My Kingdom - chapter 9
by rose_malmaison
Rating: FRAO
Genre: Slash, DiNozzo/Gibbs
Warnings: M/M, slash, sexual situations, language

A/N: Comments and feedback are appreciated.

*** Chapter 9 ***

The front door opened and then closed so quietly that Gibbs almost missed hearing it. He stood there in the middle of his dimly lit bedroom, wondering if he'd just made a terrible mistake. A feeling of panic rose from his stomach to his throat, and he cursed himself for being every kind of fool. Gibbs had tasted what Tony had to offer him - the understanding, loyalty and utter love - and yet he had done nothing to accept it fully. He was throwing away the chance to enjoy a future with Tony for a past he knew, deep down, that he couldn't change.

There was no way that Tony would be here when - if - he ever got back, that much Gibbs knew. Tony was a smart boy. He'd find someone else, someone steady who'd take care of him as he deserved to be taken care of. Someone who knew enough to grab onto a good thing when he saw it. Someone who was willing to let down his defenses, who wouldn't push Tony away.

Suddenly drained and too tired to think, Gibbs prepared to go to bed. He took the travel bag off the bed and dropped it on the floor. The photo album fell out and he stooped to retrieve it. It opened to the photo of Tony holding up the fish he'd shot and the sight of that young man's grin, the utter joy of the moment shining from his face as if he'd achieved the most wonderful thing in the world, caused a pain in Gibbs' heart. He stood rooted to that spot, taking in the photo of the man he loved above everything else in the world – the man who he'd practically forced out of his life.

Time stood still for a very long moment…and then Leroy Jethro Gibbs shouted explosively, "Damn it, DiNozzo!" He pivoted and ran down the stairs, almost tripping in his haste. He knew he was too late, that he'd never catch Tony in time. Tony would have started up his car, gunned the engine in his rush to be out of there. Tony was done with the worn-out man who wouldn't give an inch, and valued the ghosts and memories of his past more than the living. Tony would be long gone.

With his heart pounding in his chest, Gibbs ran out his front door into the cold, dark night, down the path to the curb, desperately seeking out Tony's car from the vehicles parked along both sides of the street even though he knew that his search was fruitless.

He looked both ways but the car wasn't there. He'd missed him. "Tony," Gibbs let out in a huff of breath. Tony. His heart ached with loss - loss of his family, his job, of everything he held dear. He felt the loss of those men on the frigate, those unfortunate victims of the terrorist's devastating bomb. He regretted the loss of his memory and, almost worse, the loss of the oblivious state that the amnesia had brought him for a while - that safe, unknowing place where the terrors of the world had seemed so far away. The cocoon he'd wrapped around himself had just been an illusion, and once it had been pulled away, the horrors were still there, in full force.

Gibbs turned to head back inside but he caught sight of something that gave him pause. Halfway up the block a car's interior light went on and then a moment later off again. It took him a few seconds for it to sink in that it was Tony, sitting in his parked car. Gibbs heard the engine rev as Tony put the car into drive and started to pull out.

"Shit," Gibbs muttered then ran up the sidewalk to catch Tony and prevent him from leaving.

There was a shout and a rap on the passenger window, startling Tony. He hit the brake and lowered the window.

Gibbs appeared, his breath clouding in the cold night air. "Get the hell back inside, DiNozzo. I'm not finished with you yet."

Tony had barely stepped back into the warm house when Gibbs shoved him against the wall. Tony started to demand what the hell kind of game he was playing at, but Gibbs said roughly, "Shut up, Tony," so he complied. Tony didn't know who made the first move, but he suspected Gibbs beat him to it by a millisecond. Their mouths met and all of the emotions they'd both been trying so hard to rein in came to a head. There was nothing gentle about the way Jethro was kissing him, using his tongue and teeth, sucking and nipping, hot and possessive, pulling an equally strong reaction out of Tony. Gibbs' hands roved down to grasp Tony's ass, pulling him close, and Tony, all defenses down, melted into him.

Although Tony had desperately wanted this to happen, now that Jethro was laying claim to his mouth it somehow felt wrong. It all seemed too…desperate. When Jethro's mouth moved along his chin and down to his throat, sucking and licking with a hot tongue, leaving a damp trail, Tony placed both of his palms on Jethro's chest and pushed him back. "Wait…Jethro, just wait!"

Gibbs stood there panting, his eyes on Tony's mouth as if he couldn't bear to tear his gaze away from his parted lips.

"Jethro!"

