2.
The day had been exhausting. I missed my old job but since I missed too many days I was fired. Instead I took a job in a day care. Kids weren't my favorite people in the world but when you put aside the screaming and messiness they were adorable.
Anxious to get into bed I striped and threw a t shirt over my head before climbing in and closing my eyes. All I had to do was wait he would come.
My body was tired and my head throbbed and I fell into a peaceful calm before he came to me, but I was wide awake when I felt his warmth and his breath. He was here. He always was.
"How was work?" he asked slowly and I could hear the faintest hint of pain in his voice.
"Fine, I was thrown up on," I said and I could feel him smile.
"You don't hate them as much as you would like, you love them," he said softly and I shook my head. I was comfortable right now. I was actually happy and that was something really rare to me. I could feel my heart beat again when he was here with me. He traced my arm with his long slender fingers making me shiver and my skin form goose bumps.
"Yes, you do. Especially the Gloria girl," he whispered in my ear and I stiffened. Amazing sometimes, he wasn't even…alive and yet he knew everything about me still.
Gloria was a toddler. She was pretty with red locks of hair and bright green hazel eyes. Her cheeks were always warmed with a blush and it was hard to keep the smile off of her face. Everything you did, everything you did brought one of those chiming giggles.
"That's only because…she reminds me of you," I whispered back. I heard him sigh and I felt the tears prickle my eyes. "Bella…" he started but I didn't want to talk anymore. I didn't want to cry in front of him.
"Just, hold me. Please," I begged and heard him take another breath before my waist was held and I could feel his chest against my back.
Slowly I began to fall asleep in his arms but before I fell into total unconsciousness the grip on my waist was gone and I felt very cold. I knew he was gone. Again.
.
.
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"To undo the problem you must do what?" I ask is a tired voice.
"Who god damn cares, I know the answer is seven," She says while popping her bubble gum. I sigh.
"That's not the point you have to learn how to do the problem, what if it's longer like this," I scribble down another longer equation.
"I don't know how to do that shit," she complains and I sigh again.
"That's why you have to learn the basics, so you find the variable if the problem is like this," I try to explain for the hundredth time already. I don't even know how I was dragged into tutoring. There is the part where this looks good on a college application but having to deal with her is not worth it.
"Why, s'not like well ever use this stuff in real life," she says and starts to examine her manicured nails. This is so not worth it.
"It's not that hard," I say to her and she looks at me like I told her the north pole is a vacation spot with sand and beaches and hot springs.
"Look, Bella…can't I just let someone do my homework so that way you get your stupid points and I can get the hell out of here," she says with a smile. I grit my teeth. The offer sounds really good right now.
"No," I say with stiffness in my voice. She sighs and leans back in her chair.
"Hey Kristy," a deep male voice says and I look up to see him.
Edward Cullen. A junior, a straight 'A' student, a popular and everything else you want to describe him as. I glare at him; I don't need more distraction with the girl. She smiles up at him and bats her eyelashes in a flirty way. She's in junior high for Christ's sake.
"Hello Bella," he says to me and I look away so the blush won't light my cheeks. I don't like Edward Cullen, he's not a jerk, but I can't like Edward Cullen. I need a clear head.
I hear Kristy scoff as she once again leans back in her chair.
"You giving Bella a problem?" he asks and she just shrugs. What is he talking about?
"I like my sessions with you better," she says and I roll my eyes. "So do I," I mutter under my breath. He laughs and glances at the paper.
"We'll if you don't learn this stuff, the session with me will be very confusing, I was hoping for your next partner to cover this stuff because in my lesson I'm not teaching you this," he says to her and glances at me. He meets my eyes and smiles before looking back at her.
Kristy sighs and sits up in her chair. "I'm sorry Bella can we start again?" she says reluctantly and I stare at her in surprise.
"Um, sure," I tell her.
"Edward will you stay?" she asks him and he looks at me.
"If it's okay with Bella, she's the leader here," he says and looks at me with his dark green eyes. My breath gets a little faster and I look away. "That's fine but no distractions," I tease him and he laughs.
By the end of the hour, we have Kristy memorizing this stuff. She was actually laughing and being a…nice kid. I didn't think she could be like that. When a horn interrupts us she looks at her phone and sighs.
"I have to go, it's my mom," she says and throws everything in her book bag and snatches her purse away while she runs toward the exit.
I realize she has left me alone with Edward. I blush again and start to gather my things.
"Thanks for your um…help," I say and he shrugs.
