April 17, 1994

Days melted into weeks, and weeks shifted into months, the time after my first visit with Lee had all seemed to mesh together. The first visit wasn't even all that memorable except for the strong feeling of shock that hit me when I looked at his seemingly sleeping state. To see someone in a coma can really send a strong hit to the chest, the person is helpless and unable to move or respond to what you're saying; when Lee had woken up a few days afterwards he had told me that it felt like he was paralyzed. It must have been torture to stay in bed for all that time, but despite the 'trauma' that he had been through he seemed perfectly fine. The only thing wrong with him however was his inability to remember on the night that he had been injured. Madame Pomfrey had said that 'It was all part of the healing process,' and that 'he would be fine, and the memory would return in due time'.

Well that was good news, but it didn't answer my question on what had happened that night, I couldn't shake off this sinking feeling…. Oh well, it didn't matter anymore anyway… not in the grand scheme of things at least. Being cooped up with Julia in the Ravenclaw common room for the past month or so sure had its advantages, and preparing for the OWL's next month was one of them. I wanted to make my great Aunt proud and now with the silence that the room provided and the help of my brilliant friend that was possible. My knowledge of spells had begun to multiply and my confidence was growing, the possibility of my exceeding expectations was extremely likely.

Julia was nice to talk to as well; now that we had grown closer she had begun to reveal more of herself. From the important things about her family and how much she despised them, to her mother and how it had been her who had scared Julia into not talking. I also learned things that only a friend would know, such as her dislike of peaches and her book of pranks that she kept hidden under her pillow. I had to admit her ideas were brilliant, and most of them were impossible for our old … well… group… to pull off. Centralized shrinking draughts and hopping hairpins required tricky bits of magic that some seventh years didn't even posses! It would be good to have her on our team if Fred and I ever got over our …issue.

It felt like a burning dagger had been stabbed through my heart, a feeling that I always got when I thought about Fred. My anger that I had shown at him in class had shifted into undeniable confusion. Most people would have gotten over a break up by now wouldn't they? You would think that after three days of straight moping, an argument in front of the class, and a month of ignoring the person you would get over it right? Wrong…. Why was it taking me so long to calm down and return to my dormitory with my head held high like a true Gryffindor? Where was my so called courage now and why couldn't I get over him?

"Why…?" I breathed out as I stared into the contents of my mug.

"Why what?" Julia asked as she looked up from her confusing arithmancy notes just as the strong smell of goats hit me right in the face. I cringed, we were being forced to study in the Hogshead because of Julia's cousins, and we just couldn't shake them off! When we left the Ravenclaw common room to enjoy one of our last Hogsmede weekends of the year the idiot Slytherins kept following us around. Julia seemed particularly nervous when they were nearby so we ducked out of view into the Hogs Head.

Bad decision in my opinion. I had a hard time focusing on my notes with the stench….

"Do you really have to ask? I go on rants about it almost every other day…." Do you see what the smell did to me? The studying that had been distracting me so well from Fred was falling through….

"I know what you're talking about, I just don't understand what your still trying to figure out." She sighed as she took a swig from her mug

"The part about moving on…." I moaned as I rubbed my temples with my fingers, I was getting a headache, "Haven't people normally moved on by this point?"

She scrunched up her nose as the door swung open, fanning the retched scent even more strongly in our direction, "Well it's only been a little over a mon-"

"Fifty one days…."

"Right, fifty one days…" she gave me a sad look before continuing with a cautious look, "You know Allie, you really haven't given yourself that much time to heal…."

"Yes I have." I replied snippily as I began to twirl my quill between my fingers, "It's been almost two months, when the other girls have issues and break up with their boyfriends they're over it in a couple of weeks, sooner even!"

The Ravenclaw sighed again, "Allison, you aren't like every other girl, you shouldn't label yourself … besides I always thought that you in Fred had something more than those other whimsy couples…."

When I didn't reply she continued, "Have you considered that you won't get over it?"

My stomach dropped, as did my quill, there was nothing that could describe how I felt whenever that horrible thought came to mind. The truth was I thought about it every day, usually more than once, and every time I did it felt like my whole entire world was slipping through my fingers or dropping out from underneath me… maybe a combination of both… I just … I don't know…. "People never completely let their guard down, there's something that they always keep hidden or private, you know that almost better than anybody." She nodded "The thing is, I let my guard down completely around him, there's nothing about my personality that he doesn't know.

"He knows my flaws, my likes and disklikes, my fears and all my little quirks…." In a softer voice I continued, "he knows how much I love it when we hold hands and the way he used to tangle his hand up in my hair when we-" my voice choked, I was going to say kiss but I just couldnt bring my self to… again… why? It was all in the past wasn't it?