The sharp tone made Jethro look up impatiently. "What? Something wrong?"

They stood close enough for Tony to feel every breath Jethro took, as if they were his own. "No, nothing wrong. It's just…just too fast." Tony stroked gentle fingers down Jethro's cheek, careful to avoid the burned skin, and offered a small smile. "Let's slow down a little, okay?"

Jethro's hands slid along Tony's arms and claimed his hands. He tugged at Tony, backing up a step and pulling him along with him. "C'mon, then. We need to do this right," he said huskily.

They stood, once again, in Gibbs' bedroom, facing each other in the warm glow of the single bedside lamp. Both men were fully dressed, with Tony still wearing his trench coat.

Tony hadn't expected to be invited – or to be commanded, which was closer to the truth – back into Gibbs' house anytime soon. Even so, Tony took it as a good sign that Jethro had opened the door and let him back into his life once again. Tony found that he was inexplicably nervous, which was stupid. It wasn't like it was their first time. It was important, though, that he didn't mess this up, and Tony had a feeling that although Jethro was putting on a bold face, that his alpha-male demeanor was covering up something far more fragile than either of them would like to acknowledge.

Tony was more than glad to get another chance to prove to this man how much he cared about him, how deeply he loved him. He'd shown his love to Jethro, time and again with looks and touches, but Tony had never actually said the words. Jethro had never declared himself either, but Tony hadn't expected the man to speak openly about his feelings. He had accepted that it simply wasn't the ex-Marine's way. And now, when Jethro was dealing once again with the loss of his family, and finding the grief all-too fresh in his mind, the older man needed to be loved and cherished with tender care.

Tony took Jethro's face in both of his hands, cupping his jaw, and offered him a gentle kiss that soon deepened. The response from Jethro was equally amorous, a soft slide of lips and tongues, a beginning that held some promise. When they parted both men were breathless and Tony gave a wide, genuine smile. It was the first time that he'd smiled, he realized, in almost a week.

He laughed aloud with relief and Jethro smiled in return, his eyes clearly speaking of his own desire. Jethro reached out and slowly tugged Tony's shirt out of his waistband, then started on his belt and undid the button on the waistband of Tony's pants. Tony started to shrug out of his trench coat, but Jethro stopped him. "Leave it on," he said on a low tone.

Suddenly finding it very hard to breathe, heat flooding to his dick, Tony held his hands away from his body. He let Jethro pull his pants' zipper down and slip his hand inside the tight confines of Tony's pants. Slowly and firmly Jethro rubbed the silky cloth of the boxers back and forth over Tony's cock.

Tony swallowed hard, his eyes half closing from the delicious friction of the cloth sliding across his hardening erection. He was just getting into it when Jethro surprised him by squeezing hard enough to force him on tiptoes. Tony gasped and grabbed Jethro's shoulders for support. "You keep that up and we'll never get our clothes off," Tony warned in a whisper-thin voice.

Jethro's mouth hovered over Tony's, not quite touching his lips, his breath warm and familiar. "Who said we needed to get undressed?" Back to making soft strokes along the length of Tony's rigid shaft, Jethro slid his other hand beneath the silky underwear to caress Tony's ass. "Hot," he murmured into Tony's mouth. He kissed Tony, enticing his lips to part then flicking his tongue back and forth once he gained entrance. Jethro's palm caressed Tony's shaft once more before he withdrew his hands from inside his shorts in order to lift Tony's shirt enough to expose his chest. Jethro rubbed his thumbs back and forth across Tony's nipples, then lowered his head to suck at each of the sensitive nubs in turn.

Tony moaned and after a few minutes he pulled away long enough to drag Jethro's shirt up and over his head. "I want to look at you," he said as he slid his palms down Jethro's muscled chest and stomach, riffling the hairs, stopping momentarily to roll and tweak his nipples. "God, I love everything about you, Boss."

Through half-closed eyes, Jethro slowly looked up and down Tony's body, his admiration apparent. He reached out to cup Tony's groin where his erection pressed against his clothing in a vain attempt to escape. "Bed," Jethro murmured in reply to Tony's groan. They toppled onto the firm mattress, Tony twisting so he fell on top of the older man, his coat spreading like a tent over their bodies.

Jethro got his hands under Tony's bunched-up shirt and ran his fingers across his ribs and up his back, smoothing the warm skin with broad, even strokes. He lipped Tony's neck and then sucked and finally bit into the tender flesh on one side of his throat.

