Chapter 14
Aftermath
He had the nerve to return. He dared to call me his friend and try to help me. He explained that he took her to the airport and instructed her to leave and never return. He apologized and tried to help me with the clean up. I know some day I will forgive him and so I try not to burn any bridges, but not today. I have healed and I have cleaned up the mess. I will need to hire someone to rebuild the broken stairway and other damage we caused. But the vision of him with his teeth against her throat refuses to leave me. The terror in her eyes and how she reached for me while I was helpless to save her will haunt me always. He stayed less than an hour. He apologized for borrowing Vladmir's car. He gathered his things and left. I did not care where he was going or how he would get there, only that he left me to my pain.
I move about the house cleaning up the wreckage. It keeps my mind from her at least a small measure. I finally give up and call workmen to come in to fix the damage. Before they arrive I go to the cellar and look at what is left of her cell. It is just as well it is destroyed, since workers would ask questions about it. I lie in her bed and bask in her scent. I wish I could sleep like a human, but even the trance state eludes me. I wonder if I should look for her. I know enough of her personal information I could likely find her in time. But to what end? I asked Carlisle for a solution or to help me set her free. She is free.
I clean up all traces of her from the cellar. I even move the bed back to the guest room from whence it came. I miss her. So much reminds me of her: The food I still have in the refrigerator, the clothes she never wore, and her intoxicating scent which lingers on everything. The workmen come, assess the damage, write up a work order, and tell me when I can expect the job to begin.
I retreat to the library and try to read...try to write...I even consider trying to paint like Vladmir, but it is no use. She is gone. Why is it that one fragile human girl has managed to infiltrate my life to the point that I miss her so much when she is gone? The brutally honest voice in the back of my mind whispers, 'you know why.' But I will not listen It cannot be true, it is impossible – I refuse! And it is too late. It just does not matter. She is gone, and for her own good I must let her go.
The day pushes into the night and there are no distractions from the loneliness. She did this to me! I have never felt apprehensive about being alone. I have never longed for a companion; even with Vladmir we often keep to ourselves in separate parts of the house. We did not even hunt together. And yet I feel alone like never before.
I do not want Vladmir. I want her! I should have fought harder to keep her. Maybe I should hunt. I imagine going out into the night in search of one who reminds me of her. One who is young and soft and sweet. I could satiate this longing for at least a little while. But she has even spoiled that for me. She would hate that she gave me any reason to take a life
I finally settle down to my journals. I fill the book with recollections of her. I record every nuance, and everything I can remember while it is still fresh. I write about the hope I had dared to have. In the privacy of my own journals I let myself dream of what could have been. When I finally look back on the ramblings, I can describe the dreams with one word – happiness. She made me dream of being happy; and that has been taken away from me once again.
I barely notice the setting of the sun as I pour out my heart onto the expensive paper of my leather bound journals, letting the ink flow until I need to open a new pot. For hours I sit and write, trying to capture as much of her spirit onto the page as I possibly can before my deteriorating memory steals her away.
As I write I realize I have come to a decision. I will look for her. I have no right to impose myself onto her life, but I cannot take the emptiness her leaving has caused in me. I will search and I will find her, no matter the cost. I stop writing and start planning. When can I leave? Where will I start the search? Who can help me? I think of agencies to contact to find information for me. I start to make a list as the sun comes up on a new day. It is my first full day without her, but it will not be my last. No, I will not miss her forever, I vow!
I hear the dog barking, and I can tell it is the sound of an alarm. I assume it is workmen or contractors who have gotten a day or time confused. Let them deal with the dog for their mistake. I am thinking that I can track the flights that left yesterday. If I cannot figure it out myself, then maybe Vladmir will show me how. I will learn how to use the computer and take advantage of it's information. She is human, and she will have to be listed somewhere in the vastness of the internet. I smile as I feel the seed of hope planted once again.
The dog is beginning to annoy me. Stupid Aro! I put aside my plans and writings to go and perhaps rescue some human from a dog bite. At the back door I hear a sound that freezes me. Drifting from the trees surrounding the property. It is a scream – a female scream. Impossible! I do not think, I run. Across the expanse of lawn to the trees and fence I race, listening to both dog and human cries. The sight I see is burned into my memory as it happens. It is Summer without a doubt, but she is in trouble as Aro is savagely barking and snarling at her. She catches a glimpse of me and screams my name as she turns toward me. She takes one, maybe two steps my way before the dog leaps and takes her down.
