RAUM

De Immortalitate – Immortality

Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended at any point.

Romanward is back! I've begun to post a new story, An Italian Winter. It's on my profile or here: h t t p : / / www. fanfiction. net / s / 7541183/1/An_Italian_Winter. Reviewers get a little gift.

Chapter 21 – Faith

"Quid faciant, dic, homines? Cuiue habeant fidem?"

"Say whatever shall humans do? In whom shall man show faith?"

(Catullus, 30)

Antonius' POV

The words of love I had heard from Bella weren't meant only for the human man I had been. She could love even the unnatural creature I had become. The knowledge that she still cared for me warmed my still heart. I watched her praying, silently. Was she right? Was my hate for Felix in conflict with my love for her?

Every night, I hummed for her until she fell asleep. The pain in my throat was ever-present, but over time it was becoming a manageable burn. The thirst had been maddening when I had been with Bella the first time. Then, the thought that it could be an atonement for the lives I had taken had helped me to resist it. It was my offering for Bella's life, and I was willing to endure every single moment of fire if it meant that she would be free and safe.

The female vampire I had attacked didn't come again. Titus, a vampire guard, brought Bella's meals or took her to the lavatory. Every time he arrived, checking his thoughts wasn't enough to keep me calm. What if he lost his control while he was alone with Bella?

Titus' inner voice reached me before he opened the prison's door. He cares for her, he thought. I've never seen anything similar. A vampire in love with a human. Will he end up drinking from animals to avoid killing her?

Animals? Had I understood him correctly? Could I feed from animals without killing other human beings?

I stopped the guard. "Is it true? Can we live off animals' blood?" I whispered to him, so low that Bella couldn't hear me.

What is he talking about? Oh..."Yes, mind-reader. But it's not the same. I had to do it once, when Aro sent me on a mission and there was no other nourishment available."

Another guard was walking along the corridor. I had to be fast. "Could you bring me an animal? I beg you."

He didn't answer immediately, either with his words or with his thoughts. The other guard eyed us. "Stay behind," Titus instructed. "You are a prisoner, and Felix said that you won't have any prey unless you drink the one who is in the cell with you." With that, he left. I tried to read his mind, but he began to think in a language I didn't know.

When he came again to take Bella to the lavatory, something hit my foot. On the ground there was a hedgehog–knocked out, but still alive.

I drained it, gulping down its blood so fast that I almost ended up in a coughing fit. By the time Bella came back to the cell, I had dug a hole in a corner of the prison, and I had buried the carcass there. The hedgehog didn't satiate my thirst by far, but made me stronger in my control. I tried to thank Titus, but he dismissed me. However, as he walked away, he showed me an image in his mind: himself, when he was still human, with a girl.

I couldn't stop thinking about the guard's memory. The vampires I had had the misfortune to meet in Volterra were nothing but a herd of monsters. I had never considered that each had a story behind them. I couldn't reconcile what I knew about vampires with the compassion that one of them had shown me. Did it mean that even a monster could choose to rise above, to retain something of the man he had once been? Could a monster have pity?

When the guard was so far that I couldn't hear his thoughts anymore, I retired to my corner. Bella went back to sit on the ground. Her hair was like a veil on her face; I would have loved to brush it away. Maybe it would become possible...

She had never again asked me to come closer, but I could see the longing in her eyes. I took a deep breath. Could I?

"Be very still," I told her. As slowly as possible, I took a step toward her. Then another. Bella was motionless, but her eyes weren't: I saw them glowing when she understood what I was trying to do. I stopped at arm's length in front of her and held out my hand. I raised it hesitantly, conflict raging in me, and then went a little closer, until I could brush her cheekbone with my fingertips.

Bella was warm and even softer than I remembered. Her face leaning on my hand felt more delicate than the finest silk. I knew that at any moment it could be too much, and her life could end–so quickly that she might not even notice. But I couldn't think of anything, except that I was caressing her.

"May I?" she offered with her arm half-lifted to me.

I nodded.

She put a hand on my forearm. I was stunned by the unexpected feeling that flowed through me at her touch. It brought the strangest sense of relief–as if I had finally calmed down.

"Is it all right?" she asked.

I smiled my yes. I savored every moment, without resolving to let her go. I didn't deserve anything, but Bella's caresses told me that I was loved.

"How do I feel to you?" I wondered.

Her hand glided over my skin and reached mine, then she leaned her fingers in my palm. "You are cold and stronger. Your skin is like marble," she said softly.

I basked in her gaze. She was aware of the deaths that my hands had caused, but I couldn't read anything but tenderness in her eyes. Regardless, I asked myself if I had to withdraw my hand. How could I allow Bella–someone so pure–to touch a monster?

As if she could know my thoughts, she gripped my hand tighter. "You are still my Antonius," she murmured.

I noticed a scar on her wrist. "What is that from?" I asked.

"Years ago, I fell in the garden at home while I was playing," she explained. "I was a very rambunctious child and too clumsy." She let out a small, embarrassed laugh.

I caressed the scar. It was a thin, white line on her fair skin. My human eyes hadn't been able to see it clearly. "Tell me more," I encouraged her.

