The Start of Good-Bye

We got to the bedroom and his hands were already feeling my behind, gripping it. My breaths came quickly and suddenly I was leaning backward on a bed. He climbed on top of me and I shook my head, rolling us over to have me on top. He chuckled as he took off my shirt.

"So eager."

I felt my cheeks turn pink and he reached behind me, fiddling with my bra clasp. I moved my hand to my jeans and started unbuttoning them, aching to take them off.

"Bella, wait."

"What?"

I pushed my groin against his and he groaned, tightening his grip on my now-bare breasts.

"N-nothing, don't stop."

I finished pulling off my jeans and he put his fingers on the waistband of my panties, his voice low.

"So beautiful... and so mine."

I lifted my hips and he pulled the elastic down, the cloth slowly creeping down my legs. I shivered and helped him, sliding the cloth the rest of the way down my legs and pulling it off. He was staring at me, and he started rubbing his hands over my stomach.

"It's really difficult for me to undress if you're on top of me you know."

I blushed and rolled off of him, gently kissing his neck as he undressed. I felt him shiver and laughed, breathing on his neck. He kicked off his boxers and rolled on top of me, his body hot.

"Only you could make me so excited by breathing on me."

"I hope I'm the only one who ever makes you so excited."

I felt him hard and ready against my thigh and I tensed. He felt so big against my leg, would he be able to fit?

He rolled over and I climbed on top of him, my hand positioning him under my opening. I slowly moved his top inside of me, gasping.

"Are you okay?"

"I-I didn't know it would be so hot, or so big. I don't know if you'll be able to fit."

He looked at my hand and suddenly pulled himself away, shaking his head.

"Wait, I didn't say I wanted to stop!"

"It's not your fault Bella. God I'm so stupid."

"No no, we can keep going, it's okay."

"I don't have a condom."

I bit my lip to keep from sighing. Charlie refused to let me get birth control, he thought if he bought it, then it would only let us take things further.

"Can we go to the store?"

He smiled softly and put his arm around my waist.

"I don't think so. I should've stopped you sooner Bella, I'm sorry."

"Edward I want to do this."

"I know. Just trust me, now isn't the right time."

I let my sigh be heard this time.

"Bella please, just trust me."

I laid my head on his shoulder and he handed me my jeans with an embarrassed smile.

"Don't be mad at me."

"I'm not."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm disappointed, but I know why you're stopping us."

"I promise, we will, soon; very soon even. Not today though, I can't take something that special away from you without even bothering to take precautions."

I nodded and pulled on my jeans, thankful that he was also dressing. I felt a small tear prickling in my eye as I felt rejection from him.

"Edward.. you're not saying no because you don't think I'll be good enough right?"

"Bella! How can you say that?"

"Well... I don't know.. I just thought-"

"Bella, you will be wonderful. I just want us to be ready in every sense of the word, okay?"

"Alright."

"Bella look at me."

I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes, I was afraid I would look to emotional, too clingy.

"Please."

I flicked my eyes up for a moment. His lips met mine in a chaste kiss and he held me close.

"Bella, I love you. I love you because you're kind and beautiful. I love you because you're perfect for me in everyway and I could never be happy without you. I'm saying no now because I love you, alright?"

"Alright," I said in a soft voice.

He kept his arms tight around me and his voice was gentle.

"I love you Bella, so so much."

"I love you too."

We stayed like that for many long moments, our bodies close. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and looked up at him.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"You're wonderful."

He chuckled and held me closer, his breath warm against my neck. My heart felt heavy and I wondered what would happen to us. I felt so torn inside, and so very selfish. I wanted him to stay with me, I was scared of him leaving, of what might happen, who he might find. He leaned back with a wide grin that immediately melted from his lips.

"Bella what's wrong?"

"Nothing, just thinking."

He bent down and kissed the top of my head, his hands gently rubbing my arms.

"I'm banishing the sad ones. Only happy thoughts today."

I couldn't help but laugh and I pressed myself closer to him, suddenly cold.

"Promise me something Edward."

"Anything you wish."

"Promise me you'll come back; that no matter what you'll come back."

I saw him frown but I couldn't stop myself. I felt a hot tear slide down my cheek and I pressed my face against his chest.

