim/Spock/Bones, Pike, Archer, Uhura, Scotty
Warnings: kinky/rough sex, mentions of past rape/abuse, minor character death, a bit of self harm, Tarsus and everything related to it, accidental bonding, major angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.
Summary: Following the defeat of Nero, the trip back to Earth is full of surprises. After the destruction of Vulcan, Spock begins experiencing odd, unexplainable symptoms that have him questioning his sanity and his ability to hold his position. When Spock is no longer able to hide his problems, Dr. McCoy's diagnosis comes as a shock to all. Secrets of the past come to light, discoveries ensue, and no one is prepared for the ramifications.
Notes: This is a slight crossover with The Sentinel. No knowledge of the series is needed to read this

Months Prior

The trip back to nearest space station to get repair parts to fix their warp drive so they could return home to Earth had been both horribly long and not nearly long enough. Without their warp cores they were left limping home at an abysmally slow pace. In normal circumstances another ship would be sent to tow or pick up the occupants of the ship if towing wasn't an option. However, the past week had proven that if nothing else they were experiencing anything butnormal circumstances. All available ships had been sent to the Vulcan system to search for and pick up survivors and get them relocated until such a time that they could regroup and decide what to do for the remnants of their species.

That wouldn't have been such a concern if the ship wasn't so damaged, filled with so many injured, and had been fully stocked. As this had been the ship's maiden voyage and not expected to be a long one, the ship had limited supplies. The replicators were normally the last items to be stocked, so Jim felt it was lucky that they had enough to last them a month. That is – they would have had enough raw materials to last a month under normal circumstances, but again these times had proven to be anything but typical.

The ship had been overstaffed,' a learning experience' the Admiralty had said. So a ship that was designed to house five hundred took off with a crew closer to six hundred and fifty. Thirty seven had been lost in Nero's first attack against them, and while it could have been worse, most of those were medical crew, some of the best and brightest. Their loss was a huge blow.

Then add that to the one hundred and fifty eight Vulcans, mostly children from the first school they had been able to locate and had managed to evacuate, the ship's resources were quickly stressed. After a full inventory of their resources at normal use the replicators would run out after two weeks and four days. They had enough emergency rations (praise the powers that those were fully stocked) to last another week and a half.

Rationing could extend those supplies to last them the entire limping trip to the space station, but Jim wasn't Kodos and wouldn't hear of it. It was pointed out that the Vulcans could go extended periods with little or no food, but Jim had flat out refused to hear it. No one should have to starve and he wasn't about to let the children be subjected to such a thing.

He desperately wished that Pike was conscious and lucid because he could greatly use the man's help. The Captain had quickly become a mentor to Jim at the Academy, and he was grateful for the support. But Jim had no leverage with brass, no contacts or favors to call in, and as far as he knew, they had very little respect for him following the hearing and how he came to be aboard the ship. They didn't want to hear from him. But he couldn't fault the Captain.

The spinal damage was severe and despite Bones' experience and having some of the most state of the art medical equipment, spinal injuries were still very tricky and prone to complications, and there was only so much the doctor to do. After Bones removed the slug, which he could only hypothesize was confused by human biology as it was used to that of a Klingon due to the excessive damage it did to Pike's spinal column, he put Pike into stasis to prevent further deterioration until they could get him to Earth and treated by a specialist.

After multiple attempts to contact Admiral Barnett only to be rebuffed and told the man was too busy to speak to him, it had finally taken Jim's threat to go to the media to get the man to take him seriously. Jim knew that his threat and actions were probably just another nail in the coffin to tanking his career, but he wasn't about to sit idly by and let another Tarsus IV take place on his watch when he could prevent it. Spock hadn't tried to regain his position as acting captain. Jim had no real authority to appoint a First Officer, but Spock had agreed to be his when asked as he was the most qualified and one of the only ranking officers with experience.

Together they had gotten the Admiralty to agree to send a ship within a week's time that would bring relief rations and was also capable of taking those rescued as well as a large amount of the non-essential crew back to earth. Given the situation there was no need for the majority, so it was better to send them home.

