Chapter 5

The knock on the door startled her more then she cared to admit. Hesitantly and feeling more than a little apprehensive she opened the door, only to feel her breath caught in her throat when she realized who her visitor was.

´Mr Carson!´ she breathed eventually. ´What brings you here?´

´Good afternoon, Mrs Hughes,´ he said gently, taking in her appearance. ´Would you mind if I came in?´

´No one has called me that for a long time,´ she told him quietly, but stepping aside to allow him entrance.

´I apologize, Mrs Burns,´ he replied, his manner becoming a tad more reserved. ´I hope I find you well, despite the circumstances?´

´I am well, Mr Carson,´ she lied, walking ahead of him to the sitting room.

In those few minutes while she prepared tea he observed her closely. The years had changed her as well. She appeared to have lost weight. He couldn´t remember her ever looking this gawky. She was still in full mourning, the black of her dress accentuating the paleness of her skin and the greyness beneath her eyes. When he finally looked into her eyes, he realized what it was that had altered so much about her.

Her brown eyes that had always been so vibrant to him now held a haunted, guarded look. After she had poured him his tea she sat down across from him on the settee, her back perfectly straight, tense even, her eyes darting around the room, never settling on him for long.

Despite how altered she was, despite the twisting feeling in his stomach that something was definitely and deeply wrong, he relished this moment. Just to be able to look at her again, doing as simple as sharing a cup of tea. Just to hear her voice again.

´What is your purpose in coming here, Mr Carson?´ she asked, after they had spent a quarter of an hour on superficial chitchat.

He shifted in his seat and attempted to meet her eyes and hold her gaze. ´After Anna… Mrs Bates gave birth to her daughter she resigned as housekeeper. The position is open now and I was wondering… if you´d care to return?´

´You´re offering me the position of housekeeper at Downton again?´ she asked, sounding stunned.

´I don´t believe anyone else would really qualify,´ he answered softly.

´I´m… I´m not quite sure how to respond…´ she stammered eventually, looking around her as if her answer could be found in her surroundings.

He edged forward a little, trying to appear not too eager. ´But would you consider it?´

´I never expected to go back to Downton,´ she whispered it so quietly that he had to strain his ears to hear her. ´When I married Joe I thought I would stay here until the end of my days.´

´Were you happy here?´ he asked, the looming feeling of dread that had settled over him the moment he had entered the house rearing itself again.

She looked up so fast he could her neck snap. Her eyes were two deep, dark pools of pain. ´I will honour the memory of my husband, Mr Carson,´ she said shakily. ´He´s dead in his grave and I will say nothing to discredit him.´

He held up his hands in an attempt to placate her. ´I would never ask you to. But please think about it…´

She looked down at her hands for a moment, before looking him square in the eyes. ´Do you want me to come back, Mr Carson?´

´I do. Very much so,´ he answered promptly, without any shadow of doubt. ´I have missed you a great deal since you left.´

´You´ve missed me?´ A note of anger and confusion appeared in her voice. ´I haven´t heard from you in over five years, you never wrote back and you´ve missed me?´

´I´d been able to write to you only if I had missed you less,´ he answered truthfully, holding her gaze.

She returned to Downton at the end of the summer.

Now you can get excited *smile*