Chapter 34
Homecoming
I can't catch her! I know the wolves are in the woods and I'm desperate to catch her before they do. And now I find myself under attack. The animals outnumber me four to one, and they are strong, fast and cunning, but I have nothing to lose. Even before there are four, I injure one, throwing it off me and into a tree like the guard dog Aro. This is not a fight I care to win, this is a delay I cannot afford. I fight to clear the way, gaining ground only to be stopped again.
"Leave me alone!" I push my command, not knowing if it will work on them. "I don't want to fight you, I only want to find her!" They fall back, and I run on, catching her scent on the night air – her scent and lots of trouble.
I come out on a beach covered in driftwood, and wolves – ten of them! "Stay calm, I'm not here to fight with you." I hold my position as I scan the beach for her... or her remains. I see footprints leading to the water's edge and I gaze out at the rocky sea stacks rising up from the ocean. It's then we all hear her screaming. It drifts across the water, and it hurts just to hear it. It's sorrow and anger and loss and it tears through me like no weapon could, and I fall to my knees, trying to block the sound with my arms. And still the banshee cry continues, tearing me to pieces.
It goes on and on in the voice I barely recognize as hers. But it is her voice and I cannot even stand while she wails. I am fortunate that the wolves on the shore are just as immobilized. It's more than just her screams; it's a new manifestation of her connective pull, no longer drawing us to her, but instead telegraphing her deep pain. Perhaps I would be less affected if her pain didn't resonate so deeply within me. Every loss I've ever felt is compounded in the sounds of her cries. Tessa, our child, my family, Daniel, Cecilia, our kingdom, and every friend I've ever known and lost. I feel the losses, fresh and sharp, as if she's taken back her tears of healing and poured acid on the wounds. Every joy I've ever felt is torn from me and I can't even remember happiness.
It finally blessedly ends and I'm left curled as a child with my knees to my chest and my arms wrapped over my head. I can barely think, let alone move. From the corner of my eye I see them move, the wolves are coming my way... and I don't care. They split into two groups and I realize my friend Vladmir is further up the beach in a similar position. A large black wolf comes toward me, cautious and guarded. I look up into it's eyes and see pain and suffering there, as well as tear stained fur. My Summer has an attack that dwarfs Jane's in it's power to cause pain.
The wolf stares at me, and I come to my knees, still trembling. I can end it simply. I offer him my throat, and close my eyes to wait for the attack. I pray that it will be quick. I feel a shimmer of heat, then I'm no longer faced with a wolf, but a large native man standing before me.
"Get up trespasser!" His voice is deep and he's obviously one used to giving commands. "You've broken out laws and the treaty we have with your kind. For that you deserve death. But you alone may be able to retrieve the new one from our border. We will consider this and tell you of our decision. You can't stay here, you must go back while we consider our options. Any resistance and we will kill all those who've set foot on our lands."
"I need to go to her now! She's afraid, alone and confused. I'm not intending to trespass, I just came for my wife." I try to sound reasonable, but the man isn't hearing my reason, he's responding to our threat. Vladmir has made his way to me with five of the wolves attending him,like prison guards on their way to an execution.
"This is no longer your decision to make. We're being more than generous in allowing you two to leave. We will call a council to discuss the issue and when our decision is made you will be informed." He is as cold as one of our kind. I can tell the wolves want to attack, and if it weren't for Vladmir, I would provoke them. He leans in to get my attention.
"Remember your children." The thought had not even crossed my mind! I am so consumed with Summer I have forgotten them. Either that or her ability has stolen their presence from my memory. I don't say a word, but give one last look out to the ocean before I turn. We are escorted all the way back to the boundary line where five wolves watch us proceed. The others are still on the beach guarding against the return of my wife.
Once back at the Cullen's, it's as close to chaos as our kind can get. We tell them what's happened and they start to form a response to the Quileute decision. I retrieve my son from Rosalie. I realize I hadn't held him much because Summer had kept him so close.
