It's Valentine's Day, and I know you want to hear our favorite Viking utter those precious words to his beauty,…

Part 20

"You have seen something ugly tonight Sookie." She was still sitting on the couch, head in her hands, sobbing, though trying so hard to keep me from hearing her. "It would have been my wish that you never know of it, but I could not keep it from you or I would be no better than those who took your memories." I remained by the broken door, having closed it to the best of my abilities after Bill's departure. It would need a repairman to do the proper work, but it sufficed for the evening.

"May I sit beside you?" My gut was roiling, I could not imagine what she was feeling about me just then, or really about anything. Our tremulous bond showed me nothing but overwhelming sorrow. Though I comforted myself that it was not fear, and in the fact that she nodded at me, still without meeting my eyes. I sat carefully beside her, but made no move to touch her. The anger with Bill that had sparked the outburst of light from her hands was abated, but since I did not fully understand its nature, or how it had the strength to send one of my kind reeling I was taking no chances.

"Why Eric?" Her voice was still broken by the tears, and I did not fully understand the substance of her query; indeed there were so many questions she could have had just then that I was afraid to choose the wrong one to answer.

"Have you remembered anything new Sookie?" I prodded her carefully.

"Nothing, not even after touching him." She sounded so miserable just then, I wanted to pull her into my arms, but she gave me no indication that was what she desired. And I continued to worry about what she must now think of me. "Nothing." She moaned.

"Sookie." I could do nothing but try to sooth her with a calm voice.

"What did I do to him, when I touched him?"

"I think it is some type of protection, afforded you by your fairy heritage. A way to keep you safe from us." I was prepared then to lump myself in with all Vampires, though I did not know if the lights worked against any other beings. It was my kind that had threatened her ancestors, and my kind that continued to threaten her. At that moment I felt no better than any of them.

"I am a monster."

"No Sookie, you are not. The only monster in this room is I."

She finally then did look at me, and I shuddered at her gaze, but reddened, frightened eyes softened so quickly as she took in my face, a picture of my own misery.

"Would you kill him Eric?"

"If he threatened your safety, or the safety of my child I would."

"What did he do?"

"He told Pam he would burn this place to the ground if I did not see him, and if you did not see him."

"Putting everyone's lives at risk."

I nodded, "Our justice is very different from human justice Sookie. A Vampire really cannot threaten to sue, or have someone arrested for their crimes. Yes, we have a magistrate system, which tries our kind for transgressions, but it only works when someone remains to bring forth charges against the accused."

"And Bill would have made certain that no one remained?"

"He is methodical like that Sookie." I thought back to how he had disposed of his co-conspirators, the Ratrays back in Bon Temps. They could not betray him if they were dead. "Our justice is very black and white, I cannot even apologize for that, it is the way it has always been. The greatest threat against a Vampire is the true death, and it is usually the only threat that has any sway."

"You have killed before?"

"As mortal and Vampire, but never without just cause, never in sport, never for the thrill of it."

"And what about me Eric, have I ever killed someone?"

There was that sigh again, that slow exhalation from my chest that bought time, but did nothing to steady my fraying soul.

"Oh God, I have." She dissolved into tears again. Whether she wanted me or not just then I pulled her into my arms. Her warmth was so steadying for me, and she melted into me as she always had, relief washed over me, believing that she might not see me as the monster I felt I was. "Who?" She whimpered.

"Her name was Lorena, she was Bill's maker."

"I killed a Vampire?"

"You did my beauty." I was still quite in awe of her for doing that. I wished I could have been there.

"Why?"

I stroked her head, not really wanting to answer her.

"Eric, you have to tell me the truth, you have to tell me everything, even if you think it will hurt me. I need to know." Those blue eyes captured me again.

"Are you certain Sookie?" I was begging for her to change her mind, because I did not want that fear to claim her again. I could feel her mind on the very edge of it then, there in my arms and I could not bear the thought of losing her to it.

"Eric, please. I need to know why I killed someone."

"She was trying to kill Bill." The room fell silent for a moment but for her raspy breathing.

"I really loved him didn't I?"

"You loved the construct he created to deceive you." I saw no need then to sugar coat my feelings about Bill Compton. Sookie needed to see how much I hated him. "You and your friends Tara and Alcide rescued him from Lorena's clutches. But in the back of Alcide's van he nearly killed you. He was starving and almost drained you completely before Tara and Alcide pulled him away from you."

She closed her eyes, and wrinkled her forehead. "He was out of his mind with hunger." Another memory?

"He lost control of himself."

"You would never do that to me Eric." I wiped the tears from her eyes with my thumb.

"I would rather die than hurt you Sookie." She smiled at me, but she looked so weak. "But I am a much stronger man than he is, and not just because of my age."

"There is honor in you Eric." I don't know how she pulled these things out of the air to say to me, but it made me love her even more, if that was possible.

