Disclaimer: See last chapter.

~ "I can't escape yourself." ~

Rachel would be back soon, Kurt had been worried because he hadn't spoken to her at all in the past three weeks. The girl had been online for the first week but then something must have happened because after that week, she hadn't replied to any messages or calls. Kurt wondered what could be going on with her, not knowing if he was just worrying too much and she was just having a good time in New York with her mom.

He sighed and got out of bed, he had missed his best friend in the past month. He took one look in the mirror, trying not to linger for too long. He was trying to break out of this morning routine for a bit, just to see how he felt. He made his way down the stairs and smiled at his parents as he walked into the kitchen, "You feeling better this week?"

He nodded at the two of them, starting to make himself some cereal. The vacation had been hard so far, he went from pretending to be sick, to actually being sick – his plan had backfired.

"Rachel will be back soon." He exchanged a look with Finn before sitting down, who just frowned and nodded, "That's good." Burt offered, looking at the two boys on the table.

"I hope she had a good time, she hasn't been online for three weeks." He shrugged and looked at his breakfast, "It must be hard for her though.. Shelby has only just wanted to get to know her." He heaved a deep sigh, as both parents nodded slightly.

"Can she sleep over a few nights when she settles back home?" He noticed the smile creeping on Finn's face and he shook his head, "In my bedroom." He added, smirking. He grinned when Carole and Burt nodded.

He stood up, "I'm going to get dressed and go for a run or something."

"You are okay, aren't you?"

"I'm wonderful, thanks dad." He ran upstairs and to his bedroom, stepping on the scales and grinning, he was down another seven pounds leaving him at one hundred and five pounds. He was getting there, slowly.

He wondered how Rachel had been doing lately, knowing the girl was probably into double figures by now. He knew he would be jealous when she got back, he sighed and brushed his teeth as he imagined it. He thought back to the other day when he had coughed up blood, the whole thing had scared him so much, he promised he would stop purging for a little while.

He heaved a deep sigh and wondered if his best friend was okay. She was coming home in three days and Kurt knew the month would have only gone one of two ways – amazing or horrible. He hoped it was amazing, he knew the girl couldn't take any more hurt or pain in her life. He shook his head at the thought, she second one would explain why she hadn't called back.

He knew Rachel would tell him everything when she got back, but he couldn't help but wonder. She was his best friend and they only have two weeks of summer vacation left, until they had to go back for their senior year. Kurt grabbed the food under his bed, stuffing it into his mouth. He thought about what Rachel would say about him right now, what she would be thinking of him. He could imagine the girl tutting and shaking her head, laughing at him when he swallowed all of those empty calories. And he would do the same when Rachel ate – something he had yet to get the change to do. It was nothing horrible, but something they both did.

He thought about how terrified Rachel looked whenever anything passed her lips, whereas when he had first met the girl, she would eat without even thinking about it. He sighed, biting down on his lip before going to the bathroom, going back on his own promise. Him and Rachel were so lost in this world, both of them had yet to find their place again.

~ .. ~

Rachel sat in her room and stared at the blank wall in front of her. She wanted to go back home, she didn't want to be at her mom's house any longer. But she wouldn't let her leave, she didn't want Rachel out of her sight. She bit down on her lip, she was seventeen now, she should be able to leave when she wants to.

Rachel sighed, she hated her mother. She looked down at her arms and felt warm tears run down her face as she traced some of the scars she had made on her arms, it was all Shelby's fault she had done it. She didn't care though, she blamed her father's but Rachel knew she had never cut back home.

She closes her eyes and sits there on her bed, nibbling on her lower lip as little as she keeps repeating to herself that there are only three days left. "Rachel?" She sighs and turns around to see her mother,

"Can you come down for lunch now?" She shook her head, "I don't eat lunch, you should know that by now."

"Please.." Her mom looked like she was going to cry but Rachel just shook her head, why should she even care? The woman hadn't even wanted to know her last year. She stood up and pretended to walk to the door, waiting until Shelby was out first before slamming the door behind the stunned woman. She slid down against the closed door and curled up into a tight ball, she couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't do it for much longer. She didn't want stupid dinner or lunch.. she just wanted to go home to be with her friends, her fathers and her boyfriend. She hated being there, she didn't belong there.