His face is angelic and I wonder if he has any idea what he's set in motion. An ordinary baby would of course be ignorant, but these children are not ordinary. He looks up at me with brown eyes the likes of which I must have known once. It doesn't matter his motivation, he's my son and I love him. I hold him close, marveling at his warmth and the beating of his heart. I feel his tiny arms encircle my neck and little fingers drumming on my shoulder, as if he's patting me in sympathy. Somehow I feel... lighter. I feel his soft cheek against mine and I'm reminded there is happiness in the world and I feel the tiny flicker of hope that it could once again be mine.
We wait to hear from them. Bella's friend Jacob comes to visit and we learn that there is a disagreement in the Quileute pack. Some want to hunt Summer and put an end to her, and others want to enlist our help to bring her back safely. The female named Leah is the one arguing strongest to have her killed. She holds a lot of influence over the two packs of Quileutes, due to her relationships. Jacob is on the side that wants to let us bring her back. The older pack leader wants to save his people from unnecessary bloodshed, but he's unsure how to do that.
The night passes and still no word. I care for our babies to keep my mind off of Summer, but it's no use, she's all I can think about. I try to understand that the Quileute's need to sleep and they live by the clock. But all I can think about is what she must be going through all alone.
By the light of the morning there is still no word. By noon Jacob returns to tell us that the packs are split down the middle with Sam being the deciding vote. Eight want to surround my Summer, and kill her before she can escape, and eight want to allow us a chance to bring her back.
"Can you bring the woman here?" I need to do something to change this stalemate, though Jacob doesn't know what I mean at first. "This Leah who wants to see my Summer dead; can you bring her here? I won't hurt her, I promise, but she's got to see reason!" I may have influenced him just a bit, but he nods in agreement. When he leaves to get her I'm still not sure what I will do.
The babies are fussing quite a bit, and even though they've been changed and fed, they aren't happy. I suspect they miss their mother as much as I miss her. Fortunately when they raise their voices together we're able to calm them. When the angry young Leah comes to the door, I have Tristan in my arms. She won't come inside so I go to the door to speak with her. All at once the idea comes to me, and I step close and hand her my son. I don't ask and I don't make sure she has him before I let go, forcing her to hold him. She stands in the doorway looking stunned, with her arms around a beautiful brown eyed baby.
"That's my son Tristan." I reach out and take Tessa from Vladmir. "This is my daughter Tessa. They're both a week old, and up until last night their mother was a human, just like you. Last night that little one bit her. We had no idea he was venomous, since he was not when he was born. My Summer was going to stay human. She survived the birth and was recovering well. What you want to do is make my son the one responsible for his mother's death. Are you willing to look into those eyes and tell him you think his mother deserves to die?"
I can see she's nervous holding a baby that could bite her. I've been told the venom is deadly to her kind. But Tristan is being a perfect angel, looking at her with wide innocent eyes. His tiny arm rests on her shoulder and I watch his little hand patting her. We all wait, just watching the two of them. When she moves, it's not to hand him back but to cuddle him close, holding him snug against her as a tear rolls down her face. She kisses his chubby cheek, then abruptly thrusts him into my arms.
"Fine leech, you win." She turns and leaves the porch, phasing into a wolf before our eyes. We are barely settled again when the call comes. We're going to be allowed to try to bring my wife back. The conditions are that only two of us can go, and if we fail, they will hunt her.
So many want to go; Vladmir because he loves her, Bella because she can defend her from the wolves, Edward because he can tell me what she's thinking, Jasper because he can keep her calm, and Carlisle because she trusts him. There are only three who don't want to go. Without question I know I'm going, even though it's suggested that she feels I've betrayed her. It's selfish I know, but I need to see her. I need to know I've done everything I can possibly do to bring her back. I choose Carlisle to go with me even though Vladmir is hurt by the choice. I know I'm not coming back without her, and I want him here to watch over our children in case I don't return.
