Disclaimer- Don't own Victorious
AN- I know, I'm a terrible person for not updating. So sorry, just been busy. School, teachers loading us on work because H.S.A week is now over,
So no more test! Except Finals... gah I dislike school. Anyways, enjoy! And thank you so much to all of those who read, review and favorite my
stories. Every time I see that I have a new review, a sudden rush of joy goes up my spine. And I really enjoy that feeling -wink wink- ha, so review.
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. Jade's POV
They all look at me with disappointment in their eyes. Shame is all I can see in them. If only they knew the burden I carry, they did not kill that
unborn human being. I did, so why is it that they judge more? I did not ask to be judge, the mistake I made is my own and no one else should
have a say. If they were truly friends, they'd be comforting me, not judging.
"Jade, we need to talk." Vega's voice spoke from behind me.
I glared at her, her eyes swollen with tears. If it hard to say that she shed more tears than I? Could it be that she cares more than I do? Is
it that I am too heartless to feel saddened by my action, or is it that I can no longer seem to focus on the emptiness that lingers inside of me?
I waited for her to continue as I walked over to the couch and sat down. She followed after me, taking a seat next to me. Cat moved her
thin hips over to us, kneeling before me. Her eyes were with no tears, just swollen like Tori's.
"We, um...you can't expect us to... I mean, its just...-" Tori stumbled over her words. I bit my lip from making a rude comment because I know what
she's going to say. 'Jade, we can't support you for what you did. You messed up big time and we will never be able to forgive you.' I could almost hear
her words before she even said it.
"Jade, she's just...having a hard time understanding why you did it. But I-I get it. I mean, we expected you to carry a child that you never wanted,
a child that would remind you of pain you went through. And I can understand what it must feel like-" Cat began but I cut her off.
"No, Cat. You can't understand, you will never be able to understand. I did it because I wanted to. I was scared of having it. Sure you can
understand the reason why I did it, but you will never know what it feels like." I explained. She looked away.
"You're right... you are right, I will never know what it feels like. But I know it is hard for you. And I want to help you. I need to help you. Jade,
you're my best friend. What kind of a person would I be if I left you here? You know me, I would never leave a friend behind." Cat said. It was my
turn to look away, and then I felt weight on my shoulder. Tori rested her head on my shoulder.
"We- I didn't mean to come off like that. I was wrong. So, let... lets just try to get over this. But I need to know that you will allow me to help you. I
can't keep helping you and have you end up leaving again." Tori's voice was no longer trembling, a bit of stuffiness in her voice but it wasn't rough.
"So are you going to let us help you?" Cat asked. I sighed before nodding. I don't want pity, I don't want someone to heal me, I just want
someone to listen and help me get on my feet so that I can heal myself.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I glared threw the door, I don't want to see Beck. I don't want to see his face ever again. How can he
have walked away? He left, so you know what? He can just stay away! They all got mad at me, but he was the only one who fled like a coward. I
know, I caught him off guard, but what about staying with me till the end or all that bullshit he said about wanting to stay with me. All those things
he said, did they all vanish when I told him the truth, that there was no longer going to be a child. Beck never had much of a family, and he was
delusional with having one with me. But no, not like this. I didn't want a so called family, I never wanted a family that would remind me day after
day of what happened. Even though its not the child's fault, it still would suppress me with unwanted memories.
The footsteps stopped in front of the door and a soft knock was heard. Cat moved quickly and peaked out the door. She sighed with relief and
moved aside as she fully opened the door. And the same afro, puppet loving, Robbie came in with Rex. He smiled uncomfortably as he moved over
to the couch, but left a good distance between us.
"Um, so... hey. How are you?" He said awkwardly. I heard Cat giggle from behind him as she pushed him forward so she could take her spot on the
floor again.
"Hey, Robbie." I greeted.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. We fell silent, there was nothing to be said and nothing to be heard.
Tori occasionally would open her mouth to speak but always closed it. Cat would try to bring up a random story about her brother but it never
seemed to work. And Robbie...well he was just Robbie, he tried making Rex say something but Rex would refuse to speak, whispering quite loudly
to Robbie that he was not going to speak unless he was told what was going on. In which led to even more awkward silence.
