De Immortalitate – Immortality
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Chapter 11 – Messengers
"Priusque eius adventus ab omnibus videretur, quam fama ac nuntius adferretur."
"His arrival was seen by the people before rumor or a messenger was carried thither."
(Caesar, De Bello Gallico, VI, 30)
Antonius' POV
The central part of the atrium was covered by the fallen tiles. The fear that Bella and I could have died under the collapsed roof made me clench inside. She nestled against my chest as I embraced her more tightly. The thought that I could have lost her was more painful than the fear of my own death. I owed Bella my life. But I would have given it to keep her safe.
The corridor was filled with the sound of agitated voices and fast footsteps. The terrible rumble of the collapse had made all the people in the house run from the refuge toward the atrium. When we heard the noises, Bella stepped away from me. I missed her soft touch and warmth as soon as she distanced herself from my body.
Esma was among the first to arrive in the atrium. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she saw the fallen part of the roof and me on the floor, bleeding and hurt. Anger flashed across her face as she spotted Bella beside me. Esma's stern looks were truly rare; I was taken aback when she scolded Bella. "I was so worried when you didn't come back," she hissed to her. Bella tried to speak, but Esma shushed her and took her in a strong grip. "Stubborn, stubborn girl," she whispered to her.
Bella was supposed to stay in the refuge with the other servants. My wet-nurse's words told me that not only had Bella gone against my instructions, but she had come to the atrium unseen by Esma. I couldn't believe that she was brave enough to disobey while being so afraid of a storm. How worried had she been for me?
A couple of servants helped me to stand up and go to my bed. "I can't think about what could have happened, Master," one of the servants, Clodius, continued to repeat. "I bless the gods who have protected you."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella going back to the kitchen with Esma, her head bowed. Could she be afraid that she was going to be punished after all that had happened? Was I supposed to say something to her because she was so stubborn and hadn't followed my instructions? I couldn't have said anything other than I was glad that she had done as she wanted. She could have been safe with the other people of the house, as I had ordered. Instead, she had taken the chance that she would be chastised and had come to look for me.
I recalled the day when I had teased her in the library with Catullus' poems and Berenice's story. What was I trying to do, asking her to pick a love poem when I could have easily suspected that it would make her uncomfortable? What had I hoped to get, asking her if she would have sacrificed her braid against my safe return from the war?
In that moment also, Bella had proven how resolute she was. She hadn't been disrespectful of my authority, but at the same time she hadn't humored me. What she had just done for me showed me so much more about her feelings than any love poem I could have made her read.
All my life, I had dreamed about finding a woman who could be at my side as my mate, who could care for me as I cared for her. I felt that this dream was coming true. But it was my turn to protect her, my dearest Bella.
Clodius helped me to put on clean clothes and get my wound dressed. Was Bella injured? Had she other clothes that could keep her dry? I realized that I didn't know much about the everyday life of my servants. I wanted them to be well-treated, but there was no need for me to check on them one by one. Many slaves had always lived in the villa, and there were entire families working for me on the farm. They knew how to take care of each other. But for Bella, it was going to be her first winter as an orphan and a slave, in a strange house. Was she warm enough during the night? Did she get enough food?
"Master! I heard what happened! Praise the gods you are safe!" Sextius was flushed as he returned to the farm and rushed to my room.
"Sextius, it's nothing," I reassured him. "Just tell me how the farm fared."
"The storm didn't do any heavy damage," he explained. From the urge he seemed to have to describe every detail, I could tell that he was glad to give me good news.
"Have you checked the stables too?"
"Of course. Iacomus did a very good job. The stables were already well-secured when I arrived there, and the horses are safe."
I didn't doubt that Iacomus was doing his best to make a good impression.
"The biggest problem here, then," he said ruefully, "is the roof."
I was listening to him absentmindedly. I couldn't think about anything other than images of Bella and me in the atrium: Bella on the floor with me; Bella soaked and dirty, struggling to help me; Bella crying in my arms. Why had she fled from me? She hadn't done anything to be ashamed of. Didn't she realize it?
"The workers from Rome will arrive at any day. Maybe the rainstorm is the only thing that has prevented them from coming," Sextius added.
I thanked him for his report and dismissed him. My head hurt, and I was feeling dizzy and hot. "Order some dinner for me," I instructed. Maybe Bella would bring it to me.
"Immediately."
Once I was alone, I tried to relax in my bed. The ankle was swollen, but it was going to be fine in a matter of few days. I had suffered worse injuries during my military training.
The disgusting smell of cabbage invaded my room. I cringed, remembering Caile's studies and his medical remedies. Esma seemed to recall very well that her husband considered cabbage a universal remedy for many diseases. I suspected that I was going to eat a lot of it in the following days.
Disappointment arrived with my dinner when it wasn't brought me by Bella. I could have asked for her, but it had been a hard day for everyone, and she also needed her rest. I wanted to talk with her but was that in her best interest?
Esma asked me over and over again if there was anything that she could do for me, and assured me that Sextius was going to spend all night in front of my door. In the end, I had to be harsh to make her leave so I could get some sleep.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"I love you as if you were my sister!" Alica squealed with her usual enthusiasm.