Before Starfleet had agreed to bring supplies and relief, Jim knew that Spock had already begun to eat less. He noticed that something was up and asked Bones who monitored replicator usage. When confronted, Spock had argued that it was only logical that he do so because it wasn't a hardship for his Vulcan physiology. Jim had countered that if Spock continued restrict his rations that Jim would follow his example, and despite Spock's argument as to how illogical such an action would be for the Captain, Jim wasn't about to be swayed and Spock finally gave in.

Or so he said. Despite what was said about Vulcans, that they couldn't or didn't lie, Jim wasn't so trusting, and had Bones keep extra tabs on his First Officer just in case. He was relieved to note that after a time there was no marked change in Spock's diet, though Bones did notice that the man switched to only consuming bland foods, and while it was not atypical for Vulcans, Spock had used to enjoy certain spices. But Jim wrote it off as grief, a way of dealing with the loss of his planet, his species, his home, and his mother.

Seeing the children was hardest of all. The majority of the crew had opted to even further consolidate rooms by sharing to give the Vulcans privacy for their grief. After a number of unexpected hysterical outbursts by the crewmembers that had high psi scores as well as the medical staff that were examining the children it became apparent that they were projecting, particularly the younger ones. Most had lost not only their parental bonds, but that of their bond mate as well. The death cries of billions had been felt by them all, and they had been powerless to help. Such a thing could affect the most controlled psyche as Spock's 'emotionally compromised' state had proven, and the children, for all their knowledge, were still children.

For everyone with even a moderate psi score, the Vulcans' grief was almost palpable, a constant presence in their minds. Despite the common belief that Vulcans did not feel, the crew learned firsthand how strongly they did indeed feel, possibly more strongly than even humans, and how Vulcans did not suppress their emotions, but worked instead to control them. For the mental health of the crew, they were going through the psi inhibitor Stylocaine as fast as it was produced from the labs as the replicator use was limited to just food unless there was an emergency.

It was rare for the bridge crew to not have at least mild psi abilities, and Jim had been questioned multiple times on the command track if he was fit to hold such a position with no psi abilities to speak of. Someone higher up obviously had access to his sealed records because he was always cleared to keep going. He sometimes wondered if Pike knew, but couldn't get up the nerves to breach the subject.

His empathy was off the charts and a carefully hidden secret for reasons he did not like to dwell on. On the transporter pad after Amanda was lost, Spock and Sarek's grief had been so over painfully clear that Jim hadn't even been able to look at them for more than a second. Given the fact that he was supposedly a psi null, he could not request Stylocaine. Well, Bones knew, and would likely have gotten him some if he'd asked, but Jim could not imagine being without his empathy for even a short period of time.

In the midst of everything Jim had an idea. It was a very human one, and the Vulcan Elders had at first been reluctant for the children to interact with humans in such a way. However, when Jim pointed out that as they were facing an event unlike one the species had ever experienced before and which had unforeseeable consequences, it had to be logical to use whatever means they had available to them, even if it went counter to Vulcan teaching.

The children at first had been reluctant to do such a thing, but all it took was one brave soul to step forward. By the end of the week there wasn't a crew member that hadn't participated. Human children after all needed physical contact as did many other species, so what could it really hurt to try the same on a Vulcan suffering so much grief? Jim of course was the first to volunteer, not allowing the crew to do something that he himself did not first make sure was safe. He would have done it without asking, but the Vulcans were doing a good job at keeping the children segregated, barely allowing the medical staff to run their tests before running them off.

A handful of children were brought to the room, and Jim held out his hand. The group stood there for long moments, undecided, before one lanky boy stepped forward wide-eyed. For one brief instance Jim thought that this was what Spock must have looked like at such an age, before the boy tentatively grasped his hand, causing Jim to gasp, and bite back a cry. He thought he'd been prepared, thought he'd felt the worst of it when Spock had attacked him, but he hadn't taken into consideration that Spock was fully grown and had the control that came with it. This boy had no such control and was barely holding on.