A split second later I think that Vladmir is going to be angry with me. But I have forgotten that even attack dogs cannot withstand the way I throw Aro as soon as I reach her. I hear the dog breaking through the trees and then a whimpering thud. I do not have time for the dog now. She is scratched and disheveled, but otherwise unhurt as I help her to her feet. I cannot help but stare at the face that has been haunting me. Her tears trickle down from her bright blue eyes even as she smiles up at me. I am speechless. She starts to say something, some kind of apology or explanation and all I can do is smile. I pull her to me and once again I have to fight not to crush her, but I cannot let her go.
"Stefan, what about the dog? " She seems alarmed but I cannot stop touching her; her hair, her face, her shoulders bared in the dress she wears.
"Do not worry Cara Mia, you are safe now. I will not let it harm you." I smell her hair, the lovely curve between her neck and collarbone. She is so soft and warm in my arms. I kiss her neck...so softly, her chin, her cheek...so beautiful! I savor every moment, but her arms have come between us and she pushes with her feeble human strength against my chest.
"Stefan, the dog must be hurt! Can't you do something? I don't want it to die...it's all my fault. I shouldn't have come here like this." She is denying me over a dog? I am being forced to stop touching her, holding her, breathing her because of stupid Aro! In my dreams she was not this contrary or difficult! She wants me to take care of a dog before I can fulfill my own desires. I look at her and her eyes are filled with tears. I want to scream, but keep it to a low growl of frustration. She hears me and smiles weakly as she picks up her dropped purse. She follows me in the direction of the stupid dog – the dog which would have been happy to tear her face off I might add. But I'm merely arguing with myself as we pick our way through the shrubs and trees.
It lies on the ground and I can hear it's heartbeat and breathing. It is alive but not conscious and I can tell there are broken bones from the way it's breathing is labored. "Summer, I am not a veterinarian – I cannot fix this." I watch her as she opens her purse and takes out her cell phone. She punches in some numbers then hands it to me.
"I've got information but I don't know the language here. Find out the number for a local vet and then we can call them."
I cannot believe I have her back but I am standing over a wounded dog with a tiny phone trying to get help so she will not hate me for what I have done. But it is not as difficult as I fear when all I have to do is speak the information I seek and a voice tells me what to do. When I dial the number for the animal doctor I explain what I need and they want me to bring the dog to them. I explain that it is not possible and I offer a large amount of money if they will come and get the dog. In minutes we have an agreement and they let me know to meet them out front.
I pick up Aro as carefully as I can and he whimpers. I lead her through the yard to the gate and tell her the code. As soon as the truck comes to pick up the dog I hand it over. The driver asks me questions about the injuries, and I explain that it was hit by a truck. I fill out a form on a clipboard and soon Aro is taken away and I have a card where I can call to get information about him. I lead her back inside the gate and she seems happier. She throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek as she whispers "thank you!" into my hair.
I walk with her back across the lawn. She stops suddenly, gasping. I have forgotten that she has never seen me in the sunlight. I turn to look at her and she stares. I can hear her heartbeat and breathing increase and I smile. "Living statuary – I am my own lawn ornament." I strike a pose and suddenly she laughs. I pull her to me and we stand in the sun while she studies my face. "One more myth dispelled; we can tolerate sunlight, but it is one of those laws the vultures have instituted; never to be seen in the sun." I cannot resist, I lift my face to the sun and laugh.
I want grab her and twirl her around, but I fear hurting her if I do. She steps close to me and her hands come up to stroke my face. Her fingers trail along my chin and down my neck into the open collar of my white shirt. The kiss she places at the vee calms my euphoria. She looks up at me and I can see it in her eyes; she is mine. But now I know also that I am hers. When we kiss I know there is nothing to come between us. No boundaries. No reservations. All the hope and possibilities churn through my mind. No rescue.