"Tell me everything he did to me Eric. I want the hatred I feel to be justified."

"Alright."

I took her hand, and turned her body just slightly on the couch to face me, and I started talking. I told her everything I knew about what Bill had done to her, about the Ratrays, and the assault that had left her near death, necessitating her taking his blood. Her body trembled as she looked at me, no doubt remembering the very different circumstances in how I had also tricked her into doing the same. I felt ill saying the words out loud, and that is a very odd occurrence in a Vampire. The irony was not lost on me; I asked her forgiveness for the same act I asked her to condemn another for.

"It wasn't the same Eric." She whispered under her breath, or perhaps it was just my mind, trying to convince me that she believed just that.

I told her about how Bill had been keeping a dossier on her family, tracing the fairy bloodlines at the behest of the Queen, and how he had been sent to Bon Temps to find her and secure her for the Queen. I know she wanted to ask me if anything Bill had told her was the truth, but I was glad that she hadn't. I could tell from his demeanor in my office, that he had loved her, and probably still did. I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. Besides, she wasn't dumb; she could probably sense that desperation.

"He built everything on a lie didn't he Eric?" It was as if she could see into my head, as if she could read me. The bond didn't allow for that kind of communication, at least not as I understood it. But Sookie wasn't an ordinary person: maybe for us the bond could be something that deep.

I told her how Bill had abandoned her for his maker, even though he had been long ago freed of her overriding influence. That required a quick explanation of maker/child relationships, and I fielded a few questions about myself and Godric, and Pam, all answered to her satisfaction I thought.

I told her how her cousin Hadley had been used by the Queen and Bill, and even myself; for her information about Sookie, and the motivations behind those acts. I did not gloss over my own violence in finding the answers I needed; but she continued to look at me with the soft eyes that seemed to forgive me everything.

"You did it for me, to protect me." She whispered. True as it might have been it was still a revelation of the violence that I was capable of.

I told her about every time she had come into Fangtasia to ask for my help, for her brother, for Bill, and of every unkind thing I had said to her then. I told her everything that had happened in Dallas with Godric and the Fellowship of the Sun. I told her about everything that had happened in Jackson; at least as much as I knew, even revealing Alcide's dual nature, which she took quite well. Truthfully I think her system was overloaded with the supernatural and she dismissed it in simple shock. I told her about my holding her in Fangtasia against her will again, and about that kiss, that very first kiss. And I told her about my dreams, my own insides shaking as I remembered every desperate fantasy I had had of her. I opened everything to her, and invited her to plunge the stake into my heart. And then I apologized to her, begging her forgiveness, my head hung to my chest.

To her credit she had never pulled her hand away from mine, during all the time that I had been speaking. And, as an aside, even though it had been over an hour, our conversation had been uninterrupted, though I just knew that Pam was dying to find out why Bill Compton had stalked from the bar, clothes disheveled. She probably wondered why I hadn't killed him. I actually wondered that myself a bit, but it was probably better that he suffer for a while with Sookie's complete rejection of him. Losing her again had to be killing him; forgive the terrible pun.

"Will you take me home Eric?" Her voice was almost toneless, it didn't surprise me, I had given her more misery in that past hour than any human, or immortal for that matter could have possibly been able to take in and not be changed. The request made my heart sink. She was leaving me, she finally saw me as the monster I had been trying to convince her that I was, even as I was trying to convince her I wasn't. Does that sound odd? It doesn't make it any less true.

I pleaded my case. "Please Sookie, it isn't safe for you in Bon Temps, I can't protect you there."

"Eric."

"If you insist then at least let me get Diantha and Gladiola to go with you, to keep you safe." My chest felt sore, as if my dead heart had finally broken.

"Eric." Her hand brushed down the side of my face so delicately. I was desperately confused and I finally looked at her. "I didn't mean Bon Temps Eric. Take me home. I can't look at this place anymore, I can't sit here, I feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin if I don't get away."

"I don't understand." She was twining her fingers in my hair and all I wanted was to lay my head in her lap and breathe in the scent of her body so that I would never forget it, and so she would never be able to leave me completely.

"Take me back to your house, to your bed Eric. It is the only home I know right now, the only place I am safe, the only place where there are no bad memories." She laughed at herself. "Not that I have many memories, but you know what I mean." Her eyes pleaded with me to understand.

"Nothing bad has happened to you there has it?"

"Nothing bad."

"Oh Sookie." I pulled her into my arms.

"Take me home and make love to me Eric, make me forget everything that has happened." I kissed her hard on the mouth, stealing a breath from her as I did so. I pushed away the horrible idea that her words brought up; had she done this to herself, to escape?

Sorry, you'll have to wait just a bit longer, but trust me, it will be worth it, (at least I hope it will be worth it)

Happy V day