And Jim didn't fight it, merely accepted it, took it, and let it wash through him. Jim hesitantly pulled the boy towards him, and when he did not protest, cautiously wrapped his arms around the small frame. The boy shuddered then froze, before timidly returning the embrace, as though unsure if he was allowed, then upon realizing he wasn't going to be chastised, tightened his grip. Jim didn't voice his discomfort at the sudden squeeze of limbs and the pain it brought because despite being a child, he was still a Vulcan and three times stronger than a human.

Despite not voicing a complaint, the child felt his pain and rapidly loosened his grip and tried to pull away, but Jim wouldn't allow it. He vaguely heard Spock's voice of "Don't" probably stopping another Vulcan from stepping forward and breaking the contact. Jim tried his best not to read people, but his empathy made that hard, and given the situation he embraced it, felt the boy's fear and guilt, but most of all grief.

Not having done this in years, Jim tried his best to project warmth and acceptance, and knew it had worked when the form in his arms relaxed again and once more wrapped his arms around Jim, this time taking care not to squeeze too hard. When the face buried itself in his neck he was not surprised at the sudden wetness he felt there nor the relief he felt from the boy at finally being able to let go of his control, no matter how wrong he had been taught it was to do so. Jim understood the Vulcan need for control, having experienced firsthand what happened when it was lost, but he couldn't help but believe that everyone needed to let go at certain times. Despite the tears the boy was silent and still, and he was relieved sometime later when he realized that his cheeks were streaked with tears, that no one spoke of it.

Turning his head, he noticed that the crew that he had selected and the remaining children were in similar embraces. Seeing Bones in a similar position he couldn't help the small smile that crossed his face, a smile that grew when the man met his eyes and gave him a look that dared him to say something. Despite the man's horrible bedside manner and gruff, grizzly bear exterior, Jim knew there was a teddy bear hiding underneath. The man would have been a great father. If Jocelyn hadn't miscarried Jim wondered if Bones would have still been here today. He hated the part of himself that was glad it happened because the man was the best thing that had happened to him.

Glancing over at his First Officer standing near his father and the rest of the Vulcan Elders overseeing the events, he would have thought the man was unaffected by what was happening as his face was impassive as ever, but it his eyes that gave it away. Emotions swam across Spock's eyes like storm clouds before the gale. The Vulcan, suddenly realizing he was being watched, slowly turned his head and met his eyes. The instant their eyes met, it was as though Spock flicked a switch. His eyes went cool and blank, completely emotionless.

Jim felt a pang in his chest that after all they'd been through the man still felt the need to hide from him, but Jim knew he wasn't being realistic. Despite their experiences and their ability to work well together when they weren't at each other's throats (which was decreasing everyday as they got to know and respect each other), they were not friends. He'd gotten the impression from future Spock that they had a great and long lasting friendship from almost the start, but Jim wasn't sure if he could see that happening.

Hell, the likelihood of him being assigned anywhere anytime soon, let alone on the Enterprise or as Captain was slim to none. He still had that disciplinary hearing hanging over his head (which he still felt was completely unfair as he had used original, out-of-the-box thinking to solve the problem), and the fact that he'd stowed away on a starship, let alone that it was the Enterprise (the fucking flagship of the Federation) that he was expressly banned from being on would not go unnoticed or unpunished, he was sure. If he was lucky, he figured he would be permanently grounded and if he was unlucky, he knew that the ice ball that was Delta Vega would be the least of his worries.

When the boy in his arms suddenly went limp, he was distressed until he realized that the boy had simply passed out from exhaustion caused both by the trauma of losing so much and by the uncommon emotional release. Looking around he realized that the others were experiencing similar things, and those children that were still awake appeared almost asleep on their feet. The Vulcans around them did not seem distressed or surprised by the situation and showed everyone where they could place their charges to rest. No arrangement was made for another session or for the other children until the next day when it was announced that there was a marked improvement in the constitution of the children that had participated.

A rotating schedule was quickly set up and while it was strictly voluntary, the entirety of the crew, with the exception of a certain Vulcan, was taking part. The children were by no means forced to participate, but many did, and many of those that didn't at first quickly got over their fear of breaking such a taboo, seeing that it was the logical thing to do after observing the obvious improvement of their peers.

