De Immortalitate – Immortality

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Chapter 17 – Prisoners

"Captivos commercatur, si queat/

aliquem invenire, suom qui mutet filium./

Quod quidem ego nimis quam cupio ut impetret;/

nam ni illum recipit, nihil est quo me recipiam."

"He buys up men that have been made prisoners, if perchance he may be able to find some one for whom to gain his son in exchange.

An object which I really do much desire that he may gain.

For unless he finds him, there's nowhere for me to find myself."

(Plautus, Captivi, Act I, Scene I, 32-35)

Antonius' POV

In the days and nights that followed, Felix was my relentless guardian.

We traveled fast and mostly in silence, exchanging only the bare minimum of dialogue needed for our journey. The winter days were short and so we spent most of the time in darkness, but it seemed that Felix wasn't bothered by it. He decided when we were traveling or when we could stop, without differentiating between day or night. He chose the less crowded roads and we retired into the woods when it was time to rest. We slept in the open and Felix gave me some blankets, but didn't use anything for himself. Was he totally immune to the cold?

Nightmares tortured me every time I tried to doze off. I always felt numb, and the time went by in a blur. On a misty morning, he halted the chariot in a small clearing and retrieved some bread and cheese from a bag.

"Eat," he instructed. He took a bowl and left the chariot. "There's a fount not far from here. I'll go to get some water." As if he could know my thoughts, he narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't even try to escape."

"I'm not running away," I told him dryly. "I'm not a coward."

Swiftly, he went through the fog and came back with a bowl of water. I drank it, but I couldn't eat the food. Every time I thought about his food, I felt sick.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, eying me as I put the bread and cheese back in the bag.

"Are you concerned?" I snapped. "Are you feeding up your pet?"

He didn't answer, only pursing his lips in a tight line. We got back in the chariot, and he spurred the horses to resume the journey.

After a few hours, Felix broke the silence. "We'll arrive in Volterra tonight," he announced.

I couldn't continue to wait. It was the moment to have my questions answered. "Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori," I slowly articulated. "Didn't you say that many times, Felix?" I mocked.

He looked at me and seemed surprised that I was speaking to him, and quoting a poet into the bargain.

"'It is sweet and fitting to die for one's country.' That was what you taught me," I lamented. For too long I had refrained from confronting Felix, fearing that he could take his revenge on the people of my home. But since our masks were no longer necessary, I was ready to face his reaction. "But then, what happened to you? You used to act as a hero. You made me dream about glory and military success, and now? What do you live for? Oh, but maybe I'm forgetting that you have already died. So now you don't live for those values anymore. What do you exist for?"

Felix remained silent, frowning. But I hadn't finished.

"You were a military leader, but now you attack women and men who can't defend themselves. You were a politician, but you don't follow our laws anymore."

I was insinuating that his behavior was against the typical values of a Roman citizen, but he seemed curious more than hurt. "Why do you say so?" he asked.

"You attacked and slaughtered a family of free Roman citizens. You killed them without a trial," I accused him. I recalled when Bella had told me the story of her family. Just the thought caused me to raise my voice in anger. "You enslaved a free woman without any evidence of guilt. You didn't give her any choice."

I wasn't prepared for his reaction.

He laughed. I was shaking with rage and he laughed!

"You are talking about your beloved little human! I see...this is what she told you, isn't it?"

I winced as he mentioned Bella. Does he know that I love her? I stiffened at the thought. He would hurt her just because I care for her. "Don't say a word about her," I seethed.

"I believe you need a change of perspective, son," he went on, deadpan. "It's time for you to begin to look at them for what they are. Slaves. Beings that we are entitled to use for our convenience. Humans. Are they more than nice vessels that contain our nourishment?" He paused, as if he were trying to recall something. "Do you remember when we went hunting together?"

"I do," I retorted. "But I went hunting with my father, not with you."

He didn't even acknowledge my insult. "Was I supposed to give any choice to the game we used to hunt?" he inquired. "To put it in your words, you killed many deer 'without a trial', but nobody complained about it." His lips curled in a smile. I recognized his wicked grimace. It was the grin of a hunter who had just discovered that his trap worked and had caught prey. He was ready to administer his final blow. "You accused me and said that I don't care about my country anymore, didn't you, son? But isn't your human a Christian? Wasn't her family going against our rules?"