She thought about the past three weeks, she thought it would be amazing, that her mother would be proud of her but every single day the woman was jealous of all the control her daughter had. She was made to sit down at the table three times a day, eat three full meals, Shelby would even call her down from her bedroom for three snacks a day. More tears fell down her face, they all wanted her to be fat.

She remembered back to the first time she went away from the dinner table, her mom had come into her bedroom and smiled at her, sitting her down to speak about eating disorders. She had begged her to come with her to see a Doctor but Rachel had screamed, telling the woman she would rather die because they would just laugh and say she was too fat to have a problem.

She kept going on and on at her about how she was going to phone Leroy and Hiram, saying about how much trouble Rachel was going to be in. But her fathers already knew about the diet, they already knew Rachel had some 'minor' problems. They knew all of that and she didn't need to hear it from the woman who only decides to be a part of her life after sixteen years.

Rachel shook her head and dug her nails into her skin, she hated that woman so much. She had left and never looked back, never thought about her and then when she decided to come back, Rachel didn't live up to her expectations, so she had replaced her and then decided she wanted to be a mom. Rachel found herself wondering why the older woman couldn't just tell her that she didn't love her daughter and get it over and done with.

When she finally calmed down, she looked down at her phone – twenty three missed calls from Kurt, thirty missed calls from Finn. She sighed and chucked her phone down, getting up off the floor, wiping away the tears quickly before resuming her position on the bed to stare at the wall. "Home soon." She whispered to herself over and over again, it was all she could think about. She wanted to go home and never come back to this house.

She shook her heard and laid down, closing her eyes. She thought about Finn and how much she missed him. She wanted him to hold her and tell her it would all be okay. She wanted to tell him everything and let him know she wanted to be better again. She wanted to tell him she wanted to be able to smile and laugh again, and he would understand. He would still love her and want to be with her, despite her flaws.

She smiled at the thought; he would hold her and kiss her and tell her that he understood. He was going to help her though all of it when she was ready, she knew he would. She had to tell him, he deserved the truth. "I love you so much, Finn Hudson." She whispered into the dark, empty room as she fell asleep.

~ .. ~

"Good morning!" Kurt ran down the stairs and grabbed an apple as he grinned at his parents, they looked at the boy strangely before his dad shook his head and Carole just smiled, "You're in a good mood."

"Rachel is coming home today."

"Oh, I should have guessed, what are you going to do?"

"I will over hers later, her plane hasn't taken off yet. Finn and I checked this morning on the internet." He was smiling like mad, he finally had someone to exercise with and someone to hang out with. He couldn't wait to show off his weight loss, he couldn't wait to show all the control. But he couldn't help but wonder how much Rachel would have lost by now.

He sighed a few hours later, realizing Rachel should be home by now and she still hadn't called or messaged him back. He looked in the mirror and ran downstairs when he heard Carole call for him, "Yes?" He looked at the woman at the bottom of the stairs, not even recognising the girl besides her. He shook his head in shock,

"R-Rachel?" He knew the girl would have lost some weight but he had no idea just how much, he felt like he was going to cry – both from envy and fear. He looked at Carole and saw the fear in the woman's eyes, she knew something.. she was catching on.

"Do you want something to eat?" The older woman finally asked, breaking the silence. Rachel looked down at her feet and shook her head, "No, thank you." She whispered, Kurt could see the worry on his step-mother's face and he shook his head, wrapping an arm around the shaking girl. "Maybe later." He bit his lip and led the tiny girl up the stairs.

"What happened?" Rachel just shook her head, and he could feel her shaking in his arms, not sure if it was because she was scared of something or because of the severe weight loss. He could see the girl was about to cry, that she wanted to be alone with her best friend. He nodded at his parents, and grabbed Rachel's hand, leading her into his bedroom. He found himself wondering what the two were discussing right now, if they were onto Rachel.

When they got to his bedroom, he shut the door and watched Rachel struggle to take the few steps to his bed. He saw the girl avoid the mirror, noticing how much she had changed in such a small period of time. He took in her appearance; her usual shiny, brown hair was tired back in a loose ponytail, her fringe pulled back with a headband and she had no make-up on at all. She was completely pale and she had some light spots on her face. He frowned at the sight, her usual perfect skin was being ruined by something Kurt had introduced her to.

