To Love, Is To Give

Edward's arms were around me, his hot tears cleaning the blood from my lips.

"I couldn't save you... I tried... Bella I'm so sorry."

I tried to reach up to touch him but I was too weak. He bent down to me and I touched his cheek, my chest burning. My voice was hoarse when I spoke my last few words.

"I'll always love you."

I screamed. Edward's arms went around me, calming my shaking body.

"Bella you scared me."

"I scared you?" I said in the same hoarse voice from my dream.

"I've been trying to wake you for ten minutes. Even when I shook you, you wouldn't move."

I swallowed. My throat felt dry. He touched my face again, his eyes full of concern.

"Bella what's the matter?"

"Nothing," I whispered.

His hand went to my forehead and he frowned.

"Did you let Carlisle look at that cut I gave you?"

I felt my cheeks burn. A few weeks ago we'd gone to the park. It had been deserted and somehow I'd convinced him to let me take off my shirt. He'd been trying to mess around and pushed me to the ground to kiss me when something cut my back. He'd told me to have his father look at it, but I was an awful liar and I didn't want Carlisle to think I had no self-control.

"Bella, you know better."

I did. Years ago, diseases started escalating. Healthcare was something you were lucky to have. A simple cut that got infected could kill you if it wasn't treated right. Luckily, our country wasn't so deep into the war that we still had doctors to treat such things but sometimes, it didn't always work out.

"What was I supposed to tell him?"

He sighed.

"Edward, I'm sorry."

"I know. I'm just worried about you."

He helped me sit up and the room spun for a moment.

"Ugh. Headrush."

"Do you want to stay in today?"

"No. Jacob's coming over tonight and I want some time with you."

"Oh."

He turned his face away from me and I felt a spark of anger.

"That's it? Oh?"

"Yeah."

I didn't want this, not now.

"Edward, why does it bother you so much that he's my friend?"

"That's not what bothers me, what bothers me is the way he looks at you and how you just happen to ignore it."

"Just happen to ignore it? What are you trying to say to me Edward?"

"Just that, it seems oddly convienient. You're always super busy when he's around, and he's always coming over at night."

"Because we spend the day together."

"Right."

"Edward you're playing with your words and I don't need this right now."

He sighed this time and I glared at him.

"Why are you acting like this? You've never been so freaked out about him coming over before. You're acting like he's going to steal me away or something."

He was quiet and I kissed his cheek lightly, sighing.

"Edward, you know I love you. Jacob is just my friend, he'll always be just my friend, okay?"

"I'm just scared what might happen. When I'm gone... what if he takes advantage of that?"

A hand squeezed my heart and I closed my eyes, breathing slowly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry too."

I stood up all the way now, and he smiled slowly. His eyes trailed from my face to my toes and back again.

"How do you do that to me?"

"Do what?"

I walked to the hall closet and inspected a pair of black jeans. I pulled them on and walked back to him, my arms crossed.

"Do what Edward?"

"Take me from upset to happy just by seeing how adorable you are in my t-shirt."

I groaned to hide a smile and he grinned wider, encircling his arms around me.

"I have a surprise for us today."

"What's that?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise."

I chuckled lightly and picked up a windbreaker from the armchair.

"Bella?"

"Hm?"

"You know you're my everything right?"

I smiled and pulled up the zipper, planting a kiss on his neck.

"Of course, and you know you are for me?"

"Yes."

His arm snaked around my waist and we went to the door. Charlie's snores turned to a groggy clearing of his throat and he called from his bedroom.

"Bella?"

"I'm going with Edward, Dad."

"Be safe!"

"Always."

We opened the door and walked outside to the sight of his car. There was new damage to it, a dent in the passenger door.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"When did this happen?"

I nodded toward the dent.

"Last night, on my way home."

I sighed and pushed my hair out of my face. Edward and I had trouble when we went out together. Our neutral stance on the war made us easy targets for robbery and other cruel tasks. The latest was trying to hurt one of us. It wasn't that they didn't like us in general. In more public places, both rebels and followers alike got along well with Edward. No, it was because we wouldn't choose a side.

"Edward, maybe I should leave you alone today. It isn't safe."

"No one will see."

"I don't know."

"We'll go to my house Bella, it's okay. I want to talk to you about something anyway."

I stared at him puzzled,but slid inside the car as he moved to the other side. It was a quiet drive there, he held my hand with one of his, leaving the other on the steering wheel. When we arrived at his house, it seemed to strangely still inside. Normally there was a shadow of activity, a flicker of movement behind the curtain, a light going on upstairs, but today there was nothing.

"Is anyone at home?"

"Nope. Carlisle went to make a house call and afterwards he's going to take everyone out for lunch."

"Oh."

I got out of the car and followed him to his door, ignoring the catcalls and shouts behind us.

"Ey chica!"

"Hey sexy!"

"Over here babe!"