Mmm, she is delicious! Her mouth, her lips, her tongue, all so warm, fresh and sweet. I release her mouth so she can breathe and trail kisses across her chin and down her throat. Her scent, her heat, her pulse pounding against my lips, just one taste of her would be so satisfying. Her arms are wrapped around my neck, pulling me to her as her hands clutch at my hair. It feels like she is offering herself to me, with her body pressed against mine and her arms pulling me closer to her tempting, succulent, pulsing, throat. A wave of hunger takes me. I close my eyes and press my mouth over the place where her blood pulses the fiercest.
I am the monster about to fasten myself onto her with no thought but the need. I feel the urgency as I hold her in my arms so she cannot escape. I cannot resist. I cannot deny the hunger that overtakes me. My rational thought is overcome by the pulsing of her blood beneath the gossamer covering of skin. My tongue touches that skin and traces the path of her jugular in anticipation of the warm sweetness I crave.
Her breath is soft and warm in my ear, and a small part of me can still hear her whisper, "I've missed you so much...I love you Stefan."
The jolt is electric! I am out of her arms and staring at her in horror. She does not know how very close...still too close...I thirst! I must feed now! She steps closer and I can still hear her pulse and smell her, and taste her skin on my tongue and if I do not go now she is dead!
Even in my hunting state I can see her dejection as I turn and run. This is wrong. I should still have time, especially after the thief. It hasn't even been a week, when I should have had at least two. The fight...the healing...maybe, but it has never been like this. It is broad daylight and the thirst is overwhelming. If not for my age, the first human I see would be mine. But even though I can be careful I feel the urgency. So easy to turn around...no!
Perhaps it is Carlisle's influence, or knowing how a lost life would weigh on her, or maybe just the urgent need and the seclusion of the barn. I feed as I have not in quite some time – equine blood. I cannot help but feel a pang of remorse as the proud animal falls to me. Quickly the deed is done and the other animals in the barn express their fear over what I am and what I have done. I know I should cover it up, but just this once I leave the remains behind to hurry back.
It is perhaps thirty minutes later when I return and she is gone. I follow to where she has left the yard through the gate. I can track her because I know her scent. I find her down the block at the corner where she sits on a suitcase waiting. As a cab pulls up she is about to leave when I catch her by the arm.
"Do not go." It is all I can say as she turns to look at me with her tear stained face. The cab waits, but as she seems frozen in indecision, I wave it away. Without a word I pick up her suitcase and take her hand. We walk back as I hug the shadows and she stares quietly at me.
Once inside the house I carry her things up to the guest room nearest mine. It is there I can finally trust myself to speak. "It was not you nor what you said that made me leave. I needed to hunt...immediately. I was almost overcome with the thirst for your blood...so close!"
"Your eyes are gold like the doctor's. You hunted...it was an animal?" I can hear the tremor in her voice and I know what she is thinking; that I have just had my mouth on the body of a living animal while I drained it's blood. The visualization is brutal when I consider that I was kissing her minutes before the feeding.
"Summer..." I breathe her name and close my eyes as my fingers sift through her hair. I feel her put her arms around me and rest her cheek against my chest. "Do not leave again." It is not an order but a plea. She pulls away suddenly and looks up at me.
" I need to tell you something; something I didn't know when I left here with Carlisle." She moves away and opens up her bag and takes out some papers. "These are from my mother. I read them yesterday and ….it changes a lot. It changes everything." She sits on the bed and looks at me as if she does not know where to begin. I sit beside her and put my arm around her. I feel her tremble and watch as her tongue moistens her lips.
"Stefan, my father died a few years ago. Recently I found that my mother too had died and I found these letters in a box of diaries that belonged to my great grandmother. What I've always known is that my father died with Huntington's disease. But what these letters tell me is that my mother also had the same disease when she died. It's a genetic disorder, and my father gave me a fifty percent chance of having it, but I'm one of the rare individuals who have it on both sides, so I'm almost guaranteed to have it myself! I can live with the disease, but having no control of my muscles and gradually progressing into dementia isn't exactly what I'd call living."
She breaks down sobbing and I pull her to me to comfort her. For long minutes she cries and I strangely feel the grief myself for her future. I am used to dealing with the frailest of human bodies but to know that the beautiful vibrant woman in my arms will go so quickly to that state is horrifying. Of course I know that I could change her and save her from her fate, but I have a sinking feeling that she did not come to me to change her. I am silent as she spends her anguish in my arms. When she can finally look at me I know I am not going to like what she has to say.