"You have to come back Edward, please."

I hadn't meant to sob, but somehow it was happening. His arms were tight around me and suddenly we were on the bed again, him kissing away my tears.

"Bella, Bella please don't cry. I'll come back I promise. No matter what, I'll always come back."

I held him tighter to me, so afraid to let go.

"When do you go to interview?"

"Next Thursday. They'll tell me then whether or not I'll be drafted for sure."

His fingers brushed my cheek and he was warm against me, his arms shielding me from anymore doubt.

"I'll always come back Bella, you won't get rid of me that easy."

I laughed and hit the back of his shoulder playfully.

"Don't joke. I'm trying to be sad."

He smiled and pulled me tight into his arms again.

"I love you so much Bella. How did I ever get so lucky?"

I smile and turn my head, swallowing the surge of happiness I felt.

"I ask myself that question every morning. Out of all the girls in the world, you chose me."

"I wouldn't want anyone else."

I heard the door shut downstairs and we sighed in unison.

"They're back already?"

"I would guess so. We can stay in here for a bit longer."

I stayed wrapped in his arms, focusing on the warmth radiating from his body. I heard a call from downstairs and Edward sighed as we both moved off the bed. I made sure I looked decent before walking downstairs, his hand holding mine as he trailed behind me. I spotted Alice at the foot of the stairs and I saw a forced smile on her lips.

"Hi guys! Wanna go out?"

I glanced at the TV and saw the screen on. The news would be on soon. Edward sighed, but I knew she didn't want her fears to come true like mine had.

"Sure, where?"

Edward glanced at me and Alice smiled again, her body still tense.

"Anywhere. I think the store is still open."

I nodded and squeezed Edward's hand.

"Sure, let's go."

She smiled and went to Jasper, hugging him tight. I whispered to Edward as we waited, hoping he wasn't mad.

"She doesn't want to be here if they say his birthday. She doesn't want to fall apart in front of him. She wants to be strong for him."

I could hear the soft regret in my voice and he squeezed my hand, his voice gentle.

"Of course."

She came back, keys in hand and practically ran out the door. Edward and I followed slowly behind her, both of us sitting in the backseat of the car. We drove carefully through the dark, hoping no one would attack. We finally reached the store and Alice seemed to be fine again. I held her hand as well as Edward's as we walked inside, hoping I was comforting her somehow. It was quiet and we seemed to reflect the mood, each item picked up to be bought seemingly meaningless. Edward picked something up discreetly and I couldn't help but blush when I saw it. They were cheap, but they would work. We went to the checkout counter and bought everything quickly, me distracting Alice while our cashier rung up Edward's gift to me. We left just as quickly, our drive quiet until we reached our neighborhood. Something crashed against the side of the door and Alice swerved. She brought us to a halt on the side of the road and everything was silent, waiting. Edward had his arms around me and unbuckled my seatbelt, pulling me onto his lap in the middle of the backseat. There was another crash against the door I'd been sitting beside and Edward's arms tightened around me.

"Alice start the car."

"It won't."

"Try again, now."

"Edward it won't fucking start!"

Another crash. The car rocked and Edward's arms became painful.

"Edward.. you're hurting me."

He looked at me and nodded, his voice soft as another crash shook the car.

"I'm sorry darling. I need to you stay calm okay? This is really really important."

"Alright."

"Alice, I want you to try one more time, please."

" Edward it won't work, I know it won't."

"Alice, I need you to try."

There was a crash against the back of the car and I rocked forward with a scream, Edward's arms were the only thing holding me in my seat.

"Edward!"

I looked out the window and screamed again. There were dark figures darting back and forth from the car, baseball bats in hand.

"Alice, start the car."

I heard the engine stutter and Alice mumbled as she turned her key.

"Please start, please."

"The engine turned over and she slammed on the gas, throwing us forward. Edward's arms were tight around me and I turned in his lap, pressing my face on his shoulder. I didn't know why I was crying and I didn't care, I was just glad that we were all okay.

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Sorry I've been away so long! I'm been super busy with school. I know it's no excuse but thank you for all my avid readers that have been patiently waiting. Review, review, review! Much love, Debi