Disclaimer- Don't own Victorious

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Jade's POV

It's been bothering me for weeks. As we go shopping and viewing the city, they're smiling faces, it bothers me. All I can think about is telling them the truth. Of why I really left, god I hate Axell right now. If I hadn't seen him, I wouldn't have gotten the curiosity of wondering what would happen if I told them. I look at Tori and I feel guilty. What if I do tell them? Tori will freak. They all would. The way they reacted with my abortion is a full example of why I shouldn't tell them. But ok, let's say I do tell them and they are understanding. Then what? At the end of the summer, they will all have to go back. Tori would be scared to be left alone if she knew my deal with James. If they even whispered amongst them selves on how they saw me over the summer, Tori would be dead. He has a way of knowing everything. He loves being able to see me break. And I being so stupid, let him have it.

"Jade?" I jumped when I heard a voice calling me. Cat stood in front of me, holding a can of soda towards me. We decided to have a cook out in the back yard. Beck and Andre we cooking, Tori was setting the table with Robbie and Cat and I were suppose to get the trash bags.

"Are you ok?" She asked. I smiled and nodded.

"I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yeah. It's just you looked kind of sad that's all." She said, giving me a small smile and walking towards Tori. I looked after her. They were all smiling and talking. I don't want to be the one to take that away.

I turned away from them and closed my eyes. That phrase they say, "If life we simple it'd be boring," yeah well I rather have that life. Where nothing bad happens and we all still had our innocence. And our biggest worries would be falling off a bike or accidentally breaking your mothers favorite coffee cup.

"Jade?" Once again I jumped at the sound of my name. I opened my eyes to see Beck starring at me.

"Jesus, people! What is it with everyone scarring me like that." I was half serious and half joking.

"Sorry. You want to eat? Andre finally gave up after burning five and I took over. And knowing my amazing skills-"

"Are we going to eat or am I going to stand here and listen to you brag about your cooking skills?" I asked. He smiled and I began to walk to the table before he caught my hand.

"What is it?" I Asked. He looked down and I sighed.

"Can we do this after wards?" I whispered. He nodded and I put on my smile and took a seat in between Cat and Tori.

It's been the same discussion every day. At first he would try and make it discrete, comparing this beach and Venice Beach by saying Venice beach has more peaceful waves. He tried all different things and as much as I agreed with him, I just couldn't. So I would make no comment and simply walk away. I could always see the disappointment in his eyes. But I can't.

"Ah, I'm going to miss this place!" Tori said with a small sigh at the end.

"Well you could stay here, if you want I mean." I mumbled. They all grew quiet and I mentally tried to sink into my seat.

"Y-yeah. I would but um, school is over there. And my...family..." Tori replied, drifting apart from her sentences. I gave her a weak smile and said nothing more.

We ate in silence except for Cat's stories of her and her brother. After we finished, I volunteered to clean up with Beck.

"What is it with you wanting me to come back? Didn't we both agree that I wasn't going back?" I asked as we cleaned the plates from the table.

"I'm just saying... Jade I have done a lot for you. Please, come back." He pleaded.

"I never said you had to do anything. You did it because you wanted to. I'm not going back." I glared at him.

"At least come and say good-bye. I'm driving down there with them when they leave. I'm getting my things and then I'm coming back. That's all I'm doing. You can do the same! Besides I have my car is over there." Beck argued. I sighed and shook my head.

"No." I said before trying to walk away except Beck grabbed my arm and held me back.

"Why are you so afraid to go back? Tell me, Jade! I'm tired of trying to guess! Just tell me."

"Let go." I whispered before leaving.

I ignored Andre's offer for playing a card game with them and headed upstairs. I heard Tori's light footsteps coming with me. I entered the room

"What?" I snapped. She looked taken back and for a second I thought she was going to turn around to leave but instead she locked the bedroom door.

"This ends today." She said harshly. I glared at her.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"We're not that stupid, Jade. We all know something is up with you and Beck. All you've been doing lately is fighting with him. Beck talked to Andre about what was going on. And Andre told me. I've been behind you all this time. You can trust me." She explained. I felt my face heat up.