A hint of amusement appeared in her eyes. "About the way I fell?"

"About...everything. Tell me more about that rambunctious child, the things you used to do, your studies...anything."

She took my hand between hers and began to speak.

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Bella's POV

I could have talked to Antonius forever, never sleeping, never leaving his side. When the daylight faded, our hands were still intertwined.

"You know...it's almost over," he murmured.

"The Kalends?"

"The Kalends are upcoming," he confirmed. "Then I'll speak again with Felix. I promise I'm considering what you have told me about revenge, Bella," he said quietly. Clearly he had seen the worry on my face.

I had continued to ask God to help him. I was sure that, with His help, Antonius would be able to renounce his vengeance.

"Could you promise me something, my love?" he continued.

"Anything."

"Just be happy, my Bella. Don't forget that little girl who loved the sea and played in the garden. You are amazingly strong. Promise me that you won't give up." His voice was low and warm. If I hadn't seen that his eyes were dry, I would have thought that he was on the verge of tears.

I slowly moved closer to him, gauging his reaction. "As long as we are together, I do feel strong."

He smiled at me, but his eyes were sad. "You don't see your God, do you?"

"No, I don't."

"But you believe that He cares for you."

I nodded. "That I do."

"So, Bella, whatever happens, even if we won't always be together or if you don't see me for a while, can you believe that I care for you and love you?"

My heart trembled with joy in my chest as he told me that he loved me. But his words sounded strange to me, as if he were bidding me farewell. I dismissed this thought; I had no reason to doubt that Antonius wanted to be with me. I had doubted him before, when he had sent me to the farm, and I wasn't going to make the same mistake again.

"Come here," he said. I looked up at him as he put both his hands on my shoulders. Carefully, his arms closed around me. I leaned my cheek on his chest, as I had done when we were at his home. I could no longer hear his heartbeat, but I knew that his love still resided there. Antonius put a hand on the side of my neck. I stayed very still, but there wasn't any hint of fear in me.

"Bella," he whispered to me. I could feel his voice vibrating in his chest. "May I kiss you?"

My eyes prickled with tears. I felt moisture on my cheeks, but Antonius' thumb wiped it away. He had asked my consent before kissing me when we were at the villa. Was his question confirming that he was choosing me again?

As I leaned toward him, he seemed to hesitate. But then he closed the distance between us. Our lips exchanged a soft caress; I breathed his breath, savoring his heady scent. Antonius cradled my face in his hands for a moment.

Suddenly, he distanced himself from me. I looked at him; his irises had changed during our imprisonment. They weren't red anymore; they had become almost black. The shadows under his eyes had darkened day by day.

"Is it still difficult, being with me?" I asked.

He merely nodded in response. He was exhausted and needed to feed; he couldn't hide it. I was sure that he wasn't going to harm me, but another life would be ended to allow Antonius to survive. I shuddered at the thought.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked. "You are shivering."

"No," I rushed to reassure him.

He invited me back to his embrace. "What are you thinking?" he asked softly.

I shrugged. "It's nothing."

"Bella, you can tell me anything."

"You need to feed," I told him.

He sighed. "I do. But I swear that I won't harm you."

"But you will have to kill someone else or you will starve." I slapped my hand over my mouth. Had I really spoken my thoughts aloud?

A heavy silence descended on us. He closed his eyes, and his grip tightened around me. But when he looked at me again, there was a new resolution on his face.

"No," he stated.

"But there's no other way-"

"Maybe there is one," he insisted. "A guard has brought me an animal and I have fed from it. I will try again...look for a deer or a boar. But I won't kill any human being to feed, I swear it."

I embraced him as tightly as I could. "Thank you," I told him quietly.

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Antonius' POV

Holding Bella in my arms was like being in front of a fireplace in a winter day. I was amazed by the way she reacted to me–as if she were melting in my embrace. If you could be mine, and only mine, forever. I recalled the fire of my change. It had destroyed everything I was and everything I had, but Bella's love had been stronger than that. Not even that inhuman torture had had the power to break my tie with her.

Just a handful of hours and then...

I pushed away my fears. Bella will live, I reminded to myself. Bella will be free. I had to cling to this certainty. The memories she had shared with me about her childhood and her life at her parents' home were a cherished treasure for me. They were her latest gift.

She snuggled into me, and her heartbeat didn't show any fear. She trusts me. I would have died a second time if I had hurt her, but her love had saved me once again. When I hadn't trusted my control, she had given me her faith.

I draped my cloak tightly around her and held her all night long. I lulled her to sleep and I recalled what I had daydreamed about in my human life. I mourned all the dreams that I couldn't have anymore: to be her husband, her lover, the other half of her soul.

She slept in my arms until the first ray of light came through the aperture in the ceiling. Then, as I heard that two guards were approaching, I whispered to her softly. "It's over, my love."

The door opened and two vampires stepped inside. "Aro is waiting for you," they announced.

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A/N

Romanward's next chapter is due on December 3, while An Italian Winter's next installment is due on November 25.

Abundant thanks to Camilla10, LJSummers, Duskwatcher2153, Marlena516, and Jmolly. Thanks to Project Team Beta.

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