Chaper Five: Honesty

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. - Oscar Wilde

After long minutes, they both remembered a neccessary bodily function. Breathing. Drawing apart, panting for air, they both opened their eyes for the first time. A hazy unfocused heat emenated from both chocolate and violet eyes. She ran a shaky hand through his silver tresses as his hand, huge by comparison, cupped her cheek. They stared...and stared...and stared...

She smiled at him. The smile of someone who knows something you dont, and is aching to show off their discovery. Confused, his eyebrows snapped together with an almost audible click, as he took note of her long hair, and of the slight smudge of crimson on her chin. Blood? his blood? Long hair... blood thirst... Vampire. His Yuuki, a vampire?

Memories rushed back to him, fighting, awakening, leaving... Yes he remembered. His Yuuki wasn't his. She was a pureblood vampire, the bane of his existance, and she belonged to that man.

But... he was dreaming... wasnt he?... Yuuki was never a vampire in his dreams... she always had that youthful, short haircut, pearly, straight teeth... not long straggling locks and pointed fangs... in his dreams. She was never like this in his dreams... this was what real Yuuki looked like... The... real...Yuuki.

He slowly lowered his hand. She looked saddened by the loss of touch, and stopped her own caresses.

"Dont stop..." she begged "I missed you so much... Zero..."

Missed... me...? But... in his dreams, they were never apart! As the last fog of fever and sleep left him, a trecherous voice ruined his blissful ignorance, by pointing out the truth. Not a dream. The real Yuuki. Here. On me. Kissing me.

His eyes widened in shock, then quivered in disgust, then narrowed in hatred. Pulling away as though burned Yuuki unbalanced herself, leaving him the opportunity to push her unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Vampire!" he spat venomously at her, leaping to his feet. He was sickened with guilt, for the disgust and hatred in his eyes that tore at Yuuki was not for her, but for himself. It could have been anybody sneaking in on him while he was defenseless. Worst of all it had ben her. He'd never felt so vunerable in his life, he hated feeling vunerable. Someone could have killed me, She could have done much worse then kiss him. The shock was too much, too many questions to ask, feelings were to complicated, everything was to complicated. Why was nothing ever simple?

"Out!" he roared, fists balled up at his sides.

She scrambled to her feet.

"I said get OUT!"

He didnt like her... he hated her... She sobbed as she lept out the still open window and ran back to her prison.

...

"Out..." he whispered to her retreating back.

...

She ran. Trying to run so hard and so fast as to escape the wretched guilt tearing at her insides. Not only had she betrayed Kaname's trust by leaving her rooms, she had put herself in danger to visit another man, a man who hated her. A man she loved with every leaping heat filled moment of their kiss, with every touching, joking, maddening, memory of her childhood, with the bloodlust of vampirism... hated her. She wanted to drown herself in her guilt, to hate him back, but she couldnt. Already three quarters of the distance back, her jellied limbs demanded her to slow down, and she complied as cramp seized her calf. Rubbing deep into the muscles of her legs, she cried out her anguish. As painful as it was, her heart hurt far more. Just as she had almost completed her puzzle, a hunk she had long since considered stable was whisked away entirely, leaving a gaping hole. Once her feelings for Zero had surfaced, she was sure his hatred of vampires would't be relevant. Any doubts she had that he would still liked her had melted in the firey licks of his kiss...

She bit gently on her lip... remebering... those wonderfully terrorifying kisses... the sweetness of his life seeping slowly from the puncture in his lip...

"OUT!"

She jumped once more with the mere memory of his voice using that tone. She wanted to hug him, comfort him, sooth away that pained expression... but he didnt want her.

I may not love kaname the way he wants me to, but I'll try, I promise I will. Ill be so good to him he'll never tell me to get out... Ill be good... even though I want someone else... he doesnt want me... Ill be good...

Decided, she leapt up and ran the final stretch back to the abandoned mansion as dusk fell. Vowing to surpress the wailing of her broken heart.

...

God did he want her...

Burning shame and anguish overcame him as soon as she was out of sight. It cost him so much to be harsh to her... every hurting word, every retraction from her touch seared with the cold piercing of his heart. Everytime he hurt her, he hurt more it seemed for it just screamed wrongness deep within him to not hold her, to not kiss her, to not tell her how he felt...

He wanted her so much that he was sure she'd break from the burden of how much he loved her... If she loved him this much and he didnt like her even half as much, he'd feel terrible. Wretched. Uncapable of loving as deeply. He would become bitter and cold and never feel equal to the love she'd give so freely. He didn't want that for her. Even if she did return his feelings... he knew he'd always love her more... and that that might cause her pain. He would give anything for her to never experience pain ever again... even if it means I have to hurt her... Im such an idiot, that doesnt even make sense in my head...

Shes better off with that guy... But I want her... She loves being pampered in that mansion of hers... Other than a fondness for pink, shopping, and cute animals, she was never that girly... she was never above getting dirty doing some hard work... holed up with her dear brother that shes wanted all along... That was just for her safety... she owed him... maybe she felt like she had to go with him... she was probably just messing with me...that kiss... but it was so... divine... Probably learnt it from him, kissing like that... disgusting... gorgeous... vile... adorable... vampire!... Yuuki!...

Why was it that he could always work up such a good arguement with himself?

He sighed angrily, head in his hands. If she was so happy... why did she come to find him? To rub it in...? then why would she kiss him while he was still asleep? was she afraid he'd fufil his promise to kill her? he chuckled feebley at the thought... it was a snowballs chance in hell that he could ever pull the trigger at her. She couldntve.. y'know... just wanted to kiss him... unlikely... that was always his dreams, not hers... the only person who could know for sure is her...

...

The change in the girl is remarkable... thought Aido as he conducted his lessons the next day. She sat straight, didnt talk out of turn, didnt fidget... she was still dreadful at her math but she had her head down and tried her best. He credited the change to himself of course. His comments had obviously finnally sunk in overnight (...day), and he couldnt wait to show Kaname his bride stuck firmly in her proper place.

...

She bowed. She scraped. She "Yes, Mi'lord"ed and "Thank you Mi'lady"ed. She never spoke unless spoken to, paid strict attention, and held her hands crossed firmly in her lap to avoid fidgeting. It helped that she was exhausted from being not only awake, but running around in sunlight during the period she normally slept. Everyone assumed she was well rested after a goodnight (...days) sleep. She pinched her thigh as she bowed to avoid looking up. She dug her nails into her palms as she "Yes, Mi'lord"ed and "Thank you Mi'lady"ed, so she wouldnt talk back. She bit the inside of her lip and cheeks till they bled to not comment, or backchat, ask questions or answer things not directed at her. With every held back comment, every straightening of her back, every polite but oh so fake smile, her spirit died a little. And as she fell into bed after 36 hours of emotional upheaval and physical stress, she chanted that she would be even better tommorow, she'd already screwed up once, she wouldnt lose Kaname as well.

Sleep took her, filled with unfufilled promises, and the flash of violet eyes... the caress of ghostly lips and the promise of a tattooed neck... She wept without wakeing for the unsatisfied passions within her... Only ice, cold and emotionless, could hold her heart together.

A/N: DO NOT FEAR, Im never ever never ever gonna make this story favour Kaname over Zero.

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