De Immortalitate – Immortality
Disclaimer: The characters of Twilight are owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended at any point.
Chapter 22 – Freedom
"Quid tam populare quam libertas? quam non solum ab hominibus verum etiam a bestiis expeti atque omnibus rebus anteponi videtis."
"What is so advantageous to the people as freedom? Which is sought out and preferred to everything, not only by men, but even by the beasts."
(Cicero, On the Agrarian Law, 2)
I put my arm around Bella, holding her close to my side, and began to follow the guards. As soon as we walked into the morning light outside the prison, Bella squinted; after being in the darkness for days, her eyes were dazzled. She inhaled the fresh air deeply, looking around. I gauged her reaction as her gaze glided over me; in the daylight, even without the sun, my body was glowing. But I couldn't detect any rejection on her face. On the contrary, she gave me a gentle, tentative smile.
"The human is too slow," one of the guards snapped. "Carry her."
I didn't want to frighten Bella with my speed, but I didn't argue with the guard, since we were so close to getting our freedom back. I took her in my arms and held her tightly. "Close your eyes," I whispered to her. She did as I had instructed and curled up against me, clutching my tunic.
Aro's teeth glistened in a wide smile as we crossed the threshold of his domus' hall. Felix kept his distance, his head bowed, eyes fixed to the ground. Through his thoughts, I caught his disbelief as he saw that I had succeeded and Bella was still alive. But then I focused only on her.
Bella opened her eyes and yelped in surprise. I kept her in my arms, shushing her while I pressed my hand against her mouth, trying to prevent her from screaming out loud. She trembled as Aro came toward us and his crimson eyes met hers. When his thoughts focused on the blood rushing in Bella's body and he quickly licked his lips, I had to suppress a growl.
"My dear Antonius, your restraint!" Aro sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. If I had not seen you resist her blood's call, I would not have believed it."
Then he took my hand in his.
I felt violated when he saw what had passed between Bella and me in the days we had spent together. I could see how my memories were absorbed by his mind as clearly as if I were looking in a mirror.
My anger. The pantry: that was what he called the labyrinth of caves where he and his companions kept the humans they were going to drain. Aro knew how I hated him and Felix for every moment of pain, fear and sorrow that Bella had endured because of them.
Bella's desperation. The expression on her face the first time she had seen me. She had realized that the man she had fallen in love with had been destroyed. I wanted to erase that moment from my memory, but it was impossible.
My resolution. I had vowed to myself that I was going to leave Bella in peace. She didn't deserve to be further hurt by monsters like Felix or Aro, or like me. Her life didn't have to be marred by fear and anguish anymore.
Bella's acceptance. Her love had proven to be even stronger than the horrors she had been exposed to. I was damned to the darkness, but her light could brighten even the most obscure places of my dead heart.
Our memories. Until the last moment of my existence, I would treasure the memory of all my days with Bella. They were intimate mementos, but Aro's talent spoiled them.
"What a moving couple!" he exclaimed as he finished reading my thoughts. "My dear Antonius, you remind me of The Adventures of Leucippe and Clitophon! You have been tried to the limit for her, haven't you?"
"I've been told that there would be an offer for me," I said, simmering with barely suppressed rage.
Aro chuckled. "Truth to be told, we didn't expect you to succeed. I wasn't counting on seeing your treasured human still alive."
I tightened my arm around Bella. "I have earned my freedom, according to your rules," I reminded him. "Please, let us go."
"Slow down," he scoffed. "Young men are always so impatient. You are going to leave together, I suppose?"
"Of course!" Why on Earth would he doubt it? His thoughts weren't revealing his plans. I looked over at Felix. In his mind, I couldn't see anyone other than myself, among other guards of Aro's army. "Felix, didn't you give me Bella when I was still human?" I asked.
He barely raised his eyes and looked at us. "I did," he admitted.
"So I claim my right to take her away with me." I took Bella's hand and caressed it lightly. Is this the last time I will hold her hand?
I was losing her for good, but I was going to find a way to help her. I would secure her future. Esma was going to care for her as for a daughter. Sextius could run the villa. Or she might go to Emeritus, in Rome. My personal assets would be at her disposal.
But Aro intervened. "It seems that you have always been very careful to observe the rules, Antonius. I've got a question for you. What do you think that a leader should do if someone doesn't respect the greatest rule?" he inquired.
