Hello everyone, Christian Jaw (And Crane Yank, but she's eating lunch at the moment) here! We're here to present to you the first chapter of our amazing trilogy of Rosalyn the Perfect Forevermore. Or something.
Thank you for reading! Reviews or we'll cut you! *winks*
I would like to give a warm shoutout to Amazeedayzee and Karen Number Two for helping us edit this, we couldn't have written such a terrib- uh, I mean, awesome story without you!
Remember this is a parody... Hehe.
Matsuda was watching Ouran High School Host Club and Lucky Star on the investigation computer, as usual. Oh, the wonders of Youtube. Anyway... moving on...
It was quiet throughout the entire fifty-story building, and the only sound came from Ryuzaki munching on a compressed sugar cube. Light was investigating the Kira case, but in his twisted, perverted mind, he was actually thinking about Ryuza- I mean, uh, how to kill L. Misa was preening herself on the floor while kicking Mogi. All in all, a regular day in the building.
But suddenly!
They saw sparkles in the air. A flash of light. Edward Cullen cried, "Oh, for the love of pancakes! Herp derp!"
Just kidding. We hate Twilight.
Regardless, there is no way Edward Cullen's sparkles can hold their own against Rosalyn's perfect ones. Not that she actually sparkles; she's far too perfect to sparkle. She glows. Not a literal glow, like her face is a lamp. She glows with life, with beauty, with- Ah screw it. But know that the light in her glowing cheeks dull even the sun!
But anyhow! There was a flash of light coupled with a loud bang, like a wizard splinching himself, and suddenly an angelic, heavenly girl floated softly, oh, ever so softly from the spot of light on the ceiling. Everyone was captivated, and she fell directly into Matsuda's arms, who had stood up to stretch.
There was a deep, dramatic silence. (Except Ryuzaki was still munching on his compressed sugar cube.)
"What the hell?" said Matsuda. He shrieked, like the real man he was, breaking the awed silence, his pupils dilating in shock. His body went rigid from the sheer terror of having a perfect girl fall out of nowhere into his arms, and would have dropped her had she not been perfect. But even if he had dropped her she wouldn't have bruised. Perfection doesn't bruise, sweetheart.
But Rosalyn, with her perfect reactions, gracefully regained her balance and remained resting just as beautifully as before.
Matsuda blanched.
"Oh," she said, quietly, ever so quietly, and everyone perked up at the sound of her tinkling voice. Like silver wind chimes, only more perfect and more silver. "Where... where am I?" Her eyelids fluttered open, eyelashes ever so long, her perfect crimson red eyes shocking everyone in the room.
"Ma`am," said Light courteously, striding over to Matsuda, who was still holding the somehow feather-light angel in his arms. "You are in the Touto building." Everyone else was frozen, staring at her beauty.
Rosalyn glanced at Light. She looked at the angled cheeks, the Asian highlighted hair. And looked at his age, but there was none to be found. He, she knew, was Kira.
But she didn't give him away, for she knew that he was desperately grasping at ends. Her eyes involuntarily welled up with tears, because she knew the pain and hurt he had hidden deep down that caused him to kill, to tame his insecurity. She couldn't give him away. Still she blinked back her tears, forcing the stinging sensation down. She would not cry out of pity, not this time.
Ryuzaki was still munching on his compressed sugar cube.
"The Touto building, is it?" Rosalyn said, mildly bemused but retaining that calm, innocent gentleness she had. "I... I see."
Her perfect scarlet eyes glanced at Matsuda, and noticed his discomfort. Light helped her out from Matsuda's grasp. His (Matsuda's) sigh of relief did not go unnoticed. He was rewarded by a sharp glare from Light, a look that plainly showed his protectiveness over this young, perfect girl who everyone immediately felt a sweet affection for. Matsuda muttered an apology, which everyone then ignored.
Meanwhile, Ryuzaki, who was still munching on his compressed sugar cube, noticed a feeling bubble within his chest as he gazed at the girl.
This feeling, he thought. I've never felt it before.
"My name is Rosalyn, and I'm addicted to justice."
"Hi Rosalyn."
Um. Moving on.
"My name is Rosalyn," said Rosalyn. A deep sigh of contentment raised from everyone in the room upon hearing her perfect, melodious voice.
Everyone stared at her with admiration in their own eyes, which dulled in comparison to Rosalyn's clear, shining orbs.
Ryuzaki finally spoke.
"My angel."
A stunned silence followed his words. Matsuda tripped in shock. He succeeded in banging his head on a leather chair.
"My angel," Ryuzaki repeated, a bit louder this time.
"Ruh - yoo - zaki," said Light slowly, his eyebrows disappearing under his neatly chopped Asian haircut. "Are you out of your mind?"
But in Light's own mind, had he not any dignity, he would have thrown himself before Rosalyn's feet and kissed them. He did not blame Ryuzaki for such a reaction... Not at all.
Throughout the entire time, Misa still had not spoken. But now she gushed, "OH EM GEE! YOU'RE GORGUSH, DARLING!!!1!1ELEVENTYONE!!1!" She shrieked, wishing that she had Rosalyn's looks and perfection.
"Oh... th-thank you," said Rosalyn, a rosy glow filling her creamy, fair cheeks. "B... But I'm really n-not. You flatter me..." She batted her eyelashes timidly, glancing up at everyone from beneath those silky, dreamy, perfect eyes.
There was a small pause.
