A/N Wow, haha... how long has it been?...

Anyone have any good tips on how to survive senior year? Hardest thing I've ever done. Why did no one warn me?

Also, next chapter is the last one. So, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I only own the brilliant idea of smashing these two fandoms together~

Chapter Eighteen: Siege the Castle

And so Grell and Agni (oh and Soma, please don't forget him) were reunited once more. Agni nursed his sick friend back to health, feeding him things like Chicken Noodle Soup, because sweet Jesus that stuff works. And slowly, Grell began to come around, looking slightly better off than the drunkard he was before.

As he recovered, Agni told him of Ash's death, and the existence of Count Claude, the six-fingered man. Considering Grell's not-quite-lifelong search for the man, he took the news surprisingly well.

By fainting again.

This time Agni was not so kind – he dumped Grell's head in a bucket of cold water, then a bucket of hot water, then cold water, and so on, until Grell smacked him to make him stop. "Enough! Enough!"

Splashing water out of his hair, Grell said breathlessly, "Where is Claude now? Tell me, so that I may kill him!"

"You can try," replied Agni, "but he is in the castle – which now, thanks to the wedding, is surrounded by thirty men!"

Grell swore loudly, and attempted to kill himself, as per usual. Soma squealed, but Agni merely watched, until the redhead calmed down and turned to him. "How many could you handle?"

Agni shrugged. "I don't think more than ten."

Grell glanced down at his own twitching fingers, then at the chainsaw sitting in the corner. "That would leave twenty for me." He sighed. "Oh, even on my best day, I don't think I could handle that many." He sank to the ground, defeated. "We need Ash here; I have no gift for strategy."

"But Ash is dead," Agni said bluntly. Grell looked up at him, a strange light in his eyes.

"No..." he said breathlessly. "I need the man in black."

Of course, it all seemed so obvious. He was a better swordsman than Grell, stronger than Agni, and if Ash was dead – then he must be a genius as well! "The man in black can surely plan a siege on the castle by tonight!"

Grell stood up so fast his chair fell over behind him. "Come, Agni! And Soma, you too!"

"Where are you going?"

"To find the man in black!"

"But you don't know where he is!" Agni called out after his friend. His voice drifted back through the door.

"I have my hunk radar!"

To which Agni sighed and followed his friend. Soma went, too. In case you forgot he was there.

xXx

At the palace, Alois was in a state of dire anxiety. To relax his nerves, he was sharpening his dagger. As the blade slid across the stone, his Chief of police came whirling around the door. "The Thieves' Forest is empty, sire!"

Alois glanced up. The Chief was looking proud of himself, with his chest puffed out. "The castle gate has thirty men guarding it. And there is only one key – the one I hold."

Eyebrows raised, Alois was about to respond when they were joined by none other than Ciel himself. "Ah," said Alois, smiling falsely, "how wonderful to see you." He grabbed Ciel's hands, to which the other responded with great disgust. "Tonight we shall be married," he proclaimed loudly. "And ready every ship; for in the morning, I want my entire armada to accompany us."

"Every ship but four," Ciel interrupted. The smile fast fell from Alois' face. "Every ship but the four you sent out."

"Yes," Alois answered, gritting his teeth. "Yes, of course, not those ships."

The chief of police could barely stand the tension anymore, so he cleared his throat and quickly excused himself. Ciel turned back to glare at the prince. "You never sent those ships," he said accusingly. "You lied."

Alois turned a rather nasty shade of red.

"No matter," Ciel said, turning away. "Sebastian will come for me."

"You are a fool." Alois stated, and turned away.

"Yes, I am a fool!" Ciel shot back at him, as he walked to his desk. "Yes, I am a fool, for I wish I had seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward!"

Alois slid his dagger into its sheath very loudly. "Do not call me a coward," he said very lowly, very dangerously.

Ciel looked straight onto the cold blue eyes, without fear. "Why not?" He asked simply. "You can't hurt me. Sebastian and I," he took a deep breath, "are bound by love, something more powerful than you can even imagine. Something you cannot track with a thousand bloodhounds, something you cannot break with a thousand swords.

"And believe me when I say, Prince Alois, that you are nothing more than the slimiest of worms, the lowest of spiders, crawling along the face of this Earth like the cowardly wretch you are!"

Alois slammed the dagger down on the table, and stormed towards Ciel. His breath caught in his throat as the prince grabbed him by his arm, encircling it in a grip of iron. Ciel yelped as he was dragged out of the room, Alois screeching "Do not call me coward!"

Angrily, he threw Ciel into his room, and slammed the door shut. As his footsteps echoed down the hall, Ciel ran forward and banged on the door, hit it, kicked it, slammed his whole body on to it. "Sebastian!" He pounded furiously on the door. "Sebastian!"

But his butler could not hear him.

xXx

Alois ran. He could not stop running. Fuelled by anger, he ran all the way to the Zoo of Death, where his feet slammed on each step until he was all the way down at Level Five.

Gilbert squealed as he saw him, and quickly dived under a table to hide himself. Count Claude turned around to be met with a face contorted with rage. "Your highness, I-"

But Alois was not here for him. He went straight for Sebastian, leaning over the man's weak body. "You truly love each other. And so, you might have been truly happy. Not everyone has that chance, not even once in a century." A horrible grin came over his face, as he began to giggle. "And so, I think that no man will suffer as you will."

And he turned the Machine on to full blast.

Count Claude stood up, staring in horror. "Not to 50!"

Sebastian screamed, wailed, roared, as the Machine clanked to life. Gilbert from under the table, covered his ears, but nothing could block this out. It seeped into their every bone, like every voice in Hell was crying out at once.

Alois watched, smiling in triumph.

His screams echoed all throughout the town, to the Thieves' Forest, even to the castle, where Ciel looked up from his despair. It fell on the ears of everyone reaching up through the ground. It fell on the ears of three individuals.

"Stop!" Grell cried, holding out his hand. "Do you hear that?"

Soma squealed and buried his face into Agni's clothes. The tall Indian man looked out. "What is it?"

"That," said Grell dramatically, "is the sound of ultimate suffering. I know because that is the sound my heart made the night Will died. And it is the sound that the man in black is making now."

"How do you know?" Agni asked. Grell looked at his as though he were stupid.

"His true love marries another tonight! Who else could have cause to make such a noise?" He turned and began to make his way through the crowd. "Follow that noise, Agni! Excuse me! Pardon me! Sorry! Pardon! Agni, could you-"

Agni raised his hands and circled them around his mouth. "Everybody MOVE!"

The crowd immediately parted. Agni smiled a secret smile to himself. Megaphone-gusta.

xXx

Gilbert chugged through the forest carrying a wheelbarrow. He was so busy trying to keep the sun out of his eyes that he didn't notice some guy with bright red hair jump out and put a chainsaw up to his throat. Stupid Gilbert.

"Where are they keeping the man in black?"

Gilbert, having never been introduced to a chainsaw before, let go of all pretence of being awesome and stood there whimpering at the sight of it. Grell gestured to his friend. "Agni, check his memories."

Agni reached out and clunked him on the head. Gilbert smiled at them, and fell over sideway. Impatiently, Grell turned. "Agni! Look what you did!"

"Sorry." Agni smiled sheepishly. "But this hand has the power of a God."

Sighing, Grell went into the center of the trees. Closing his eyes, he held out his hand. "Hunk radar," he said, "You have never failed me before. Do not fail me now."

Slowly, but surely, he rose to his feet, eyes fluttering beneath lightly shut eyelids. Agni watched in mild amusement as Grell stumbled through the trees, seeming to follow only his hand. He stopped for a moment, tensed, then fumbled forward and ran right into a tree.

His eyes flew open. The tree stood before him, old and thick and knotted, mocking him. Angrily, he punched it. "Ow!"

"Have you ever been so mad that you punched a tree?" Agni mused to himself, but both he and his companions jumped when a hidden door swung open.

Grell turned back to stare at Agni, who merely shrugged. The redhead flashed him a shark-toothed grin. "Hunk radar, what did I tell you~."

The three friends made their way down the stairs, Grell in the lead with his chainsaw out in front of him, Agni following close behind, Soma clutching to his robes. They tread down staircase after staircase, passing Level One, then Level Two, Three, and Four. They stopped when they reached Level Five.

"I am more than slightly nervous to go down there," said Soma, but no one paid him any attention. They crept down the final staircase.

When they reached the bottom, Grell let out a cry of despair. "Look!"

There, at the bottom, was the man in black, lying with his shirt open. His chest was not moving.

Agni rushed forward to place his ear over the man's heart. Grell whimpered, watching as Agni listened carefully for any sound of a heartbeat.

The Indian slowly raised his head. His eyes were wide, his face blank with shock.

"He's dead."

The two words echoed about the empty chamber. Despairing, Soma slid to the ground. Agni leaned against the wooden table, hardly daring to believe it.

Grell slowly ventured forward. His eyes rested along the smooth, defined muscles of the man in black. He thought, quite suddenly, of his dear William, and how strikingly similar the two were. He thought of how he had simply allowed William to die at the hands of the Count. Then he looked up at Agni.

"Grell Sutcliffe never takes that for an answer."

Then, turning around and swishing his coat, he said loudly, "Grab him, Agni! We are going to – oh," he stopped suddenly. "Do you have any money?"

"Um," Agni said. "I am the servant to a prince. Yes, I have money."

"Oh." Grell blinked. Soma was a prince. "Good."

"Why," inquired Agni, as he lifted the motionless body from the table, "do we need money? And how much do we need."

White teeth flashed a Grell grinned. "Enough to buy a miracle."

xXx

"Go away!"

Grell blinked.

Not to be put out, however, he knocked again. This time, he did not stop until the small window on the door opened. "What?"

The man's dirty blond hair was literally dirty, ashes and soot clung to its tips. Black smudges ran across his face. For all any of them knew, he might have just walked out of an explosion. Grell blinked again, but shook his head. "Are you the Miracle Bard, who worked for the King all those years?"

"You mean the one whose stinking son fired me for blowing up his kitchen?" Bard scrunched his nose. "Yeah, that's me. Thank you for bringing up such a painful memory, by the way. While you're at it, why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"

And he slammed the window.

Grell huffed, and began knocking again. "Please, we need your help! You're the only one!"

Bard opened the door again. "Why are you asking someone who the King's stinking son fired? I might kill the guy you want me to use a miracle on!"

"He's already dead," Grell said lightly.

The miracle man glanced at the dead body, then back at the two. "He is, huh? Well, alright, bring him in. I'll take a look."

They laid him carefully down on the stretcher. In the corner, a much smaller blond came creeping forward to look. "Is he really dead?"

"Yes, Finny. Go... pick the carrots or something." Bard shooed him away. The he stopped and looked at the man. After a few minutes of looking, he picked up Sebastian's hand.

Grell cleared his throat. "Um, if you don't mind, sir, we are in a terrible rush."

Bard glared. "Don't rush a miracle man. You got money?"

"69," Grell answered, and tried not to giggle. Bard rolled his eyes again. "I never work for that little. Well, except once. But that was for a very noble cause."

"This is a noble cause," said Grell, trying to be serious. Agni kicked him. Grell pouted, and kicked him back. Bard groaned. "No, I mean it," Grell continued. His wife is dead. His children are dying of starvation."

"Baloney." Bard turned away.

Grell grabbed his robes. "I need this man to help me avenge the death of my lover."

"The first one was better." Bard shook him off. "Guy probably owes you money. Whatever, if you won't tell me, I'll just have to ask him myself."

For a moment, Grell was thrown off his guard. "He's dead, he can't talk."

"Oh, look at you, big guy, think you're so smart." Bard hoisted a large air pump from his shelves. "Well, it just so happens that your friend here? He's only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now open his mouth."

