Author's note: I meant to say something in my last chapter, but I was at work when I posted the last chapter and I didn't have time to write a long note. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words. I'm also sorry it has taken me so long to update the story. When it rains it pours. My father -in-law had a stroke last week and my husband and I had to fly out to help with that and we just got back last night. He is doing much better and is expected to make a full recovery. I hope you enjoy the chapter and I hope to update again soon.

Chapter 9

Morgan took a deep breath. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened in the police station." Reid scratched at the tape holding his IV in, waiting for him to continue. "I shouldn't have said any of that. Hell, I shouldn't have even thought it. I was just concerned about you, but that doesn't excuse what I did. I never should have bombarded you like that and I'm sorry."

"I've been talked about behind my back most of my life," Reid began. "The other kids at school, on the playground, in college, with other agents at the Bureau, and I'm used to that. I'm not going to lie, it hurt a lot to find out my friends were doing it too."

"Reid," Morgan protested. "We were just trying to help. We never meant to hurt you; we would never do that to you."

"I know, but saying that doesn't make it hurt any less." He replied.

"You're right," Morgan sighed. "I hope that you can forgive us, when you're ready."

"I have worked so hard, since Tobias did that to me. I struggled a lot at first, physically it was tough. Now, after all that has happened in the last 2 years, it has been very hard emotionally not to use that as an escape. It was so hard after I got shot; I mean that was really painful but I did it. The whole anthrax poising was tough, but I came out of that without using. It was really tempting when the migraines started. I contemplated it a lot when they first started. It may seem silly to go through all of that, and then headaches are what tempted me the most. I guess it's because the headaches could lead to something worse. After what happened here, I almost feel like the universe is telling me it's no use, to just give up."

"Come on Reid," Morgan tried to appeal to him. "We both know you don't believe in stuff like that."

"I know, but it just feels better to say it out loud." He shrugged. "I don't want to start using again, but it's going to be harder after having this morphine in my system the past two days."

"I wanted to apologize for that as well." Morgan rubbed his finger over his eyebrow as he spoke. "I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for making you take the drugs that first night you were here."

Reid scrunched is brow, thinking. "I don't…wait, that all happened? Me screaming, being strapped to the bed? That was all real?"

"You don't remember it?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah, I remember, I just didn't think it was real. The venom was messing with my head." He replied. "I am so embarrassed for reacting like that, screaming, making such a fuss." He ran a hand over his face.

"Do you remember the ambulance ride?" Morgan asked.

"Some of it, why?'

"You were saying something about horses, and I couldn't figure out what you were talking about."

"Oh, it's nothing really," He explained. "I was trying to keep myself awake. The antivenin for a black widow bite is produce by injecting a horse with gradually increased doses of the poison until the horse's immune system produces the antivenin. It seemed relevant at the time." He shrugged again.

"Geez Reid," Morgan laughed. "You really do know everything."

"Oh, shut up Morgan," Reid shrugged. "I usually focus better when I am reciting statistic or facts like that. I guess it didn't work very well this time."

"How are you feeling now?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know," He hesitated. "My chest hurts; it is getting a little easier to breath though." He unconsciously rubbed his hand across his chest as he spoke. "I just feel… off."

"You want something to eat?" Morgan asked.

"I am kind of hungry." Reid realized that he felt like he might actually be able to eat something. "I don't think I can eat anything heavy. Maybe some soup?"

Morgan got up from his chair. "I'll see if I can find you something. You gonna be ok if I go?"

"Yes, I'll be fine." Reid watched him head to the door. "Thanks."

Rossi sipped at the coffee and sat the cup back down on the table. He was seated in the corner table of a small coffee shop across the street from the hotel. He couldn't sleep and it felt stuffy in the hotel room. Even though Reid was doing a lot better, he still had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was hoping that would go away once he was able to apologize to him.

He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Prentiss enter the shop.

"You mind if I join you?" Her words startled him. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

"Oh," he moved the newspaper he had flipped through out of her way as she sat down. "I was just thinking. What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing?" She smiled, avoiding the question.

"Do you have an update on Reid?" He asked.

"Yeah, Morgan said he's doing better, but he will be very sore for a couple weeks." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Did he tell you that Reid is thinking about quieting?"

"The BAU?" Rossi asked in shock.

"Everything, the FBI, all of it." She replied.

"No, I haven't been able to talk with him yet. When was this?" He asked.

"The first night he was in the hospital," She picked at her finger nails. "I think they talked about it again this morning, but he seems pretty serious."

"What did Hotch say?" He drained his coffee cup.

"He wants him to take a sabbatical when we get back, and wait to make the decision after he has had a break."

"Poor kid," Rossi sighed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes after Emily's coffee had been brought to the table. She spoke quietly, "What is the worst thing you have seen on this job?"

"Why do you ask that?" Rossi didn't want to answer the question.

"I just was thinking about something Morgan said about Reid. You know he has that amazing memory that helps us in solving so many cases but I've never thought about how much of what he sees he remembers." She swallowed. "He can remember everything about a case, every gruesome detail. I would probably go crazy if I couldn't forget some of the things I've seen. After thinking about it that way, it isn't surprising that he wants to quit, I'm kind of surprised he lasted this long now that I think about it."