I kiss the babies before we leave, and I see Edward take Vladmir aside, likely explaining my decision. I don't wait, I want to go immediately. We make good time, and as we cross the boundary line the sun is setting. As we cross we have an escort of giant wolves accompanying us all the way to the beach. I come ready to swim, but instead they have a canoe we can paddle to reach her. We each take up an oar and paddle out over the incoming tide. The sun dips into the ocean in a bright orange display, and I'm terrified it could be her last sunset.
As we approach the monolithic sea stacks I realize there's really no place to land the canoe. The rocks jut up from the ocean and the waves crash against them without mercy. Still we manage to tie it to the landward side of the small island, then we scramble out over the rocks and start our climb. I'm not sure where she's hiding, but the wolves are certain she hasn't left. It's one of the changes – I can no longer smell her or hear her heartbeat. I realize I miss it, that gentle reassurance that she's close.
We make it to the top which is covered with wild growth and trees that have managed to survive the harsh conditions. I'm afraid I won't know where to find her, but I realize I can smell the clothes she was wearing. Her scent is everywhere. She's obviously prowled the island a great deal since last night. I'm encouraged that she hasn't found some way to kill herself, but I wonder what she's surviving on with her newborn thirsts.
I thought it would be me, but Carlisle is the one to locate her, and we come to the highest point on the island. I'm distracted by the strong scent of numerous animals that have recently fled the area. He points up and I spot the flutter of her pink nightgown in the light of the moon.
"Summer, please come down." It's all the words I can force past my constricted throat.
"Go away, I don't ever want to see you again." Her voice is so lovely. I feel my heart soar even as her words fill me with agony.
"You know I could command you to come..."
"Of course you could. You're always used to getting what you want. How does it feel to know you killed me? How did my blood taste? Was it worth it?" Her beautiful voice is so filled with anger and hate, it resonates within me and I just want to scream in frustration and fury. Carlisle puts a calming hand on my shoulder and points to a spot further away. I stalk away from her, hoping he can talk some sense into her.
From a short distance away I can hear him call to her and talk her into coming down. He's brought pictures of the babies. I watch the spot of brightness leave the tree, and I'm so tempted to go to her, but I know she would only flee again. From where I stand as an outcast, I can see her in the moonlight. She's breathtaking even in the pale light. Her hair is spun gold, and her skin still has some of the color from her tan, which will likely fade over the year. At least if I can convince her to live that long.
From where I wait I can see Carlisle has offered her pictures of the babies, and he's also offered her some of the donated blood he's brought with him. That offer makes her angry. "I'm not going to ever drink human blood, and I won't kill either! I'm going to stay here until I waste away to nothing.
I can hear him trying to reason with her. "You won't get the chance to waste away. If you don't come back with us, the wolf pack is coming here to kill you. They see you as a threat they can't tolerate. You need to come back with us so we can find a better way for you to deal with this." His bedside manner's pretty good, but my Summer is stubborn.
"You don't get it, neither of you do. I'm not going to be a monster. I'm not going to kill. Ever. If the wolves come, then I will die here.
I'd heard enough. It was the same old argument I'd heard all along and it was more denial than I could stand. I crossed the distance in a flash, and caught her before she could flee. "You are not going to give up! I've heard this argument for the last time, don't you realize it's too late? You are what you are, and all the fighting and stubborn tantrums are not going to change it!" I grabbed the pictures. "Look at these! These are your children too, and they need you. I need you! I love you more than my own life, and you're determined to throw it all away. If I don't matter to you, then at least your children should!"
"They're alive. I'm never going to be alive again. My babies are living and breathing and growing, and all I am, all I ever was, is gone. They don't need me; I have nothing to give them but heartache and horror."
I grab her and shake her. "Do you even hear yourself? We have two precious babies, and you love them. They love you too, and it's getting harder and harder to calm them with you gone. You want to believe you are more a problem for them than they deserve? Guess what, this is a lesson you learned from your own mother. How did it feel when she left you Summer? Did you need her? Did you miss her? Did you cry yourself to sleep even once? And when you were alone after your dad died, did you like being alone in the world? Did you like having no one to love you? No one to hold you or even care if you lived or died? Is this what you want for them?" I hold the pictures up so she can't avoid them.