Julia's light green eyes regarded me for a moment, "You cant bring yourself to say it…." She looked back down at the table and briefly traced the grain before saying, "Allie, despite the horrible thing that he did to you… I think you still love him."

My sadness shifted quickly to anger, "I do not." I huffed as I rose from my seat, "How could I possibly love a lying, backstabbing, slimy git like him?"

She flinched at my harsh words, her eyes betraying a flicker of something that I could not place, "It's not impossible."

Her voice was soft again and I instantly regretted my outburst, but I didn't let it show. I wasn't going to let any weaskness show, because despite the things that I said I hadnt meant them. Fred hadn't always been a no good liar, he had never in the history of our friendship and relationship been a backstabber, and he was most certainly not a slimy git. His hair had always felt nice and soft to the touch, I had loved brushing my fingers through it, I had loved the faint smell of smoke that hung around it when we kissed, I had loved the way it used to tickle my nose when he bent down to give me a surprise hug. I loved everything about that hair, and lets face it I loved everything about Fred, but if I so much as admited it I would fall apart.

"Lets just get out of here…" I snapped, wincing at my own harsh tone, "I don't feel well."

April 20, 1994

A month away… a month away… we only had a month until the OWL's officialy started. Where had all the time gone? I had missed the twins birthday without even passing them a note, I hadnt missed their birthday since I had met them back in first year. They were sixteen now, I was to… it's my birthday today you see and even though my aunt had protested against my staying cooped up in the Ravenclaw dormintory on this special day I had declined. I absolutely refused to attend the party that she had planned in the Gryffindor common room tonight. Fred would be there, obviously… and even though neither of us had spoken since that one incident in potions class I still felt the stares he sent at me when he thought I was listening to the teacher. If he was going to pick any time to talk to me it would be tonight, and that wasn't something I wanted to listen to on my birthday. So as an alternative Julia had snuck down to the kitchens to bring up some brownies, I had taught her well… but she was taking an awfully long time to retrieve them. It had never taken the twins and I and hour to make a run.

"She must have run into her cousins…." I muttered darkly as I rose from 'my' blue and silver bed spread, "I swear if they took her down to the dungeons to force her to do their homework I'm going to hex them so bad their great grandmothers will feel it!"

I put my shoes on in a daze before heading down into the Ravenclaw common room where, as always, the hairs on the back of my neck prickled up. What was the big deal about me staying in their dorms? I had been here for over a month and I half, they should have gotten used to me already… they hadnt stared yesterday what was wro-

I paused in front of the portrait hole, the sounds of familiar, aggravated, words filtered through from the other side. "What happened?" Fred asked, "Why is she still here? What did I do to her? Please tell me…"

The other voice belonged to Julia, but unlike the moments that we spent talking her voice was quiet, cautious… it had reverted back to the way it was before we had become friends again, "N-no, pleae just let me go I-I have to get back-"

"No? Please!" Fred bellowed as the portrait hole swung open, "What do you mean 'no'? That's all anyones been saying to me lately! Angelina, Lee, they both look sad but they wont tell me whats wrong! I'm sick of no's! I want to know what happened! Cant you tell?"

I glared coldly at the boy standing out in the hallway. "Let her go you git," Fred had been shaking the poor girl, and she looked, in a word: terrified. Her eyes were wide, her eyebrows shot up to her hairline, the lower lip of her mouth was trembling, and I could tell that she was holding back her tears.

His hands dropped to his side limply, "I-I'm sorry I-" his attention was torn between the two of us, "Julia I didn't mean to- Allison I'm-"

"Just get out of here." I growled, "I don't want to see you on my birthday… run back to the dormitory with your little quidditch team buddy. I'm sure you two can make yourselves quite comfortable by the fire…."

"Wha-what Quidditch buddy? Allison, George and I came to get you for your birthday party,"

I grabbed Julia by the arm and turned back towards the common room, his voice grew more urgent as we walked through the passage " Wont you please listen to me?"

"I think you've already heard me Fred, loud and clear… now get out of my sight."

Whatever he had left to say was lost because as soon as the portrait hole swung shut I had hurried back upstairs. The only thing I had to ask one thing as my heart pounded in my chest: why?

A/N: Terribly sorry for the late update, i would have sooner but i'm sort of easily distracted, not to mention that my mind goes on vacation over the summereven if I dont... anyways i've been back in school for a few weeks now so my mind is powered up and ready to write! YEAH! So expect more updates! Because not only have I returned to school but Julia/Carro now has the chance to tell me to update everyday! So expect weekly or if your lucky an update every three days. However I am now a sophomore so you never know if something is going to come up that will prevent me form updating. So i'll do my best.

Reviews are love! And disclaimers are so the Rowling lawyers of hell dont come after me if they for some odd reason stumble upon my fanfiction.