"I know this job can be brutal, but I hope he really thinks about this before he makes a decision." Rossi didn't want to voice out loud that he wasn't sure they could function as a team without him. "Is he still up?"

"Reid?" She asked, and Rossi nodded. "Oh, I don't think so. I just spoke with Morgan and he said he was going to get Reid something to eat and then he would probably be tired. Morgan is probably pretty tired himself. He may let you sit with him while he gets a couple hours of sleep." Prentiss pointed out.

"Yeah, I may do that." He pulled a few dollar bills from his wallet and dropped a tip on the table. "Try and get some sleep yourself."

Emily smirked, "Yeah, right." She drank her coffee as she watched Rossi leave the shop, she couldn't see which direction he went. She spent a few more hours there, lost in thought before she headed back to the hotel. Even though she had already had a shower that day, she headed to the bath room and turned on the shower. She stripped her clothes as the bathroom filled with steam. She flinched a little as she stepped under the hot water. She let the heat work through the tension in her shoulders. She didn't know how long she had been in the shower, but she heard a knock at the hotel door when she turned off the water. She quickly dried off a little, and wrapped the towel around herself. She looked through the peep hole to see who was knocking.

She found Seaver on the other side of the door. She opened the door a crack so as not to allow anyone in the hallway to see her dripping wet in a towel.

"Oh, sorry," Seaver began. "I didn't realize you were in the shower. Never mind," She turned to leave.

"No, it's ok," Prentiss opened the door to allow her to enter the room quickly. "Just give me a minute." Seaver sat on the chair by the window while Emily grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom. She came back out a few minutes later dressed in her yoga pants and an old t-shirt. She toweled her damp hair as she sat on the edge of the bed. "What's up? You ok?"

Seaver shifted in her chair. "I just didn't feel like sitting in my hotel room waiting. I saw you come in a bit ago and thought you might be awake. You look like you are getting ready to go to bed. I shouldn't have bothered you." She made as if she was going to stand but Prentiss stopped her.

"Ashley," Prentiss laid the towel down on the bed. "We are all worried about Reid, it's ok that you can't sleep. I doubt I will be able to sleep tonight."

Seaver sighed. "I don't know how you do this. I've only been a part of this team a short while, I can't imagine how hard it is for the rest of you watching him go through this. How do you not let it get to you?"

Emily wanted to say something she had said to JJ years earlier, but she chose to say something else. "This is just a risk you run with doing a job like this. It is a terrible thing when it happens, but we have all been through horrible things as individuals but sometimes it seems worse when you watch someone you care about go through something like this. We all handle things differently and you just have to learn to not let it interfere with your ability to do your job." Prentiss was kind of taken aback at how cold her answer had seemed. "Ashley, look, it is going to get to you. We wouldn't be any different from the killers we catch if it didn't."

"He's always so nice to me." Seaver said quietly. "He's never impatient with me when I am working things out in my head even when he's figured it out already."

"Yeah, Reid is one of the best people I know." She stood and made her way to the mini fridge across the room. She grabbed a small bottle and held it up. "Want a drink?"

Rossi approached the hospital room quietly. The lights were down low, so he figured Reid was asleep. He approached the open door but stopped at the frame, Reid was sitting up in the bed just staring. Rossi didn't see Morgan anywhere. He stood for a moment and watched Reid, until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to find Morgan.

"I didn't want to startle you." He said quietly. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah," Rossi rotated the ring on his finger. "You mind if I sit with him for a bit?"

"Go ahead." Morgan glanced at his watch. "When you want me back?"

"Come back once you've gotten enough sleep," Rossi said, "You look exhausted."

"Let me know if you need anything." Morgan ran a hand over his face and headed out.

Rossi slowly entered the room, but Reid didn't register that he was there until he was right next to him. "How ya felling kid?"

"Rossi, what are you doing up?" Reid asked rubbing his eyes.

"I wanted to give Morgan a chance to get some sleep." He took a seat. "How you feeling?"

"I'm better." He rearranged the pillow behind his back as he spoke. They sat in silence for a moment before Rossi looked up.

"Look, Reid," He began. "I'm sorry about what happened the other night in the police station with Morgan."

"I've already been through this with him," Reid said quietly. "You don't have to apologize."

"Yes I do." Rossi stated. "I can't take back what was said, but I can apologize for saying it. We were too hard on you and I'm sorry we just assumed you were using again instead of taking the time to talk with you and find out what was bothering you. We all really care about you kiddo and we are all here for you. I'm here for you."

Reid didn't have the energy to go through another conversation like this. "I know." He said quietly.

"Really kid, you don't have to go through this alone." Rossi said earnestly.

"Rossi," Reid protested quietly. "Can we not do this right now?"

Rossi nodded, "Sure kid." They sat in silence until Reid closed his eyes and feel asleep. That terrible feeling in Rossi stomach hadn't gone away.