"Your mother left you so she could die alone. Is that what you want to do to your own babies? I'm not going to leave you here to die by yourself. When the wolves come, they come for me too. Do you really want someone else to raise our children? Rosalie will be happy to keep Tristan, but I don't think she loves Tessa. Will you allow them to be separated from each other? Think about what you're doing. You're valuable to us. We all love you and we're not going to get over your suicide!"
"Shut up!" Her scream tears through me. "Shut up! You never loved me! I'm nothing but an idea in your mind. You never really loved me the way I was, or you couldn't have done this to me!"
She is so wrong, and I can't get through to her. "I've never loved anyone more. I've loved you since the first night I met you. Even when you were my captive and I wanted to feed on you, I loved you. Even when you drew me to you and made my will your own, I loved you. I fought to keep you and I fell into despair when you were taken away, because I loved you. And when you returned to me and confessed you loved me I was afraid to confess how much I loved you. I could never have been intimate with you if I didn't love you. When Vladmir threatened you I had to admit it. You have wound yourself into my every thought and you are the reason I can face each new day. To say I love you is such a weak phrase for how I feel."
I hold up the pictures. "Everything I've ever loved I've killed. If I have killed you, Summer, I can't ever go back to them. They will grow up and not know you or me. They won't hear stories about your dad, or their grandmother Elizabeth. We'll disappear and you'll have to hope someone else can love them as much as you would. Is that what you really want?"
"Why are you doing this to me? I never wanted to be like this." Her voice is small and defeated.
"I'm sorry. But all the sorrow in the world won't change you back. The only choice you have now is; do you commit suicide like your mother, or do you accept your responsibility to your family and live? No matter what you choose, you will affect all of us." She collapses onto the ground with her knees drawn up and her face buried.
As I watched her, a couple mice creep forward past Carlisle and climbed into her lap. She jumps and screams, and they scurry away from us. "It's bad enough I'm a monster, but now every animal around me wants to be my first meal. I'm so hungry I've almost given in." I can hear the tears in her voice even though she can't cry them anymore. I sit beside her and put my arm around her shoulders. She lets me pull her close and I hope it means she's ready to come back with us. "How could you stand the hunger for so long? It's barely two days and I feel almost crazed with it."
I pull her up on my lap like I used to do. "I love you, we'll get through this somehow." She puts her head on my shoulder and I realize I don't have to be so gentle with her. I tighten my arms around her and she sighs. I feel her fingers in my hair and she kisses my cheek.
"I still love you Stefan. You smell so good, why is that?" I feel her lips moving over my cheek and down my throat. Her tongue against my skin surprises me, but nowhere near as much as her bite. At first I think she's attacking me to destroy me, but she wraps her arms around me and holds me tight. Carlisle looks like he's ready to intervene, but I wave him away. She's clearly feeding on me, and I hear her contented sighs of pleasure as she pulls what she needs from my body. I owe her so much more than this, I try to relax and let her have all she needs from me. I close my eyes and sigh, collapsing fully to the ground.
I don't know how much time passes, but Carlisle is bending over me, trying to get me to come around. "What happened?" I struggle to sit, and I look for Summer. She's standing a distance away, looking out over the ocean.
"I've never seen anything like it. She was able to feed from you. How do you feel?"
"I feel a little... tired. Actually I'm feeling better now that I'm up." I touch my neck and I can feel I've healed. In a few minutes I can stand. Carlisle seems very concerned about me, but I'm only worried about her. As I feel stronger, I move over to her and wrap my arms around her waist from behind. I can't see her face, but her hands rest on mine and she leans back into me.
"Summer, are you okay?" I whisper, knowing she can hear as well as I do now.
"I can't believe I did that. I don't even know what I am anymore. I feel ashamed, but you didn't even try to stop me. I feel like I could have killed you and you would have let me."
"I love you. Anything I have, everything I am, is yours." I turn her to face me. I look into her troubled eyes – her red eyes – and brush her lips with my own. "I don't care what you are. As long as there's a life left in me, I will love you and want you." When we kiss I don't hold back, and it surprises me to feel her newborn strength as she holds me. I don't care if she crushes me, she's holding me and nothing else matters. "Can you love me?" I'm surprised to hear how weak my voice sounds. I fear the answer.
