And to make up for my appalling lack of updates lately, I bring you another chapter! I will admit, this is mostly filler but there is some drama towards the end.
I'm trying my best to get this finished, so updates will be frequent!
It was 6am when Kurt first awoke the next morning. His head felt like it was made of lead as he attempted to raise it off his pillow but ended up crashing full force and face first back into it again. He really didn't want to face school that day however sectionals were a week away and he'd wasted the whole of the previous week at Crawford. He'd told Rachel as much as he could about the all girl's glee club. Possible set lists, their arrangement style the strengths and weaknesses of their lead soloists. He honestly didn't see how knowing what they were going to do would help their glee club but Rachel devoured the knowledge he passed on regardless.
Kurt couldn't bring himself to actually get out of bed until almost 7 and by that point Finn was already hogging the bathroom.
"Finn!" he screeched through the locked wooden door, pounding it with his fist. "Hurry up," his own voice did nothing for his still pulsing headache but yelling at someone, even if Finn had done nothing wrong, certainly made him feel slightly better.
"Geez, what's up your butt?" Finn exclaimed, pushing the bathroom door open as Kurt shoved him out of the way. "Normally you're ready and yelling at Burt for eating bacon by now," he huffed as Kurt slammed the bathroom door in his face, muffling Finn as he yelled "Not cool dude!"
Kurt swiftly undressed and when he finally had the therapeutic pounding of the steaming hot water against his back he let himself remember everything. How Blaine had left. How he was back to being alone all over again. How Karofsky was still there and who knows what he was capable of now he knew that Kurt had told someone about what he did. He tried not to cry. He tried to convince himself that the warm streaks rolling down his cheek was just water from the shower but there was no kidding himself. He didn't want to hurt, he didn't want to feel this pain. He just couldn't understand why it hurt so much. He had only known Blaine for a single week, yet now that he had been suddenly ripped away he felt so empty. He'd finally begun to feel safe, even with Karofsky around. It was just nice having someone who understood exactly what he was going through. He loved his friends but none of them really got it, they can't empathize when they have no idea what it's like.
Blaine just understood.
Kurt emerged from the shower after about 20 minutes; his skin flushed a dark pink. Wiping some of the condensation off of the mirror, he decided that his crippling depression was no reason to skip out on his moisturizing routine as he touched a finger to his wet cheek.
The half an hour it took him to carry out his usual morning moisturizing seemed to alleviate some of his angst. The routine application made him feel normal and structured and helped keep his mind away from…well from real life.
All he had to do was stop thinking about things and he would inevitably get better right? Just block out all of the bad things from his thoughts. Ignore the bullies and the taunts and the locker shoves and the forced kisses. Push the sadness away, just stop thinking negatively things could always be worse.
He knew it was hopeless.
He and Finn drove to school in utter silence. Finn was still pissed off at Kurt's morning outburst and Kurt simply had nothing to say. He instead slouched in his seat, stared out of his passenger window, and felt sorry for himself.
"What is up with you?" Mercedes asked as Kurt stood at his locker, preparing his things for third period. He'd avoided pretty much everyone all day and had made it so far with as little verbal communication as possible. He continued this trait by ignoring Mercedes, giving her a side-glance but saying nothing. "You've done nothing but mope around all day," Kurt let out a long exhale because that was probably the one word to describe his current feelings that would definitely not make him feel better. "Are you okay?" she asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
Kurt shrugged. No, he wasn't okay, but he didn't really feel like talking. "Kurt please, tell me what's up, I'm here for you."
"It's nothing," he lied in an attempt to be left alone. "Really."
"Okay, I know you are lying to me boy. On Friday, you were so happy you looked like you were about to puke rainbows or something. Well, at least before Miss Self-Elected-Queen-Of-The-World decided to butt in, but still, what's going on?" she persisted, following him after he'd closed his locker and began walking to his French classroom.
"I really don't feel like talking about it right now Mercedes," he muttered, clutching his bag to his chest and keeping his eyes locked to the ground as he spotted Karofsky round the corner ahead of them and begin sauntering in their direction. He could feel the glare as it penetrated through his skin and he knew in that instant that he had never felt more alone and helpless. Mercedes did not miss the intense moment and her gaze lingered on Karofsky as he continued on his way, wherever he was going.
"Is it Karofsky? Is he giving you a rough time again?" she asked. Kurt had to still his nerves because it wasn't that Karofsky was giving him a rough time again, he'd never stopped harassing him, but nobody seemed to notice that fact. If Kurt appeared okay, then he was okay, even if he was falling to pieces on the inside.
"Sort of," he mumbled and hoped it would be left at that as he escaped from his friend and into his next class.
The rest of the day passed by swiftly, Kurt attempted to take notes in his classes but found it increasingly difficult to decipher what his teachers were lecturing about, especially when his headache returned full force. He pushed Blaine out of his mind as much as he could but it was near impossible considering his entire life for the past week had mostly revolved around him and his sister.
He considered skipping lunch but as soon as the thought crossed his mind his stomach growled in protest. It was then that he realized that the last thing he had consumed was the banana and Oreo milkshake he'd had with Blaine the day before. He sighed in reluctance as he walked into the cafeteria, getting himself a chicken salad and seeking his friends out.
He really shouldn't be pushing them away. He had been feeling so alone and abandoned for too long. At the Crawford girl's rehearsals, he had done nothing but pine over his friends as he realized how not-crazy his glee club actually was in comparison to some. He'd done nothing but feel sorry for himself because Blaine had gone, the only other openly gay kid he'd ever met, but really, it wasn't his friends' fault that they couldn't empathize with him. He just needed to actually let them in instead of being a closed book all the time, maybe then they could help him.