I saw Edward tense as we went inside his house. As soon as I stepped far enough inside he slammed the door and locked it.

"Edward?"

"I'm fine."

He went to the window and pulled the curtains closed more, as if they didn't hide enough. He came back to me and took my hands in his, a look of desperation in his eyes.

"I need you to promise me something."

"What?"

"No matter what happens to me, I want you to always remember me."

"Edward how could I forget you?"

"Just promise me, please."

"I promise."

His lips touched my cheek carefully and I relaxed in his arms, sinking into his warmth.

"I wanted to talk to you about something I heard from Adam."

"Oh?"

This was news to me. Adam was a close friend of his whom I'd briefly met. He'd gone into war a while ago and occassionally sent letters to Edward to prove he was still hanging on.

"Sit down with me."

I was a little taken aback still, but I sat next to him on the couch, cuddling in the crook of his arm.

"What's the news?"

"Adam says the government plans to take stronger action with the rebels. Tell me your honest opinion about the idea of the utopia Bella, please."

"Why is this relevant Edward? Neutrals are safe-"

"Please."

I sighed.

"Alright. I think the utopia isn't possible. Human nature is to have your own ideals and to strive for something better. In a utopia, there would be too many different ideas, it would be a stillness, but not a perfection. Like any great thing, it wouldn't last."

"Any great thing?"

"Not romantically Edward. You know what I meant."

"Right. Adam says neutrals aren't safe anymore. It won't become an issue for a while, but I want you safe when I'm gone. I know you don't agree with it and I don't either, but I need you to stay safe, for me."

"Edward I can't be something I'm not."

"Bella, please. I won't let you get hurt because people are stupid, please."

I sighed and snuggled deeper in his arm, as if I was consumed enough by his body, all the troubles of the world would disappear.

"I will for you, but only for you."

"Thank you," he breathed with relief.

His arms went tight around me and I felt his body stiffen.

"What's wrong?"

"Shh. Someone is outside the window."

I bit my lip and gripped his arm, trying to pry him off the couch. He jerked his arm from me and listened, frowning.

"Go upstairs," he whispered, "wait for me."

"What's going on?"

My voice was a panicked hiss but he only touched my cheek.

"Go."

I went up his stairs slowly, listening for anything that could be an attack. All was silent, even his footsteps as he came to the room where I waited.

"Nice choice."

"Your parents' bedroom seemed like a good idea."

"Why not mine?"

"Too far from the stairs, if anyone would've attacked you, I wouldn't have been able to hear it."

His lips were against mine then, making my skin sensitive.

"Edward," I mumbled.

"Hm?"

"What was it?"

"Some kid. Thought no one was home and wanted to steal some stuff for food. I gave him some cash."

I smiled softly.

"You could've let him inside."

"He could be dangerous, even if he's a child."

I sighed softly and he looked at me, his eyesbrows raised.

"Why do you sigh at me?"

"I can't even trust a child, it's disturbing how dangerous the world has become."

He nodded and ran his hands over my shoulders, laying them to rest at the small of my back.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"You know I love you right?"

My breath caught in my throat. Edward rarely said I love you, it seemed too much like an ultimatum was his opinion and he only said it when he was feeling very romantic, or he was scared for me.

"Edward, of course I do. I love you too you know."

He smiled and rubbed his fingertips into the dip of my back, making me relax.

"Are we here all day, alone?"

"We should be. Why?"

I could see him looking at me, the same thoughts going through his head as well as mine. I loved him, that was nothing questionable. If he was really going to be leaving me... it could be the last time I see him. My last time to ever give him all of myself. He knew everything about me, and I him, but that was something we'd never done, if only to prove to ourselves that love wasn't a myth as everyone said.

"Just wondering."

He nodded and I stood on my tiptoes, kissing his chin.

"I love you Edward."

He bent his head forward and his lips were gently on mine, tempting them for a kiss.

"And I you."

I was blissful for a moment. I'd had my doubts before, that I loved Edward more than he loved me, but this was a moment where I could tell he truly loved me as deeply as I loved him. He was half of me, without him, nothing would be right. I kissed him sweetly, letting it become a test of creativity. He moved his lips in different ways and I nibbled on his, each of us making small sounds. I was the first to pull away, my voice breathless as I looked at him and gave him every part of me.

"I won't say no anymore. I can't."

"Bella," he whispered, the sound of it pulling things low in my body, "I don't know."

"If you're not sure, I'll wait. I want you to know that I'm ready though, to give you everything."

He kissed me again, his kind of kiss that made me want the desires I dreamed of. His hands slipped to underneath my rear and he lifted up gently, his voice a sexy combination of rough and low.

"You're sure?"

"Yes," I breathed.

He smiled at me and lifted me up higher, my hips on his. I wrapped my legs around his to keep from falling and he chuckled as he moved his arms to my back to support me. My body and my heart were excited as we went to his bedroom and I closed my eyes, thinking of the bliss I would soon know.