"De Immortalitate" - Immortality

Disclaimer: no copyright infringement intended at any point.

In this chapter, we meet Jasper. His Latin name, Jaspis, and his English one have the same meaning: the jasper (jaspis in Latin) is a gemstone, an opaque variety of silica, usually red.

Chapter 6 – Sufferers

"Destitutor rabidis praeda cibusque feris;

Sive colunt habitantque viri, diffidimus illis —

Externos didici laesa timere viros."

"I am left a prey, and food for savage beasts. If men inhabit or cultivate these fields, I am apt to mistrust even them. Already a sufferer, I have learned to be slow in giving credit to strangers."

(Ovid, Epistles, "Ariadne to Theseus," X, 96-98)

Antonius' POV

Everyone in the house was still asleep when I went for a walk in the garden. We soldiers calledthis part of the night quarta vigilia. It was my favorite shift, the one that gave me the opportunity to see the new day dispelling the darkness, layer by layer. The light breeze was cold, but I could stay until the hora prima, the first hour of the day.

The wind made the fallen leaves swirl around. It had brought some of them into one of the fountains; the gardener would have to clean them in the morning. In the distance, a marble statue seemed a lonely ghost, forever stuck in its graceful position. It had been there since I was born, maybe even before. I remembered that, as a child, I thought that it was huge, and I had wondered if I was ever going to become as tall. With a small chuckle, I recalled that, by the time I was seventeen, I was already as tall as it. I tilted up my head. In the serene sky, I could recognize some constellations. The calm voice of Caile resonated in my memory. On a summer night, when I was ten years old, he had began to teach me the names and the legends about the main constellations.

"See? That is Polaris, Antonius," Caile told me, pointing toward the sky. "It is the most important star."

I stared at it, trying to understand what made it different from all the others. "Why?" I mumbled.

"Because it doesn't change its position. So, if they get lost, sailors can look at it to find their way back home."

Alone in my nightly walk, I felt lost. But I was afraid that neither the memory of my preceptor nor the Polar star could help me.

A muffled sound of whispers caught my attention. Someone was hiding among the trees. Out of instinct, I went forward.

"Who goes there?" I growled.

A cry was the only answer I got. As I launched myself at the intruder, I noticed something odd: the shadow seemed too small to belong to an adult man. I met dark eyes full of fear that were staring at me.

"Hercle! Bella! What are you doing here?" I shouted.

Bella remained motionless, gaping at me and trying to shrink into herself, as if she wanted to disappear into the ground.

Anger was boiling inside me. What could have happened if she had been found by an unscrupulous servant or, even worse, by an actual intruder?

"Aren't you supposed to be inside, sleeping? Why did you come here?" I scolded her harshly. A stream of tears was the only answer I got. "Stand up!" I ordered.

She scrambled onto her feet. "Antonius, I'm sorry..." she started.

It surprised me when Bella addressed me by my given name. I wanted to hear it again. But Bella seemed to regret it as if she had committed an offense.

"I'm sorry," she said again. Her voice was even more unsure. "Please, Master, don't beat me," she pleaded.

I shuddered. Alica never called me "Master." Alica, I swore that I was going to take care of Bella, and instead she thinks that I'm going to beat her!

Bella ducked her head, as if she was waiting for a punishment to arrive at any moment. Slowly, I leaned a hand toward her and took her chin with my fingers. Her skin was cold. How long had she been outside? I had to know what had brought her in the garden at night. Tilting her head up, I made her look me in the eyes.

"I said that I would never hurt you," I remarked. "Just tell me what you were doing." I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. Easier said than done.

She appeared to hesitate before answering. Her gaze met mine only for a moment, then she bowed her head again.

"I was...praying," she said, so low that it was almost inaudible.

"You were praying? Outside in the dark?" I couldn't help but mock. "What were you thinking? Do you believe that any god is awake at this hour, listening to you?"