"So..." I began, and all eyes were on me, as if anything I would say would be so interesting.
"How was your road trip?" I asked curiously. They shared glances before mumbling, all at once, "fine, good, fun, exciting." and other words I could
not make sense of. I glared at them suspiciously.
"I want details. Where did you stay? What did you guys eat? Anything interesting?" I questioned. Once again they shared looks before we all
landed our eyes on Cat. She smiled nervously.
"Well ,we stayed in hotels. We stopped in diners and yeah that's pretty much it." She summed up.
"Are you sure? That sounds pretty lame to me." I pressured her.
"Andwealmostgotmugged." She said quickly, I frowned at her, not being able to understand a single word she said. Tori moved away slightly,
removing her head from my shoulder as Robbie took a step back.
"What was that?" I asked.
"She said, that we ran out of gas! And that we almost got our car taken away by the police people car things." Tori answered for her. I was about
to reply when Robbie's pants began to vibrate really loudly. He reached for it and we watched his eyes scan the tiny screen.
"Who is it?" Cat asked.
"Oh um, just my mom. She wants to know if I'm homesick. I told her I was going to go to an all boys camp." He explained. I raised my eye brow.
"And she believed it?" I asked in disbelief.
"Hey! My mom believed me when I told her Cat invited me to her sleep away camp." Tori said. I shook my head with a small smile.
"Wait...so all of you are suppose to be at camp right now. But instead you came here. For me. And now that you are here, are you going to go
back?" I asked.
"Yeah and you're coming with us...right?" Tori spoke. I looked down.
"You are coming back, right?" She asked roughly.
"Tori...I can't. I-I can't. I need to stay here." I told her.
I can't tell her what I did, I can 't tell her why I'm here in the first place. If she knew what I did, things would never be the same. And if I
did come back... she would be in danger. She's done too much for me and if anything ever happened to her because of me, I think I would just go
on a psychotic killing spree and destroy everyone who hurt her. And no, I don't care if she ended up being ok. Its just, no one is going to suffer
because of me.
"Jade... you said we can help you. How can we help you if you refuse to come back with us?" Cat asked sadly. I shrugged.
"Look, I have to stay here. Going back...it will only bring me into further depression. I want to get over this and just going back will bring back a lot
of painful memories. No, I just need to stay here." I argued. Tori sighed as she shut her eyes. Cat bit her lip and looked at me sadly, while Robbie
just stood there looking down.
"You're more then welcomed to stay here for the summer, you know, so you won't have to go home and explain to your parents that you decided
to come home early from camp." I tried.
"We just want to help..." Robbie commented.
"And if this is what you want, if you want to stay here then fine. We can't force you to come back. So we'll just have to take your offer and stay
here for the entire summer and just try to have fun. Try to forget." Tori said.
"It's something I will never forget. But trying to move on is better then forgetting. If I forget, there is always a chance of remembering. And when I
remember, those thoughts will come twice as hard." I replied quietly. Once again, no one said anything anymore. But before it got to complete
silence, I spoke up.
"Why don't Cat and Robbie go get your things while Tori, you and I can start preparing the rooms. Um, Tori, Cat you guys can sleep in here. And
I'll sleep up in the tower. And well the guys can just see who shares a room or one can just sleep downstairs on the couch."
"Whoa, wait...the tower?" Cat asked. I nodded as I pointed at the door.
"It leads to a small tower that looks out to the ocean. There's a bed up there." I explained. I saw her eyes sparkle.
"oh! Please, Jade, can I please sleep up there! I always wanted to be like a princess that gets locked up in a tower! Can I sleep up there?" Cat
asked hopefully. I laughed a little as I saw her facial expression.
"Sure." I agreed. She let out a happy squeak and practically tackled me when she hugged me.
"Cat, go get the stuff from the car." Tori said, helping me get Cat off. She nodded and followed Robbie out the door. Tori stood there smiling to
herself.