"I don't believe that you are actually interested in my ideas about law," I objected.
He narrowed his eyes at me. "Just answer my question."
"He must punish him according to law," I replied curtly.
"Very well. So I can hope that you will accept your punishment without complaining."
A sudden wave of anger made me scream. "What punishment? I did everything you required of me. You promised! I am free and so is Bella! Are you going back on your word?"
"You went back on your word," he spat. "You didn't play by your father's rules."
I read his thoughts and was frightened. Images of other immortals, being dismembered in front of him, showed up in his mind. But I had to focus on the accusations he was flinging at me. "When did I do so? How can you suggest that?" I couldn't believe that Felix was proving to be such a sore loser. I turned to him accusingly. "Felix! What have you brewed this time?"
"Felix has done nothing wrong. He was right when he told you to respect our rules!" Aro boomed. "Exposure of our kind must be avoided at any cost. Since we were going to decide very soon if you were worthy of being changed, we gave Felix preferential treatment, and he was allowed to tell you about us. But you were told to keep everything you knew about your father and our nature to yourself, and you didn't obey." He motioned to Bella, without looking at her. "You told her everything. You must face the consequences."
I was dumbstruck. I realized that, when Aro had read my thoughts, he had discovered everything Bella and I had talked about. I had never told anyone what I knew about Felix's change. The men in the house would have been frightened, and everyone else would have considered me out of my mind. It was only with Bella that I had felt that I could share my burden. I would bear the entire responsibility.
I shielded my beloved with my body. "Leave Bella in peace, and I'll face any consequence," I pleaded.
"It's not that simple," Aro hissed. "The punishment for exposure is death. Both for you and for her."
Silence fell.
Felix was frozen. He's my son! he wailed in his mind.
The monsters around us became as still as statues. Aro gloated, seeing my desperation but remaining as impassive as the figures portrayed on the frescoed walls.
Bella's heart was hammering against her ribs. I expected her to faint at any moment. Instead, she took a step forward and spoke.
"Punish me, not Antonius," she pleaded. "He kept your secret from everyone. I'm but a slave. Please, take my life and spare his."
Aro looked at her, confused and intrigued. Doesn't she fear death? Would she still be so brave if...
No. I had to stop Aro. I considered what I could still offer to him. It's for Bella, I reminded myself. She's worth it. I struggled to maintain my composure. "You said you wanted me as a guard," I told him smoothly.
Aro averted his eyes from Bella and nodded at me.
"If you destroy me, my talent would be lost, too. I apologize if I've been far too hasty in turning down your generous offer." Each word stung my lips, but I continued. "Might we not come to an arrangement that would be convenient for everyone?"
An unctuous smile returned to Aro's face. "Go on."
"I can assure you that Bella would never tell anyone what she knows about us. Please," I implored, "let her live her life, without any contact with us, and I'll be honored to join your guard immediately. I'll put myself and my talent at your complete disposal."
Bella gasped, but I didn't look at her. I could feel her shaking against my chest. I was offering everything I had, but it might not be enough to save her life. "Just let her carry on her life," I insisted. "How long is human time, compared to immortality?" Saying it aloud hurt even more, knowing that Bella was listening to us. "In exchange for the years of her life, I'll serve you forever."
"I already know that you haven't exposed our secret to anyone other than her," Aro said. I struggled to read his thoughts, frantic to know if he would accept my offer. But his mind became a stone wall against which my talent shattered.
Behind Aro, two monsters who had followed our exchange began to talk quietly.
"What can you feel, Marcus?" one of them asked the other.
"Believe me, Caius, I've never seen a bond like this," he answered. "I wonder if there's anything that he wouldn't do for her–and she's just a human!"
They shut up as Aro cleared his throat. "Destroying you would be a great loss, indeed," he said. The wave of relief that filled Felix's thoughts was disturbing in its force. But I didn't care about myself. I had to know what the consequences were for Bella.
"Aro," Caius called harshly. He stepped toward us, glaring at me. "We can't allow a human to know everything about us," he snarled.
"No!" I growled at him. The stony grip of Aro's guards blocked me. Fast as a gust of wind, one of the monsters ripped me away from Bella before I could launch myself at Caius.
Aro turned again to Bella. She's nothing but a human, he thought, and a slave, at that. Why is she so special? He lifted an arm toward her, his face a mocking mask of serenity. "May I?" he asked her, moving his hand to touch her fingers. I need to see her mind.
