Part 15

I came in the back door; I hadn't realized that so much time had passed. The parking lot was almost empty, and the dense smell of humans was well abated. I opened the door to my office and found Sookie inside, alone, writing in the journal I had so recently given her. She looked up and smiled at me, seeming a little tired.

"You left?" She asked, her voice quiet.

"I'm sorry, I had to go out for a bit, I thought that we might have found a clue or something to help." I went over to her, and sat down beside her on the couch, the one Pam had only recently laid her unconscious body on.

"Did you find anything?" I hated to dash her hopes.

"Not really. I'm sorry."

"Where did you go?"

"I went to Bon Temps."

"Really?" She seemed more interested then.

"I had to speak to Bill Compton." I had made up my mind on the flight back home that I was going to be honest with her; I wasn't giving Bill anything he could use against me, because I was certain he would be coming to see Sookie himself, and soon.

"Why?"

"Gladiola found him lurking around your house. I wanted to know why. So I went to ask him."

"What did he say?"

"Not much. Only that he was just checking up on you, and that he had no knowledge of your whereabouts, or of any other people around your home."

"So, do you think he was involved?"

"I don't know Sookie. I would like to say yes, because then it would be very easy for me to compel him to tell me who he had cast this spell on you. But I don't know. He seemed genuinely surprised that something had happened to you. And," I gritted my teeth having to say it, "honestly concerned for your well being. In his generally superior, insulting sort of way."

"What does your gut tell you?"

"My gut," I smiled, "says that he had every motive to have your memory erased, because then you would not recall how he had hurt you, and he would have a chance to convince you to take him back. He is a good actor, being able to convince you that his feelings for you were genuine, even I did not know the full extent of how he intended to betray you."

"But?"

Would she always be able to read me this way? Even if she couldn't use her telepathy on me she was so aware of the subtleties of my body language and expressions.

"Gladiola found no evidence around his house of any suspicious activities; not to say that he couldn't have planned to do things elsewhere to throw anyone who might search off the track. But if he meant to pull you back to him, why would he leave you here with me? Why would he have left you unconscious in my parking lot? It doesn't make any sense. He would have wanted to be the one to rescue you."

That fact had been eating at me for hours. I hated it, because I wanted to blame Bill, but without any direct evidence, and in the face of disparate circumstances I could not bring him before a court to ask for justice and the names of his co-conspirators.

"I am sorry Sookie, I want to find an answer for you." I reached out to take her hand.

"Perhaps it will be tomorrow then Eric. Besides, I am not so unhappy right now." She held up the book in her other hand and smiled at me.

"What have you been writing Sookie?" I wanted to change the subject, even though I knew that every interaction and every conversation that we had would be tainted by the spell.

"Everything important, mostly my feelings since I woke up. Just like you told me to do. Like the first time I kissed you." She reached out and ran her fingers over my lips; I remained motionless, focusing on the feelings of her skin on mine again. "It was so beautiful." She whispered. "When you made love to me, I felt like the only woman in the world right then, the only one in your heart."

"You are." I whispered back, muffled by the fingertips that I kissed.

"Even when you just let me sleep beside you, when I was so frightened, those feelings, those memories are so beautiful to me. I think that even if I never get anything else back, that it won't really matter, because everything about these few days has been so perfect, so honest, it doesn't matter if I ever have anything else."

"Oh gods Sookie." I pulled her to myself and crushed my mouth against hers, I felt nothing but her heat and the way it made my own body, my own soul spring to life again. It felt as though everything before her had been a procession of duties, and tasks, and now it was life. And I knew I couldn't lose this, and I knew I had to speak.

"I have to tell you things Sookie." She was panting when our kiss broke, and remained curled into my arms.

"Eric, I don't care what you did before, what kind of evil person you claim to have been. None of that matters to me."

"It matters to me Sookie, I need your forgiveness, and I need to know that you will not regret any of this."

"Then tell me Eric. Tell me everything."

I kept her hand in mine; I needed to be grounded in the feel of her steady pulse against my palm as I told her of every guilt-laden action that had been haunting me.