"I hate what you've done to me. But I can't stop loving you... I've tried." She looks up at me and I imagine tear filled blue eyes. "I'll try to live like this. I want to be a mother for the babies, and I know I belong with you. But this is so hard for me!" She looks so sad and confused and I just want to hold her and comfort her.
"Stefan, how is it that I fed from you? You've always told me it's about the life, not the blood, but I'm not thirsty now. I'm sorry I bit you... but you smelled so good! It was like I couldn't even resist – couldn't even think. And you tasted so good... oh my god, I've never imagined anything could taste so... perfect. What's wrong with me? I can resist all the animals that came to fulfill my need, and I can resist the natives I smell on the wind. But not you." Her fingers stroke over the place on my neck where she bit me.
The sound of his laughter reaches us before he does. Carlisle comes to stand with us. "I think I'm going to have to tell Eleazar I can do his job now. Stefan, maybe I was right when I first met her. I've never asked Edward how he feels for Bella now that she's changed. I'm not sure what it is that makes that one perfect connection, the one we call singer. But you definitely hold that attraction for her. She shouldn't be able to feed from you, at least not to the point of being satisfied. But clearly she did, and she looks very satisfied." She cuddles against me in the circle of my arms. "I'm sure we'll learn more once we get back."
"Carlisle..." She sounds timid and frightened. "Can I be around my babies without hurting them?"
He thinks about it. "I don't know. Bella had no desire whatsoever to feed from her child. But she had a strong restraint overall. Nahuel's aunt was able to care for him even though she herself was a newborn. I think the odds are in your favor, but I'd recommend we take it slow. "Are we ready to go back before the wolves decide we're taking too long?"
We don't need to waste words, we just leave and go back to the canoe. It's taken on a bit of water, but it's still where we left it tied. I was worried I would have trouble climbing over the rocks, but fairly quickly my strength has returned. Summer takes the seat in the middle while we row back to shore, and she clutches the pictures of our children in her hands. I'm surprised to see Vladmir is waiting for us on the shore.
"I'm a member of the wolf pack," he states as calm and proud as if it really were the truth. The real wolves guard us, making sure we know who's in charge. They're trying to heard us back to the woods to get us out of their territory as soon as possible. She stops and turns to face them.
"I'm sorry for any trouble I've caused you. You and your people were never in any danger from me. Thank you for not attacking me when you had the chance. I wasn't myself." I hold her close as we make our way through the woods. When we get closer to the house she stops. "I can smell everyone! The scents are so real; like they're painting a picture. I can smell Tessa and Tristan. I hear them now too. Let me get a little closer... I don't think I could hurt them." Little by little we get closer to the house. When we're finally up to the door, she buries her face against my shoulder.
"Don't let me hurt my babies, no matter what happens." I hold her and try to comfort her. "Oh no, they're coming closer!" She steps behind me and the door opens. I'm surprised to see who's holding them. Jasper has Tessa cuddled up against him, and Emmett is holding Tristan as if he's afraid he's going to get something on him. I feel the waves of calm and peace flowing from Jasper. Still, it's obvious that the strongest of them were put in charge of protecting the children.
Summer peers around me and smiles. "They're even more beautiful than I remember." As he sees his mother, Tristan reaches out to her and strains to reach her. With her newborn speed, she moves to snatch him away from Emmett. She holds him tightly to her, petting his curls and kissing his cheek. I realize he's safe in his mother's arms, and I take Tessa from Jasper, who seems somewhat reluctant to let her to. With most of the drama behind us, we go inside the house so she can get to know her children with her new senses.
I watch her play with them, and all her frailty is gone. I know the cut from her surgery is healed and I know she won't die from the disease that was threatening her. I see her laugh at the way Tristan pats her shoulder and I feel the unmistakable warmth of happiness. I don't have a right to feel such joy, but I can't help it.
