They're still not mine and I'm not making any money…
As always, thank you all for reading and for all of the wonderful reviews, I appreciate it immensely. Sorry this is a bit short, but I wanted to get something posted. And thanks Haleigh and Melody for the help editing, I am definitely grateful!
What Happens in Vegas
Chapter 26
"Well maybe you should have asked what I wanted," I said. I never had liked other people making decisions for me.
"What did you want?"
I wasn't prepared for that. "I don't know," I said and got the subject off of me. "What about the stuff you said about your lifestyle not lending itself to relationships."
"I believed it when I said it."
"And now?"
I felt my heart rate pick up and surprisingly the beeping of the heart monitor did too.
oOoOoOo
I could tell this was it. The moment I'd been praying for and dreading ever since I fully recognized my feelings for Ranger. I knew what I wanted him to say, but I was terrified of hearing that he still didn't have room in his life for me. And now I knew I couldn't go back to Morelli again. If I did, I'd be lying to all three of us.
I was startled from my thoughts when I felt Ranger's chest rise as much as his injured ribs would allow. He was done gathering his thoughts and I was completely focused on what he was about to say when I felt him tense slightly. And then I heard the door to our room swing open.
I shut my eyes and had to suppress a groan. I started to mentally curse whoever had interrupted us, but I stopped because I couldn't think of anything horrible enough. Ranger just squeezed me in another one-armed hug. He was amused. I could feel it. And since my death glare didn't work on him, I opened my eyes and focused my glare on the person coming towards the bed.
It was a nurse, who looked about the same age as my mother, and the glare wasn't working on her either. She didn't shrivel up and die or back quickly out of the room. Instead, she bustled her way over to the bed and began scolding me.
"What is this? You can't be on the bed like that. Mr. Manoso is recovering from serious injuries."
"Um, sorry," I said and started to cautiously lift myself up.
"Now, be careful and watch the tubes," she said and focused her attention on Ranger and the machines he was hooked up to.
I'd just about figured out how to lift myself up off of Ranger without any chance of hurting him when I felt his arm tighten around my waist.
"She stays."
"Mr. Manoso, I'm sure you know that the pressure can't be good for your ribs," the nurse said.
"Broken one's on the other side," he said and pulled me back into the position I'd originally been in.
She looked like she wanted to argue, but Ranger gave her one of his intimidating looks and she just shook her head. Wise woman. Ranger very rarely gave in when he didn't want to.
"Suit yourself. I'm Fran, by the way. I'm your day-shift nurse for the next few days. Right now, I need to change the bandages from your surgery and make sure everything's still in good shape."
Ranger gave her his almost nod and I felt myself get a bit squeamish. Maybe I did want to get up off the bed, because my current position gave me a great view of whatever she was about to do.
She turned the blanket down to Ranger's waist and then moved his hospital gown, revealing his bandaged stomach. I saw the large gauze patch about an inch or so above his belly button and watched in morbid fascination as she began to carefully peel the tape away. When she lifted it, however, I squeezed my eyes most of the way shut like I do during the gory part of a horror movie.
That made both Fran and Ranger chuckle.
"Don't worry," Fran said. "Dr. Turner does very neat work. You should be able to handle this."
I didn't really believe her, but I was curious so I took a peek. "Still looks gross," I said as I took in the thin line, held together with scary looking staples.
"Maybe now," Ranger said, giving me a low wattage wolf grin, "but I've heard chicks dig scars."
"Even if that's true, you already have plenty," I said rolling my eyes.
Fran gave a soft laugh at us as she swabbed something over the incision and covered it with fresh gauze. "You two are newly-weds aren't you?"
"Umm, yeah," I said, not exactly sure how to respond. We weren't exactly the normal newly-weds…
"It shows," she said, adding a last bit of tape before giving us another warning. "Now remember to behave yourselves and watch the injured ribs."
"Yes ma'am," Ranger said as she left the room.
As soon as the door clicked shut, I felt the mood in the room change. We'd been making progress and having a real discussion before Fran interrupted us. But I was afraid our momentum had been broken, because now things just felt awkward.
"So, what were you about to say?" I asked in the most off-handed manner I could. I was really, really hoping Ranger would start talking again.
I felt him take a deep breath and release it. If he had been anyone else, I would have sworn it was a sigh. He didn't answer, and I was starting to think that he wasn't going to, when he finally spoke. "Where'd we stop?"
"You were saying you believed your life didn't lend itself to relationships after, uh… after that night."
"I did. And I kept the ring in my wallet to remind me."
I swear I felt my heart splinter when he said that and I couldn't immediately reply. After a minute, though, a sense of self preservation forced me to speak. "Well, I guess that answers one of my questions," I heard myself say.
"Babe?" Ranger asked, clearly not understanding.
"I just wondered why you had the ring with you in Vegas if you bought it so long ago."
Ranger didn't say anything to that and I stayed quiet too. I wasn't sure if there was anything left to be said. I'd known he cared for me. He'd even told me more than once that he loved me. But the idea that some part of him had wanted a relationship was completely new to me. Somehow, that made his rejection hurt even more because now I knew that it had hurt him too.
And it helped strengthen my belief that we could be happy if only he wasn't so damn stubborn.