"The first time I met you, you alerted me to something illegal going on in my club, with enough notice that Pam and I, as well as you and Bill were able to escape without running afoul of the police. You revealed your talents to me then, without even knowing me, or having any reason to help me. I repaid your kindness by employing you to discover a thief in my midst, a task that again, nearly cost you your life." I was thankful she wasn't asking me any questions just then, I didn't want to terrify her, I wanted absolution from her.

"I was selfish, after watching you, after seeing your good heart, so willing to help others; even if the jobs you did for me were undertaken to garner my help for your friends. I wanted you with me, not with Bill. I can't even say that I did it because I knew he was bad for you, though I never did trust him around you. I wanted you to see me, as I was, not as the Vampire you'd first met as Fangtasia, with the self-assured cockiness that projected the aura of being superior to everyone. I hadn't opened my self to anyone in so many centuries, but I wanted you to see the real Eric Northman. And so I tricked you into taking my blood."

"Was I angry with you?"

"You were, but not for very long as I recall, it just isn't in your nature Sookie. It was the night before Godric died." The memory was still hard for me, now because of the guilt and not just the loss. "When the suicide bomber came into his house."

"You moved in front of me, to protect me from the blast." She spoke as if from a dream, another memory had come to her.

"I did, it was my last noble act that night. The bomb was laced with silver, some of which lodged in my chest. I convinced you that you needed to draw it out of my body or I couldn't heal. You kissed the wound, and pulled the fragment out, taking some of my blood with it. But it was a lie. I would have healed despite the silver. I just wanted you to take my blood."

"But why?"

"Taking vampire blood, from the source, gives you dreams, erotic dreams of the vampire and yourself. And it gave me a connection to you, the ability to feel your emotions, and when you were afraid, and selfishly, I knew it would enable me to come to you when you were in trouble, to protect you."

"How did you know that I wasn't already dreaming of you Eric? You are very handsome."

Oh gods, not an answer of anger, but an attempt to lessen my guilt. How could she be so innocent to see the good in me before everything else?

"It was wrong."

"It was deceptive. But you wanted to protect me, and you've already told me that Bill wasn't able to then, it hasn't him who shielded me. How can I fault you for wanting to keep me safe or for wanting me to dream of you? I imagine that there have been boys I've had crushes on, whom I've wanted to have dreams of me."

I sighed; I didn't deserve someone like her.

"Was that all?"

"No, sadly. There was something else."

"Then tell me." She squeezed my hand again.

"I used you as bait; to capture a very dangerous vampire. His name was Russell Edgington, and he wanted to use your blood. I held you against your will in the basement of this building." I watched her shudder, and I wondered if this revelation might just break her, but I continued, because I wanted her to have the truth, and because I knew that if I didn't tell her the truth, that Bill would tell her, and he would paint me as the villain, when really I hadn't been.

"I never intended to give you to him, only to lure him here so that in the guise of his friend and loyal subject, I could kill him. But I took a risk with your life that I should never have taken. I do not know how I can express the deep regret that I feel for my actions."

"Why did you want to kill him?"

"He killed my human family, and I had been tracking him for centuries. I was selfish, and saw you as a means to the end I had spent my immortal life pursuing."

"Why did he want my blood?"

"There is something very special about your blood Sookie. Something I do not completely understand. But the reason you have your powers is related to something in your blood. Something amazing."

"What?"

"I am given to understand that one of your ancestors was a fairy."

Her jaw dropped, her eyes widened, and she sat speechless, staring at me.

"Your blood gives vampires the chance to walk in the sun for a short while. I had always thought it was a myth, and indeed, the tale has been embellished over the centuries. Your blood grants a measure of immunity from the sun, but no true protection."

"A fairy?" She seemed stuck on the revelation, not that I blamed her.

"I'm sorry I don't know much else."

"Bill knew it?"

"I believe it was the source of his interest in you. But as I have said, I was not in his confidence, nor was I aware of his true nature until it was too late."