Rachel was shaking but he could tell she was wearing about four layers of clothing, on the top layer she was wearing a baggy pair of sweatpants and a large jumper that was probably keeping her tiny body warm and attempting to hide her tiny frame. He was shocked when he had seen her, before she left she had been thin but now she was.. skeletal. It was the first word that came to his mind when he saw her. Rachel looked like a ghost, and her heavily protruding cheekbones had scared him but it was her eyes that scared him the most. They had been chocolate brown before but now.. they were nothing. There was no life, no sparkle, no passion.. it was as though all the color had gone out of her world and she didn't want to live any longer.

Kurt looked away for a moment as he tried to hold back his own tears, deciding to walk over to the girl and sit next to her. He grabbed her hand and tried his best to smile at his best friend who was just staring at the floor, avoiding eye contact. "What happened?" He repeated now that they were alone,

"I don't know"

"Yes you do, what did Shelby do?" He could feel her already shaking hand starting to shake even more – if it was possible. "S-She hates me.." She finally whispered, Kurt was taken back for a moment, the confident girl now sounded so much like a little girl, he couldn't believe one month had done this to someone who used to be so strong.

"No she doesn't, do you want to tell me about it?"

"I-I tried to keep it a secret, I did. But she kept going on and on and on about it and I couldn't keep it up any longer, it was too much effort. She wanted to take me to a Doctor but I wouldn't let her, I locked myself in my bedroom and hid out in the bathroom for days." She muttered, biting her lip, "I didn't want to go, Kurt, I didn't want some man looking at my hideous body and telling me I was too fat to have anorexia. I couldn't go through that."

Kurt shook his head and put an arm around her when he saw the tears running down his face, "How much do you weigh?" He whispered, almost dreading the answer as he kissed the side of her head.

"I don't know.. I wasn't allowed." He could her the resentment in her voice, wondering how the woman that Rachel had wanted to impress so much had turned into her worst enemy in one visit. Kurt looked at her and took her hand, needing to know how far Rachel had taken this, leading her into the bathroom and stopping in front of the scales.

Rachel looked away from them and shook her head, "S-Scared." She whispered, tears falling from her eyes again,

"Don't worry, it's okay." He was scared as well, the girl looked so thin and so ill, he knew the girl was in doubles by now. Rachel took a deep breath and closed her eyes tight as she stepped onto the scales. Kurt closed his, too, not wanting his best friend to be sick, he didn't want her to die. He could feel tears escape his eyes and he turned away so Rachel wouldn't see them, he never wanted this to happen.

"Seventy eight pounds." Rachel finally whispered, Kurt held in a gasp and shook his head, "That's almost two stone in a month." Rachel just looked down at the floor, walking out of the bathroom, and Kurt realized just how much the girl was struggling to even walk. He was still trying to get over the shock and also trying to figure out how the girl could possibly lose that much in one month.

He followed her out and sighed when he found her in front of the mirror, staring at herself in disgust, "You're not fat." He hopelessly muttered, knowing whatever he said would do no good.

"I'm too fat for her, she wanted me to get fatter so she could laugh at me and tell me how I don't reach the expectations of a daughter she had." She shook her head and looked away quickly.

"I hated it there, I wanted to come home after the first week but she wouldn't let me. I did stuff there that I don't want to do again but I'm so scared that I'm going to." She bit down on her lip and turned away from Kurt,

"What did you do?" He sat down and tried to imagine what the girl could have done, his suspicions confirmed when Rachel rolled up her sleeves, "She kept going on and on about what a let down I am and how I was a bad influence on Beth. She kept shouting at me to eat, going on about how easy it is. I didn't mean to, I don't even remember doing it. I remember being scared and angry. I missed you and I missed Finn, I didn't know what to do."

He could tell the girl was ashamed and he tried to smile at her, putting his hand on top of hers before wrapping his arms around her. He could feel how bony she had gotten in such a small amount of time, and he had no idea what to do about it. And the worst thing was, he could only think about how he wished he had that control.

~ .. ~

Rachel

I wake up early every single day, I do the same thing all the time. I wake up, run to the mirror, weigh myself and then do some crunches, then some squats and then I go for a run, weighing again when I get back, It's my routine, I don't know when it started but it's the way I live now.