Jim wanted to confront his wayward First Officer, but knew that given the situation the man would probably not welcome it, and after experiencing both the strength of the Vulcan's body and emotions, he wasn't about to place himself before that train again without a good reason. The man was fully grown and could take care of himself, or so he told his slightly guilty conscience when it decided to make an appearance. So to say that Jim was surprised when Spock appeared at his door holding a chessboard the first evening that he'd had a chance to rest and breathe since this whole thing with Nero had started, was putting it mildly.

He just stood staring at the Vulcan dumbly for a moment before the man asked, "May I enter, Captain?"

Jim blinked and hastily backed up, stammering, "Um, yeah, be my guest, Mr. Spock. What can I do for you?"

Spock eyed Jim for a moment. "I hope I am not interrupting anything."

Jim looked down realizing his state of undress, a pair of baggy pajama pants, a regulation undershirt, and bare feet, but he wasn't about to be embarrassed or ashamed in his own quarters and just shrugged. "I'd planned on it being an early night."

"I am sorry to interrupt your sleep. I can return at a more opportune time." Spock turned, ready to leave Jim's quarters.

But Jim rushed to stop him, wondering what this was all about. "No wait. It's still early yet. I have time. If I go to bed now, I'll probably wake up at 0300 hours anyway and then spend my entire shift cranky."

Spock's eyebrow rose, and Jim marveled at how such a thing could be so expressive. "That is illogical. If you know that you could not sleep, why do so?"

Jim just laughed, "No one has ever accused me of being logical. Get used to it. It's a human trait, or so you should have already figured out by now. Now, what did you want?

"I had thought it obvious for one such as yourself."

Jim ignored the barb.

Spock set the chessboard down on the empty table and pulled out a pouch that Jim was sure contained the pieces. "I have heard rumors that you are an accomplished chess player. I wanted to see those skills myself."

"Now?" Jim asked in confusion, not understanding the other man's motivation.

"Would another time be more appropriate?" Spock asked.

"No, no, this is fine." Jim pulled out a chair and sat, motioning for Spock to do the same.

Spock quickly set up the board, ignoring Jim's attempts to help.

Jim didn't comment on Spock's choice to let him go first, setting up the white pieces in front of Jim. Making the first move, Jim carefully watched the man across from him. Spock didn't give anything away (not that Jim expected him to), nor did he look up as he also moved. Making another move, Jim began to test the waters, looking for Spock's style, looking for patterns, for traps, and for future moves. All the while, Jim knew Spock was doing the same.

So intent was he on the game, Jim jumped as Spock's sudden words broke the long silence.

"I apologize for my actions on the bridge. They were illogical and impulsive. It was not my intent to hurt you."

Jim just started at him in disbelief before snorting. "You're full of shit. Get off your high horse and visit us lonely peasants down here on the ground. We both know that you would have killed me if not for your father. As it was, the damage was considerable. My ears are still ringing from the lecture that Bones gave me about running out of nine lives one of these days."

Spock was stunned speechless by his words and frankness, and Jim might have laughed at any other situation. Finally finding his words, Spock replied. "As you are not a cat, I do not believe you have anything to worry about. And you are correct, though I must reiterate that your actions were illogical. There was only one possible course of action for me given the situation."

Jim sobered at the words, remembering the pain and rage he'd felt from the Vulcan. "I took a gamble. It's what I do." He drew a deep breath. "Spock, you have to know that I am also sorry. I did not mean those words about your mother. I know you love her. Even a blind man could see that."

Spock abruptly stood and stated, "Thank you for the game, Captain. Please excuse me."

Before Jim could utter a word or protest or even question his First Officer's actions, the man took his leave of Jim's quarters, leaving him staring at the now closed door and wondering what the hell had just happened. Maybe mentioning the Vulcan's mother was the wrong thing to do. He internally kicked himself. She hadn't even been dead two weeks, so of course it still hurt. Jim didn't even have to touch Spock to feel the pain radiating off him. It was almost palpable, so different from that of the older Vulcans or even the children. He wondered if it had to do with the Vulcan's mixed heritage.