"Stefan, I came back because I love you." She smiles shyly and I feel overwhelmed by emotions I have never felt. "I left with Carlisle to try to save myself from what you had planned, but I realized I don't want to be without you. I know you're afraid of accidentally killing me, but now it really doesn't matter. It's only a matter of time for me. You don't have to worry about taking my life because I don't have all that long anyway. I don't want to live with this disease when it starts to take effect. I watched my dad deteriorate until he barely knew me. He wore diapers and I had to puree his food. I can't stand the thought that someone will have to do that for me." The tears continue to stream down her face.
"Stefan, I need you to do something for me..." She looks at me expectantly and I have a sudden hope that she will allow me to change her. "Let me stay with you. Let me love you and be with you and ….make love with you for as long as I am healthy. But when this disease starts to ravage my body, I want you to finish me." She looks at me with so much love and trust, and I cannot breathe.
She does not seem to understand that she has offered me everything. All that she has, her time, her love, her body, and even her life she has placed in my hands. But in exchange she asks me to give her something I am not sure I can give – release. I have already failed at letting her go, so how will I feel if I have years to spend with her? How will I kiss her goodbye after we make love? How can I face the rest of eternity if I only get to have her for a fraction? How could I ever take her life when I know I have the power to save it? And still she looks at me with those pleading blue eyes!
"Summer..." I run my fingers through her hair and touch her face. "I want to lie to you and agree, but I do not know if I can do what you ask." If I had tears I surely would shed them at the distraught look on her face.
"I understand if you don't want me around." She is upset and her eyes fall away from mine. "Before I leave, do you want to ….will you make …. can we be intimate – just once? I promise then I'll leave you alone." Her voice is tiny and it takes me a moment to realize she thinks I am rejecting her.
My voice fails me but my arms do not. I pull her to me, fighting to hold her tight without crushing her. My lips capture her mouth and my tongue seeks hers. Warm and cold come together and it is difficult for me to remember what I want to tell her, and even more difficult to pull back enough to say it. "I will not lie to you Summer; I want you. I want to keep you with me and make love to you and spend time with you and show you the world and more. But I will not promise that I will be able to take your life." And I cannot promise that I can let her go either. "Is that enough for you?"
She tucks her head under my chin and wraps her arms around me. "That's all I want Stefan. I'm sure there are others who will do it when the time comes." Her words startle me. She is right. Not only will she be exposed to others like me, but they will be more than willing to feed on her whether she is ill or not. It starts to sink in what I have agreed to do and I am worried for her. How will I be able to protect her from others of my kind, including Vladmir? I will have to protect her. Vladmir at least will hear me out before he judges me. But we will have to avoid the notice of others.
But until his return we have the house to ourselves. I look at my former captive and imagine all the things I would like to do with her, and smile. "So what now? I am new to dealing with human concerns. What will you want or need? What would you like to do with your time?"
""When do you expect your housemate Vladmir to return?" She seems worried and I wonder how she so easily picks up on my own concerns.
"I do not know. He said he expected to be gone at least a month, and that was a week before you arrived. He will likely call me to pick him up from the airport. You cannot be here when he arrives. He may come with others of our kind, and it is too great a risk for you. I will take you back to your hotel when that happens. I want to keep you safe." I cannot resist touching her.
"Can you tell me about him? I mean without giving away secrets or anything." She seems curious and in a talkative mood.
I stand and walk to the door. "Come, I cannot talk in here, my mind wanders to other pursuits." I have to smile at her startled look and she hops up from the bed. I take her to the library which is really my room. She wanders around looking at the only room in the house which has truly been unpacked and put away.
I love this room with its floor to ceiling shelving, the heavy woods and the smell of old paper. She steps to the ladder which reaches high up the wall and she smiles as she touches the hand rail. Amid the old books, wood tables and the windowless task lighting she looks like a butterfly that has flitted in accidentally. Her dress is pink floral, the only such color in evidence anywhere in the room.
I watch her as she steps around the room, running her fingers lightly along the bindings of books with titles long forgotten or in languages she likely cannot comprehend. It surprises me when she comes to a section with leather bound books and no titles on the spines. She glances my way before taking one from it's space for a closer look. I hear her gasp as she recognizes my writing. I come to her and take the book gently from her hands.