I get up out of bed quickly just so I can get dressed before the coldness settles in. I was always cold, it was a feeling that never seemed to go away. I shake my head as I look into the mirror, sighing at all the fat I can see. I hate the mirror sometimes, it doesn't lie and it hurts to know I look like that. I wish it would lie. It seems to take no notice of the lowering number on the scales, I just get fatter. I run to the scales; only one pound down. I don't eat and all I get is a little weight loss. It's not fair.

I wonder when my life stopped being normal. I miss my old life, I don't miss being fat but I miss having a life. Now my life is about numbers – calories, fat, pounds and sizes. Nothing was right anymore, no matter what I do. I looked around my room, checking everything was in order before leaving and then silently opened my bedroom door.

I have to look around to make sure neither dad is there to stop me going for a run. I have to meet Kurt in ten minutes, he was the only friend I have left. I still had Finn but we barely see each other, the disgust on his face still playing in my mind when he saw me last week. I sighed at the thought and ran faster, not wanting to be late.

I smile when I see him, carrying on with my run so he can join me. This is the most normality I get during the whole day – most of the time I was locked in my bedroom because my dads don't let me out of the house, assuming I'm safer in my bedroom. "Here we go." Kurt hands me some water and I smile, thanking him before taking a sip.

I sit for a while while we try and get our breath back, getting number and weaker every single day. I can't just lay down though, I couldn't let myself get fat again. I looked at Kurt, who had caught his breath back already and was probably ready to go.

"Isn't that Blaine?" Kurt nodded towards a person standing on the other side of the beach, too far away to hear us but close enough to see who we are. I shrug, "Maybe." I hadn't seen him or anyone else since the end of school, I didn't plan on doing so either. I quickly run off in the opposite direction and Kurt follows,

"Instead of going for a run tomorrow morning, do you want to go for a swim?" I nod, smiling when we have to go our separate ways. Kurt's parents didn't mind him going out for runs but they would have gone mad if they knew he was with me because I was so 'underweight'. My dads say the same, they would go mad if they even knew I was out of bed.

I watch him leave and carry on running towards my house; I can't help but wonder if the only reason he is my best friend is because of our eating disorders and maybe, if I did recover, then he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. And then I wouldn't have anyone; Finn didn't even call or text me anymore, I haven't heard from him and I have no idea what to do. Maybe he found someone else and I couldn't blame him if he had.

I sigh and stop running when my side hurts, starting to walk slowly – trying to think past the pain and think about other things. But then again, pain doesn't hurt when it's all you ever feel. It was as though I've been put on this earth to hurt, and I don't even know how to cope with it. I finally get to the house, walking inside without caring what my dads say. I've gone for the run by now, it's not like they can do anything about it.

Sure enough they're sitting there, waiting for me, I look at them for a moment and try to walk past them both before daddy grabs my arm and stands up, "Where have you been?"

"For a walk."

"Don't lie to us." I protest in response but they shake their heads and nods towards a seat on the other side of the table, "I'm not eating." I say simply, not even bothering to deny anything anymore.

"You're going to sit down." I sit there and stare at the toast set in front of me, staring at the amount of butter on it. "Do you want me to be fat again?" I look up at them and shake my head, I couldn't believe this, everyone wanted me to get fatter. I try so hard and people hate me.

"You've never been fat, please baby.. please eat." Dad speaks up this time and I stare at him,

"You're going to the Doctors later."

"NO!" I slam my cup down that I had been holding and watch the water spill all over me, running out of the room before locking myself in the bathroom as tears fall down my face quickly. "Rachel, get out of here right now." He sounds so angry, I didn't mean to make either of them angry, I didn't mean to let them down.

I sigh and feel more tears fall down my face but I quickly wipe them away. I wasn't going to cry anymore, it was a sign of a weakness and I am anything but weak. "In a minute, dad." I finally shout out and flush the toilet to make it look like I had just gone, before opening the door, "Chill out." I say as casually as I can manage, sitting back down at the table.

I look down at the plate and then back at the both of them, "I'm not going to go."

"Yes you are." I sigh and push the plate away, "Make me." I challenge them, but they shake their heads and choose to just push the plate back to me. "I would love to see either of you try and make me."

