A long one for me, hope you make it to the end. I am desperate for your opinions and reviews, it's been a long week and I need your loving words, or at least your honest ones.

Enjoy

Merick

Part 17

Only after she'd truly fallen asleep did I move Sookie to my bed and off the floor. While it had never bothered me to sleep there, on or on the ground, or wherever I happened to find myself at the time, I knew she would be sore, even with my arms wrapped around her, and I had a feeling that the following night would be a long and difficult one, mostly because we were going to see Papa B, and this friend of his, and maybe, just maybe we'd get some answers for both of us.

After settling her under the blankets I went back to the main room and retrieved the journal that Sookie had left laying on the table when we had come home. I truly hadn't had the intention of reading it, I only wanted to make a copy of it, just in case, one I could lock in the wall safe. I suppose I deluded myself that it would be a backup in case something happened to the original, so that I would still have the words to show her; but really, I knew in my heart that it was insurance for me, so that if she got her memories back and chose to leave me, even in the face of the evidence and the draw of the blood we had shared, then at least I would have those few pages to comfort me, that once, if only for a few days, she had loved me.

I loved her, I can't say I knew exactly when that became apparent to me, maybe it was just the same as the comfort she described in the journal; just the knowledge that this was the way things were supposed to be. I was meant to love her, and I had only just been given the chance to realize it by the spell that had brought her to me. That thought made me wonder again, at the sense of everything that had happened, and yet another thought occurred; I was on a roll it seemed, in my sleep-deprived state. Perhaps there had been no malice intended at all. Perhaps it was a gift to me. That idea stayed with me very briefly because I knew that I was not that lucky, and that more people in the world wished me harm than good. In fact, I believe I could have counted those who wished me well on one hand, and had three fingers left to spare.

I held the sheaves of paper in my hand, just in front of the open safe, the first page, which I'd already read staring at me. It was the Sookie I knew, I'd always known she'd had the strength she'd written down there, but it had been veiled by the way she had lived, the way she had grown up, used to hiding herself, staying in the shadows; I laughed to myself at that thought, we really weren't so different after all I reasoned. For a very long time we had both hidden our true natures, for means of self-preservation; she, to keep away the taunts of children and the fear and isolation of adults; by isolating herself, me to stave off the torch wielding mobs. Not really, but it was as good an analogy as I could come up with then, sleep tugging at me. Now, she didn't have the handicap of that past, the self-censuring, and her true nature could come out; the nature that I had always been able to see. I flipped to the second page and settled myself at my desk, just to read a few lines.

'That first night, that first day I guess I should say, was the most frightening one of my life. Okay, that sounds dumb, I don't remember any nights at all, but it was terrifying, not knowing anything, just staring at the walls of Eric's house, trying not to cry, trying not to scream. I'd woken up to find out I was a telepath, that werewolves were real, not to mention demons, and all manner of supernatural beings. I'd found out someone had put a spell on me, and I'd been closeted away, for my safety. I was lost. I didn't even know where I fit into Eric's life, or where he wanted me to be. The one thing I did know was that I couldn't be alone or I risked losing the small shred of my mind that I was still master of. I went to Eric's door, and I knocked, and he invited me in, and he let me sleep with him, asking nothing, but giving me the comfort of the only arms and the only body I knew, to calm me, so that I could sleep. It was the kindest thing I can imagine anyone doing for another human being.'

I stopped reading then. I knew where I wanted her in my life, and I also knew that I needed the courage to tell her. I had the courage to walk into the sun to exact my revenge on Russell Edgington, but I didn't have the courage to open my heart to her completely, not then. I looked down at the next paragraph. I was so tired and even though she had offered the book to me, I suddenly felt like I was betraying her in reading it. Perhaps I was just afraid of what it might say next. I shut it away in the safe and joined her in bed, hoping for a few hours of rest before we had to start our task again, of putting her life to rights.

"Do you have anything white?" I called out in response to the question she had muttered under her breath, not really meaning for me to hear it. She was trying to decide what she should wear to go to New Orleans that evening, to meet Papa B. All the women I'd seen around him always seemed to be dressed in white, I figured it couldn't hurt to be respectful in that way.

I walked out of the bathroom, having showered and combed out my hair to see her pulling on a white sundress, with an eyelet lace ruffle.

"That will be perfect Sookie."

She smiled and blushed a bit, perhaps I had let my gaze rest on her for too long just then, but she was just so different than the other women who surrounded me, her questions of the previous night had brought them to mind. The dancers, the customers, the giggling twenty somethings who only wanted me to bed them, which I never did, at the club at least, except for the dancers, but I digress; they nearly breathed sex in their language, and manner of dress, and even the motions of their bodies as they paraded for me at the club. She was the antithesis of all of them, even though she wasn't completely innocent herself, depending how you define the word innocent. I defined her as innocent, granting her the same courtesy she had given me, though I had so much more to be forgiven for than her.

"You didn't come to sleep until very late." She remarked as I looked through my closet to find a coat she could wear.