"Kristy can be a pain sometimes," he laughs and smiles at me. I really love his smile.
"Yes, the only reason she wasn't is cause she has a crush on you," I say and he blushes just a bit.
"No, I'm just a really good tutor," he teases. I roll my eyes.
"Right so the fact that you can get any girl you want has no affect on the matter," I say then blush when I realize how blunt I was. He laughs a bit and I smile sheepishly.
"Not every girl," he says and then looks away from my eyes. I cough a little embarrassed and start to pack my things a little faster. When I get everything in my book bag I sling it over my shoulder and look at my feet.
"Well um…I better go," I say to him and start to walk away.
My heart beating twice as hard with every step away.
.
.
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"Why don't you get back into it?" Alice asked while sitting at my table.
"I don't think I can," I sighed. Why did she have to bring this up? I finished cutting the carrots and placed them in the bowl.
"Edward loves your cooking… he doesn't want you to give it up," she said flipping through a magazine.
"How do you know?!" I asked sharply sick of the way she talked about him. She stared at me with wide eyes.
"I'm his sister, I would" she said her eyes getting a knowing look.
"You were his sister. Alice stop speaking about him like he was still here. He's gone, embrace that, because I have," I said coldly as I grabbed the next ingredient and started chopping it.
She didn't say anything she stood quiet and said nothing. I didn't let tears trickle down my eyes. I wouldn't allow it. I wasn't about to cry anymore.
"He will always be my brother dead or alive," she said and I could see her fist holding the paper of the magazine tightly. I sighed. I had to control my stupid mouth.
"I know I'm sorry," I said but it was a routine thing. I don't think I even meant it. It was hard to cook, because every time I tried I remembered all the times he came into the kitchen with me. The way his arms would go around my waist or the way he always kissed my hair or my cheek or my lips.
I remembered the food fight we had with butter and when we both fell on the floor because he spilled milk and I dragged him to the floor along with me. I heard his laugh and saw his smile every time I entered the kitchen.
But right now at this very moment, I could feel his head on my shoulder and arms around my waist while he watched me chop the potatoes. I leaned into him and sighed. A small smile playing on my lips.
"Be nice," he whispered and I sighed again.
"I'm sorry," I said again, not sure who I was talking to but I sounded sincere. I meant it.
She looked up at me, but she only saw me. She didn't see him, I didn't really see him, I just felt him. It felt nice to not be completely alone. She just shrugged, not accepting my apology. She never did.
"She could be nice too," I grumbled under my breath so only he heard. He chuckled.
"Alice doesn't like to accept something she knows isn't true. She'll accept your apology when you absolutely mean it," he explained and I nodded. I knew how Alice was like.
I felt feather light kisses on my neck and then he spoke again.
"She's right though, I don't want you to give up cooking," he breathed making the hair on the back on my neck rise.
I closed my eyes and leaned on the counter for support. I felt one more kiss and then his warmth, his presence. It wasn't there anymore. It was gone.
It was such a difference, when he was here and when he was gone. It was like entering a warm room after being in the cold for hours. You get so use to the cold you start to go numb and you can't feel anything anymore but then you enter a room with a heater and the prickles of pain hit you everywhere and you start to feel all the numbness.
I don't think he knew how much it hurt to keep living like this but it did. I couldn't tell him because I was afraid he'd leave forever. Sometimes I don't think I really accepted his death. I kept thinking this was one of those dreams that just seem so real but then you snap into reality and can say to yourself 'It's just a dream'. I kept waiting for that part. The part when I would wake up. Still I knew that part would never come and it was hard.
"I don't think I'm ready to go back to cooking," I sighed and Alice smiled at me.
"Will you think about it?" she asked and I nodded.
"That's all I'm asking. Do you need help with anything?" she asked and I looked around the kitchen. I could almost see him peeling potatoes or trying to season some kind of meat. I could see him look over at me and wink. I closed my eyes from the sight and looked back at her.
"Um, yea can you start peeling the rest of these for the salad?" I said and handed her the cucumbers. She nodded and took the bowl.
I looked around my kitchen one more time and sighed. I could see him by the stove stirring whatever was in the pot. I could see him stealing glances at me. I could hear his laugh and I could see him telling me he loved me.
He did love me, but he wasn't here anymore.
Wow thanks for all the reviews guys telling me to continue. I know it's sad but if you stick with me, it's not that bad trust me.
A lot of people wanted to know how Edward died and it will be answered in future chapters, so stick with me.
Thanks a ton and please review!
Truly Twilightholic-Tanya