"We're going now." I shake my head quickly, trying to pull out of the vice-like grip my daddy has on my arm, but I'm too weak and they're both too strong. I know I have no chance of getting out of this one. I scream and I kick and I punch but he stood still with my dad not too far behind me, never letting go.

"Fine! Just.. let me get something from my bedroom.." I sigh in relief when he lets go and I run upstairs, grabbing the weight I had bought so long ago. I can hide them in my underwear, as Kurt told me to do so long ago if they ever thought about weighing me at school or at the doctor's. I nod at my dads when I walk out of my bedroom and they both sigh in relief, "Come on, baby." I roll my eyes, following them both, not wanting them to know I'm too weak to keep up their pace, not wanting them to know how hard every single step is for me.

~ .. ~

"Rachel Berry, please." Rachel sighs when she hears her name being called, she had been waiting for half an hour and was hoping her dads would get too annoyed with waiting and they could have gone home. She felt a dad on either side as they took her both arms and led her inside, the girl trying to shake both of them off before they walked into the room.

She stared at the woman behind the desk – the one who would weigh her, the one who could expose the secret if she wasn't careful. Rachel looks around the room as she's led to seat by her daddy, sitting down between them both. She refused to make eye contact with either of them and instead chooses to focus on the room, wondering what it would be like to be a doctor.

"She won't eat." She can her one of her dad's mutter, but she wasn't really listening. She had no idea what either of them could have said before that, if anything had been said before. She didn't really care anymore, if they wanted to speak about her like she wasn't even here, it was fine with her. She wants to be invisible, she wants to fade away.

"Rachel?" She can hear the Doctor speak to her directly and she looks over, not bothering saying anything, "Would you like to go through your normal diet with me?" She just nods and thinks about what could be called normal.

"I have cereal in the morning, salad for lunch and then whatever daddy or dad cooks in the evening." She looks at her dad, and then at her daddy, hopelessly hoping they would back her up but the shake of their heads tell her they won't.

"You haven't eaten anything at home for a while." She just shrugs, looking away,

"How about you just stop lying?" She could hear the annoyance in her dad's voice, and she could hear the hurt too when he shouted.

"I just want to know if you're eating okay." The Doctor speaks up, breaking the tension between the small family, "I am eating fine, thank you for asking."

"Alright then, I am going to ask your fathers to leave the room and then I would like you to get changed into one of those gowns." Rachel nodded and stood up, "May I check your pockets first?" The Doctor stands up and Rachel just shakes her head, she could feel the weights in there, she was going to put them in her underwear in a minute. She needed more time.

"We've had a lot of girls come in here recently and try and place weights in their underwear to hide their true weight. I just need to make sure for your own health that you haven't done the same." Rachel could feel the tears pour down her face already, she thought about being put away, everyone was going to find out and the control would be gone. "I-I don't..." She whispers weakly, ignoring the look on her dads faces as they both shake their heads, standing up,

"Let me check, I will have you watch you get changed, either way I will find out." Rachel sighs and lets the woman turn out her pockets, pulling out the weights before handing them to her daddy, both of them turning away from their daughter. They were ashamed, Rachel thought, embarrassed by her. They hated her.

She murmurs an apology and they look at her, "You're sick, baby girl.. please.. please let us help you." She could see the tears in her dad's eyes, knowing she was breaking their heart. And instead, she just shrugs and grabs the gown, stepping behind the curtains to get changed – the plan hadn't gone well.

She hears the door shut when her dads walk out and she closes her eyes, trying to stop herself from crying. She shakes them off quickly and walks back to the doctor, seeing the woman look her up and down, "Step on the scales please." She nods slowly and slowly steps on them, this woman didn't even know her and she already hated her. She could see the woman thinking about what a huge time waster Rachel was being, when she could be helping someone who is actually sick.

"Seventy pounds." The woman mutters to herself, writing it down, "Can you step off and stand by here, please?" Rachel nodded and watched as her height was measured, "And can you sit on the bed, please?" Rachel just nods again, not saying a word as she watches the woman go to a large chart over by the wall, heaving a deep sigh before turning back to face the teenager.