Later, we put them to bed and we're alone. I come in while she brushes her golden hair in front of the mirror. She marvels at the idea that her hair won't fall out no matter how hard she brushes. She kisses my cheek as we stand side by side. Her fingers trail to the half moon scar on my neck.
"I'm so sorry for that. It won't heal, will it?"
I have to laugh. It's such an inconsequential thing. "Take a closer look, You bit me where Caius bit me fifteen hundred years ago." She examines the twin moons of my scar and places a kiss on it. She then looks at her own scar in the mirror. She stares for quite a while, then turns to me.
"Mine is exactly like yours. There are two bites – one large and one small – it's almost impossible to see the smaller one. Who else bit me, Stefan?" I try to slip out of the bathroom, but she blocks me. "I need to know! Did one of the babies bite me?"
"Summer... it's not important now. You already know I bit you... what else do you need to know?"
She looks shocked and horrified. "You didn't change me. My god, you only took the blame!"
"Summer... they're just babies, they don't know any better. We didn't know the venom would show up later. You know they both bit you when you nursed, we thought they were safe." She stares at me, and then she smiles so bright I can't even take it in. She throws her arms around me and kisses me fiercely.
"I love you so much. You didn't change me. You didn't do this against my will." She kisses me repeatedly. "You were trying to protect our babies from the guilt... you wonderful, sweet, amazing man. How could I have been so stupid... to think you would intentionally change me." I revel in her kisses and I'm stunned by her happiness.
"You're not mad anymore?" I can barely contain the smile that keeps trying to sneak across my face.
"Mad? I think the madness was when I was ready to give up everything. I love you, and I love our babies. Are they both venomous?" She's not angry, she just wants to know.
"No, just Tristan. He really didn't know what he was doing. I bit you myself to help you change faster since we couldn't stop it. Vladmir injected his venom into your heart to make sure you didn't suffer long. He's been ready to change you for quite some time, but I wouldn't let him." She's wrapped around me, holding and kissing me to the point it's hard to explain the things she's just discovered.
"I need you!" her words shock me, but I realize the feeling is mutual. The babies are sleeping in our room, and I know there's no way we can be together in the same space. We open the door and Carlisle is in the hallway wearing a smirk. He guides us to a door that hides the stairway to the attic. At the top of the stairs is a bedroom with a low ceiling. The bed is solid, which is a good thing as we test it's limits.
We make love for hours; neither of us needing to stop or recover. She's so beautiful and passionate, I wonder how I'll ever be able to do anything else. It's the sounds of our children that draw her from my arms. Reluctantly we dress and I follow her down the stairs and to our room. It doesn't take long to sooth them back to sleep, and I notice she spends a little extra time lovingly holding our son. She knows he caused her change but she doesn't seem to hold it against him. I'd gone to such lengths to protect him, and it wasn't necessary. I remember how long I hated Caius for what he did to me, it's hard to believe she doesn't hold any animosity whatsoever toward the little bundle who tried to feed from his mother.
We leave them to sleep; they're growing and strengthening so fast and they're crawling already. Carlisle says they're a little bit behind Nessie's growth and development, but because they were premature it's to be expected. It's predicted that in a few days they will be strong enough to hunt. I know Summer doesn't want to think about it, but even though they can eat the human food, they will likely want something fresh, warm, and... alive. I'm determined to raise them without knowing the taste of human blood. Summer has had such an influence on me I can't imagine witnessing one more death.
We meet with the Cullens in their family room, and I'm startled to realize Summer no longer needs to sleep. I hadn't realized how conscious of the clock I'd become over the months with her. We sit and talk softly, making plans for the future Carlisle and Esme have welcomed us to stay as long as we wish. I'm sure that's because of the babies everyone seems to have fallen in love with.
Even with the abundance of seating, Summer prefers my lap. Even with everyone present, she doesn't seem to resist touching or kissing me, almost absently. It's part of the reason I think it best we make plans to leave no later than a week from now. Vladmir seems almost grateful that we won't be staying longer, and I remember he's been forbidden to feed anywhere near here.
