I had a few more ideas for musical crackfic goodness, so I decided to continue this story for another few chapters. Hope you don't mind.

There had to be a hearing.

"Never mind we single-handedly prevented a bloody takeover of the Ministry," Rodolphus complained some time later. "Oh, no. No one cares we were the ones who stopped the Dark Lord's rise. None of that matters to dear old Scrimgeour, does it?"

"Evidently not." Severus flicked a few pages forward in his magazine. The rustling pages grated on Rodolphus' nerves.

"Would you stop that?"

Severus raised his head. "Well, considering this may be the last magazine I read as a free man, the answer is, quite frankly, no." He turned the page, giving it an extra shake as he did.

Rodolphus sighed, pacing the floor. "There's got to be some way out of this."

For a long moment, neither spoke. Severus turned another page. And another. And another. Huffing, Rodolphus stormed over and tore the magazine from his grasp.

"You figured out how to kill the Dark Lord, Severus. Figure this one out."

"I already told you. We throw ourselves at the mercy of the court."

"The court won't have any mercy."

Sighing, Severus rolled his eyes. "Oh, all right," he said after a moment. "Have you ever heard of Queen?"

It was a hearing, not a trial, Scrimgeour had said. Until Rodolphus reached the courtroom, he couldn't see the difference. But now that the time had come, he already appreciated the distinction.

"It'll be all right," he reassured his nephew for the fortieth time. "This will work."

"And if it doesn't?"

Curiously, Draco hadn't yet asked that question. Rodolphus pondered his answer for a moment. "If it doesn't work," he said quietly, "there are ways to survive Azkaban."

"Like?"

"Focus on a thought. Nothing happy. It has to be awful, something so sick, so horrifying and twisted, the dementors won't want it."

"What did you focus on?"

Rodolphus hesitated. In Azkaban, the thought had sustained him; now, in daylight, revisiting it was like opening a tomb. "The Dark Lord," he said, avoiding Draco's gaze. "I pictured him, wearing those dark robes he always wears. Then, slowly, he slips them over his head and lets them fall to the floor. He smiles seductively-"

Draco cupped his hands over his ears. "Stop it! Stop it! Make it stop!" After a minute, he looked up, his face white with horror. "My God! Where do you come up with this stuff?"

A few days later, he, Severus and Draco were escorted to the courtroom. This time, the guards were all human. Not a dementor in sight. The courtroom, too, was different; the walls were a nauseating shade of yellow, the benches were of polished wood, and big-eyed kittens mewed from their frames on the walls. Rodolphus grimaced.

"This must be where they take the crazies," he remarked to Draco in a whisper.

"It's better than the Veil, at least."

Rodolphus shuddered. "I'd take the Veil any day."

The guards marched them to the front, stopping at a row of three wooden chairs. Rodolphus felt a surge of anger at the sight of them, but when he sat, the chains merely twitched and then lay still. Draco watched them until Rufus Scrimgeour cleared his throat, drawing his attention forward.

Up on the judges' balcony, Arthur Weasley shuffled a few papers. "Rodolphus Lestrange. Severus Snape. Draco Malfoy. You have been called here today to testify about your involvement with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and especially your contribution to the successful assassination plot that ended the war.

"We would also like to hear about your involvement with the equally successful assassination of Albus Dumbledore," Kingsley Shacklebolt added, and Draco looked away. "What have you to say?"

Rodolphus and Severus locked gazes; Severus lifted an eyebrow. Shall we?

Rodolphus gave a quick, jerky tilt of the head. Of course we shall, you moron!

Severus glared, nudged Draco in the ribs, and drew a breath. As one, they began to sing.

Is this the real life?Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy (poor boy), I need no sympathy

Scrimgeour's gavel pounded the table. "Objection! Misters Lestrange and Malfoy are far from poor!"

Arthur pounded his own gavel. "Overruled."

"You can't overrule me! I'm the Minister!"

Kingsley pounded his gavel as well. "Two against one. You're overruled, Mister Minister."

Because I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me
To me

Severus stood as slow, mournful piano notes flooded into the room.

Mama, I just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away

Now Draco stood. He looked out into the stands, found where his mother was, and sang.

Mama, oooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters

Even from where Rodolphus sat, he saw Arthur's eyes soften. He squashed a smile as Draco and Severus joined their voices.

It's too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, ooo - (anyway the wind blows)
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

Rodolphus glanced into the audience. Too late, he realized his mistake: Narcissa had tears in her eyes. He stared at her through the entire guitar solo, nearly missing his cue.

I see a little silhouetto of a man

He sang the line, then leapt to his feet. Only Draco and Severus seemed to notice his ill timing.

Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolts and lightning - very very frightening me
Galileo, Galileo,
Galileo, Galileo,
Galileo Figaro - magnifico-o-o-

Draco sang the next line.

I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me

Then Rodolphus, directing his plea to the judges:

He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Draco sang next:

Easy come easy go - will you let me go?

Scrimgeour pounded his gavel, unwititngly speaking the next line of hte song.

It's the LAW! No - we will not let you go

Perfect timing, Rodolphus thought.

Let him go
It's the LAW! We will not let you go
Let him go

Rodolphus was surprised to hear Arthur and Kingsley sing "Let him go," but not displeased. Two of the judges, at least, were softening. He smiled at his nephew.

It's the LAW! We will not let you go
Let me go
Will not let you go
Let me go (never)
Never let you go
Let me go
Never let me go - ooo
No, no, no, no, no, no, no -
Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me
for me
for me
for me

Arthur and Kingsley argued with Scrimgeour throughout the guitar riff. Severus' voice seemed to catch them by surprise.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

When Draco sang, his voice seemed stronger than it had before.

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

Severus put a palm to his forehead- not necessary, but a nice touch, Rodolphus thought.

Oh baby - can't do this to me baby

Draco glanced at the exit- also a nice touch.

Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here

The next argument between the judges lasted through the rest of the guitar solo and most of the last verse, ending only when Scrimgeour threw his gavel down and stormed out of the courtroom. Rodolphus could barely contain his glee, but put on his most pathetic puppy-dog eyes as he joined with Draco and Severus in perfect harmony.

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters, nothing really matters, to me
Anyway the wind blows...

Silence hung in the courtroom long after the last notes faded. A few audience members, Narcissa among them, sniffed quietly. When Arthur pounded his gavel, nearly everyone jumped.

"Since the Minister of Magic has entrusted this decision to my colleague and I," he said, a smile spreading across his face, "we hereby acquit the accused of all charges. You're free to go."