A/N I think I should stop writing ridiculously long author's notes and just get on with the damn story :/

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the clothes on my back, wut.

Chapter Seventeen: The Zoo of Death, Level Five

As Ciel sat around in his room, trying his very hardest to think of the best way to write his letter to Sebastian, Alois and Count Claude were lazily making their way through a forest. Alois kicked up several leaves under his feet. Claude watched him for a moment before speaking. "Your princess is quite a lovely creature, if a bit simple."

"Yes," agreed Alois amicably. "The people seem quite taken with him. It's odd, though," here he stopped to look up at his Count. "When I hired Ash to dispose of her on the Florin/Guilder border, I thought that was clever." His grin grew broader. "But it will be so much more moving when I strangle him on our wedding night."

Count Clause pushed his glasses up his nose.

"The nation will be so enraged their demand we go to war." Alois giggled, and began to walk again. Count Claude smiled faintly and followed him.

They soon encountered upon a tree, wherein Alois stopped and looked expectantly up at his companion. The Count looked at the tree, golden eyes narrowed. "Now, where is that secret knot... ah, there it is."

With a single push of the knot, a hidden door opened on the tree. Claude stepped down onto a wooden staircase. Half encased in shadow, he looked back up at the prince. "Are you coming down into the Zoo?" he asked. A horrible grin curled on the edges of his lips. "Sebastian has gained his strength back, it seems. I'm starting him on the Machine tonight."

Alois tried to hide the shiver that went through him. Cruel and sadistic bastard though he may be, the thought of the Machine still sent chills down his spine. "I would, but you see, I have my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my husband to murder, and Guilder to frame for it." He shrugged. "I'm swamped!"

Count Claude came forward and placed his hand on Alois' shoulder in a way so awkward it beat out Voldemort's awkward hugging scene. "Get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, well, you haven't got anything."

And he gave the weakest excuse for a smile, said "There, there," and walked away. Sheldon Cooper would be so proud.

xXx

Down in the Zoo of Death, Level Five, Sebastian was trying very hard to break free from his bonds. Apart from being strapped down to a wheeled table, he had nodes and electron-thingy's attached all over his body. But as Gilbert the freaky albino wheeled him towards a huge wooden structure, he was also trying very hard to make it look like he wasn't scared at all.

Watching him intently, Count Claude stroked his non-existent beard. As Sebastian continued to look for ways out while simultaneously maintaining a bored expression, he stood and made his way over. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

Only he could think a piece of wood was beautiful. Sebastian turned his red eyes to his captor and attempted to fry a hole through his forehead using his mind. "It took me half a lifetime to invent it." His cool gaze never once left Sebastian's. "I'm sure but now you've discovered my deep interest in anything involving pain."

Sebastian looked away. Time for plan B.

"I'm actually writing a book on the subject," Count Claude continued. So you must agree to be completely honest with me on how it makes you feel."

Sebastian was not worried. After all, he was The Dread Pirate Michaelis, was he not? He had sustained plenty of torture before. As a matter of fact, he could always just wait until the torture was over and his Count Claude was lulled into a false sense of security to make his attack. Aha! There was plan B.

The Count made his way over to the Machine. "This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting," he assured Sebastian.

Right. Like that was supposed to be comforting.

Barely able to hide his smile, Claude pushed the bar up to one.

A panel raised and water streamed through, rushing through various funnels and turning wheels and gears. Sebastian could only raise an eyebrow; this was supposed to scare him? Well sure, it might burn his ears off with the sound of squeaky gears, but this-

His thoughts disintegrated instantly and pain ripped through him.

Opening his mouth and screaming, no, howling, as a million tiny white-hot knives pierced through his skin, he clenched his fists. It seemed as though his very being was being sucked out of him, as if something was being violently pulled from the depths of his soul.

Ciel. Think of Ciel. All of this was for Ciel. In fact, Sebastian need only think of him and the pain would be gone. It had always worked before. But try as he might, the face of the boy he loved just wouldn't come to him.

Then all of a sudden, the pain stopped. His ears were still roaring, but he could faintly hear himself still screaming. As he finally quieted down, reduced to gasping and shuddering, Count Claude took out his clipboard and a pen.