"I had a great many things to think about Sookie. I am sorry if I woke you." I didn't want to think about those questions that had stolen sleep from me, or about the anxieties they brought with them. I kept riffling through the hangers until I found a three-quarter-leather coat, on her it would be well past her knees I figured.

"It's okay, I don't know why I even woke up then, I was so tired and you always move so carefully." I had had no idea that she had been watching me move that closely, I felt a rush of happiness, normally a foreign thing for me, except over the last few nights. Her appearance was turning my normally staid world quite topsy-turvy. "Thank you for letting me stay with you again." She continued, seemingly oblivious to my internal musings.

Such a terrible hardship it was for me it, having her in my bed each evening as I woke. I grinned to myself. I would have her there every night if only the gods would see fit. Of course I had no idea what they had in store for me, or for her, as easy as it was to forget the ever-present threat.

"Will you put this on?" I held out the coat for her.

"Why?"

"The trip to New Orleans will be cold for you if you don't wear it."

"Your car doesn't have heat?"

"We aren't driving, it will take too long. I thought we would fly, if that idea doesn't scare you."

"You have a plane?"

"I can fly Sookie."

"Really?" The southern accent made her question seem all the more charming; I suppose she hadn't seen me leaving Fangtasia that way before, at least not that she could remember. And suddenly, I felt a little spark, just the tiniest thing, amusement, from somewhere. And though I could have imagined it I wanted it to be the beginning of the bond between us, I so wanted it to have been from her thoughts.

"Yes, I can fly. I promise you, I will keep you safe, but it will be cold, so please wear the coat."

"I trust you Eric." Oh how I loved to hear those words fall from her lips; and not just in my fantasies. She slipped her arms into the oversized sleeves and wrapped it around herself. She did look a bit like a little girl wrapped up in her father's clothing just then, but again, all I saw was the charm of her. Seeing her in my things just reinforced the need I felt in me to protect her. I hoped that she could feel that from me.

I kept her pressed close to my chest as we flew, for her part she kept her eyes closed, and her face folded into my shoulder. Despite the cold wind, I felt her warm breath against my neck. I tried not to think about how much I would miss it if things didn't go my way. I felt her little fingertips brush against my chest in a reassuring way, as if she had heard me and was feeling my anxiety.

I landed close to the shop, as I've said, it was far back from Bourbon street so there weren't the tourist crowds to try to snap a picture of 'a real live vampire honey'. It was enough having those people with their smart phones in the club. But at least there they were buying drinks. I ushered her into the shop, and the Hounsi women once again led us quickly to the back where Papa B was waiting, with another person, an older woman who must have been the friend he had told me about.

"Brother Eric." He rose to greet me, moving in his characteristic slow and deliberate manner. He did not hold his hand out to me; he knew well enough that most vampires did not like to be touched. Perhaps it is because to touch a human is to feel their warmth and to understand something of what we have given up. Perhaps it is simply that many vampires feel superior to humans and feel that to touch one would debase them. I am not certain where my proclivities lie, I prefer to think they are with the former statement, but I know that at some times they are certainly with the latter. Of course Sookie didn't seem concerned about those niceties, and I certainly didn't mind her touching me any time she wished to.

Papa B held no reservations about offering Sookie his hand.

"Welcome Sister." Her white hand disappeared into his withered dark one, and I knew as he shook it that he was taking his own impressions from her, and that she was likely doing the same to him.

"Sir."

"You must call me Papa B child, like everyone else around here does."

"Thank you Papa B."

"And I would like to introduce my friend here, Sister Octavia."

She was a beautiful woman, or certainly had been in her prime. Even though aged she still carried herself with the same confidence of a beauty, even more so now that it was coupled with wisdom. She wore her hair in long braids, black strands mingled with white, with only a few errant corkscrews creating a halo-like effect around her face. I nodded to her, with the utmost respect and she returned the gesture with an enchantingly demure smile. I liked her.

"Thank you for seeing us again so soon Papa B." I withdrew the second little bag of ash that I had retrieved from Sookie's fireplace. "We had a chance to return to Sookie's home and I discovered this." I pushed the bag towards him.

"Excellent Brother Eric." He took the powder and examined it in much the same manner has he had done before, with the circle of salt and the candles. But this time he turned for an opinion to Octavia who ran her fingers through it as well. I remained silent as she did so, though I watched her face carefully, she remained quite neutral. Only when they both withdrew their hands did I dare break the silence.

"And what do you think Papa B?"

"I think that here we have a more likely source for your amnesia Sister."

Octavia began. "The first remains that Papa B showed me were most certainly used to subdue you child. But I agree that this is the tangible part of the spell that has taken your memories."

"Are you a practitioner of the same arts as Papa B Miss Octavia?"

"Oh no dear boy." She called me boy. I grinned. Southern women were all so delightful, I had to be well over nine hundred years older than her, but still she saw me as young. I knew there was a reason I had settled in this state, well, among the many; the decorum. "I am a witch."

I felt Sookie bristle beside me and she reached for my hand under the table, I felt her fear. Apparently so had Octavia.

"Child, do not worry, not all witches lay evil spells, just as not all vampires are demons."

"No, vampires and demons are very different things." Sookie whispered, which brought a loud peal of laughter from Papa B, who was well aware of the existence of such things.

"Be that as it may, I guess I am what you might call a 'good witch', unlike the ones your Mr. Northman here has encountered before." Sookie did not relax appreciably.

"Can you help me?" Her voice was so tiny and hesitant. It bothered me because there was reluctance in it.

"I don't know for certain child. Might I take your hand?"

Sookie stretched out her hand and laid it on the table, palm up. Octavia slid hers overtop it, resting her palm in the crook of Sookie's elbow, and then grasping it gently. She closed her eyes and seemed to be thinking, or drawing something out of the touch. Sookie remained quite still.

"Hallow Stonebrook, does this name mean anything to you?" Sookie shook her head.

"It does to me." I answered.

"The work seems like hers, but that is quite impossible."

"Yes, she is dead, as is her brother." Sookie turned to look at me, perhaps a little shocked that I had such information. "She was the witch who put the spell on me." I told Sookie.

"You killed her?"

"I did not." Not that I wouldn't have snapped her neck if Pam hadn't gotten to her first. I didn't say that out loud.

"She was killed in an uprising she began." Octavia offered, she probably didn't know the full truth of her demise either. I didn't feel the need to fill anyone in.

"Is that how the spell was broken? When she died?" Sookie asked us both.

"No, Pam convinced her to remove the spell."

"It is the easiest way." Octavia murmured. "But not the only way."

Sookie pulled her arm away from Octavia and hid it away in her lap again. I could see her trembling.

"I don't want anyone to die." This was why I would always see Sookie as an innocent.

"And they do not have to child. Have you remembered anything?"

Sookie looked at me. "A few things, with Eric's help."

Octavia smiled knowingly; perhaps a little too knowingly for my comfort. I felt uneasy with the thought that she believed that I was having sex with Sookie, and that she might think I was taking advantage of her. Perhaps I should have had more faith in the woman.

"That is as it should be. One's heart's desire should be able to help guide the gros bon ange as Papa B would say." She turned to look at him, and smiled in a very familiar way, and I understood then that they were lovers as well, my admiration for Papa B went up a notch. "It would seem that your ti bon ange has found itself a home in this man beside you."

"I'm so sorry, I don't mean to be disrespectful but I don't quite understand."

"Mr. Northman is acting as your guardian right now, your ti bon ange, while we find a way to counteract the spell. Your ti bon ange sought him out as your heart's desire."

Sookie turned quite red. I tried to help.

"You were brought to me because a part of your soul knew that I would protect you. Just as I was brought to you on New Years Eve."

"So you two have been drawn to each other? This is good, you must remain together then, so that you can uncover more."

"But can I get my memory back?"

"I believe that I can create a spell that will restore you to how you were before this incident." Those were not the words I wanted to hear, I mean, they were, but I didn't want her to lose everything we'd shared, journal or no journal, the Sookie that had emerged, while frightened, was so much more confident, and I knew that she would leave the fear behind eventually. I just didn't want her to leave me behind as well. Damn it, I hated wishing that she didn't get her memory back, it made me feel the evil demon Octavia had alluded to earlier without realizing how funny the comparison had been.

"No." I turned to look at Sookie, confused at her answer.

"Sookie?"

"I can't lose this Eric." She took my hand, in full view of Papa B and Octavia. "I may not have any memories, but it doesn't mean that I have nothing."

"We can talk about this Sookie."

"You have intimated about so much sadness in my past Eric. I don't think I am willing to trade this, what we have, for that. Unless," she stuttered, "unless you don't want me."

I was getting quite uncomfortable in the presence of two people, who at best could be called business associates, certainly not intimate enough friends to be pouring out my heart in front of. Sookie took my silence badly. I squeezed her hand and looked straight at her, seeing the tears forming in her eyes and I willed her to feel something, anything from me through this tremulous bond I was deluding myself into believing we had formed in three short days.

"Please trust me Sookie." I whispered. She sniffled.

"Child, this man here is good. I know this." Papa B was stepping up for me. "And Octavia will need time to put together a counter curse. Perhaps things will return to you on their own before we need to explore something like this."

"Yes child, perhaps I can yet determine who has done this, perhaps there is a way." Octavia tried to sound encouraging, but a tear rolled down Sookie's face. She stood, mumbling that she had to leave and then she fled.

"I'm sorry, I do appreciate what you both have tried to do." I stood to follow her, trying to maintain my own composure.

"Whoever has done this deserves to be discovered Mr. Northman, whatever her desires, we will still be searching for the witch that has done this."

"Or the vampire." I muttered, more convinced than ever that Bill Compton was responsible, even if the proof didn't point his way yet. I could think of no one else who could be this deliberately cruel to such a gentle soul. And I desperately wanted a tangible villain so I could take my rage out on someone. I thanked both Papa B and Octavia again and went out to look for Sookie. I had no idea that my wish would be fulfilled so quickly.

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