"Rachel, do you know what anorexia is?" Rachel just nods, biting her lip, suddenly feeling shy and exposed. She watches the Doctor grab a blood pressure monitor besides her and wrap it around the tiny arm, pumping gently. "Thought so." She finally mutters, and Rachel takes the time to turn back to the woman,

"Thought what?"

"Low blood pressure."

"Oh.." Rachel looked down, not really fully understanding what it meant, "Can I get changed now?" She jumps off when the woman tells her she can and she runs to put her baggy clothing on, smiling when she can't see her fatness anymore, handing the woman the gown.

"Sit down for a minute, I think we should talk before we bring your dads back in here." Rachel does as she asks and bites her lip,

"I just need to ask you a few questions, and I need you to tell me the truth." She takes a deep breath, "You have a body mass index of 12.8; you are at a severe risk of cardiac arrest and other health related problems, and if you don't get help very soon, then I am scared something will happen to you.. do you want to die, Rachel?"

"Everyone would be a lot happier." Rachel mutters, regretting the words the instant they come out of her mouth, but the Doctor didn't even seem shocked at the words, "Your fathers both love you a lot, but I can't help but wonder why nothing was done about this so much sooner."

"I've been away for a month with my mom."

"And what happened when you got back?" Rachel looked up and shrugged, "What do you mean?"

"Well, did your dads try and help you when they noticed your weight loss?" Rachel just nods and looks back down at the floor,

"They try to make me sit down with them to eat, they take days off work just to make sure I do..." She could feel a blush creeping on her cheeks, the shame showing at how selfish she had been.

"And how long as this been going on?"

"It was just a diet.." Rachel whispers, closing her eyes, "I just.. started being healthy, no junk food at all, no matter what.."

"And you lost weight.." The Doctor just nodded and waited for her to continue,

"I just wanted my mom to be proud of me."

"Do you think she will only be proud of you if you're thin?" Rachel nods and then looks up at the woman, "Sometimes, I think that if I am thin, then she wouldn't have left me a year ago, I would have been good enough for her but... I got there and she still hates me even when I lost everything.. and by then it was too late."

"When did the diet become a problem, Rachel?"

"I really really happy because I had lost a little weight but then I went to this sleepover and the boy I was with he... he um.. he threw everything we ate back up and I was so curious..." She trails off, knowing Kurt would hate her so much if she exposed his secret,

"He taught you?" Rachel quickly shakes her head, denying it quickly, wanting to take everything back, knowing she had to protect Kurt like he protected her all this time. The woman sighs, "Do you want to tell me his name?" Another shake of the head. "He has an eating disorder too, he needs help as well."

Rachel nods slightly and bites her lip, "He won't let me tell anyone. It's his secret to tell, not mine."

"Okay.. and then what happened after this sleepover?"

"I don't know, I kept eating less and less, cutting out more and more food and then I threw up everything I did eat. I just wanted to be thin. But.. no matter how much weight I lose, I never look thinner."

"Rachel... I need to get you admitted into a hospital, and I know this is going to be hard for you but it's for your own good. You have to get better, you don't want to die, do you, honey?" Rachel shakes her head, not even sure if she wants to fight anymore. "I'm just going to get your dads."

Rachel watches the woman walk out, not returning for another fifteen minutes, before coming back with her dads behind her. They both smiled at her, running to either side to kneel down next to her, squeezing both her hands, "We're going to get you some help, okay, baby?" She nods at them both and tries to smile back at them,

"I'm sorry dad, daddy.." She whispers, watching them both shake their heads,

"It's okay, darling.. it's going to be better soon. We promise." They both look over at the Doctor as the woman speaks, putting down the phone,

"Unfortunately – against my advice – they are unable to give you a bed until tomorrow. I will have to phone you with a time, will that be okay?" Leroy nods and stands up, helping his shaking daughter up. "I will see you soon, Rachel." The woman says before shaking both men's hands, speaking to Hiram as Leroy slowly led Rachel from the room.

"It's going to be okay now." He whispers to his daughter,

"Can I go say goodbye to Kurt?" Hiram comes up besides them both and shakes his head, "The doctor doesn't think we should let you out of our sight tonight." Rachel nods and looks down at the ground, "Can I phone him?"

"Of course you can." Rachel nods a little and leans against her dad, closing her eyes, murmuring a thank you.