"Too late for what?"

"He helped you flee from me, throwing my careful plan into disarray. I was forced to improvise, and Russell nearly killed you, desperate for the blood that would let him walk in the day. I knew the truth. I went first, I waited for him to come to me, and I handcuffed him to me with silver manacles. I was prepared to die with him in the sun, so desperate was my need to revenge my family."

"I don't know if I can blame you Eric."

"You should. But again, you came to my rescue, you dragged me back inside so I wouldn't burn. You even rescued Russell."

"Why on earth would I have done that?"

"I asked you to. Godric wanted me to forgive him, and end the hate. I wanted him to suffer."

"Eric." Her voice accused me of nothing, and a gentle hand on my cheek gave me what I had been seeking, even without the words.

"I am a monster Sookie." I felt the blood tears beginning again, I made no move to stop them flowing. "I am sorry."

"I forgive you. All that matters is that we are together now." I looked at her, hoping my countenance did not look horrible from the trails of blood down my cheeks. She smiled and touched my face again.

I kissed her. If I had needed to breathe I would have pulled the very air from her lungs in my desire of her. My hands wrapped around her, and pulled her into my lap, the leather skirt riding up so that I felt the heat of her body against mine. I wanted her more desperately than I had ever wanted anything, even the death of Russell Edgington. She was my salvation right then, the absolution for every sin. And still I did not understand how.

"Why Sookie, how can you just forgive me?"

Again she smiled, and reached down to pick up the fallen journal, pressing it into my hands.

"Read it."

I opened the first page and began.

'I don't remember anything before, I can't even say it was blackness because I wasn't aware of anything until I heard my name, and I don't know that I recognized it as such. It was the voice, the voice that pulled me out of the nothingness. It was strong, it was familiar, and it held a comfort that almost commanded me to open my eyes. I knew nothing, I still know so little, but I know one thing. Eric Northman is my lifeline. He has answered every question I have asked of him, he has held my safety close to his chest as he has held me when I have been frightened, and I have felt so much fear.

He fears that I will hate him if he reveals the truth to me, of the things he has done that he regards as so terrible. But he does not understand, that his actions of the last few days have told me more about the truth of him than any tale of his past, and the way he has made love to me has proved his heart. I may not have my memories, and perhaps I have held anger towards him in my heart it the past, but I know as much as I need to, and I know that whatever it might have been then, that I would have dismissed it in due course. I can just feel the truth, and I know that it is with him. I never want to forget what has happened with him, and I will write this journal so that I never will.'

There were a dozen other pages all filled with her flowing script. I didn't read them all, I didn't need to, it was enough that she meant to remember, and that she trusted me the way she did.

"Sookie?"

"Do you see now Eric? I just know that this is the way it is supposed to be."

I looked into the wide blue eyes in front of me, and let the book drop to the couch again as I pressed my mouth to hers. My fangs dropped at the touch of her tongue to mine as she forced it past my lips to taste me. I was focused on the warmth of her mouth when I felt her hands slide between us. She shifted her hips and while still devouring my mouth she pulled me free from my trousers; it took only the touch of her fingers on me to bring me to solid life. Before I was even completely aware of it she had me grasped in her tender little fist and she brought her body down to engulf me. I captured her moan as she captured mine.

I closed my eyes and let her rule me then, loving the feeling of her working her body over mine, loving that she was deriving the same amount of pleasure from my body as I was from hers, and as I was getting from giving her that control. I used my hands only to wrap around her back, to keep her chest pressed to mine, to feel every point of contact and every electric shock that ran through her. She forced her hips against me with such passion that I could not hold back my climax, as much as I wanted to wait for her. But as I came for her, filling her body I think that perhaps she had even more pleasure knowing that she could make me lose control.

I sat, clasping her to my body, not wanting her to move away from me, feeling the pulsing of my body ebbing enough that some control was returning to me, when there was a knock on the office door.

"I'm going home Eric." Came Pam's voice. "I presume I'll see you there later?"

"Good bye Pam."

Sookie just giggled.

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