"Ok, so since you're staying here, I guess you can have the bed, I'll take the couch," I said, walking to the closet and searching for fresh blankets. I
frowned as I found the blankets, they were all hideous. Most of them with barbie plastered all over them or the Disney princesses, I use
to be such a preppy girl. I sighed as I began to take them out.
"Its out, I'll take the couch. I don't mind, real-" She stopped speaking when she saw the blankets.
"I always knew you had a girly side in you. I just never realized how obsessed you were with with barbie." She mocked jokingly. I stuck my tongue
out at her and set the blankets down.
"Come on, Vega." I told her as I walked out the door. She followed behind me. We walked down the hall and stopped in front of a huge door, like
the ones you see when you enter a mansion. Not sure why we needed such a big door but we had one.
The room was big, about twice the size of my room... maybe a bit smaller but still pretty big. The walls were burgundy, a queen size bed against
the center wall. A white silk couch a yard from the bed and faced the plasma screen TV. A balcony was next to a door which behind was a grand
bathroom. And many paintings around the room by Da Vinci, my mother use to love his work. And the biggest center piece was the black piano in
the corner. My dad use to play the piano, he even taught me how to play it. Its funny though, I always wondered how they got that piano up here.
Maybe they shoved it through the door...but how would they manage to bring it up here? I never knew. I asked my dad once but he told me it was
magic.
"Damn..." Tori whispered taking in the room. I smirked as I moved to the walk in closet. I found a blanket and took it out, seeing as Karen took
everything except the things that were already here. As I got the blankets, I noticed that there were a bunch of boxes piled in the back. I walked
to them and began to read the labels. They were filled with my parents belongings. My moms clothes, her jewelry... everything she ever owned
that she left behind.
"Jade?" I heard Tori's voice call. I walked to the door and came out. She helped me but the blankets on.
"You were so lucky to live in this house... and now you are! So why are you staying in that room when you can have this one?" She asked as we
headed to the other room, Lila's room.
"This one belonged to my parents. And well, I just liked my old room instead." I replied opening the other room.
It was about the size of my room, just a bit smaller. It had a twin sized bed, a black leather couch, a small stereo, which was in the same place as
the TV and a desk, where the computer was. But unlike this one, it had no bathroom, though it was only across the hall.
Tori went to the closet this time and pulled out the blankets,.
"I would never want to leave this house." She admired as she covered the bed up. I shook my head as I began to walk back to my room. I heard
Cat and Robbie coming up the stairs, Cat complaining that the bags were heavy and Robbie saying that he had to carry Rex too. I met them half
way and helped them move the bags to my room.
"Ugh, damn. What did you guys bring?" I asked dropping them.
"That was all Cat's. The rest of us only brought one bag." Robbie said. I sighed,
"Well I guess you can pick your room and just have Andre and...Beck share a room." I told him, saying Beck's name softly.
"I suggest you get the room at the end. It's huge!" Tori whispered to Robbie.
Robbie nodded and dragged his bag to it. We heard him gasp as he opened the door. We heard a set of shoes climb up the stairs and I
braced my self, knowing it could only be either Beck or Andre. But when I saw Andre's face and not Beck's, all my worries just got bigger. So what,
Beck doesn't want to see me, is that it?
"Um...hey Jade. Beck wants to...um, talk to you." He said walking to me and giving me a slight hug. I was surprised at first but then anger came.
"Oh so NOW he wants to talk? Now that he feels like it! Well no! I don't want to talk to him! I don't want to see him!" I exclaimed. They all backed
away slowly and starred at me. I cringed in pain as that sharpness in my stomach came back to me. I pressed my lips together and sat down,
trying so hard to hide my discomfort.
"Ok...I'll tell him that." Andre said walking out the door. Tori moved to me worried.
"Are you ok?" She asked. I shook my head, the pain getting so much worse. I cried out and bit my lip even harder.
"What's wrong?" Cat asked as she sat beside me. I clenched on to my stomach.
"I'm. Fine." I clenched through my teeth. I breathed heavily.
