O grab me.
Disclaimer: I do not own any Aladdin characters, just me. DON'T STEAL ME.
"I still don't see why we have to be dressed like stupid flamingoes." Kristina pouted, still in her parrot form and having trouble with keeping up on the stilts in the little pond.
"Just shut up and act natural." Iago told her, not having as many problems as she was.
The two birds stood outside Aladdin's mini palace, having been waiting for him to fall asleep inside. Jafar had left them there while he went to his quarters to plan what he would wish for. When they began to hear snores from inside, Iago began to walk around to the doorway on his stilts. Kristina waited patiently for him, but felt a sudden nudge on her tail feathers.
"What the heck?" She said as she turned in the direction of the nudging.
What she saw put complete shock on her face. Behind her was a male flamingo nuzzling her tail with his beak. It looked like a very stupid bird, but that didn't stop Kristina from whacking the crap out of its face.
"YOU STUPID GOOD FOR NOTHING PINK FREAK!" The latina yelled at the top of her lungs.
Suddenly, a crash was heard inside Aladdin's room, as well as squawking and the pitter patter of stilts.
"Get out of here you stupid flamingo!" Aladdin yelled at Iago, whom apparently looked to be an actual flamingo to him.
Iago ran out as fast as he could and landed face first in the water. Aladdin closed the doors loudly and resumed his own business. Iago got out of the water, taking off his disguise, and shook himself, but that only made him puff into a fuzz ball. Kristina got off of her stilts and took off her fake beak. She flew next to her comrade and tried to suppress a laugh as they flew back to the palace.
"What, hee hee, happened?" she managed to ask.
"What happened? WHAT HAPPENED?!" he yelled at her, flapping madly in his anger. "I'll tell you what HAPPENED. While I was in there trying to get that stupid lamp, a certain someone, being YOU, started yelling like an IDIOT and woke up the OTHER IDIOT, making him chase ME out, and therefore keeping me from getting that STUPID IDIOTIC LAMP!!!!!" Iago shouted at her, panting when he was finished.
Kristina stared at the angry bird, trying to keep a straight face, but all in vain. She burst out laughing at the spectacle of a poofy bird yelling at her. At this, Iago tackled her in mid air down into some bushes. This made Kristina laugh even more. Now she was being attacked by a poofy bird that was yelling at her.
"WHAT IS SO FREAKING FUNNY?!?!" Iago yelled, his hands shaking her.
"I don't know!" She said in between laughs, which made him even angrier.
Iago pushed her down and walked a bit away from her, seething in rage. Kristina finally finished laughing by the time he calmed down. He turned to her and rolled his eyes at the way she was smiling stupidly at him.
"You know we're gonna have to explain this to Jafar, don't you?" He stated.
Kristina thought about it, but began to laugh again.
"How can you think that's funny?!" Iago yelled, his anger rising yet again at her ignorance.
"It-it's not that! It's, ha ha, I just had, ha hee hee, an image of Jafar, ha ha, as a poofy parrot! HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!" Kristina said, rolling on the ground in her laughter.
Iago imagined this, and then began to laugh himself at the thought. The two birds were laughing so much that they hadn't noticed an ominous figure approaching them.
"And just what is so funny?" Jafar said flatly at the pair.
The two ceased laughing immediately and looked up at the tall man, obviously looking displeased with them.
"Where is the lamp?" He asked.
"Ask her." Iago said, pointing to Kristina.
"Oh that's real cool Iago. You jerk." She said, but shuddered under the viziers glare. "Eh heh, well, you see Jafar, I uh.....IT WAS THE FREAKIN' FLAMINGO!"
"And how is you not getting me my lamp a flamingos fault?" Jafar asked.
"Oh I'll tell you why! That horny pink idiot wanted to do the nasty with me, the dance of love, the woo hoo ska doo, he wanted to pop in and pop out! He only wanted me for my PINK PRISSY HINEY!" Kristina exclaimed.
Jafar and Iago stared at her with wide eyes and in shock as if not believing she actually said those things. She looked at them both and gave an embarrassed laugh.
"Well, he did." She said.
Since they had failed to obtain the lamp, Jafar had to cook up another scheme for his grand master plan. Kristina had finally changed back to her human form and was looking around at books in Jafar's lair. She quickly grew bored of this, so decided to check out what Jafar had come up with.
"Sooo, whacha doin?" Kristina asked childishly.
"Planning." Jafar said simply, writing on a scroll.
Kristina was silent for a bit while thinking of another question. One finally came up to her that brought a smile to her face.
"Why do they call it a 'poop deck'?" She asked with a silly grin.
Jafar stopped his writing and looked at her. "What?!"
"You know, that floor part on a ship? Why in the world would you call it a POOP deck?! Do they like, take dumps on i-" she explained, but was silenced by Jafar's hand covering her mouth. She looked at him, and he actually looked sickened. Woops, I guess I gave him a few nasteh images.
"You are not to speak another word until I say you can, is that understood?" Jafar commanded.
Kristina nodded and he took his hand away from her mouth and resumed with his writing. She stood there, again bored, and now forbidden to speak. She thought of another thing, and just couldn't resist telling him.
"Did you know 'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me'?!" she asked with much enthusiasm.
Jafar was about to yell at her, but this question shocked him even more than the poop deck slowly turned his head to her and stared. She smiled like a child, as if proud to have asked such a thing.
"Hey, it does!" Iago exclaimed, having been spelling the word backwards once the question was asked.
Jafar snapped out of his shocked state and glared at the teenager. "Get out."
"Huh?" Kristina asked.
"I said get out." Jafar said, rising from his seat.
"But-"
"GET OUT!" He shouted, his voice booming in the room.