"How so?" I yelled. "They didn't do anything wrong. You had no reason to kill them!"

"Didn't I?" he mocked. "Did you forget that the Emperor rescinded the legal rights of Christians and demanded that they comply with traditional religious practices? Who is going against Roman rules now?"

"So the Emperor..." I didn't speak further. A shiver ran down my back, and I felt my knees weaken as I recalled the years I had spent with the army, all I had sacrificed for my country, the lives my fellow soldiers had given for the safety and the glory of our Empire. Did the Emperor know what Felix was? Did he know what Felix did?

"Where do you think the properties of the family of your human went?" Felix shook his head, as if he were talking with a witless child. "Let's say that we can provide mutual help to the Emperor. He gets money, and we get nourishment. We carefully remove any trace of our...transaction. Nobody complains."

The truth sliced through me like a sword. I had been ready to die for a country governed by someone who was aware of those monsters and did business with them. I was the son of a predator who didn't want to restrain his impulse to kill innocents– on the contrary, he was almost proud of it. I was the son of the monster who had slaughtered Alica and believed that she was just food for him.

"I hate you!" I shouted. "I curse your paternity. How can you do this to your own son? And how can my mother suffer to be your wife?"

"Enough!" he yelled in turn.

I had never heard Felix shout before. It had always seemed that nothing could elicit a strong reaction from him. Could I use his lack of apparent control in any way? I wanted to fight him. As a man and a soldier, I was ready to lose my life fighting with him, but instead I needed to restrain myself and try to stay alive for Bella's sake. As long as I was alive, I could try to protect her further. She was the only light left for me. After what Felix had disclosed about our Emperor conniving with him and other monsters like him, even if I had regained my freedom back, I wouldn't have any ideals left to fight for. But Bella represented the future–the life I still wanted to live.

The horses pulled up. "We're arrived," Felix hissed.

On the top of the hill of Volterra, we got off the chariot and stepped toward a large building. It was higher than the others around it, as if all the houses in the city were servants looking at their master, waiting for his orders. A row of columns decorated the entrance. I feared that behind those walls Felix's friend was going to decide my destiny.

Felix led me inside the luxurious domus. The atrium was twice as spacious as the one in my family's house in Rome. There wasn't any guard, but as we walked along the corridor, I saw a young man leaning against a column with his arms folded in front of him. He would have resembled a fine statue–and was as still as one–apart from his crimson eyes. He looked at me with contempt, as if a filthy insect were marring the perfection of the shiny marble floor it was crawling upon. Felix and he greeted each other with a nod, then we were introduced in a lavish hall.

I had neither time nor desire to admire the fresco wall paintings that covered almost all surfaces. Three men fixed their eyes on us. One of them stood in front of the others.

"Aro," Felix greeted him, with an unusually deferential demeanor. I was surprised to notice that even he, with all his arrogance, was accountable to somebody else. "Caius, Marcus." He nodded at the others.

The young man who had entered the hall with us bowed in front of Aro and greeted Caius and Marcus, before taking his leave. Hierarchy. It seems to be a constant among men, even when they aren't human.

"Welcome back," Aro said to Felix, "I'm glad you brought your son."

At first sight, he didn't appear to be a supernatural being. His attitude was certainly self-assured, but it was nothing that other patricians didn't show. Unlike Felix, he was slim and quite tall, but his frame didn't indicate any abnormal traits. Over his white tunic he wore a sumptuous toga with a crimson border. The senators I had met in Rome often looked stiff when they moved wearing their toga: the garment was heavy and uncomfortable, especially for senators who weren't young anymore. Aro, instead, breezed toward us with a fast pace. When he came closer, his pale complexion and burgundy eyes confirmed my suspicions about his nature.

He gave me a studied smile that didn't reach his eyes. It was as if he could transfix me only by looking at my face. "You appear to be a very brave man, my young friend!" he greeted me. "I can hear that your heartbeat is steady and your breath isn't troubled, although you are the only human here."

I didn't say anything but looked at him, studying his movements. My tension was high, but I didn't want to show it to him as far as it was possible.

"So silent?" he continued. "You are very much like your father in this. But it doesn't matter. I'm more interested in facts than in words. Sometimes words can be nothing but lies. There are more reliable ways to get to know you better. May I?" Before I could answer, he took my hand.

