Chapter 4 - Reaction (Posted 8 September 2011)
"Benny..." Ethan said, paling further.
"Yeah..." Benny mimicked his absent expression.
"Please tell me I've gone colorblind in the last few seconds."
"Only if you tell me the same thing."
"Oh my..." Gramma said, staring at Ethan's blue palms.
"I'm pregnant." Ethan said blankly, looking back down at his hands.
Benny followed Ethan's eyes, also gazing at the illuminated hands of his best friend. "I see that."
"I'm pregnant, Benny, you got me pregnant!" Ethan jumped up and stared accusingly at Benny.
"I-"
"How could you do this to me?" Ethan asked, wearing a hurt look on his face. "I can't be pregnant! I'm just a teenager. And I'm a guy! I'm supposed to get someone else pregnant!"
"I'm sorry!" Benny defended himself.
"Oh my God..." Ethan looked again down at his hands, which were now beginning to lose their glow. "Oh my God..."
"Ethan..." Benny stood, reaching out in an attempt to console his friend.
"No, don't touch me." Ethan slapped his hand away and backed up.
"I'm not gonna do anything to you." Benny was a little confused as to why Ethan seemed so terrified of him.
"You already did something, Benny! You got me pregnant! I am having a baby. A baby. I'm gonna be a father."
"Technically you're the mother." Benny corrected him jokingly.
"Benny!" Ethan glared at him. "Do you know how serious this is? We're going to be parents. With responsibilities and... and we're going to have to change diapers and give it baths and feed it and take it to school and help it with it's homework and pay for college and-"
"Ethan," Benny placed his hands on Ethan's shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes, "slow down. You're only a day pregnant. We have nine months to think about those things."
"But... but how am I going to give birth? How are we going to explain this to my parents? What if he's born prematurely? What if I have a miscarriage? What are we going to do, Benny?"
"Listen to me." Benny pulled him into a lose hug. He wasn't one to get serious very often, but he knew Ethan needed him to be serious right now. "We'll figure it out, okay? I... I don't know all the answers to your questions right now. And I'm so sorry this happened to you... but we'll figure it out. I promise. I'm not going to let you deal with this on your own. Even if it was someone else's, you're my best friend, and I would never abandon you in a situation like this."
"But... but I can't have a baby, Benny." Ethan whispered. "I have no idea how to raise a child. I can't even babysit my own sister on Friday nights! How am I supposed to become a parent?"
"You boys should probably go talk about this." Benny's grandmother said to them. "In private."
Benny looked at Ethan. "Do you want to go home, or..."
"No, definitely not." Ethan said, thinking of having his parents walk in on this conversation. "Can we just go up to your room or something?"
"Sure." Benny nodded. He walked close to Ethan as they made their way up to his bedroom. They sat aside of Benny's bed, with their backs up against it. It was silent for a few minutes as they both thought about what to say. Then Benny looked over at Ethan. "I really am sorry, Ethan."
"I know you are." Ethan said without looking at him.
"I had no idea that something like this was going to happen. Or that it even could..."
"I know."
"And I-"
"Benny," Ethan interrupted, finally looking at him, "I know. I know you're sorry and I know you didn't mean for it to happen. What I don't know is where we go from here."
"What do people usually do in this situation?"
"Do you know anyone else who's been through this?" Ethan asked.
"No." Benny looked away. "But I mean... there are tons of pregnant teenagers out there..."
"Yeah, girls.. I'm a guy! And a virgin! I just... even with all the craziness in our lives, I wasn't prepared for anything like this, you know? I mean, obviously, I knew that I'd be a father one day, because I do want kids, I just... didn't think it would happen like this."
"Me either." Benny almost chuckled. "I never thought I'd be a father."
"You didn't?" Ethan asked, confused. He'd often heard Benny talk about what he'd name his children and how he wanted this many boys and that many girls.
"No."
"Why not?"
Benny shrugged. "Just never thought it would happen."
"But you love kids."
"Yeah."
"So why wouldn't you want any?"
Benny closed his eyes. "It's a long story."
"I've got time." Ethan said.
Benny peeked out one squinted eye to stare at Ethan. "I don't want to tell you."
"But... you tell me everything..."
"It's kind of personal."
"Benny, three days ago, you told me how you ripped your boxers in half while trying to do a split and then proceeded to go commando for the rest of the day and your pants kept riding up your butt crack. And your argument is that you don't want to tell me because it's too personal? I'm not buying it."
"Nobody wants me." Benny said flatly.
Ethan's jaw dropped slightly. "What?"
"Girls don't like me, Ethan. Why else would I have to constantly try to impress them with magic? And even that doesn't work because I'm so horrible at it."
"Benny, don't say things like that. You'll meet a great girl some day."
"I disagree."
"Why?"
"Because no girl has ever showed any interest in me. Erica kissed me because of a love potion, but other than that... they don't even do it as a prank! It's like I'm not even worth that much. I just don't think I'll ever find anyone who'll... you know, love me like that."
"That's sad..."
Benny shrugged again. "It's just how I feel."
"I think you're wrong." Ethan told him nicely. "Someday a girl will be smart enough to realize what a catch you are, Benny."
"You know... to be honest, I don't really want that to happen."
"Why not?" Ethan wondered.