Bella balked. She drew herself up to her full height, suddenly straightening from the slump she had been in. I was even more confused when she glared at me. Why was she so surprised, seeing that I didn't believe in the gods? Wasn't it widely known that so many people, especially among the patricians, only kept up an appearance of believing in traditional religion?

She kept looking at me straight in the eyes. Her body was tense; her lips pursed in a tight line. Then her expression softened, her eyes glistening with tears. "I'm sorry, Master," she said. "I didn't know I wasn't allowed to come here at night." She was hunched now, and I could see that she was slightly trembling.

What have I done? She doesn't deserve to be treated in this way. My chest tightened up, and I had to swallow hard. The urge to comfort her became stronger than any other feeling. I didn't stop my hands this time as I took her in my embrace. She was still shaking, suppressing her sobs. Despite her shivering, it felt so natural to have her in my arms. I stroked her long hair, surprised it was so silky under my hands. "Don't cry," I tried to reassure her. "I'm concerned because it could have been dangerous for you, alone and outside in the night. Just don't do it again."

I couldn't figure out yet why she had come here. Since the discussion about Terentius, I had asked again her opinion about the works we read. When we had analyzed the ideas of some Greek philosophers, she had seemed perceptive and open-minded, also about religion. How was it possible that the same girl spent her nights praying outside? I wanted to know more about it. What kind of god requires her to pray outside on a cold night?

"Why did you come here to pray?" I asked.

"I couldn't sleep," she murmured.

Nor could I. Not after the dinner and after touching your mouth. My desire to have her in my arms had become true, but I was holding her without any lust. I had always had all the women I wanted, but I would have never sought one who wasn't free to say "no" to me. Bella hadn't recoiled from my embrace, of this I was sure. Could she feel that I wanted just to reassure and protect her? At heart, I was more worried than angry at her. But worried about what? She hadn't been put in my care. She had been given to me just as any other slave. Given from Felix, at that.

What if she is a spy? I looked down at her. Wasn't I clever enough to unmask a girl?

Reluctantly, I loosened my arms around her. "Come," I told her softly, starting to walk toward the house.

She followed me silently. It was the moment of the dawn when the sky became a sapphire shade and then the rose light of the morning returned color to everything. I had always looked at it in awe. I loved it even more then, since it made me think about the girl with peach-colored cheeks who was with me.

"He listens to me," I heard her whispering.

What is she saying? I stopped. "Who listens to you?"

"God listens to me," she said quietly.

I frowned. Is she so blind? Why is she so stubborn?

Again, I couldn't stop my irritation. "Really? Did your gods listen to you when you were brought here? Or care about what happened to your family? You haven't always been a slave – you said so – but what happened to your gods? Were they distracted when you lost your freedom? And since you say they listen to you, can you ask them why they leave me stuck here, thanks to my father?" Just thinking about Felix and my captivity made anger grow inside me. I realized that I was actually yelling at her.

The flood of tears I was waiting for didn't come. At least that.

Bella tilted up her head, her eyes locked with mine, not even a trace of fear in them."He would listen to you, Master, if you prayed to Him."

I was sure that nobody, even Esma, would have been so brave to talk to me when I was so enraged. And this girl was risking to be punished just to tell me to pray?

"What are you talking about?" I inquired.

She seemed to gather up her courage. I saw her closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. I could tell that it was because she was afraid of my reaction.

The way she was acting made me curious. I wanted her to tell me the truth, and it seemed that I needed to reassure her in order to get her answer. "I'm not going to hurt you, Bella. How many times do I have to repeat it? Speak freely."

"I believe that God listens to anyone who talks to Him," she told me quietly. "I'm suffering and my parents had suffered before me, but God promised Heaven to those who defend their faith. He won't abandon me, even if I am a slave. He will save me."