She embraced a woman in front of her, who had her back turned. I could see only her long brown hair. She was slightly taller than Alica but almost as thin.
Alica was the same as the last time I had seen her, with the same bright attitude, but she looked different. She was pale, so pale that her skin seemed made of white marble. She laughed again with her friend. I approached them, but when I was close, Alica stopped me by raising a hand.
"You can't come here, Antonius," she said. She wasn't happy anymore, andthere was a veil of melancholy over her face. "You are still alive, and we are all dead."
"Alica, what does it mean? Who are youembracing?" I asked.
"You know her, as you know me. Don't you recognize her?"
The girl in Alica's arms slowly turned herself toward me. I gazed at her face, as pale as Alica's. My heart went still, terror seizing me.
"Bella!" I screamed. "You aren't dead! You are alive! Tell Alica that you are alive!"
Bella smiled at me–a sad, sad smile–and shook her head. "I am dead, Antonius. I died because of you," she said quietly. She slipped an arm around Alica's shoulders. "You sent us to the world of the dead, but we still love you."
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
I woke up gasping.
That was the first time I had dreamed of Alica and Bella together. Through them, my former life had met my present one. Dream interpretation was regarded by my people as an art; they believed that it could require even divine inspiration. Even nightmares were thought to be messages from the gods, perhaps oracles of the future. I had always been skeptical–at least so far.
I had tried to fulfill the promise I had made to Alica's memory when Bella arrived at my house. I couldn't give Bella freedom or her family back. But every time she smiled or laughed I hoped that, eventually, she could blossom again, like a plant after a cold winter. Was I a fool to hope that, just for once, Fate could be gracious to Bella? Was I deluding myself, believing that with Bella I could find the same bond that I had seen between Alica and Jaspis?
Bella believed in eternal life. She hoped to live forever in Heaven and, if there was any Heaven, she surely deserved it. But for me it would have been enough just to have a long and happy life with her. Given our circumstances, who was the bigger dreamer between us?
The nightmare about Bella and Alica wouldn't be driven from my mind. Alica had never asked for anything in her life; she was happy with her little joys, even if she was a slave and didn't dare to hope that she would be freed. Hadn't she deserved happiness much more than I? How could I hope to be serene, when it was my fault that she had lost everything, even her life?
Were the gods going to take revenge on Bella because of what had happened to Alica?
I didn't get that sense from the dream. It was a warning. Alica had always been fond of me and was trying to help me. I breathed deeply, my eyes closed. There was no way I was going to sleep again, but I needed to calm down. I needed Bella. The memory of her embrace reassured me but left me eager for more. Was she still sleeping? How would it have felt if she were sleeping in my arms? It would have been a first for me. The women with whom I had had intercourse, when I was still in Rome, had never shared my bed after our encounters. There was no point in having such an intimacy after we both had gotten what we were looking for. The strong and independent women who used to attract me certainly didn't need my protection.
Bella instead was stronger that any girl I had ever met, and she intrigued me with her courage. But, at the same time, I felt protective of her. She was the woman I would have loved to find in my arms every dawn of my life. What if she is going to meet the same fate as Alica? I stiffened at the idea. Being tied to me had proven to be a great danger for the people involved. I couldn't let Bella be affected by this curse. Am I capable of keeping her safe? I'll do anything for her, I vowed to myself.
Two pieces of news arrived at the same time. The first was good: the workers from Rome had come to the villa and begun to repair the damage.
The second wasn't.
"There's a letter for you, Master," Sextius announced.
I knew the seal well and therefore braced myself for the content of the note.
"Felix to Antonius.
My dearest son, our next meeting is rapidly approaching."
As if I needed a reminder, I scoffed inwardly.
"As I told you in our last conversation, I'm going to introduce you to a dear friend who will be happy to meet you."
I recalled his promise of a journey. What kind of friends could Felix have? My hands trembled as I read his words again. What if this friend was one of his...kind? Did it mean that Felix had made a decision about my future? I kept reading, the letters blurring in front of my eyes as I frantically tried to see if my questions were answered.
"I am grieved due to the accident in the atrium."
Hercle. There was only one way he could already know about it. He must have been around when the accident happened. Was he implying that nothing could escape him?
"I'm looking forward to seeing my only and beloved son and I am glad to know that you liked the gift I brought you on my last visit."
I felt as if I had just been punched in the gut.
Bella. He was talking about my Bella.
"I hope you will continue to have a pleasant time with your toy, as long as it lasts.
Ave atque vale,
Your father."
I threw the first thing I could reach: a vase that shattered upon violent impact with the wall. Nobody could understand how much I would have liked to do the same to Felix.
About three things I was absolutely positive: first, there was a spy among my servants. Second, I couldn't overlook any of the hints I had gotten, whether they came from my dreams about Alica or from Felix's words.
And third, the time I had enjoyed with Bella was unconditionally and irrevocably over.
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Chapter's Notes
About the usage of cabbage in Roman medicine, you can check Cato, De Agricultura, 157. Check also Romanward's Twilighted thread (link below).
Author's Notes
Romanward gratias agit to Camilla10, LJSummers, Duskwatcher2153, Marlena516, and Jmolly. Thanks to Project Team Beta.
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