I walked into the Cullen's house, with Amy on my arm, and there she was. She sat on a stool, in a blue dress that hardly covered her thighs, Alice was standing in front of her. Amy went to sit on the couch; I walked to sit next to her.
The family had come into town for Jacob and Nessie's wedding; they'd have a semi-private function in the backyard of the home so that Charlie could attend. They didn't want me here, but Jacob insisted.
"Okay, done," Alice said backing up, she clapped loudly. She finally moved, and Leah looked amazing, her hair was curled and much longer, past her shoulders, she had sparkly white eyeshadow, a thick line of dark black eyeliner, and a light shade of red on her lips. She looked amazing, but then again when doesn't she? And then in walks the body guards. To Edward's side was Bella, and Jasper was following close behind them.
"Hi Alice, Le-Lu," Jasper said kissing his wife, then giving Leah a peck on the cheek. He looked me up and down, pursing his lips. "Hello Amy, Embry." He said our names with such hate. I nodded towards him. Leah sat with a frown as she pushed her sliding phone up. Edward ducked down, his lips close to Leah's ear even though everyone in the room could still hear him and said;
"I know it hurts, but don't forget to smile." Leah nodded, and then placed a big, fake smile on her glossy lips, her eyes still void of emotion.
The wedding was beautiful, intimate, and sweet. It ended, and people made their way inside the house, to catch up, some to eat.
Leah stayed out in the yard for some time, I tried to be away, but I couldn't stop thinking of her, so I found myself outside after some time.
She was sitting in the grass, her face upturned to the sun, letting it smother her face, "How's life?" I asked quietly, coming up behind her.
"Kinda fun. Yours?" She held a pack of Bronson Full Flavored Cigarettes; she opened the pack pulling out a cigarette and a lighter.
"Boring. Could I have one?" She gave me a pointed look; I knew it was a silent way of asking 'Since when do you do this?' I rolled my eyes. "Since you left, with the Cullen's." She nodded as she handed me one, lighting hers up then giving me the lighter. As I inhaled my first drag, I built up the courage to tell her I miss her.
"Boring eh? So you-" I cut her off.
"I miss you," I said sadly, she pursed her lips, bringing the cigarette to her mouth.
"You can't possibly be bored with an imprint, Embry; it's impossible." She said snarkily, ignoring my statement.
"Cause I miss you. Life isn't the same without you." I ignored her anger, she seemed thoughtful for a second, then placed a smile on her face.
"All you do is sit at home and be lovely? How sweet." She had a smile, but her eyes fooled her, I wasn't going to let her play these games, I had things to say, I needed her to understand how I was feeling.
"I miss you a lot, Leah." She sighed, keeping the smile on her face. I stared at her as I kept smoking.
"She bought a dog? Oh, when do you plan to have a kid?" She said with false sweetness.
"You need to come around more." She glared at me, but her eyes softened.
"I miss you too, I mean your my friend so of course I miss ya." I felt my heart break. I just wanted her to be honest and let me be, too.
"Yeah..friends." And then it was like something snapped inside of her.
"I can't do this." She said suddenly, then inhaled a significant drag. "I can't pretend we're fine, or that Amy's a beautiful girl or whatever. I hate her; she ruined me. I tried pretending I was okay with a mask of anger with Sam, and we see how that worked. My heart still beats so fast when I see you; I still can't breathe when you're near me, I can't love you. We can't be together romanticly, and I can't be friends with you. I love you too much, and I'll never get over you, but I'll get better if we just stop talking. Stop everything." Her brown eyes go right back to the way they looked that December night, and I'm sure mine look that way too. I feel tears sting my eyes.
"Leah, please don't," I say the words she told me those years ago. She closes her eyes.
"Don't make this hard Embry." Make this hard? She made this hard for me!
"Leah, everyone feels so sorry for you, but what about me?" I asked. She clenched her jaw.
"What the hell do you mean?" She demanded, putting her cigarette out.
"Jasper hates me, Edward hates me, because I hurt you. They glare at me, and say my name with such hatred, but did you tell them what happened?" She rolled her eyes, but for once it wasn't her mask, she was angry.
"Of course they know what happened, they were listening when you shattered my heart." She snarled.
"You shattered me!" My voice raised, I sighed. "You said we had to break up; I said I could fight this. You made me hurt you, Leah. And you forced me to cut myself as well." She bit her lip, shaking her head profusely.
"No Embry, you hurt me when you imprinted. It's your fate to live a life with her, and I'm not going to let you wreck yourself just for me. You're not supposed to love me; it's not right."
"So, you think fate wanted me to be away from you? For you to be here with these leeches?"
"Hey." She snapped, her voice high, "I love the Cullen's, weird yes, but I do. Jasper and Edward have done so much for me; it's amazing how much support they are. They don't hate you, Embry, they just hate the situation, but I never let them forget how much of this is my fault. I should never have let you in my heart, and I can't let you in anymore. We can't be anything."
"That's not the problem." I groaned, "Why can't you understand? I can love you, Leah, I still do, imprinting on her didn't diminish any love I have for you."
"I won't share you, god damn it, why won't you hear that?" She shouted, "I just want to love my life again, and I'm getting there, but every time you feel the need to tell me how much you love and miss me you send me spiraling and I won't do it, not anymore."
"I love you, Leah," I said softly, forcing myself to let it go, to let her be.
"I know." She said, the corners of her mouth turning upwards slightly, "I know it hurts, but don't forget to smile." She whispered, and then she pushed up onto her feet, pulling me with her. She hugged me so tightly I couldn't breathe, but I just hugged her back for as long as she would let me, drinking in her scent one last time. She pulled away and strolled back inside. I watched through the window as Jasper met her, hands gripping her shoulders.
I couldn't help the tears that escaped as I watched her beam up at him, knowing that she'd move past me.
I never got past her. A few years went by, the family visited, though I only saw her once, when I went to Jacob to tell him that Amy was pregnant. I watched for her reaction, the remaining pieces of my heart crumbled when Jasper pulled her to him, her face lighting up as she rested her head against his shoulder, no sadness in those pools of brown.
I suppose it was selfish, but when Amy lost the baby, I kept going back to that day, that moment, knowing that I would never be what I wanted to be to her and I decided to end it.
So, Leah, this is for you, I'm sorry for everything I did, the pain I caused, I hope that you find peace, I know that I will, where I'm going.
Love always, Embry.
I was running in circles,
I hurt myself,
Just to find my purpose,
Everything was so worthless,
I didn't deserve this,
But to me you were perfect.
I see me writing on this paper,
Praying for some savior,
Wishing to intake her and save her,
In the world so, so godless, so thoughtless,
I don't know how we wrought this,
All the love that you brought us,
It feels like I'm killing myself,
Just wheeling myself,
Just to pray for some help,
I'd give it all just to have,
Have your eternity,
Cause it's all that assures me,
It's worth all that hurts me,
I'd give you my heart,
And I'd let you just hold it,
I'd give you my soul,
But I already sold it.
I've gone away,
Seen better times in yesterday,
I hurt myself,
It's hard to say,
That everything will be okay.
Leah Clearwater sat in the very spot that her heart was wrecked years ago because of a girl named Amy, tears streaming down her face as she read the pages that Embry Call thrust at her just before he killed himself. Jasper and Edward in front of her, both silently thinking that maybe, just maybe, this would be what she needed to heal.