If she was suffering, if she was a slave, it was only because of Felix. She was in front of the son of the man who had taken everything from her. But as her kind eyes locked with mine, I couldn't detect any accusation toward me. Nevertheless, I knew that Bella's deepest wish was to go away from here. If any god had listened to her, I would never see her again.

"Is this what you were asking of your god? To be saved? To be brought away from here?" I had tried to keep my voice low, but it became louder with each question. "Or what? Were you trying to escape?"

This thought made me shiver. She couldn't know that the house was guarded by men sent by Felix. If she was actually going to try to escape, I didn't want to even think about what would happen to her.

"I wasn't trying to escape, Master," she stated. She was too calm to be telling a lie. But I had to make her understand that she shouldn't try to leave on her own for any reason.

"Don't come here again at nighttime, or outside, for any reason," I ordered. "I can assure that your punishment will be terrible if you try to go away without my permission," I promised. Better scared than dead.

She nodded. "I understand, Master."

We went back to the house, but Bella's words had intrigued me. Why does she talk about a single god? Why does she say that this god is going to listen to me? As far as she knew, I could have talked to all my gods every day.

The house was still silent at this time in the morning and even our quiet footsteps rang on the marble floor. I turned to take my leave of Bella. I would go back to my office and she would go to the servants' quarters. But there was one unanswered question that nagged me, and I called her name before she disappeared down the hall that would take her back to her bed. She turned abruptly, causing her cloak to swirl around her slim figure.

"For what were you praying?" I inquired, struck again by the serenity of her eyes.

She paused for a moment, perhaps considering her answer. I looked in awe at the fineness of her skin against the dark frame of her hair. She seemed a goddess herself.

"I was praying for me, my parents, and Esma," she said softly. "I was also praying for you, Master," she murmured. Then she went away into the dimness of the darkened halls.

On my way to my office, I passed through the hall where we had had dinner the previous evening. It made me remember another banquet in the years when, without Felix, I had been the only master in the villa and in our family house in Rome.

"Stichus servus meus liber esto. I state that this slave of mine becomes free."

With those words, Jaspis had straightened, now a free man. It was the first time that I had had the opportunity to free a slave, but I was going to remember this day not only because of my duties as a master, but also because I was probably at least as happy as Jaspis for his newly-acquired freedom.

A splendid banquet had been prepared. The torches had been positioned in order to illuminate the rich frescos on the walls, which represented scenes of hunting and other banquets. On the floor, rich carpets created an elaborate black and red pattern. As the slaves brought in the food, the room began to ring with voices of appreciation for the dishes. Oysters and mussels had been purchased as entrees. The main course was a dish of mullet. A servant showed the esteemed fish still alive to the guests, so they could have visible proof of its freshness. The guests relaxed on the ample couches, tasting the fine food of the banquet.

Jaspis was finally allowed to join them. We were close in age and I hadn't waited until he became able to buy his own freedom with his money. By giving him freedom as a sign of trust and friendship, I was not only thanking a servant who had always been loyal to my family, but I was also strengthening the bond between us. Jaspis, as a freedman, was going to be a very valuable resource for my family's affairs.

After the main course, the dishes were removed; a slave, expert and able, wiped the small maple tables in front of the couches. Other servants brought sweet cakes, pastry and wine. Sipping a cup of Caecuban wine, I roamed the wide dining room of my urban residence. Among the patricians who were present at the feast, I recognizedmany allies and supporters of my family and of my father's political career. I easily read their true intentions. Some of them had tried to buy Jaspis from me. Now that he was a freedman, bonded to my family, they weren't as happy as they pretended to be.

My father's advice came back to my memory. "Keep your friends close. But keep your enemies even closer." When he explained to me the secrets of his life as a politician, I had admired his intelligence, but I didn't like that, in order to be a good politician, it seemed that I would have to lie and keep up a façade. I preferred the military life; a soldier couldn't fake his strength. I swallowed hard at the thought of the years I had spent without my father. Was he still alive, somewhere? He had left behind a boy who had become a man. Would he have been proud of me?