"No you're not. Here, just lay down." Tori said, shoving Cat off and helping me lay down. The pain decreased but it was still there. It was like sharp
nails clawing out from inside my stomach, something trying to rip my insides a part.
I took in deep breaths and shut my eyes, he wants to talk to me. After running away, even Tori and Cat stayed behind. They didn't leave...but
Beck, oh he left. He didn't even hear me out. Well now, I won't hear him out.
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. Beck's POV
I stood there watching as Andre walked away. His words still played in my mind. He had a point, how is it that Andre understood more than I did.
How could he possibly understand her better then I can? Aren't the roles suppose to be the other way around. I'm the one who should be more
understanding. But instead I left her alone when she needed me the most. It's like the more I try to make things work, the more I mess it up.
I ran as fast as I could to catch up to Andre. I almost tackled him to the ground when I saw him.
"Ow, dude!" He complained, fixing himself and I held onto his shirt.
"S-sorry." I breathed heavily. He waited until I fully caught my breath.
"I need to ask you a favor." I said. He nodded, motioning for me to continue.
"Can you please, tell Jade to talk to me? I need to talk to her." I told him. He sighed and shook his head.
"No. I know you want to talk to her but-"
"I NEED to talk to her."
"Now isn't the time. She's going to be pissed off at you. Hell I would be if my boyfriend ran out on me like that after I told him I had an abortion of a
kid that I had because of my rapist." He explained.
"Andre...I know what I did was stupid, but I just need to talk to her!"
"Man, you are getting obsessed with trying to help her! You keep trying to get close to her, to try to heal her but believe me, you need to put your
self together before you try to put her together." He said.
"You don't understand-" I began but he cut me off.
"I understand that you keep trying to help her but you make everything so much worse. And I'm sorry, I really am sorry to tell you this but it's true.
You made her take James to trial, but she backed out because she was scared. You wanted her to have the baby, a baby that would remind her of
the darkest time of her life. And you wanted to make it all up to her and move here! But look! You ran away when she told you she had an
abortion! What else do you think she might do? What if she says she doesn't want to be with you? Then what? Will you just explode in her face?"
He exclaimed.
A part of me shattered into millions of pieces. He was my best friend, shouldn't he be telling me to chase after her. Yet all the things he said was
true. But I am not broken, I only want to help her.
"Andre...please." I begged. He sighed, giving me that did-you-not-understand-what-I-said face.
"Fine...but she won't want to talk to you. I'll tell her to meet you here, do not go anywhere." He said as he walked away.
I stood there anxiously, waiting for her. I paced around in the sand. What will I say? I can tell her I was an asshole and she has every right to be
mad at me but that still doesn't make up for running away. How could she ever trust me again? I- maybe Andre is right. Maybe I need to figure
myself out before I can figure her out. Jade, she's becoming like my drug addiction. When I close my eyes all I see is her smiling face. When I try to
relax all I want is to be by her side. She's becoming all I think about. Even when I try to focus on something else, I always end up thinking of her.
"He's right...Andre was right. I am becoming obsessed with her." I whispered to myself. I sat down and starred into the crashing waves. I wish I
could be like the waves. Letting the wind guide me where ever it wants to go. I wouldn't have to worry. Just going with the flow.
I heard footsteps walking towards me. I didn't look back, I waited until they came around me.
"She-" Andre began but I shook my head.
"I know...you were right. She doesn't want to talk to me...so what do I do?" I asked. He looked away and then looked back at me.
"Give her time. You can't expect her to do anything. Stop trying to heal her, she's tough. Jade's strong, last thing she wants is to be put back
together. She came here because she wanted to. No one forced her, she was scared. And I guess you should just let her be." He explained
holding out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up.
The sounds of the crashing wave against the sand echoed through the day. The sun shinning bright in almost a mocking way, and birds chirping
happily, living life care free. If only I was that bird. Living life carefree.
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AN- Sorry, but I shall update when I can. Please review and sorry if this chapter was... not as good. Personally I think it wasn't my best, mostly
because I don't think I spent too much time with it. Please tell me what you think. And the ending...well let's just say it will be more like a thinker. (: