Predictably enough, the montage finished with a series of shots showing Deeks in the now-infamous black underpants. At almost three times life-sized, it was more apparent than ever that they left absolutely nothing to the imagination. A veritable barrage of wolf-whistles filled the air, causing Hetty to place her hands over her ears in protest, although she was wreathed in smiles and didn't take her eyes off the screen for a second.
"If the day job doesn't work out, you can always moonlight as an underwear model!" Eric bellowed lustily.
Mrs Cunningham couldn't remember when she'd enjoyed herself quite so much. She was certainly going to have some interesting tales to tell the members of her quilting group when she got back home. It would be even better if she could get some screen shots as well. They would be pea-green with envy, for all their grandchildren had married rather boring and responsible people. At least Kensi's fiancé seemed to have a bit of life about him. And a bod from God, as the young people said. What she wouldn't give to be thirty years younger… because there was nothing wrong with embracing your inner cougar; nothing wrong at all. Where there was life, there was hope. And she was really enjoying life at the moment.
"Screw the day job!" Mrs Cunningham bawled and Allison wondered if her mother might be developing Alzheimers disease or even Tourette's syndrome. Still, after the earlier put-down, she decided it was wisest to keep quiet. She didn't want any more secrets to slip out tonight.
"Do not do a slow dance with that woman," Callen warned. "She'll eat you alive."
Marty just hoped that Kensi would be as lively when she reached her grandmother's age.
The heckling died down as the second part of the tribute began accompanied by the strains of 'Isn't She Lovely'. Kensi began to think she might just get out of this lightly, as a selection of her cutest baby photos filled the screen. All right, she could have done without the one in the bath, but all in all, it was really fine. However, quite why her mother had then lost all sense and given a whole series of shots of Kensi exposing her bright white underpants under a variety of summer dresses was beyond her.
"So that's why you wear jeans all the time," Hetty observed.
"I thought Kensi would never learn to keep her legs together," Allison remarked and then wondered why everyone around her burst out into near-hysterical laughter. Except for Jethro, who merely turned puce and seemed to be digging his fingernails into the palm of his hand. It really was most peculiar.
"I am going to kill her," Kensi vowed and then nearly died as the dreaded photograph of herself with that awful pixie-cut was flashed up. "Definitely. And I know enough to do it without leaving a trace of evidence behind me. The perfect crime." She'd always maintained that she looked like a goblin with ringworm and seeing it at such magnification just reinforced it.
"There's no such thing as the perfect crime," Sam informed her, rather self-righteously.
"That's all you know. The perfect crime is the one nobody knows is a crime." She stuck her tongue out. "So yah boo, and suck to you."
The final scenes of her part of the tribute were just as humiliating as Marty's had been, perhaps slightly worse, as Eric had kindly donated surveillance footage of the time Kensi had chased down a female subject, with both of them landing in a shallow pool of water and slugging it out, soaking wet.
"Yeah! Catfight!"
"Hot girl on girl action."
"Wear a bra next time, Kensi."
"Are you mad? Don't wear a bra – ever."
"I am going to kill Eric as well," Kensi vowed, as she saw how the sodden dress clung to her body and left nothing to the imagination.
"Before or after you kill your mother?" Marty asked politely. Actually, he had thoroughly enjoyed that part of the tribute. He looked around and saw that his team-mates had some suspicious smirks on their faces. "I think we're being set up here, by the way. Look at them."
Kensi looked at them with narrowed eyes. And she didn't like what she saw. She had a bad feeling about what was going to happen next.
Sam stood up. "You think it's all over?" he asked. "Well – it is now."
The words 'Come On Densi' appeared on screen, accompanied by a thudding backing track that started pounding away. Eric had beavered away to digitally alter the original version of the song so that 'Come On Eileen' was now a personalised tribute. The camera zoned in on Callen, who was chanelling his inner Kensi, wearing a black silk sheath, a pair of almost comedically large false breasts and a long brown wig. He batted his eyelashes and beguiling and then simpered.
