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Esme

Let's see- I needed to stop by the market before I head into the store later today. I just must see if those new sugar petals have come in yet. They'll look absolutely perfect on the cake for the Johnson wedding next weekend. A truck door slamming pulled me from my musing and I pulled the curtain back to peek out the kitchen window.

Edward was walking around the side of his truck with a grin the size of Aunt Betty's bottom and for all the world looked like the cat that caught the canary. What in the world has gotten into that boy? I walked outside and leaned against the porch railing as he began unloading all the camping equipment from the back of his truck.

"Hey honey, how was the dance?" I asked expectantly. Dance my ass. That boy no more went to that dance last night than I went grocery shopping naked. Didn't happen. He looks up at me with a lazy smile and pink cheeks, pulling off that dreadful trucker's hat he insisted on wearing all the damn time and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I had a great time mom," he answered. Or didn't answer. I swear when will these kids learn they aren't smarter than their parents?

"You do much dancin'?" I asked trying to hide my smile. It was especially hard to do when that big goofy grin smeared itself across his face. My, my, my.

"Uh...no not really," Edward stuttered all pink cheeked and adorable. And that's when I knew my son had been bedded, properly. I'm not naive; I found condoms in his room, leaving no doubt my son has long since tossed his virginity aside. He's too handsome not to.

But this, this was something different all together. I'd never seen him quiet so flustered, and if I'm not mistaken, absolutely smitten. It must be that new girl I heard him talking to Carlisle about, Bell, Bella- something like that. She'd apparently landed herself in a spot of trouble back in New York and was working off her community service at Stitched or Stuffed. Lord knows neither one of us have any room to judge someone.

Edward's face would be positively puce if he knew about the time his daddy and I had been arrested for indecent exposure, and that was after smoking one of mother nature's many flowering plants. I sighed wistfully, indecent indeed.

"And you two went camping after you didn't do much dancing?" I goaded. I mean, really, he's my only child and after this year he'll be gone off to college leaving Intercourse behind for bigger and better things. Might as well give him as much hell as I can now, that way Carlisle and I can laugh fondly about it while we sit around our empty home, naked. I might have been secretly marking the days off on my calender.

"Mom, you sure are awfully nosy this morning aren't you?" he asked playfully, coming up to me and flinging his arm over my shoulders. Mhmm. Don't try that Cullen charm on me, youngin'.

"I'm just wondering what has you looking so, what's the word I'm looking for?" I paused tapping my chin with my finger. "Oh I know!" I exclaimed. "Sated!"

"Mom!" Edward shouted, recoiling away from me as his face paled.

"Satisfied?" I questioned innocently. Edward groaned and ran his hands down his face looking a little worse for wear. I figured I'd give him a break for now, I had bigger fish to fry. Like deciding how I was going to meet his girl.

"You run on in and get ready, you've got to open the store this morning and I need to make some cupcakes," I said and pulled the bill of his hat down to his nose causing him to grumble.

Looks like I'd be making a pit stop by Stitched or Stuffed this morning. Hopefully this girl would be as strange and ridiculous as Carlisle said, otherwise Intercourse was going to eat her alive.

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