"I realize it is arrogance that I put my own writings on display along with the renowned published authors. But I like seeing them, and it makes me feel like I have contributed something to the world even if it is only a historical narrative.
She smiles and asks which ones are mine. I indicate the whole section on the wall, floor to ceiling and her eyes grow wide. "Fifteen hundred years of writings and ramblings, though I admit to rewriting the earlier works about a hundred years back since I like the look of unity among the books. This one is from seventeen twenty one, so it's fairly new." I tuck it back into it's spot as she stares. "Please come and sit, I can see you have many questions."
I lead her to the antique chairs opposite my desk and we both sit after she pulls her chair close to mine. I watch the way she crosses her legs, noting how the light reflects off of her tan skin as she swings her foot. So many things about her are beautiful in their simplicity.
"Vladmir has been my friend for over a thousand years. After my contact with the Volturi I found myself searching for others of my kind and he was the first who was not inclined to raise them up to deity status. I believe he may be the oldest of us. He can tell me of a young and brash Marcus and the way he pursued his wife. He tells of meeting Aro while he was still human." She seems surprised at my revelation.
"However there is one thing about Vladmir all of us know. He is a liar. I do not mean he enjoys spreading falsehood; quite the opposite in fact. But he has a gift for fabrication. It is his talent, as mine is for speaking. He can tell you a story and you will believe it to your core, even remember the details. There are those among us who can sense the truth and lies, and even they are often confused by him. He has a way of weaving fact and fiction until one cannot detect which is which. So while he claims he is the oldest survivor of our kind; it may be untrue as that is what keeps him safe from the Volturi." I smile as I think of my friend. I have read about him in my journals so I am fairly confident he is at least as old as I am.
"The man I know is scrupulously honest. It is the only way he has built trust up between us. He has managed to find ways to use his gift without lying." I have to laugh when I think of his latest endeavor. "He is quite an accomplished actor. He does do theater, but mostly he remakes himself. Ever so often he transforms himself into someone else – like some actors who submerge themselves into the role they are playing. Currently he is becoming a Cullen. He looks like someone caught between looking and behaving like me, and Carlisle. He is currently blond and dresses like the doctor.. I would not be surprised if he is studying medicine to more fully assume his demeanor. This is part of the reason I believe him when he tells me he is the oldest. He continues to renew himself. He is like the snake who can shed it's old skin and move forward in new and vibrant colors."
She takes my hand in her small warm one. "You haven't done that have you? I noticed that you seem almost stubborn in holding on to the past. I mean you don't use contractions or slang very often and the way you dress is so formal. You don't seem to use technology either, which surprises me since you could put all of your journals on the computer and share them with the different libraries around the world and they wouldn't be at risk from fire, floods, insects, or rot." She squeezes my hand. "I find it very charming that you are so unique, but it also makes me worry about you. I mean if you looked like a man in his eighties no one would care. But you look like you're in your early twenties and it makes you stick out."
I had not realized she was so observant. I had not thought that I behaved so old, but things change so rapidly it is difficult to keep up. My clothes were fine a hundred years ago and I saw no reason to change just because fashion moved forward. I had thought that I was classic, not outdated. In all honesty, I failed to care about such human concerns. My clothes and other choices afforded me the things I desired most from humans – respect and distance.
"Stefan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." My silence must have concerned her. I smiled to ease her fears.
"I am not...I'm not offended. Vladmir has told me the very same things. If it were not for him I would still be wearing pantaloons and tights. Such longevity for one who is so resistant to change can be a conundrum I realize."
"So, why do you resist? Is it because you don't want to change, or are you just uncertain about where to start? I can remember my grandma had an old TV from the sixties and she didn't want a new one because she didn't know how they worked. When she finally did get a new one she was so pleased that she could see her shows life sized and in color. She only needed to be taught." She smiles and kisses my hand, momentarily distracting me.
"Stefan, I would be happy to teach you. I'm sure there are thousands of things you could teach me. Can I at least help you come into my century?" I think about her offer. Not that I am all that anxious to come into the era of rudeness and sloppiness as I have seen it so far, but if it would please her I could make some changes.
"Fine. I agree. I will...I'll allow you to bring me up to date if you like. I will not promise to enjoy everything, but I will make the attempt. So my dear, what is the first step?"