I felt a tremor in my arm. It wasn't because of his cold touch or strong grip, because I was already used to them, having touched Felix before. It was as if my blood was rushing away from my head and body and, through my fingers, was flooding toward the monster in front of me.

But I was still alive, and my body wasn't hurting. It was just a feeling–a very unpleasant one. It seemed as if this inhuman creature could suck down my core just with his touch.

The monster appeared to be in deep concentration. After a short while, as suddenly as he had taken it, he released my hand. Smiling widely, he looked at Felix. "Very, very nice! What an interesting mind to be found in such a young man! I was afraid that your high opinion of him sprang only from fatherly affection, Felix. Instead, you have a truly intelligent and brave son. Kalokagathos!"

I was confused. What had he discovered simply touching my hand? Had he tried to compliment me, telling that I was kalokagathos–handsome and valiant–like the traditional Greek heroes? Why had Felix talked to him about me, as it seemed?

Aro looked at me again. "I'm very glad to welcome you today." I would have loved to erase that false smile from his face for good. "You are going to become a valued addition to our group." He motioned to the others around him, who were silently following our conversation.

I glanced at Felix and the expression of pride that I read on his face hurt me more than his hate and lies. How could he possibly be proud of me in that situation? Did he actually believe that telling me that I was going to become a monster could be considered a compliment?

"Thank you, Aro," Felix said to his leader.

Aro grew more cheerful. "There's no need to delay what we must do, now that our young friend is here," he said. "Antonius already knows about our nature, and the sooner he becomes one of us, the better."

"Wait!" I interrupted. I didn't think that those monsters could be easily surprised, but they seemed startled when my voice resonated in the room. I felt my body stiffen as Felix glared at me, but it wasn't enough to stop me. "I don't want to become like you."

Aro chuckled. "I know. You think that you'd prefer dying than joining us, but I'm sure that you'll change your mind. You will forget your beloved girl, and rest assured that you won't lack for female company."

I glared at Felix. Who, if not he, could have known about me and Bella and told Aro? Why did he talk so much about my feelings, as it seemed?

"Don't blame him." Aro's voice was almost an answer to my thoughts. "He didn't tell me anything about your Bella or your opinion about us. I have other means to know the people I speak with."

Astonished, I looked back and forth from Aro to Felix; neither of them seemed surprised in the slightest by what was happening.

"Aro can read minds," Felix explained. "When he took your hand, he read all your thoughts. Now he knows every single thing that went through your mind in your whole life."

I felt naked and, once again, betrayed by Felix. He knew all along what Aro was going to do to me, but he had allowed it. He was aware that I didn't want to become like him, but he had pursued his objective. I was trapped. Unless...

"What if I want to be killed?" I proposed to Aro. "I'm offering you my blood. Would you refuse my gift?"

Aro raised an eyebrow. "Indeed, you are brave." He gave out a small laugh. "You are tempting, I must admit it. But would you really deprive your father of the only family he has left?"

"Father?" I scoffed. "Do you think that Felix has earned the right to be called father? He took everything from me and he's going to rob me even of death. I'm afraid that he will do the same to my mother, too!"

Felix distanced himself as soon as I mentioned my mother. "This is not going to happen," he muttered.

"What have you done to her?" I demanded. "Is she being held prisoner somewhere, just like me? Do you think that you could force her to accept a monster like you? The man she loved has been dead for ten years! How could she bear to be with you of her own free will?"

Would you really deprive your father of the only family he has left? Aro's words came back to me. If Aro knew everything about everyone, as it seemed, why did he say that I was the only family left for Felix? I shuddered. I had to know the truth. "Felix!" I yelled. "What have you done to your wife?"

When Felix tilted up his head, I realized that every time I had seen him since he had become a monster, he had in some way been veiling his true nature. He shed his disguise. "What do you think happened?" he snarled. He seemed made of stone and his eyes were burning scarlet pools. A feral growl erupted from his throat.

I lunged at him.

Then everything went black.

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Chapter Notes

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori is a line by the Roman poet Horace (Odes I, III, 2, 13). The poem exhorts Roman citizens to develop martial prowess such that the enemies of Rome will be too terrified to resist them. The line has been often quoted, sometimes satirically, by other poets in modern times.

A/N

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