Grell hastened to do so. Bard shoved the air pump in him mouth, and squeezed, pushing air into Sebastian's lungs. "Stay back." Grell stepped back, and watched in wonder and awe as Bard leaned very close to Sebastian's ear.

And jumped when he yelled. "Hey! Hello in there! You! Yeah, you! Tell me, what's so important up here that you gotta come back for it?"

Then Bard placed his hands on Sebastian's chest and an ear up to his lips. Pushing down slightly, air came rushing through the man's lungs, and with them, two very distinct words.

"True love."

Grell jumped. "You hear that? True love! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!"

But Bard shook his head. "Yes, true love is the greatest thing on the planet. Except for maybe a good BLT. But! He didn't say that. He distinctly said, 'Tooblaeve,' and as we all know, that means, 'the bluff.' So, you were probably playing cards, and he cheated, and-"

Suddenly, from the garden, Finny squeaked, and a high-pitched roar came from somewhere outside the room.

"LIAR!"

Bard flinched, and immediately tried to make himself invisible. It was soon shown why when a second later, a pink-haired glasses wearing maniac came storming into the room. "Liar! Liiiaaaaaaaaar!" She screamed in his face.

Bard yelped. "Get back, witch!"

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!" She screeched. "Although, after what I just heard, I'm not sure I wanna be that anymore!"

"You never had it so good," Bard said, but his voice was drowned in her screaming. "True love! He said true love, Bard, I heard it as clear as day! And so did you!" She turned to Grell and Agni, who were currently trying to blend in with the furniture. "You wanna know the truth? He's just afraid! After Alois fired him-"

"Why did you say that name, you promised me you would never say that name!"

"Alois!" She yelled. "Alois! Alois! Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois-"

"Stop!"

"Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois-"

"I'm not listening!"

"You won't even have the decency to tell them why you won't do it! Alois! He's just afraid! Alois Alois Alois-"

"This is Prince Alois' wife!" Grell yelled suddenly. "If you save him you can stop the wedding!"

Immediately the two ceased their bickering and Bard whirled around to face him. "Well, why didn't you say so before? Give me the 69!"

Then he stopped, and thought about what he said, and they all had a good laugh.

xXx

Bard held out the small chocolate, as Meirin clung to his arm. Finny snuck up behind them looking at it in awe.

Grell wrinkled his nose. "It's chocolate."

"Chocolate makes it go down easy." Meirin said knowingly. "But you have to wait 15 minutes for full potency."

"Oh, and don't go swimming for at least, oh what was it again..."

"An hour."

"Yeah, an hour." Bard smiled at the two. Three. Four? "Well, have fun, kids."

They waved to them as the figure faded off into the distance. "Think it'll work?"

"It'll take a miracle."

"Goodbye!"

Fifteen minutes later, Agni and Grell had lugged Sebastian's lifeless body all the way up to behind the castle walls. As they lay down in the stone parapets (is that what they're called? I don't actually know) and looked a t the army below them.

"Uh, Grell?" Agni said worriedly. "There are more than 30 men."

"What does it matter?" Grell said brightly. "We have this hottie!" He swung Sebastian's face around. Agni looked at him. Grell sighed impatiently. "Just give me the miracle pill!"

With some difficulty, they hoisted him up into a sitting position. "We'll have to force-feed him," Grell said excitedly. "Can I do it?"

"You know he already has a true love?" Agni asked, but passed him the pill anyway. Grell chose not to listen, and pushed pill into his mouth. "All right. Now, how long do we wait?"

"He said fifteen minutes."

It was at that exact moment that Sebastian's eyes flew wide open.

A/N Ohoho, so I guess he's not dead after all.

Bard/Meirin. Anyone else just love it to pieces? Or is it just one of my creepy crack-couple fantasies. Although, they were out of character, weren't they. Oh well.

I can't apologize enough for the lack of updates. And I could give a hundred excuses but there's really only one: school. It's hard. Christmas better damn well come soon.

Anyway, umm, next chapter is finale. Yup. Please stay tuned till then.

Because reviews are the motivation to write more.