"H-he wants me to go back. I keep saying no. It's not that big of a deal." I told her. She sighed and shook her head.

"It is! Jade, Beck loves you. Don't you love him?" She asked.

"Of course I do!" I exclaimed.

"Then prove it! Go back with us. At least to say good bye." She told me. I bit my lip and looked away. She's right. He's right! I said I needed to get rid of my fears. And screw it all! I'm doing exactly that.

"Just one thing." I asked. She smiled and nodded excitedly.

"A-anything!"

"Don't leave me alone...please. And...don't let anyone know you saw me. Or know where I am." I said. Her smile faded and she gave me a confused face but agreed to it.

"You know, one day you will want to talk. And that day I'll be listening." She spoke quietly. She hugged me before leaving the room.

I was left alone to my tears. Going back. I'm going back for one day. But I don't think I can do it. Its like an anxious feeling in your chest that no matter how many slow and deep breaths you take, its still there.

Maybe I'm over exaggerating? I'm freaking my self out. He's gone, Tori promised not to say anything about me going to anyone else. It will be fine. I'll be with Beck. And Beck will keep me safe.

"Jade?" Beck's voice spoke as he peeked through the door.

"What?" I asked looking away from him. I didn't want him to see the tears beginning to escape.

"What's wrong?" He worried as she sat next to me.

"Nothing. I'm just tired." I half confessed and half lied.

"You're crying."

"I want to go to bed." I whispered. He held my hand. I risked a glance at him and when I did I couldn't look away.

"I love you so much." I told him. I leaned into him and kissed him as tears rode down my face. His lips were so soft and so sweet. The need for air broke us apart.

"I've missed your lips." He smiled. I laughed softly and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Awwww!" We heard a touched voice say. Tori stood in the doorway with her hands held together.

"I ruined the moment again...sorry..." She said before leaving.

"Don't cry." He whipped my tears away. And for a second my life felt like a cliché fairytale movie. I hoped for a happily ever after ending.

"What did you come up here for?" I changed the subject.

"Robbie's mom called. She wants him home from "camp" because his new therapist wants to meet him." He explained. I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"When do...when do we leave?" I questioned. I saw a smile spread on his face.

"So-"

"Yeah. Apparently Tori has quite a persuasion that I always end up following. So thank her...not me."

"Well either way, we leave tomorrow. The whole barbeque was our surprise- to- us- we're- leaving party." He admitted. I smiled and hugged him.

"What would have happened if I stayed? You know, if I said I wasn't going and actually meant it."

"I just knew you wouldn't. I had my money set on Tori's word. " He grinned. I rolled my eyes and playfully shoved him.

"I want to get over my fears..." I whispered in his ear. He starred at my confused.

"What fears?" He asked. I looked away and shook my head.

"I'm crazy. But I want to sleep... can you-?" I spoke. He nodded and stood up. He kissed my forehead before leaving. I laid on the couch and let tears stroll down once again. I'm sorry I'm lying to you, Beck. I'm sorry I put you in danger without you knowing, Tori.

After all they've done, all I do is feel bad all the time. I put on a fake smile, I'm sure they know it's not true, and I act as if nothing happened. They asked me so many times if I was ok, they at least deserve the truth. I can't even give them that. They are oblivious to everything. And James...that low life asshole! I hate him! I have never truly felt such hatred for anyone but him! All the pain he made me go through! All the tears I cried! All the people I have hurt! Jessica...I hope she's fine. What if I killed her? Oh god...w-what if I killed her? She would be the second person I killed. Just the thought makes me want to throw up...i think I am sick.

I ran to the bathroom as quick as I could and let the vomit come up my throat. I spit up until my throat burned and I had no energy left.

All that blood that leaked through her skull...what will everyone else say? Her parents must be scared to death... her friends worried sick...and they would all be wondering who her killer was. God! What did I do? I'm so sorry, Jessica! I swear I will never forgive myself if I killed her. I'm so sorry.

"Jade!" A voice woke me up. I sat up quickly with a massive headache and realized I was on the bathroom floor.