Later when the twins are awake, I hear something that steals the air from the room. She has them on the rug, playing with them as they crawl around and over her. She sings to them, and her voice is like nothing I've ever heard; so pure and sweet, but with the perfect pitch of our kind. It's when they join in that I feel the gates of heaven must have opened up. Together they blend perfectly, in three parts that puts to shame anything the Twilight Trio ever sang. I set aside my book and join them on the floor, daring to add my voice to theirs. The song is simple, and I realize the twins didn't sing the words. But when we sing it through again, they use the words! It seems almost overnight they've learned language, or at least they can mimic it in song. We spend the morning going through songs, just to see how they will harmonize and how well they learn the words.
Edward, Bella, and Nessie visit, and Edward plays piano while we sing. It surprises me how good it sounds when Vladmir adds his bass notes to our music. I thought that our kind were just naturally gifted with music, but most of them don't feel like joining us. Except for Esme, who has a lovely, rich alto. With each voice added, the twins adjust to blend the sound in perfect balance. Summer happens on a song that seems perfect for us, and I'm sure it's because she's from California that she knows the music of the Beach Boys. She sings the words to "In My Room," and when we all join in, it's a harmony that would make me weep if I were able.
From now on the twins use language. Carlisle tells me they're ahead of Nessie in that regard. And Nessie is just delighted to play with Tessa. She spends the afternoon sending her picture images, and I feel like my daughter is getting quite an education. Ness doesn't seem to have formed a bond with Tristan, and I wonder if she's afraid of him. Not that it bothers him as he's learning to pull up and walk around the furniture.
While Summer is occupied with the twins and their new accomplishments, I take the time to talk with Vladmir alone. We need to decide if we're going back to Romania, traveling on the boat, or do we need another plan. The children are not normal in their behavior. I know we won't need to child proof our home, and they won't be able to get hurt if they fall on the stairs. But when I think of the children and even Summer in our home, it's a picture that doesn't fit.
"Let's move." I'm surprised to hear him suggest it, and not reluctantly, but with excitement. "We should move to the states, or Canada, and be closer to those who are more like... family." He glances into the other room where Nessie is holding Tristan from behind to spin him around while Tessa laughs.
"What about all of our things? We've been there a hundred years, and we brought a lot of stuff with us." An idea is forming, and I wonder if he will agree.
"The stuff doesn't matter. Everything that matters is in there." He nods toward the family room.
"How do you feel about letting someone inventory the house and contents? We could have it set up as a museum of sorts?" He looks at me strangely.
"You'd let go of your stuff? All those journals? All the treasures and paintings and furnishings?"
"You're right, everything that matters is here. If I had lost her, the stuff would have just been a painful reminder of how meaningless my life had become. We can have a few things shipped, and hire someone else to deal with the rest. I know I want my bed." I smile as he rolls his eyes.
"I suppose you'll want those journals, and the paintings Daniel did?"
"I want the journals transcribed onto the computer; the books don't matter. And if they find the paintings, they can hang them in the house, I don't need them with me. They're a part of my old existence." I smile at his incredulous look. "You know what I want? I want one of your paintings of my family. Bright colors and bold lines – we'll hang it above the fireplace in our new home."
"Shouldn't you be discussing this with her? Maybe she will want to go back to Romania? Maybe she'll want to live in California? Maybe she won't want to share her home with me." The look on his face is so forlorn I can't stand it.
"Don't be ridiculous, you're part of the family. You know she loves you too."
"I know that after the change things can be different. You need to talk with her first."
I hate to lend his doubts any credibility, but later when we're alone I bring up the subject. We've adopted the attic room as our retreat for the next week, as it affords us privacy. When I ask her where she wants to live she agrees that she would be happiest in the U.S. But she's not so particular about where that is.
"I loved living in California, but that's because I spent so much time in the sun and on the beach. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to have the kids where they'll have to be around a lot of people. After being on the boat, I think someplace were we can live alone would be nice." She glances around her. "I like the way the Cullen's live – away from everyone but close enough to people that they're not recluses."
