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Emmett's cow tippin' tale.
"Move you stupid fuckers!" I yelled, hauling ass toward the nearest fucking hay bail.
I was going to die, right here in this God damned field with the stupidest assholes I had ever met. Why didn't I stay in Intercourse with Rose? It's so much safer there. I could be at work with Dr. C, blazing with Ed or a million other fucking things. But no. I had to agree to go with these assholes from Cuba cow tipping.
It started off normal enough until someone thought 'hey lets drop a hit of acid before we go'. I'm never going to be able and maintain my 4.0 GPA if I keep this shit up, much less get into Veterinary school. Rose is going to kick my ass if I survive this.
A blood curdling scream made me whip my head around in time to see Demetri flying through the air. Shit. That steer totally just sent his ass airborne with his horns. Just a few more steps, I thought, before I heard heavy breathing behind me. Oh god, oh god, oh god...please don't gore me. I'm too pretty to die.
I latched onto the hay bail and scrambled as quickly as possible on top right before another steer rammed into the side full force. The entire bail rocked and I just knew I was fucked and this thing was going to tip over making me a sitting duck. And wouldn't that just be a bitch. The cow doing the tipping, I guess this was karma's way of saying 'take that shit, fucker!'.
When I didn't land on the ground, I peeked up to survey my surroundings. What a fucking nightmare. I'm tripping balls on top of a damn bail of hay while Felix, Demetri, and Santiago run for their fucking lives. It's their own damn fault too. When they said we should go cow tipping didn't they know better than to pick a farm where rodeo bulls are kept. These fuckers were out for blood.
I felt another jolt and nearly shit myself before I heard Felix behind me yelling to move the fuck over.
"You stupid assholes!" I yelled smacking him in the arm. "What the hell were you thinking picking this fucking farm for cow tipping? Do you have a death wish?"
"I didn't know!" Felix cried. "They talked all fast and confused me and I didn't understand." He sobbed beside me. Poor stupid bastard.
"Fine. I have no fucking clue what to do other than wait them out. So, get comfy and I swear to God if you make me fall off this fucking hay bail I will make sure I gore you myself if I live," I swore, moving to the other side.
I curled into a fetal position listening to the sounds of the night; crickets, owls, Demetri and Santiago's pleas for mercy as the continued to try and get away from the psycho killer bulls. All the while I tripped, the acid making it all the more vivid and fucking crazy. The last thing I remember is the quiet sobbing of Felix behind me...
"Well, well, well. What do we have here boys?" An amused voice said from somewhere near by.
Where the fuck was I? Something sharp poking into my cheek caused me to lift my head. That's the only part of my body that I could move though. I felt a heavy weight on top of me holding me down. And it was fucking hot. As I took in my surroundings I noticed a hand dangling over my shoulder. The fuck? I looked down and saw a boot flung over my legs as well.
That's when I heard someone laughing again. Looking over I saw an older guy in a truck barely keeping a straight face while staring right at me. That, however, was not what caught my eye. A haggard looking Demetri and Santiago huddled in the back of the truck looking everywhere but me was what finally brought everything back to me.
Hanging with the guys, drinking, dropping acid, the attempted cow tipping at a fucking bull farm with Demetri, Santago, and...Felix.
That thought made me stiffen. I looked down at the hand and leg throw over my body and suddenly realized my position. I was the little spoon. And Felix was behind me. Fuck no. I tried to move causing Felix to stir which shifted his hips. Into my back. And that was the final straw. Morning wood in the back was enough to make me look like the Incredible Hulk ripping out of a fucking cage.
My sudden movement sent Felix flying off the hay bail in the opposite direction and landing on the ground with a thud.
"What the hell man," Felix started before I jumped over to him.
"No, you listen to me," I seethed. "You made me little spoon fucker. I feel violated," I said trying not to vomit in my mouth.
"This!" I yelled looking at everyone while making a circular motion to anything in the fucking vicinity. "Never fucking happened, are we clear?" Everyone looked at me for a second before nodding. All except the old guy in the truck who was now openly laughing.
"Serves you little fuckers right," he said laughing. "Now get the fuck off my property before I let my bulls have another go at you."
With that we took off like a shot.
I've never going to be able to look at hay the same again...
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