"I don't know. I mean, I guess it would be nice, but every time I picture myself married to a pretty girl or a business woman or an artist or any other kind of girl I can think of, I just... it doesn't seem right. And I know you don't think I realize how immature I am, but I do. I know I'm stupid sometimes and I make dumb mistakes and do crazy things, but no matter how many times I tell myself that this is it and I'm going to change, I just can't bring myself to stop acting like a little kid. So I can't see myself ever being ready to actually settle down with anyone."
"You have every right to stay young and immature, Benny." Ethan told him sternly. "For as long as you want."
"But I will have to grow up sometime." Benny hung his head a little.
"Not if I have anything to say about it." Ethan argued. "I'll never let anyone force you to grow up. I'd do anything to keep you like this."
Benny finally gave a little laugh and looked into Ethan's eyes. "Thanks."
"I mean it."
"Thank you." Benny said seriously.
"So..." Ethan said, knowing they couldn't avoid talking about it. "What should we do?"
"I don't know."
"I can't believe I'm pregnant." Ethan looked down at his belly. "I can't see it. But there's a baby in there. Living inside me. It's... really weird to think about..."
"It is weird." Benny agreed, letting his eyes fall to Ethan's stomach as well. "But can you imagine how awesome that baby is going to be with you and me as his parents?"
Ethan laughed. "True. He'll probably be super smart and the perfect combination of nerd and fanboy. Not to mention amazingly adorable."
"We are pretty cute." Benny agreed with a tiny smile.
Ethan smiled back before biting his lip. "So how are we going to do this?"
"I have no idea."
"Should we keep it?" Ethan asked quietly. "Or should we think about putting it up for adoption?"
"I don't know." Benny answered. "I don't like the idea of giving our baby to someone else. But then again I don't know if I can keep it knowing it could have a better life with another family, you know, with parents who aren't teenagers."
"I agree." Ethan said.
"I think we should wait a little bit before making that decision." Benny suggested. "Unless you know what you want to do."
"No, I don't know. I think we should wait too."
"I can't believe you're so calm about this now compared to how you were freaking out earlier."
Ethan glared at him. "Hey, I'm pregnant here, cut me some slack. That's just the beginning of my mood swings."
"I live with a menopausal woman, Ethan, I can handle mood swings."
Ethan giggled. "So, if we keep it, we'll be raising him together, right?"
"Of course." Benny assured him.
"Good. Because I don't want to be a single parent."
Benny laughed. "Are you kidding? I already told you, I wouldn't let you go through this alone no matter what."
"You know..." Ethan said softly, as if he were embarrassed, "I always had this plan... I mean I guess most guys do, even if they don't admit it, about what they'd do if they got a girl pregnant. Not that I thought I would at this age, but... I am a guy, so I did think about... you know... it."
Benny snickered at Ethan's shyness. "What was your plan?" He asked, curious.
"I'd ask her to marry me." He looked over at Benny, an expectant look on his face.
Benny looked confused. Then he figured it out. "You want to marry me?"
Ethan shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. If we decide to keep it."
Benny hung his head in frustration and groaned quietly.
"If you don't want to..."
"It's not that." Benny interrupted him. "But I'm already forcing you to have a baby. I can't take away your right to marry someone you love."
"Oh."
"Yeah." Benny said. "But it's definitely not that I don't want to marry you. I would totally marry you. Can you imagine what that would be like? We'd live in the same house and get to see each other every day. We're practically married now anyway, with as much time we spend together, so it really wouldn't be that different."
"I guess you're right." Ethan chuckled. "So that really trumps your theory about not letting me marry someone I love. We'd still be close no matter who I marry. She'd have to understand that, and she would if she was the right one. But I do care about you, you know. So it's not like I'd be marrying this complete stranger or a person I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with."
"You'd really marry me?"
"We did tell our parents we were going to run away and elope when we were six." Ethan reminded him with a smirk.
"We were six! We didn't even know what 'elope' meant." Benny laughed at the memory.
"I know. But yeah, I'd marry you. If we keep it. And if you wanted to, that is. But I don't really want to think about it right now."
"Then don't." Benny said, understanding.
Ethan looked down. "It can't be that simple."
"Yes it can. For now, at least. I mean, of course there'll be times when you just can't stop thinking about it. Believe me, I know how that feels. But then there are times when you just feel so impossibly amazing that you can't seem to dwell on anything that makes you feel bad. And there are even times when the bad thoughts and memories don't seem so bad because, even though they might be really horrible, you think about how awesome the other parts of your life still are and you're thankful for that."
"You think about your parents a lot?" Ethan asked, even though it was less of a question and more like a knowing statement.
Benny nodded. "Almost every day."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault." Benny shook his head. "It's not anybody's fault. It just happened."
"But I'm still sorry that you're still hurting because of it."
"You shouldn't be sorry. If it wasn't for you and your family, I don't know what would have happened to me. I mean, Gramma is great, she takes care of me and I love her a lot, but if you hadn't been there for me... I think I'd be a lot worse off than just having some painful memories sneaking up on me once in a while."
"Well if you ever want to talk about it, I'll always listen."
Benny just nodded.
"Benny," Ethan put a hand on his friend's shoulder, "really. If you ever want to talk... about anything, please talk to me."
"I will."
"Good." Ethan smiled and leaned forward, awkwardly wrapping his arms around Benny in a sort-of sideways hug. He felt Benny drape his long arms lightly around his back and was overcome with a feeling of warmth. He felt so relaxed, so at peace, that he almost didn't ever want to move. It was a weird feeling, but he attributed it to his hormones, and overlooked the fact that it wasn't something he hadn't felt in other hugs he'd shared with Benny.