I bring up the other subject – Vladmir. "Do we look for a home for four, or five?" It takes her a second to understand what I'm asking.
"Does Vladmir want to leave? I'm so sorry, I just assumed he'd be with us!" She's in my arms, though whether she's trying to console me or comfort herself, I can't tell. What's clear is that Vladmir is a part of our family, without a doubt.
The week goes by quickly and the twins go from crawling to walking, to running almost overnight. Their first hunting trip finds Summer fretting and trying to find the perfect thing for them to wear. They look like toddlers, but they move with the grace and speed of predators. Nessie will be going with us as well as several of the Cullens. Summer refuses to go. We argue quietly and she insists she's not hungry, though her eyes are dark and ominous. Jasper, Emmett, and Vladmir will stay behind just in case something happens and she loses control. I hate that she's being so stubborn, but I know something will have to give.
It surprises me how easily the twins take to hunting. They're not as fast as we are, but they're surprisingly agile, and they share a kill, which also surprises me. I'm still not fond of the animal diet, but I will get used to it in time. I'm happy my eyes will be golden again. We return with stories to tell, and another surprise. Unlike Nessie, my twins can't say they prefer the blood. It seems a high protein diet of human food is just the same to them as a fresh kill. Summer is overjoyed at their return and she holds them tight and covers them in kisses.
Later they're tucked into our old bed cuddled together. They've outgrown the cribs, and they look so adorable nested together. We slip upstairs to be alone. She's extremely passionate and I worry that the sounds of our lovemaking can be heard throughout the house. Afterward I hold her in my arms and she nuzzles against my neck. Her tongue traces over my skin and she moves to look down at me.
"Please?" I know what she's asking, but it still shocks me. She buries her face against my throat, and her tiny tongue teases and tastes me. "I love you, and I understand if you don't want me to. But you smell so good!" She's not out of control, and it's my choice. I pull her against me, chest to chest, and tip my head back and away.
"I love you... yes." I clutch at her hair with one hand, and my other caresses her body. Her bite is painful, but the way she moves as she drinks is almost erotic. I am clearly the best thing she's ever tasted. I try to remember the sweetest I've ever had, and it is her. I relax as she feeds, and when she finishes we cuddle together while I heal and sleep – real sleep. A few hours later I wake from the first dream I've had in centuries. I tell her about the vision; one of being on a boat with our whole family, only the children were grown and we're on a grassy hillside and not the water. "I can't remember it all now."
She doesn't seem to understand how amazing a dream is to me. It's only been a week and a half since she's had her own last dream. Instead she's preoccupied with kissing me, and I'm surprised at where her thoughts are headed. I worry that I won't have the strength after her feeding, but I feel surprisingly alive. It feels deeply intimate to share so much with her; my blood, my dream and our passion, and it all comes together in an overpowering surge that leaves us both breathless.
Later when we emerge, Carlisle wants to speak with us. He's concerned at her feeding from me, and he asks us both questions and checks us both physically. What most concerns him is that I fell asleep and dreamed. He worries that she could be stealing something valuable that is affecting my brain. She seems upset by that thought, but I'm not even a little worried. To me it's a blessing.
We move forward in our plans to live in the States. We don't want to be too far from the Cullens, and yet we don't want to be too close either. It's Vladmir who suggests Montana, and we begin searching for a homestead that will meet all our needs. The land mass is large and the population is small, and it would be a great place to raise the children. Because we have a lot of research to do in order to find just the right place, we plan to go to California and stay in Summer's loft.
When the time comes to finally say goodbye, I'm surprised at how difficult it is. We've become friends, and I believe we'll visit one another often. Everyone has to take a turn at holding the twins, even though they're quite a bit bigger than they were before. Carlisle gives us a chart with their expected growth and milestones to take with us. I'm surprised at the amount of stuff the children have accumulated that we have packed up in the van we had to purchase. The plan is for us to drive south to her home and from there we'll search for our new home. It feels like we're starting a whole new life as we pull away from the Cullen home, and I couldn't be happier.