"Suits you!" Marty yelled, thinking that Callen actually made rather a good woman. However, he rapidly subsided when Sam appeared onscreen, wearing a plaid shirt, tight black underpants and with a mop of blond hair that almost completely obscured his eyes. He was clutching onto a surfboard with one hand, while the other hung on to Bobby's lead.
"Not quite so funny now, is it?" Kensis sniggered as Callen minced beguilingly across the screen, one hand on his hip, stopping only to hoik up one of his stockings rather inelegantly and managing to rip a large hole in it at the same time.
"It's Densi's Midnight Runners!" DiNozzo said delightedly, as Hetty, Eric, Nell and Nate all made an appearance as background dancers, Hetty in particular giving full rein to her inner funk, even if It wasn't Lady Gaga. The difference in height between herself and Nate made for particularly hilarious results when they were partnered together, as was intended.
"I never thought Hetty would be such a good sport," Caroline whispered, as Nate swung her round so enthusiastically that Hetty's feet actually left the ground.
"Oh, she has her moments," Joe replied.
Meanwhile, Callen as Kensi had sidled up to his onscreen beau and was running his hands through his hair, while Bobby danced around delightedly on his hind legs and then managed to put a large rip into Kensi's stockings.
The audience started clapping along in time to the music, stamping their feet and chorusing "Come on, Densi, Ta-lu-ry-ay…" in unison as the onscreen Deeks tossed the surfboard away, nearly braining Nell in the process and swept his lover into a passionate embrace that nearly knocked Callen off his high heels. As it was, one falsie popped out the top of his dress. Ziva was weeping tears of sheer joy by the time the tribute ended.
"You do realise they are going to do something much, much worse for us?" Nico asked.
Callen picked up her hand and kissed it. "Which is why we're just going to get married quietly. If you'll marry me in the first place?"
She looked shocked. "Did you just say what I think you just said?" She'd never heard of pregnant women hearing strange voices, but anything was possible.
"I did." Callen hadn't planned this, but it just seemed perfect. And he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. "So – will you marry me?"
"Well?" Kensi settled the veil on her hair and surveyed herself in the mirror. "How do I look?"
Allison had to take a deep breath before she could reply. "You look absolutely beautiful, darling." It was true: her daughter was a shimmering vision in pale oyster-coloured silk, which accentuated her golden tan. Slim-fitting, the dress swept down to the floor in a smooth flourish. Kensi had always wanted to look like a fairy-tale princess and today she had achieved her dream.
"You're biased."
"Kensi, you are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. And I know Marty is going to think so too." Allison put her hands on either side of her daughter's face and smiled. "And you look so happy." And that was the most important thing of all, the thing that gave Kensi an inner glow.
"I am happy. I know I should be nervous, but I'm not – I'm just excited." She kissed Allison. "You are happy for us, aren't you?"
"Of course I am. The more I see the two of you together, the more I realise how right you are for each other." It wasn't easy to admit, but Allison knew she'd made a bad misjudgement about Marty. He not only balanced her daughter and complemented her perfectly, but more importantly, he made Kensi happy. And that was all that mattered. "So – are you ready for the rest of your life to begin?"
"I'm ready." Kensi took hold of her mother's hand. "Let's go and get Gibbs and Nell and get this show on the road."
"You could call him Jethro, you know."
"No, actually I couldn't, Mom. But it's okay if you want to." It was her wedding day and Kensi just wanted everyone to be as happy as she was, so she probably wouldn't even mind if her mother and Gibbs danced together, and maybe even had a kiss. She was a big girl after all, and her mother had every right to lead her own life. And it wasn't that weird…
Hope you enjoyed the rehearsal dinner shennanigans - I had a lot of fun writing them!
Wedding coming up next weekend! the plot bunnies are still planning on hopping up the aisle and i have no doubt evil pb will want to trip Deeks up and break his leg.