Bella flinched, but then took hold of herself and faced the monster. Aro reached out and pressed his hand against hers.
And then his smile disappeared.
For a long moment he studied her, his eyes wide. I can't...he said in his mind. It's not possible...it's never happened...
He released her and looked at me. "So very interesting," he mumbled. "I supposed that you couldn't read her mind because your gift is still new. Instead she's immune to my talent, too. The Fates chose well, putting you two together." An image of Bella with red eyes and pale skin took shape in his mind. "I wonder what kind of an immortal she would make."
"Never!" My scream died in my throat as the guard grabbed my neck, allowing me nothing more than a ragged sob. I had already told Bella about the days of tremendous pain I had endured in the metamorphosis, when my human body died. She should never be tortured in that way. Aro and Felix described our condition as a privilege, while it was nothing but an endless nightmare. I would never allow them to damn Bella to such a hideous existence.
Bella tried to run toward me, but Aro held her in place. "We aren't as evil as we may seem to you," he told her. He tilted up her chin, his eyes boring into hers. "I'll give you a choice. Antonius is willing to barter his freedom for your human life. But if you were changed into an immortal, maybe you could both join my guard."
I struggled against the monster who was holding me down. The floor cracked when he slammed my head into it.
"You said no one is forced to be in your guard. Would you force Antonius or me, if I became like him?" Bella's voice was no more than an unsure whisper, but her words were enough to amaze the creatures around her with her courage.
Aro gave her a tight smile. "You weren't born a slave, were you?" he surmised. "My guards aren't slaves, either. Each of them chooses to serve us. I can be very patient, and I would wait for Antonius and for you to make your decision."
There were no reasons that would lead Bella to such a choice. None that I could accept. How could she consider becoming a monster like Felix, like Aro…like me?
Silence reigned until Bella spoke.
"May I accept your offer?"
If I had still had blood in my veins, it would have run cold when I heard Aro's laugh.
I looked at Bella, and behind the tears that veiled her eyes I recognized her implacable determination. Exhausted, dirty, and covered in rags, she stood prouder than a queen in front of our enemies. And, in the eyes of the vampires, I saw awe.
I had always considered my freedom of foremost importance. I was ready to give up it for Bella's sake, but she was giving up so much more.
"Antonius, I won't leave you," she murmured, as if it were enough to justify the sacrifice of her life.
I growled when Aro took Bella's hand. "Come, my dear," he encouraged her.
"Don't!" I screamed.
Bella called my name as Aro led her away, followed by Felix, Caius and Marcus.
I fought against the guards to no avail. It was the same torture I had made my victims suffer: feeling that I was losing everything and being completely helpless to prevent it.
When I caught a last glimpse of Aro's thoughts, he was already thinking about his teeth sinking into Bella's neck. My beloved–her life, her future–was in the hands of her executioner.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Nothing. There was nothing I could do to save Bella at that point.
Defeated and broken, I was left on the ground. The guards also took their leave, seeing that I wasn't fighting anymore. I didn't have anything left to fight for. Once again, a human life–Bella's life–would end because of me.
I felt numb as I stood. I clutched my shoulder and realized that the guard had probably dislocated it when he had ripped me away from Bella. But, worse than that, the burn in my throat was excruciating. Not even when I had awakened as a monster, had it been so painful.
I tried to walk, but my knees gave way. As it had happened when I was human and sleep had weighed down my eyes at night, it seemed that I couldn't stand up. I must feed, I realized.
"If you can manage to restrain yourself for two days and two nights, you will be free," Aro had declared when I had killed my first two victims. I had achieved that and accomplished much more, resisting Bella's blood for ten days, but it hadn't been enough to escape the traps of that wily fox. As long as Bella was in his hands, my freedom had no meaning for me.
I only ventured outside to feed because I knew that, without any strength left, I wouldn't be able to face the monsters who had taken Bella. No guard stopped me. According to Aro's rules, since my plea to spare Bella's life had been refused, I could still leave.
Shifting visions whirled through my mind as I left Aro's domus. I recalled the hedgehog Titus had brought to me in the prison. I had to reach the woods and avoid any humans who could be nearby.