"As you know, the concept of the suction cups are centuries old. And really, that's all that this is, only instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life," the Count said, in a rather disturbing monotone. Out of the corner of his eyes, Sebastian could see Gilbert shrinking into a corner, eyes wide with horror. "I have just sucked away one year of your life. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that will do to you, so for now we'll just stick with what we have. Tell me know, and please be honest – how does is make you feel?"

In blind pain and humiliation, Sebastian closed his eyes and cried like a child.

"Interesting," said the Count, making a note on his clipboard.

xXx

Meanwhile, our dear Prince Alois was not doing quite so well. Angrily he tossed his paperwork around. He was a prince, since when did he have to do paperwork!

The chief of his police came storming into the room. Alois glared up at him. "Sire," the chief stammered. Alois rolled his eyes and gestured for the man to come forward. The chief came and knelt at his chair, and Alois was hit with the sudden realization that all his high ranking police officers looked exactly the same. Maybe they were all related.

"Listen, my dear chief. I have it under strict confidentiality that spies from Guilder have infiltrated us, and are planning to murder my husband on our wedding night."

The chief looked rather surprised at that. "My spy network has heard no such thing."

Alois became so enraged he was about to pull out the other's eye, when Ciel came bursting into the room. Both Alois and his chief quickly stood up.

"Any word yet from Sebastian?" Ciel asked breathlessly, as if he'd run all the way there.

"Soon, my angel," said Alois, spreading his arms. "Patience, my dear."

Ciel turned up his nose slightly. Angel? Sebastian would never have called him that. "He will come for me. He always does."

Alois merely nodded. "Of course."

Sniffing, Ciel walked away. As soon as he was out of earshot, Alois and the chief sat back down. "He will not be murdered!" Alois voiced fiercely. (irony...) "on the day of the wedding, I want the Thieves' forest emptied, and all its inhabitants arrested!"

"Your highness," said the chief weakly, "many of the thieves will resist... my men may not be enough..."

"Form a Brute Squad then!" Alois spat. "I want that forest emptied!"

"All right," agreed the chief. "but it will not be easy."

Alois shrugged and settled back into his chair. "Try ruling the world sometime."

xXx

And so the day of the wedding arrived. The newly formed Brute Squad certainly had their hands full trying to clear out the Thieves' Forest.

"Is everyone out?" asked the chief to one of his commanding officers, who coincidentally looked exactly like him.

"Almost," the officer replied. "There's a shinigami giving us some trouble."

The chief scowled darkly. "Then give him some trouble."

Indeed, there was a shinigami giving them trouble – a whole whack of trouble. Sitting by the door of a bar with multiple drinks in his hand, he drawled, "I am waiting for you, Ash!"

The officer rounded the corner, and glared at the redhead lying in the pool of alcohol. "You there! Get up!"

Grell mumbled some things at him that he couldn't hear. The officer spoke louder. "The prince has given orders!"

Without warning, Grell ripped the cord of his chainsaw and leapt forward. The officer screamed like a girl and backed away. Grell grinned wickedly, sharp teeth gleaming. "I only take orders from Ash," he snarled.

The officer, who was now completely terrified of the chainsaw, said in a very high-pitched voice, "Y-you! Brute! Get him!"

Angrily, Grell, turned off his chainsaw, and made to glare at the brute. But instead, he found himself staring at two very familiar eyes.

Two very familiar Indian eyes.

Slowly, a sweet smile formed on Grell's face. "It's you," he said happily.

"Yes, it's me." Agni answered. The officer was now very confused, and made a mover forward. Agni simply reached out with his right hand and punched him in the face. "You don't look too good."

"Pssh," Grell laughed. "I'm fine!"

Agni merely raised an eyebrow. "You don't smell too good, either."

Grell laughed again, and Agni shrugged. He patted him on the back, and made to start moving.

And Grell promptly fainted on the spot.

A/N A lot of you knew who Gilbert was – yes, he's from Hetalia. I used him purely because he's an albino, and the book clearly states that it's an albino who should be working in the Zoo. However, halfway through this chapter I realized I probably could have used Undertaker... oops...

Some weird shit was going down with my account, so I had some trouble uploading this and replying to reviews, so if I didn't get to yours I apologize. I think it's fixed now, though. Because after all, reviews are the turkey to my Thanksgiving dinner~