It was that thought that made me angry. I wasn't cut out to be a burg wife. The idea of a minivan terrified me more than my roughest distraction jobs did. I knew I could handle his lifestyle, because it was a place I finally felt like I fit. And on top of that, I knew it had molded him into the man that I love, shaping his fuzzy, but strict moral code.
I was about to share these thoughts with Ranger, when he spoke.
"There was another reason."
"What?" I asked. My thoughts had gone off in their own direction and I didn't quite follow what he was saying.
"There was another reason I had the ring."
"Oh?" I said and wished I could have come up with something more intelligent, but my heart was hammering in my chest again and I knew he could feel it. He only hugged me tighter.
"Remember when I told you about someday?"
"Yes." It came out in a whisper.
"I'd tried to get rid of the ring a few days before that. I couldn't do it. I realized deep down, part of me wanted to give it to you. So, I promised myself someday."
"What are you saying?" I held my breath, praying that he was saying what I hoped he was.
"I'm not sure."
"Oh," I said again and felt my eyes sting.
I couldn't believe that I'd let myself get my hopes up like that, even if it was only for a minute. Neither of us spoke immediately and the silence felt heavy. I was still searching for something to break it when he spoke.
"The 'someday' was still vague. I'm not sure if I really believed it would ever get here. I just knew that time would eventually force me to change. Then the Scrog thing happened."
"The Scrog thing?" What did that have to do with our someday?
"It made me think," he said, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "Reevaluate."
"And?"
"And I realized I wanted someday to be more than a dream. I wanted to make it happen."
My heart was pounding again. I swear the man was trying to give me a hear attack. A 'someday' with him was what I wanted more than anything else and he was dangling it in front of me. But it sounded like what he wanted too. I just didn't know when he wanted it to start. Was he telling me he'd retire his badass image and no relationship policy at some point in the future? Was he asking me if I'd be there waiting?
I wanted to be angry and tell him I deserved better than that. But my heart clenched up as I realized I was already in too deep. I'd wait forever if it meant I got to be with him.
"When?" I asked as I braced myself mentally. "When do you want it to happen?"
"Babe. When I decide I want something to happen, I start working towards making it happen."
What the Hell was that supposed to mean? "Ranger, the Scrog thing and your 'someday' comment were months ago."
"Yeah. I had work to do first."
I looked up at him and tried to give him the raised eyebrow look. Luckily he figured it out and started talking before I sprained my face.
"Babe, my life's still not fit for a relationship. I wanted to be able to give you what you deserve."
"What I deserve? Ranger, what are you talking about?" I asked, tilting my face up to look at him again.
I was shocked at what I saw. For once, his face wasn't blank. If I had to put a name to the emotion I saw, I would say he was sad but I couldn't figure out why. He was saying he wanted a relationship. He wanted someday. He couldn't possibly think I didn't want that, could he?
"You deserve more than I can offer right now. I meant it when I said you deserve what Morelli can give you. I just realized I wanted it to be me that gave it to you."
"You are such a stupid man," I said as I reached up and caressed his face.
"Babe?"
"Don't you think I would have settled down with Morelli by now if I wanted what he could give me?"
"You were always with him," Ranger said, shrugging the shoulder I was lying on.
I didn't quite know how to reply to that. I didn't think pointing out to Ranger that he had sent me back to Morelli was the right move at the moment. And I did love Joe. For the longest time that had confused me because I knew we wanted such different things out of life.
"You said yourself that Joe and I had an unhealthy pattern," I eventually told Ranger. "We were more comfortable than right for each other."
I wasn't sure how I felt about discussing mine and Joe's relationship with Ranger, but I realized it had to be done if there was any chance of us making things work.
"So you're saying I should sell the house I bought out in the suburbs?" Ranger asked, interrupting my thoughts.
I immediately jerked my head up and looked at him. He was giving me a big, mischievous grin. "Please tell me you're joking."
"Definitely, Babe."
"Thank God."
"I did retire completely from the Army," Ranger said, and this time I could tell he was serious.
I didn't say anything right away because I definitely needed to think about that. If I understood him right, he'd retired for me. I felt both guilty and mushy inside at the same time. I knew the guys loved their commando stuff and I couldn't believe Ranger had given it up. But the fact that he actually had given it up felt more like a commitment than anything I'd ever experienced.
"Ranger, you shouldn't ha--", I started to say, but he put a hand over my mouth cutting me off.
"It was time. Last time I told you I was in the wind was my last mission."
"You got back from that more than two months ago," I said more to myself. "You haven't made any other major changes have you?"
"I've been training some of the guys to take over some of my responsibilities so that RangeMan isn't my life."
"I don't understand," I said for what felt like the hundredth time in this conversation.
"Neither do I, Babe."
We lay there in silence for a while with Ranger drawing lazy circles on my arm and me dropping occasional kisses on his shoulder. It felt comfortable. Like we'd both agreed to take a break. An emotional time out. And I was amazed with how calm I was considering the conversation we were having. Maybe because I liked where it was going, I thought as I smiled to myself.
"Ranger?" I finally said after a few minutes.
"Yeah, Babe?" he asked, opening his eyes and giving me a soft look.
"If you were trying to make things so we could have a relationship, why'd you say we should get a divorce?"
"I still don't have my life to where a relationship will be easy. And we got married because we were drunk."
And before I could stop myself, I had to ask the million dollar question. "So, do you really want a divorce?"
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A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! Let me know what you think Ranger's going to say!