"I'm... pretty thirsty," admitted Rosalyn. Now, there are many dirty jokes we can put here, but we won't because we are innocent, perfectly clean-as-snow-souled children. Rosalyn had not taken a drink ever since she somehow wound up in the Death Note world.
"I'LL GET YOU A DRINK," thundered Mogi, standing up immediately.
"No, I will!" cried Light, who promptly dashed out of the door and into the elevator, but was tackled by Misa, who had also volunteered to go.
Ryuzaki offered Rosalyn a compressed sugar cube. "Uh, thanks," said Rosalyn with a bright smile that would melt even the coldest of Akatsuki's hearts, for she knew that it was the thought that counts.
Matsuda was the only one not dashing for a drink. In fact, he was on the ground, suffering through the aftermaths of a mild headache from 1) Rosalyn and 2) smashing his head on that leather chair. No one, however, seemed to be concerned about him. Misa returned triumphantly from her trip, a glass of vodka in her hands.
"I forgot this was in my purse," she said apologetically, handing the vodka to Rosalyn.
"Oh, thank you!" said Rosalyn courteously, smiling her crooked-but-still-somehow-dazzling smile at Misa. Misa felt weak in the knees as she witnessed it.
Rosalyn, of course, was perfect and innocent, but she never drank alcohol without thinking. But, whenever she did, and/or to an excess, she would never, ever get drunk (or get a hangover for that matter). While everyone else lay on the couch moaning in the morning and puking their guts out in the bathroom sinks, Rosalyn would be the kind person in the kitchen preparing everyone orange juice and bacon and toast (for she knew how to cook without any lessons).
Light brought back black coffee.
Mogi? A Jamba Juice.
And Ryuzaki... a compressed sugar cube. Again. Which she tossed ever-so-gracefully into Light's black coffee.
After everyone returned with their drinks, Rosalyn drank them all politely (except for Misa's, which she only drank a mouthful or two).
Everyone tried to resume working on the Kira case, but they couldn't resist stealing glances at the angelic girl, who was visibly emitting light while sitting on the corner trying to not distract anyone. Wild thoughts raced through Rosalyn's head: Why was Kira working with L? Did Kira like L? Did L like Kira? Why does Misa keep looking at me like that?
[ Author's note: Misa looked like this.
Misa: ಠ___ಠ ]
Finally, the day came to a close, and Rosalyn had nowhere to stay. Everyone on the investigation team (except for Matsuda, who had passed out on the couch from his head injury) was huddled in the corner, arguing passionately on who got to take Rosalyn home. They finally chose to play the game rock-paper-scissors.
"What's that?" asked Ryuzaki blankly.
"It's a very serious game," explained Mogi, who was indeed looking very serious like always. "Rock beats scissor, scissor beats pape-"
"Noobies always have to use rock," interjected Misa.
"No, they don't," argued Light, who, at the speed of light, had calculated who was going to choose what depending on their personality.
Finally, they played rock-paper-scissors. Mogi won.
"Stop!" commanded Light, pointing an accusing finger at Mogi. "Your throw was too slow!"
"You know the lingo! You hustin` me?" cried Mogi. "Fine! A rematch it is!"
Light won. Mogi gnashed his teeth in frustration, and vowed to take revenge someday.
Ryuzaki tugged Light over and hissed in his ear. "Yo, she is quite... hawt." Light gave Ryuzaki a startled look.
Ryuzaki went on. "And if I here a single peep of distress from this young... ange-, uh, girl, be prepared." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Light sweatdropped.
Rosalyn spoke up, bringing everyone to their knees in awe, once again, with her perfect voice.
"I have no problems about it, and I am absolutely sure that Light won't cause me any harm," she said with a small smile. She spoke as if she had known Light-kun for years, but considering that Rosalyn was perfect, she probably did.
Light shot Ryuzaki a look that plainly said, Hah!
"Well, let's go," said Light, extending an arm to Rosalyn, who took it and walked ever so perfectly out onto the elevator. Light didn't look back at anyone on the investigation team.
The entire room seemed darker and gloomier than before because of the absence of the angel. Mogi and Misa were both clutching each other and sobbing quietly into each other's arms.
There was a silence, and Ryuzaki was crushing several sugar cubes between his knuckles as if each cube had done him great personal wrong. Ryuzaki's expression was a mask, although the way he was smashing the sugar cubes was... menancing.
Finally, though, the silence was broken by Matsuda, who sat up and groaned. "What happened?" He muttered, his eyes darting across the room. "What happened to that weird girl?"
"WEIRD GIRL?!" roared Ryuzaki, standing up suddenly and knocking over the table, sending sugar cubes and papers flying everywhere. "HOW DARE YOU!" He pointed a trembling finger at Matsuda, and Ryuzaki, his face white with rage, screamed, "I WILL NOT TOLERATE FOR THIS, MATSUDA! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, AND DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!" Screw the fact that it's a hotel room.
Matsuda gave a startled yelp and scrambled on all fours to the elevator, grabbing his suitcase and punched the buttons quickly.
Oh my god. Oh. My. Effing. God. That girl's addled their brains! I swear! thought Matsuda. He shuddered at the mere thought of her. Matsuda's heart was still beating wildly from Ryuzaki's explosion. I must find out more about her... she's going to kill everyone at this rate. And he pictured her with horns sprouting out of her head. Matsuda chuckled evilly, and strided confidently away into the dark night...
Oh, little girl, you better be prepared...
If you actually lasted throughout the whole thing, I am very impressed.
Guys, remember... ...
REVIEWS OR WE'LL CUT YOU.