"Are you ok?" Cat asked kneeling beside me. I nodded.

"Yeah. I feel better. I'm just tired." I lied. I felt like hell. She helped me up and guided me to the bed.

"Sleep here tonight. I'm sure Tori won't mind. Besides she went out with Andre and Robbie to get junk food for the rode. She made it clear that no one is to speak of you dropping by. Are you planning to surprise someone?" She asked. I nodded and gave her a small smile.

"Never change, Cat."

"Well I don't know who else to be...wait! Yes I do! I'm an actor and as an actor I can do loads of things! Want me to be Tori?" She asked. I laughed at her and shook my head.

"Too bad. Hi, I'm Tori Vega. I'm really nice and-"

"Why are you pretending to be me?" Tori's voice came from the door. Cat waved at her and patted down a seat next to her on the bed.

"Took over your bed for tonight."

"That's ok. But why? Not that I mind or anything."

"I found her dead. Well not dead but like asleep on the bathroom floor."

"Are you ok? Do you want to see a doctor?" Tori asked worried.

"No...I just ate too much." I lied. Seems like that's all I do. Lie.

"Well then why don't you rest up? We hit the road tomorrow. Um, Cat, why don't you help us move things into the car." She said. Cat nodded and they walked out the door together.

I pulled the covers over my head to keep the sunlight out of my eyes. Maybe with luck I will fall asleep. Maybe I could wake up in cold sweat and realize that this is all a nightmare. Yeah that would be the best wish granted. Yet this is too much pain to be a lie.

I don't think i'm ready to go back. I need to tell Beck I'm not ready. No. Stop it, Jade. You said that you were going to get rid of your fears. Well your chance is here, don't let it go. Its now or never...though never sounds pretty good right now. Either way I said I would go. Anxiety has begun again. I can feel it crawling up my chest. And still all I can think about is Jessica. I wonder how she is. If she's fine and healthy or- or if I killed her.

Tears came down my face at the thought of me killing her. My body went ice cold when I thought of her dead body lying in a coffin. I know she was a bitch but...but she didn't deserve to be murdered. Jade! Stop it! I-I didn't kill anyone. I didn't kill her. She's fine, I'm only freaking myself out.

I took in a few breathes before sticking my head out for fresh air. I closed my eyes and prayed for my day to come. The day where I shut my eyes forever and never see the day again. This is all my fault. I caused all of this drama. It would all be better if I were to disappear. And by disappear I mean sticking a thousand pills into my mouth. I can't do that. It wouldn't be fair to Beck or Tori. Or anyone else. Not after all they've done. I need to be strong for Beck now. He's helped me with so much. To do something so selfish like suicide is unfair. Its my easy way out but not his. Or maybe it could be like Romeo and Juliet. When he would follow me to death, I love Beck and I know that he loves me too but if I, for some reason lose my mind, kill myself, I don't want him to join me in death. I would want him living his life and spreading his love with someone who deserves him more than I do. Because every one knows that Beck has done things he shouldn't have, just for me. He's giving up his home in California for me. He has his parents and friends that would miss him. For me it was easy to drop everything and leave, I have no parents. That place was full f bad memories for me but Beck, he has good memories. He has a chance to live out his dreams...and, and I can't let him give that all away. Not for me, no. I want him to live his life. I want him to be happy. If he leaves then his chances of getting recognized are slim. He needs to stop thinking of someone other than himself. As much as it pains me... he can't come back.

I opened my eyes and realized that the sun had gone away. I sat up and yawned.

"Hey there!" Cat greeted while sitting on the couch braiding Tori's hair.

"Where's Beck?" I asked ignoring what ever Tori said.

"He's in his room. Why?" She answered. I shook my head and got up.

I walked across to his room and knocked on his door.

"We need to talk." I said when he opened the door. He stood there shirtless and I realized saying good bye to him would be harder.

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Ok that's it for this chapter. I apologize for the wait! Anyways, hurricane Irene is here. It doesn't hit me until later tonight or early tomorrow. Any who's, to all those in NY, be safe! TO everyone in the east coast like me, take cautions and be prepared! Hope you all are safe, bye.