I glanced at my mother and smiled at her. I had insisted that she join the banquet, although since my father had never returned home, she led a secluded life. Alica had become her shadow; she followed her mistress everywhere, in our city house and in the villa. She tried to cheer up my mother with clothes and hairdressing, and she was happy to follow all the fashion trends from the Oriental countries, keen to entice her mistress to sharing her enthusiasm.

I looked at Jaspis again. If he had beena citizen, he would have been an excellent soldier. He had an extraordinary gift for strategy and had helped me greatly while I was preparing to pursue my military career. As a servant and now as a freedman, he had the opportunity to put his cleverness into commerce. He was brave and hardworking and had a way with people, so much that it seemed that he could even read and influence their emotions. I was sure there was no commercial partner who could resist Jaspis's talent of persuasion.

I had noticed that his only soft spot was for the girl whom I cared for like a little sister. I thought that Jaspis had earned my family's esteem and gratitude, and I would always be generous to him if he continued to be a loyal friend. However, he still had a long way to convince me that he was the man to whom I would give Alica for good. But I was already confident that Jaspis was going to do all that and then some to accomplish this mission.

For the first time I thought that I could understand how deeply Jaspis and Alica cared for each other. Was I ever going to experience those same feelings?

I put a hand on my chest where Bella's head had rested just a few minutes ago. Had it been a dream? I had been enraged when I had found her in the garden, but then the conversation we had had at nighttime seemed such an intimate moment. I wished I had kept her in my arms longer. How much longer? It would be never enough.

Her words still sounded in my mind. "I was praying for you". For what? Was she asking to her god to kill me? I gave a mirthless laugh. She would have had every right to do so, especially because, as far as she knew, I was connected to the people who made her become a slave.

"Good morning, Master." Sextius' voice snapped me out from my thoughts. "I was looking for you."

"Tell me, Sextius."

"There's a problem with the roof. Would you come to see it?"

The roof had been built by specialized workers; the clay tiles that covered it were disposed as to make the rain flow away without stagnation. Through the compluvium –a hole on the roof, the rainwater could fall into the impluvium, a sunken part on the atrium floor.

But Sextius had noticed that some tiles were loose. In case of an earthquake –small earthquakes weren't unusual in our area– or of a heavy storm, they could fall. I told him to call for a team of workers directly from Rome.

I didn't know if I was supposed to wait for Felix's approval, since it was a huge project and it required that new people came to the villa.

It seemed that, whatever I did, Felix was in the way. I recalled that the last new person who had arrived to the villa was Bella. Even in this case, he had been involved as he was the one who had brought her here. How did he find her? I wondered. It was a long journey from her city to the villa or to Volterra, where he had told me that he was living for his business.

Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes. "I fear the Greeks, even when bringing gifts." I had enough reasons to fear Felix, but there was no way for me to avoid thinking about Bella all the time. What was this girl doing to me?

I had lost most of the people I had cared for, taken by death or by Felix. I bitterly recollected each person the monster had taken from me. I hadn't needed to avoid growing attached to anyone since then: I simply hadn't had the chance to bond with anyone. Until now. Until Bella.

But by becoming fond of her, was I only giving to Felix another way to hurt me and to hurt her again? I could avoid her. But what was wrong about allowing myself to enjoy the company of a sweet, beautiful and intelligent young woman?

Those questions remained without answer.

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Chapter's Notes

The manumissio was the act by which a master would release a slave from his authority. There were different kinds of manumissio; the one described in this chapter is the manumissio per mensam, that originated in the time of Empire. A banquet was held and the freed slave could join. A slave had to be at least 18 years old to be freed. If he was older than thirty – but it's not the case in Jaspis's story – he could become also a Roman citizen.

Author's Notes

Many, many thanks to Camilla10, LJSummers, Duskwatcher, Marlena516, and Jmolly. Thanks to Project Team Beta!

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