He smiled softly as he sat down and picked at his salad. Mercedes leaned her head on his shoulder to try and comfort him, despite the fact she had no idea why he was so upset.
"It's Blaine," he finally said, Mercedes and Tina looking up at him expectantly. "He doesn't want to know me anymore."
"What?" Mercedes exclaimed. "Tell me everything!"
"Who's Blaine?" Tina asked.
So Kurt explained. He filled Tina in on the beautiful boy he met and how Mercedes had insisted on setting them up. He then proceeded to tell them both about when Blaine had kissed him as Kirsty. How they had argued at the Lima Bean but ultimately managed to fix thing. How sick Kurt felt about lying to Blaine and how paranoid he was, and finally, how Blaine had found out the truth.
He left out the part about him being terrified to his core of Karofsky.
"He didn't really seem all that angry, he just sounded…hurt. I hurt him so bad and now I feel like crap." Mercedes hugged him tightly and Tina placed a warm hand over his across the table.
"So it's because of your disguise as Kirsty that pushed Blaine away?" Mercedes pressed.
"Pretty much," Kurt replied miserably.
"I'll kill her," she said through clenched teeth. Right then, as if on cue, Rachel sat down at their table besides Tina, beaming slightly, unaware that Mercedes was plotting her death. "You!" she accused pointing a threatening finger across at her, "It's because of you that my boo is miserable right now!" Rachel's eyes widened in shock at the outburst.
"Mercedes, calm down, it's not Rachel's fault, despite how much I really want to blame her, I shouldn't have lied to him," Kurt interrupted.
"But Kurt, She's the one who put you up to this in the first place! She made you spy on those guys."
"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Rachel begged and Kurt looked wearily over at Mercedes, he really didn't feel like explaining everything again, so instead Mercedes gave a shortened version.
"So let me get this straight," Rachel said slowly once Mercedes had filled her in. "Not only are you a total hypocrite for judging me for being with Jesse last year, but we'll get to that later, but also this Blaine guy knows that you were spying?" Kurt narrowed his eyes at her before she continued. "This guy whose sister is in the glee club you were spying on. The very same glee club who sabotaged their opposition in past years simply for being the opposition." Oh. Everyone at the table froze in realization.
"We're dead," Tina said frankly.
"Kurt, how could you be so careless?" Rachel hollered accusingly.
"Hey! Lay off Kurt," Mercedes defended as Kurt shrunk into his seat. He couldn't possibly feel any worse; those girls were going to destroy them and any chances they have at sectionals. There was no way Blaine hadn't told Catherine about him. "He's been through enough because of your idiotic plan, which I was against from the start."
"Yes Mercedes, you're quite right and I have learned my lesson; never listen to Rachel. Ever," Kurt said in a monotone.
"Hey, if you hadn't gone and met this guy in the first place and instead just did what you were supposed to, none of this would have happened," Rachel replied.
"Okay, if another word comes out of that mouth I'm gonna punch it." Mercedes rose from her seat threateningly.
"Guys," Kurt said boldly, interrupting the two and pulling Mercedes back down to her seat. "Stop it, this is no one's fault but my own, now if you'll excuse me," he left the lunch room, abandoning his salad despite his protesting stomach and the calls from his friends.
He had told them, they knew and it hadn't helped in the slightest. He still felt completely and utterly alone.
He emerged from the cafeteria, unsure where he would actually spend the rest of his lunch break and walked aimlessly down the mostly empty hallways. He stopped at his locker and packed his bag for his afternoon classes, saving himself the job of doing it later and chancing an encounter with Mercedes or Rachel. Just as he slammed the door shut, the hulking figure of someone he was really not in the mood to deal with appeared behind it. A dangerous scowl danced across his features.
Be brave. Kurt urged himself. Blaine told you to stick up for yourself so do it.
"What's up princess?"
"What do you want Karofsky?" Kurt asked, not looking over at the bully and willing his voice to stay steady. When he said nothing, Kurt turned from his locker and attempted to just walk away, however he should have known that Karofsky would not let him leave so easily. The larger boy gripped his shoulder in a vice-like grip, forcing them to face each other. The contact made Kurt's skin crawl but he hid it well enough.
"So you told your boyfriend about what you did huh?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kurt replied, furrowing his eyebrows, trying to hide the fear.
"You know, about how you kissed me."
"You kissed me," Kurt corrected but was quickly silenced by Karofsky death glare before he hastily scanned the halls for other students who may have heard, he quickly sighed in relief when he saw none.
"You tell anyone else?" he asked accusingly yet Kurt could sense the worry that lingered beneath.
"No," he replied softly "I'm not going to out you if that's what you're worried about. Your secret's safe with me," he assured, hoping that just maybe, they might be able to come to some sort of agreement.
"Good," was what Karofsky replied with. "Because if you do, I will kill you," he said. There were no emotions evident on his face, he was completely unreadable. Kurt didn't want to test if he was bluffing or not and even if he did, there was no way he'd be able because he was pretty damn certain that his legs were never going to function normally again. Karofsky stalked off, leaving Kurt alone in the empty hallway, his eyes wide and his body trembling. He'd received plenty of threats before, simply for being gay, for being who he was. But death threats?
He never knew that mere words could invoke such fear within him.
And Blaine, the only other person who knew what Karofsky did was now cut out of his life so cleanly. He had no one to turn to, no one who understood. He had no one.
Sadly no Blaine this chapter. He's still rather pissed...Reviews might cheer him up though! :D
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