Tony's response was to grind his pelvis against Jethro's groin, the friction of cloth against cloth incredibly arousing. Making small sounds of need, Tony angled his head to capture Jethro's mouth. He kissed him deeply with a passion that spoke of his love and desire. "I want…I want…" He wanted to be the one inside his partner, just this one time, to bury his cock deep inside Jethro's hot flesh. He wanted to be part of Jethro and to give everything of himself. But he also wanted to be wanted by this man, if only half as much as he needed him. He wanted Jethro to be part of his flesh, his life, his very being.

"What do you want?" Jethro held Tony's face in both of his hands. Tony shook his head, unable to vocalize his needs, how he wanted to give all of himself but even more he wanted to be the one to take the lead.

Jethro wouldn't let him go until he'd heard whatever Tony was having such a hard time with. "Tell me. Tell what it is you want, Tony. C'mon, trust me with it." It was an entreaty, not an order. Their bodies shifted positions and rolled until they lay side by side, facing each other. Jethro laid one hand possessively on the side of Tony's neck, his thumb moving back and forth across the tense muscles, drawing a slight shiver from the younger man.

Tony couldn't breathe. He had to say something, anything, and he could feel that his face was flushed and he was trembling all over and he had no idea why this hurt so much, why it was so damned difficult to get out. He bit down his nervousness and said softly, "I want you to want me, Jethro. I know that Shannon will always be first in your heart. I understand but I just want to be wanted, that's all. You don't have to love me, you don't."

"Tony…" Jethro ran his hand down Tony's hair to his neck in long, soothing strokes. "You don't have to bargain. I-."

"No, Jethro, you don't have to say it."

Jethro cupped Tony's face in both of his hands. "Tony, listen to me…"

"Please, Jethro, just want me." His voice was cracking by the time the last words were said, and embarrassed, he tried to drop his head but couldn't because Jethro wouldn't let him. Tony lowered his eyes and fixed his gaze on Jethro's chest, only inches away, on the gray hairs, the occasional freckle across his untanned skin and the dusky brown areolas around his nipples. Tony salivated at the thought of sucking those nipples and mouthing the cock that was pressing hard against his groin and demanding his attention, the heat seeping through his trousers. Shit, he was still fully dressed and at this rate he was going to shoot his load long before they got down to business. Tony closed his eyes and tried hard to get his ragged breathing back under control, but it was damned difficult.

Then Jethro's mouth claimed his and the kiss made it better, sapped his strength right out from under him. Tony was lost in the feeling once again, but it was a temporary respite. All too soon the kiss ended. He sidled close so he could nuzzle Jethro's neck and inhale his scent.

"Oh, Tony," Jethro said, his voice soft with love and bemusement. "I want you. Want you. Can't you feel my body craving yours? I thought you understood that. Hey…" He tipped Tony's head up so he could look into his eyes. "Look at me, please?"

It took a couple of tries but Tony was finally able to meet Jethro's perceptive gaze. He almost died when he saw what those blue eyes expressed - the need and, yes, the want.

A look dawned on Jethro's face as if he'd only just discovered something terribly important. Like he'd finally deciphered a clue that everyone had been staring at yet missed. "You're a complete idiot, Tony, and that makes me love you all the more," he said fondly. Jethro gave a huff of a laugh, his smile lighting up his face. "But I'm an idiot, too, for not saying it, so we're in this together. Damn it, I love you, Tony."

Then Tony got it, really understood that this was no fleeting feeling they shared. This was the real thing. "I've loved you forever, Leroy Jethro Gibbs," Tony confessed. It was deep and irrevocable love, the kind that came with permanence and pain and made everything - everything - worthwhile. "You want me to head slap you for being an idiot?" Tony asked with a broad smile.

Jethro frowned to put an end to any such notion, but there was a twinkle in his eye just the same. "Tell me what you want," Jethro said gently.

Tony wanted Jethro to say he'd stay, that he'd return to work and put aside any notion of leaving, but he knew that they were past the point of no return. Tony shrugged and ran his palm across the older man's chest, rubbing the heel of his hand across one pert nipple. He said quietly, "Well, for starters I'd prefer to do it without any clothes on. I mean wearing the trench coat is sort of hot and sexy, in an old-man-pervert sort of way, especially if I'm wearing nothing else except the coat and my Zenga shoes, and you've still got your pants on but I'd really like for us to be naked and-"

"Shut up, Tony, and take your damned clothes off," Gibbs growled.

*** end chapter 9 ***