Kristina squeaked like a mouse and zoomed up the stairs and out of the lair. Jafar stood where he was, taking deep breaths and rubbing his temples.
"This child is going to be the death of my sanity." He said as he plopped back into his seat.
It was mid afternoon by the time Jafar had finished his schemes. He and Iago walked around, searching for teenager, but at the moment to no avail.
"There you guys are!" Exclaimed the child, happy to have found them.
They turned to see her behind them.
"Where have you been?" Jafar asked.
"Well, after you totally raged on me, I was wondering around the palace. I ended up walking near Jasmines room and saw that her door was open. So, I decided to take a peek inside and I saw her sitting on a couch, looking all sad and gloomy. She saw me and asked if she could talk to me, so I'm like 'Ok, about what?'. And then went on this whole big speech about how much she felt betrayed by Ali and how he was SO stupid and such a BIG jerk and such. Dude, I thought I was going to DIE. That girl can talk and talk and TALK. Well, she BARELY finished just a few minutes ago, and when she did, I made up some excuse and I HAULED BUTT out of there. So here I am!" Kristina finally finished with a smile, not realizing the irony of what she had just said.
Jafar stared at her for a second. "So you were in Jasmines room?"
"Yeah, pretty much." Kristina answered.
"Well, while you were gone, I finished my plans. Again, I'll need you to help." He told her.
"Alrighty, what's your plan?" She asked.
"While I hypnotize the Sultan with my staff, you're going-"He began, but was cut off by Kristina.
"Whoa, hold up buddy boy, that's not such a good idea." She said.
"And why not?" Jafar asked in annoyance.
"Well, in the movie, when you hypnotized the Sultan, you got in BIG OLE trouble once they found out. Now things may be different now, but I don't want you to be making a mistake that could cost you dearly." She explained.
Jafar thought about this for a moment. "Alright, then you will have to convince the Sultan."
"Say what now?" Kristina asked confusedly.
"Since I can't force him to send Ali away, you are going to convince him to do so." Jafar stated.
"Wait, I can't do that! He won't listen to me!" She said.
"You told him you were sent here to help with the suitor problem, so he will listen." He told her.
"Jafar, my conscience is telling me to not do it, and my conscience in NEVER wrong." The teenager said.
"Well then I guess I'll have to change its mind then." Jafar said, putting the head of his snake staff in her face. Its eyes began to glow red and swirly, as if looking into her very soul.
Kristina's eyes glowed red as well from the hypnotism. Jafar grinned, seeing that it was working. Kristina suddenly had the goofiest smile on her face.
"Eee hee hee! Lookit' tha flyin' rabbits." She said, actually sounding drunk.
Both Jafar and Iago's faces instantly had a WTF look on them, not knowing what was going on.
"Come back mistur bunny rabbit! I wanna playze weeth yoo!" Kristina said, running around in a circle after the imaginary creature.
Jafar watched her then looked at his staff. He tapped its head, shook it, then quickly used it on Iago. The bird stood there slack jawed in a hypnotic state. Jafar looked at his staff again and scratched his head. He snapped his fingers and the two went back to normal. Kristina groaned and looked dazed.
"Why do I feel like chasing flying rabbits?" She asked.
"No reason." Jafar said, not wanting to bother an explanation since he didn't even have one.
"What were we talking about?" Kristina asked.
"You just agreed to convince the Sultan to send Ali away." He said.
Kristina stared at him. "…..did I really? I don't remember anything li-"
"Oh but you did, and you even gave your word that you would help. I'd remember something like that." Jafar said convincingly.
The teenager scratched her head and stood there with a confused look on her face. "Well, if I gave you my word, I suppose I'll do it. After all, I am a girl of my word."
"Excellent. Follow me." He said, leading the way to the Sultans throne room.
Kristina walked next to him for a ways then looked up at him.
"Hey Jafar."
"What."
"Can I ask you something?"
"As long as it has nothing to do with fecal matter or grabbing."
"…….aw man." She said with a pout and walked silently.
Jafar smiled at this. She was finally quiet. And to think, she was talking about how bad Jasmine was earlier. As they began nearing the Sultans throne room, they started to hear yelling. Jafar was about to open the doors, but Kristina stopped him.
"Ssshhhh, let's listen." She said, always liking to spy on people like the little devil she was.
The three of them put their heads to the door and listened.
"I'm telling you, I don't know what you're talking about! I haven't even been near a servant girl today!" Ali yelled.
"I think I would know your voice when I hear it!" Jasmine yelled back. "I heard you trying to win her over, and apparently you did when I found some women's underwear in your room when I came to ask you about it!"
Jafar and Iago looked at each other, and then at Kristina once they heard her giggling. She looked at them and stopped giggling. They stared at her for a second then it dawned on them. The teen practically had guilty tattooed on her face.
"Kristina, you didn't happen to have…." Jafar started, but sort of trailed off, leaving her to finish.
She tried to smile innocently, but no dice. "Uh, guess I forgot to tell you guys about my little detour before I talked to Jasmine."
"Detour?" Jafar asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, let me start off by saying that when my mind gets random and devious, there's no telling WHAT I might do. So, I walked by the laundry room, grabbed some clean lady undies, and skipped on down to Aladdin's room while he was sleeping and wa lah! Incrimination!" She said, quietly enough to where she wasn't heard above the screaming that was still ensuing inside.
They stared at her for a moment.
"That was genius." Iago said. "And here I thought you couldn't do anything, but this, oh this is just pure and utter genius!"
Kristina smiled at this. She looked at Jafar for his reaction, but he just shook his head.
"Ridiculous, stupid, idiotic…..and genius." Jafar said, a smile creeping up on his face.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
A/N: If you know where the embargo thing came from, you get yourself a cookie.