Stifling a sudden yawn, he looked at the clock then jumped and cursed, wondering where the time had gone. Surely that much time had not passed, but apparently it had. Grumbling, he climbed into bed. Sleep was a long time in coming.

The next day was not exceptionally different than the others, but there was an odd calmness that had not been present before. Spock still took pleasure in correcting him, citing regulations, and interjecting information whenever he saw fit. But there was a difference. Jim knew that it had something to do with last night, but he didn't know what it was. Something had changed he knew that, but he couldn't put his finger on it. He hated not knowing.

It was almost as if there had been a glacier between them, breaking apart and creating violent waves, but now there was nothing, just a calm sea. But that was silly; he knew things couldn't clear up that fast, not with the amount of animosity between them. This was the beginning of what could be, and Jim felt a pang of sadness knowing that once they got to Earth, that would be the end of it. Jim was sure the Vulcan would ship out on his own vessel, whilst he was left watching the waves crash on the shore.

He had to admit it was the most relaxing day he'd had since this whole mess had started, and he only hoped it lasted. At the end of their shift, Spock was the first one to leave, and Jim had to practically run to catch up with the man's quick, ground-covering strides. "Hey, Spock. Wait up. You busy?"

Spock stopped at the sound of his name. "As our shift has just ended, I am not 'busy'."

"You know what I mean. You may be Vulcan, but I've seen your files. You've more of an expert on Earth than most earthlings, so don't be obtuse. For all I know you had plans for the evening."

Spock began walking again, and Jim took up pace next to him. "Given the time, I feel the need to partake in sustenance. Uhura had asked to share the meal with me and I agreed."

"Oh." Jim was crestfallen, but didn't know why he suddenly expected any different. "Well, I'll leave you to that."

Spock continued on as though Jim had no spoken. "After dinner, I have nothing of importance to do, and can meet in your quarters to finish our game."

"What?" Jim exclaimed, and at Spock's look, he continued more calmly, "I mean, that sounds great. I'll see you then."

Jim practically ran to the officer's mess, wondering what the hell had just happened.

Absorbed in paperwork a few hours later, Jim jumped when the door chimed and called, "Come in."

Seeing Spock, he nodded. "I'll be just a minute. Take a seat. Who knew that paperwork took so much time?"

"As there is a required course on paper work, and two for the command track, you should be familiar with the demands." Spock said as he sat in the chair he had occupied last night.

"Ha. If they wanted that to be realistic, they need to start assigning at least twenty times more work. That was nothing compared to this." Jim finished the current document, saved, and sent it before turning off the screen.

"As you know, these circumstances are not usual, and such paperwork would not be commonplace on a normal mission."

Taking his own seat, Jim countered, "As opposed to an abnormal mission?"

Spock who was now examining the board, though Jim had no doubt the Vulcan had the positions memorized, did not look up as he spoke. "As opposed to a five year mission."

Jim found himself laughing at the man's audacity, but kept up the banter, not realizing that a Vulcan was capable of such a thing.

After a time, their words died off as the game heated up. Multiple times he felt himself closing in on the Vulcan, only to have the man pull back just in time. And Jim himself managed to avoid all the traps that he saw Spock planning. It was the most fun Jim had had in ages. He hadn't been challenged like this since he couldn't recall, and he began to think that for a man with a big stick up his ass, Spock wasn't so bad.

Suddenly, seeing his opportunity, he slid a piece across the board as a decoy, hoping Spock would counter it. Finally making his move, he was not prepared for Spock's counter, had not seen it.

"Fascinating," Spock said, apparently just as shocked by the development.

Jim just stared at the board incredulously, before laughing uproariously.

It was a draw.

Spock spoke. "I do not see the humor in this situation."

"Spock, I haven't lost in years, but I haven't had a draw in longer. You're very skilled. What do you say to a rematch?"

Spock seemed to consider it for a moment. "That is agreeable."

And thus began the pattern that would define their friendship.