The memory of my promise to Bella gave me the strength to keep going. At last, I found a steep hill. In a secluded meadow, two deer were drinking from a pond. It made me remember the times I had gone hunting–the stalking of my prey, hidden behind the bushes, and the excitement of the final strike.
Startled, the bigger deer raised his head from the water as I approached. I crouched down and swallowed hard. With a desperate bolt, I covered the space between me and the beast, my teeth slicing through its flesh before it could take a single step away from death.
I drank the bitter nourishment the animal provided. Then I knelt beside the pond. The water showed the reflection of a monster. I stared at my ruby-colored eyes, still incredulous that they belonged to me. My fist stirred the water until the image of the unnatural creature I didn't want to see dissolved in loose circles on the pond's surface.
I wiped the remnants of blood from my face. The gesture wasn't new to me–I had done it before, when the other soldiers and I had washed ourselves after a battle, believing that we were also purifying ourselves of the blood of the enemies we had killed. I had new enemies to face this time, without any soldiers at my side. My growl echoed through the woods at the memory of the last moments when I had heard Bella's heartbeat fading in the distance. The monsters had run away with her, until I lost track of them.
What if Aro doesn't stop in time... A blasphemy formed in my mind: I cursed my restraint, since it had made me control my instincts during our imprisonment. I should have given Bella a merciful death, when I still could. I would have held her in my arms until the last breath left her body, and she would have joined her parents in Heaven, as she deserved. I would have...
A new stream of thoughts reached me.
"Antonius."
I looked Felix square in the eyes as he approached. For the first time since I had been changed into a creature of his kind, we were alone. I could attempt to attack him; there was a good chance that nobody would arrive in time to stop me.
Felix narrowed his eyes at me. My intentions weren't hidden to him, but he didn't pull back. I crouched, my teeth bared. Then Bella's words came back to me.
"Don't you want Felix to be destroyed so he can't hurt anyone else?" I had asked her.
"I don't want you to be destroyed."
I searched Felix's thoughts. He knew that, in a fight, only one of us would make it out of the forest.
"Leave the people of the villa in peace. Sextius can run it," I offered. "They'll believe that I died during the journey."
For a long moment, Felix considered my suggestion. I saw his thoughts shifting: the two of us fighting; an image of me as a warrior in the army he belonged to; and one of his human memories–the day when he had been told that he had become the father of a baby boy.
"I will," he muttered.
I nodded at him, acknowledging his words, but I continued to search his mind. "You don't know where they have taken Bella," I realized.
He shook his head. "I've talked with Aro, though," he said. "Bella will be your responsibility. If you fail, if you can't control her or yourself, you won't be given another chance. She's entrusted to you. She's still yours."
"She is?" I repeated. "Does it mean that she'll live?"
Felix's lips curled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes. "She'll become one of us. Then you two can make your decision." In his thoughts, he knew that it was the last time he would look upon his son. "So, the slave freed the master."
"Bella is not my slave," I retorted. "But how can you understand..." I didn't finish my sentence. In a flash, an image of my mother and Felix–as they had been before his departure–passed through his mind. I bowed my head, waiting for Felix's thoughts to shift.
"Follow me," he instructed at last. "As soon as Bella awakens, Aro will lead her back to you."
Following Felix's billowing cloak, I pumped my legs, streaking through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest, the air rushing past me. Soon. I would return to the woods soon, and Bella would be at my side.
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Author's Notes
The Adventures of Leucippe and Clitophon, written by Achilles Tatius (Second century AD), is one of the five surviving Ancient Greek romances. They are adventure tales, in which a virtuous heroine and her valiant lover are separated by a series of misadventures (usually kidnapping, shipwrecks, or bandits). The couple is eventually reunited and lives happily hereafter.
Romanward's next chapter is due on December 17, while An Italian Winter's next installment is due on December 9 (www. fanfiction. net/s/7541183/1/An_Italian_Winter).
Huge thanks to Camilla10 – who read 11 (yep, eleven!) different drafts of this chapter, with different outcomes, LJSummers, Duskwatcher2153, Marlena516, and Jmolly. We're nearing De Immortalitate's conclusion, and they gave me such a precious help! Thanks to Project Team Beta.
Jmolly is posting a new story, Make Haste My Beloved. Go read it! www. fanfiction. net/s/7600874/1/Make_Haste_My_Beloved (banner on http : / / myreadinglounge. blogspot. com).
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